Disclaimer: Victorious, much like tequila, is not owned by me. Merely rented.

/

"What's happening?"

Trina let out a nervous laugh, hands slipping from the steel bar of the door. She turned, shifting on her feet. "Uh... we're trapped?" She shrugged, smiling hesitantly.

Jade's eyebrows dropped. "What?" She shouldered past the older Vega, rattling the doors angrily before letting them go in disgust. A hand crept to her forehead, a long breath escaping her. "Trina." She turned to face the nervous girl. "Why are the doors locked?"

"Because I don't have the keys."

"Where are the keys?"

Trina chewed her lip. "In... in the door. On the other side. Look, I didn't think the doors would just lock like that! I thought once you unlocked them, they just... stayed unlocked."

Jade massaged her temples, taking a few slow steps around the Vega girl, footsteps echoing in the empty hall of the school. "So let me get this straight. You invite me here, with the promise of upstaging Tori. I say 'sure, gee whiz, that's great!', and we meet after school. You, enterprising girl that you are, have the keys." Jade's hands dropped, a broad smile spreading across the brunette's face, her hands tenting in front of her. "So far, so good. Better than I expected, really. 'Let's leave our bags outside' You say, and sure, I agree with that. We get in just fine. But then," The smile dropped from Jade's face, eyebrows digging deep over the bridge of her nose. "You leave the keys in the door. You close the door. The door locks. You um and ah for a while, and I wonder why I was such an idiot to agree to this. Sound about right?"

Trina raised a tentative hand, "You forgot the part where I sang our theme song."

"I'm still trying to forget that. Never mention it again." Jade stared for a moment into the dark, empty halls. "So what do I do now?"

"Don't you mean 'we'?" Trina interjected.

"No, I don't mean 'we', because 'we' didn't get ourselves into this mess, you got me into this mess."

Trina pouted, hands flying to her hips, bracelets jingling. "Look, I thought you'd want to teach Tori a lesson just as much as I do. You know it wasn't fair she got the lead role. She only coasted in while the director was still reeling from my audition."

Jade stared flatly at the Vega girl. "You know, you're probably right. After you, they would have taken anyone."

Trina grinned graciously. "Thank you, Jade."

Jade rolled her eyes, hands digging into the pockets of her dark jeans. "What was your plan anyway?"

Trina tilted her head, hemming and hawing. "To be quite honest, I hadn't gotten past the stage of luring her into a dark alley and jumping out with crowbars. I mean, you can't act without knees, right?"

Jade blinked, slightly surprised. "I would've actually done that."

"It's a good plan, right?" Trina scoffed. She was tired of her ideas being met with blank stares and the occasional restraining order. This was the entire reason she'd invited Jade to meet her here. Jade was almost as cunning as her, and she'd seen the look of irritation when Tori had come out crowing, receiving hugs from Cat and Andre. Because of Tori, Trina hadn't even gotten a role at all. And there were at least five spots for trees in that play! She had gotten understudy for Tree No. 4, but who wants to be understudy to an elm? Oscar winners don't play elms. Maybe sycamores, but not elms. "Look, I don't know why you're so pissed. We'll just use our phones to ring someone-"

"Oh, oh." Jade interrupted, a syrupy smile on her face. "That's a great idea Trina? Where is your phone?"

Trina snorted. "It's in my bag. Duh."

"And where are our bags again?"

"Out there!" Trina pointed at the locked doors, arm drooping as she realised. "Oh. Right."

"Great idea there, really."

"Well, it's not like you have any!" The older Vega tossed her hair, spinning on her heels.

"Sikowitz usually keeps his window unlocked in case he gets a midnight craving for school coconuts."

Trina rolled her eyes. "Okay, so you have one idea. You know- hey! Wait up!" She called to Jade's receding shadowy figure. Her heels clicked rapidly on the linoleum, hands skimming the lockers as she fought to keep up to Jade, who strode confidently through the dark halls.

Sikowitz's classroom was scattered with chairs, ringed in a haphazard arc around the small stage.

Jade's hands fumbled with the catch to the window, Trina leaning on the low podium, inspecting her nails in the soft moonlight that filtered through the glass.

"Shit." Jade swore softly, fingers slipping away from the cool metal catch. "It's locked."

"Oh, that was a super idea, really. Blew mine out of the water." Trina said sarcastically, flicking an imaginary speck off her loose-fitting blouse.

"Shut it, Vega." Jade paced agitatedly, a tiger in a small cage.

"We might as well make the best of a bad situation, Jade. We're stuck here."

