A/N: So I feel a little bit risqué posting something about religion. I'm sort of semi-religious myself, but I was once upon a time, very religious. I have no qualms about people who are atheists, people who are agnostic, nor about people who are religious. Your beliefs are your own and you are entitled to them. (However, telling me that the god i believe in doesn't exist isn't exactly something I want to deal with). Anyway, I had this story planned for years, for a different fandom (can anyone say Jalex) but I have been itching to write more BTR and could never think of a suitable storyline (Im a sucker for Kendall whumpage and I know I can get it out of this. Sort of.). Low and behold, I found this book from three years ago in which I had this story planned out! I just altered a few things and voila, we have "you never got to heaven but you got real close," (an appropriate title, I believe, as the story progresses you shall see why!)

Anyway, some things I want to address: This is AU and this is showverse. I know in real life James is Jewish, but I only know about Christianity, specifically Catholic, thus I decided to write my story based upon that fact. I didn't want to incorporate a religion I knew very little about and thus, would easily be seen as very insulting. Another thing, I don't want any viewer to feel as though I'm attempting to shove any thoughts down their throat. I'm not. This is just what my story is based around. I'm not aiming to change your mind. I'm aiming to demonstrate how powerful true love is (aka Kames.) Yep.

Oh also, this will roughly be about 12 chapters. The chapters each go by months and as you can see, we're starting in March. Not sure why. That's just how it was planned before. And, lastly, the title for the story is taken from You Me At Six's opening track "Loverboy," on their brand new album Sinners Never Sleep. Appropriate title for this story I believe. Check it out if you haven't already!

"God should be glad I'm gay," James says, as he gets ready for Church. "I add..variety? Flavour? Most of these straight guys are so boring. I'm like...what's it? The natural selection? The variation? You know, the one that continues the human race."

Except, James can't exactly impregnate a man, but he knows he was born gay for a reason. A reason he isn't too sure of just yet, but that's God's job, to know, not his.

"I'm sure he is, sweety," Brooke Diamond states, as she rushes around, trying to get ready for Church also. "But we really have to get going. Where are my keys? Have you seen them? I know I put them here yesterday..." She looks onto the bench top as James grabs them off the hook, holding them up to her, "A-ha!" She says, grabbing them off him and giving his cheek a quick kiss. "Thanks baby. Mommy owes you."

"You say that every time I grab the keys," James replies, walking out the front door after his mother.

"Well, you grab the keys every time. Without you, I'd be...so lost!" She swoons dramatically and then cracks a grin. "Seriously though, honey, pick up the pace, we're going to be late."

James salutes and the two walk to the car parked down the street, getting in promptly. "What do you think today's homily will be about?" James asks, as his mother starts the engine.

"Don't know, honey. Probably something about how the hockey team is doing so well...he'll turn it into a metaphor for hard work and God's plans or something."

James smiles. His Mom may be a hard-ass bitch and believe in God, but she is also factual about what she does believe. And, okay, maybe "factual," isn't the right word, but her beliefs (which, yeah, she does pick and chose) are kind of based on what it takes to be a decent human being. Love everyone, be a good Samaritan. Your son can be gay, no problem. Hell doesn't exist. You work your ass off, you get results. But dammit, when there's trouble, there will be a God you can go to!

So maybe she isn't the most religious of all those who attend Church, but she's religious enough that she sings the hymns, says the prayers, takes Communion and actually taught James to do all that. She's been baptised, reconciled, married (now divorced)...you name it, she's done it. She isn't a saint by any means, but she isn't a sinner. Well. Not that much of a sinner.

James though. Sometimes he feels like he is a sinner, which he thinks is kind of ridiculous. Because, if God made him, didn't he make him to like boys? That's James' logic, anyway, though not everyone in his Church feels that way. The priest, however, has never said one bad thing about homosexuals, despite the countless arguments he's had (namely with the Prester family) which were in the opinion of him giving a homily in which he expressed how homosexuality inherently leads to flames (of the fiery variety, not "flaming,"). James thinks its probably because The Prester's only daughter wants to run off with a girl she's in love with. It's kind of sweet.