"No, no. I'm not going to make the best of this, because this is bullshit! I'm going to make the worst of this situation, Trina. The only good idea you'll have ever have is to shut the fuck up." Jade slammed a hand against the wall, venom spitting from her mouth. "How did you even get into this school? I know it's because of Tori's stupid little plan, but how'd you get in the first time? Who'd you fuck there? Did your parents pay someone off? You can't sing, you can't act, you can barely even dance. Why are you here, Trina? You can't do anything right."

Trina shook her head slowly, a pitying smile on her face. "Poor Jade. I used to be jealous of people like you. Until I realised I was better."

"Better?" Jade laughed caustically. "Your acting is so bad, that podium you're leaning on gets more emotion out of a scene. You're Godzilla, and the audience is Japan, running the fuck away from you. Glass breaks when you sing, because people jump through it just to get away. Leprosy-ridden camels dance better than you do. Tori might make me sick, but at least she can do something. You have the undeserved ego of a dictator, and about half the brains. What is it you can do better? Tell me! What can you do better than anyone else?"

Trina's fingers rolled over the wooden podium, mouth twisting. "I could si-"

"No singing."

Trina frowned, eyebrows furrowed. She rewound rapidly through her memories, searching for one where someone other than herself said she was awesome. There! No, wait, her reflection didn't count, it was still her. "Well, I can do this one thing with my tongue."

Jade raised a studded eyebrow, leaning back against the wall. "Your tongue? And what can you do that's so special?"

"You want me to show you?" Trina fluttered her eyelashes, taking a few short steps towards the West girl.

Jade smiled graciously. "Sure. Knock me dead." This was classic Trina. She'd probably do something stupid like curl her tongue, and think it was oh-so-special and unique. And, knowing Trina, she probably wouldn't even do it right. Really, what could someone do with their tongue that would make them-

Jade's eyes widened as Trina closed the gap between them, her lips crashing into the West girl's. What was Trina doing? What did this have to do with-

Oh.

Oh.

That was what she could do with her tongue. Jade's folded arms trembled, joints growing jellied until her hands fell limp to her sides. Jade had the rare experience of admitting she was wrong, and the good luck to be unable to verbally confess it, seeing as her lips were busy. She was suddenly thankful of the solid wall behind her. Jade let out a soft, muffled sound as her mouth was suddenly robbed of its attention.

"Pretty good, huh?" Trina smirked, a hand planted on the wall beside Jade's head.

"Wh-what? I... you... what?" Jade fought to get her lips back under control. They wouldn't stop tingling. And all she could taste was Trina's lipgloss. Bubblegum Bonanza. She hated bubblegum. "How did- what did you do?"

Trina wagged a finger in the brunette's face. "Uh uh. A lady never tells."

"You're not a lady."

"Touche."

"Show me again."

Trina raised an eyebrow. "This is just to show you, right? 'Cause I'm not free, you know. I'm dinner and a movie and a new car."

"Just do it."

Jade's eyes flickered shut as the older girl's lips clashed with hers once again, soft and full. So the first time wasn't a fluke. She could definitely-

Oh. But she could definitely use her tongue. It didn't even make sense. But what part of being locked in the school at night with Trina did make sense? Compared to the incongruity of that, this seemed almost natural. And preferable.

No. No, what was she doing? This didn't help anything. She'd come here, hoping to think of something that'd royally mess with Tori, and here she was making out with Trina.

Jade broke the kiss, breathless, her eyes widening.

Trina.

Tori's sister.

Tori's sister Trina.

"I've got it." Jade whispered, a malicious grin on her face.

Trina looked at her quizzically, swiping a hand across her mouth. "Got what? Oh god, you're not sick are you? I'm the understudy to one of the trees, Jade. I can't afford to get sick. It'll bring the whole show to a halt."

"Yeah, I'm sure." Jade became aware of the fact her hands still rested on Trina's shoulders, fingers outspread. She drew them back to her. "No, I mean I know how we can mess with Tori."

"Really?"

"How does Tori feel about your boyfriends?"

Trina snorted. "She hates them. Mainly because they call her 'kiddo' and punch her in the arm. Also, she doesn't seem to like it when they show her my underwear. I mean, it's not like she's never seen them before. She's the one who bought them for me! It doesn't even-"

"Trina." Jade straightened her back against the wall, trying to speak patiently. "I'm gonna need you to stop talking now. What if Tori knew we were together?"

Trina tilted her head, lips pursed. "Wait, are you the one she likes or the one she hates?"

Jade stared flatly at the older Vega. "You invited me here without even knowing that?"

Trina nodded slowly, eyes shrewd. "I'm gonna guess you're the one she doesn't like."

"Bingo."

"Well, I guess if she thought we fucked, she'd be pretty upset about it. I mean, she thinks of me like a princess. She probably wouldn't like the idea of me getting 'dethroned', if you know what I mean."

"Would it upset her enough so that she wouldn't be able to act in the play?"

Trina looked pensive, brow wrinkling. "I guess it'd depend how badly we scarred her. A relationship would kill her, and I really don't feel like making all that effort. No offence, but you're just not worth it. You're not even a celebrity. Oh, also, I don't want to kill Tori. I just want her to suffer."

Jade studied the girl in front of her. Maybe it wasn't Tori she hated. Maybe it was just the Vega family in general. "So, a one night thing, right?"

Trina shrugged. "I could see that. It'd be better if we had some visual evidence. Videos, photos, hickeys, that sort of thing."

Jade tightened her lips. "Oh, that'd be swell, but you're forgetting we don't have our phones."

The older girl snorted, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "No problem! Sikowitz keeps a camcorder under the podium!" She moved to the wooden podium, reaching into the shelf at the back and pulling out a dully gleaming video camera.

"Promise me we won't watch the tape that's in there."

Trina nodded understandingly. "You really don't want to see it. You'll never be able to look at his coconuts again."

Jade shrugged off her leather jacket, looking questionably at a couple of coconuts perched on the windowsill. When she turned back, she was greeted by a blinking red light, camera perched on top of the podium. Trina tinkered with a few buttons before looking up with a grin. "Alright! We're all ready to go. Now, I've just got one rule. You mark me at all, and I will cut you. This body," She gestured down at herself. "Is worth a lot of money, and I'm not about to throw it away on one of Tori's little friends."

"Well that put me in the mood."

"Really?" Trina looked surprised. "So when you fight with Tori, it's to get..." Trina waggled her eyebrows, crossing to where Jade stood near the wall, the West girl's gaze narrowing.

"I think it's better if you don't talk during this."

"Can I-"

"No! You can't sing."

Trina sighed. "Fine. Take your top off."

"What? No. You take your top off."

"I said it first!"

"What are you, five?"

Trina raised a eyebrow at Jade, gesturing at her ample cleavage. "Does it look like I'm five?"

"Where?" Jade squinted, a small smirk creeping across her face as Trina gasped dramatically, practically ripping her blouse off.

"There! See?" Trina pointed emphatically at her breasts, black bra cutting across her form. "They're all real too. You know, you're pretty lucky Jade. Not many people get to touch these. You know, unless they're directors. Or producers. Or that one guy who said he could get me backstage at a concert. Or that girl I thought was Johnny Depp." Trina's gaze grew distant. "She was nice. I miss her."

Jade snapped her fingers, trying to get the older girl's attention. "Hey, Trina. Can we just get on with this?"

"What's your hurry? Never heard of foreplay?"

"Hearing about all the people you've fucked isn't my idea of foreplay. Not to mention all we've filmed so far is us arguing, which is only going to make Tori happy. And I don't think either of us wants that."

Trina shrugged. "Okay, let's get this party started."

Jade internally suppressed her rage, something she was used to doing when dealing with members of the Vega family. She glanced over to the blinking red light, before directing her gaze to the shirtless Trina. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't be happening. In fact, the mere idea would've disgusted her. Trina was a million times worse than Tori, just not nearly as infuriating. It wasn't her body, no. Jade couldn't fault her on that. It was only when she opened her mouth. Nothing good ever came out of there. Except that thing she could do with her tongue. And tonight, while she was trapped in a silent school, rage burning in her belly at Tori, it was enough.

At least when she was kissing Trina the girl couldn't talk.

/

A/N: This one's a two-parter, people. So hold on to your metaphorical hats, because a mighty wind is a'coming.

Or rather, it will be'coming.

I tried something there. Alphabet fun. It didn't work, so I'm moving on.

But you know what else has the alphabet? Besides words. Reviews! Which, albeit, are made up of words. Just words that are much better and richer than the other words, who are unemployed and drink all the time in their underwear. Oh, sure, it was cute when they first moved in, but now they just leave pizza boxes everywhere and I found a frog in the sink once.

Actually, it might've been a toad. I'm not sure.

Or a sock, that had mutated.

I guess what I'm saying is, I could use some nice, clean, well-manicured words. I don't need another sock-froad.