James, though, he's never had a boyfriend. Sure, he's had guys who were friends and maybe some guys who were friends with benefits, but never an honest-to-god boyfriend. But he isn't really looking, either. James doesn't think you can find love if you go looking for it. It's one of those things that have to come to you, or you'll start seeing it everywhere.

That's what his mom says happened to her, when she married his Dad.

Still, their on semi-good terms now. His Mom doesn't call his dad anymore, and his dad doesn't call his mom. The longer they aren't speaking, the less their fighting, so everything is good in the world of James. Except, of course, this whole "being gay," thing. Well, that's all well and good in the world of James, but in the world of the Church? Not so much.

The church. They get to the Church in record time, except their already late by this stage. Brooke groans and groans as she circles the parking lot, saying "We can't even go the front pew, it'll be so embarrassing. But then, if we sit at the back, everyone will think we haven't shown up!" His Mom is very big on reputation and keeping up appearances. James has learnt that the more you go with it, the easier it is. James groans along with her, though secretly he could care less about what the other people in the congregation thought. He highly doubted they even noticed him and Mom as two people who attended each Sunday.

And really, the front pew was now their permanent spot?

"There is a god!" Brooke cries, as she finds a parking spot and pulls in, narrowly avoiding crashing into some other late goers. The car to her left honks angrily and Brooke flashes them a grin, waggling her fingers slightly, before turning the car off. "Okay, baby." She says. "this is what's going to happen; after the mass is over, I'm going to stay and sweet-talk the priest, just so that he doesn't think less of us."

"Sweet talk the priest?" James repeats. "Uh, mom, he's a priest, he can't flirt with women—"

"Not flirting!" Brooke replies, looking in the rearview mirror as she fluffs up her hair. "Just stabilising our relationship with our priest, which is on the line, by the way. Thank you very much Mr. Not –Concerned. Sometimes I can really see that you are your father's son."

It's funny, that. When James does something bad, he's never his mother's son, never his father's son when he's with him. But when he does something good, they all want a piece of him.

"Mom," James whines. "I highly doubt our relationship with the priest is on the line—"

"James, honey. You know how the world works. Mommy has appearances to keep, and this is one of them."

Ouch. Condescending.

"So we don't go to Church purely because you believe in God?"

"Oh, enough with this chit-chat!" Brooke says, finally turning away from the mirror. "We need to go, move out!" She climbs out of the car and doesn't wait for James to get out, as she begins power walking to the Church. James runs a few steps to catch up with her, and together they dip their hand in the holy water, making the sign of the cross, before they walk into the Church.

It's during a hymn that they enter, with everyone standing. "You don't suppose we can sneak up the front?" Brooke mutters to James, as she quickly walks down the aisle, flashing a dazzling yet embarrassed smile at everyone she passes who turns to look at her. It's apparent that the hymn is about to end though, so Brooke pushes James into the pew their walking in front of, and he genuflects in record time, before moving to sit down. Brooke follows suit.

There's only three other people on this pew, sitting close to the wall. A boy, and two girls. The boy's wearing a white button up shirt and black slacks. The little girl's wearing a white button up shirt and black skirt, with nice buckled shoes. The woman's wearing a nice floral dress. James feels a bit odd, sitting on this pew. It's third from the front (' A momentous achievement!" Brooke whispers to James, as though they've won the Olympics), and it's pretty much deserted. He wonders why he and his mom are the only other people willing to sit with this family. He also feels kind of odd, because, although he's wearing a blue button up, it's more casual. The family is heavily dressed up in what is noticeably their Sunday Best. James has never had to do that before.

James also notices that his Mom keeps eyeing them, probably wondering if she can rope the woman into her cosmetics campaign. Instead, his Mom whispers "Oh god, do you think we should dress more like them?" His Mom is currently in a business suit, having to rush off to work right after Church, so she doesn't have time to change. (James wonders how she's going to have time to talk to the priest) She normally doesn't wear anything fancy, anyway. "Why?" He whispers back. "Because, it'll be good for our appearance!" Brooke replies, slightly affronted that James had asked "Why." James sighs and says, "I want to listen to the priest, Mom." Brooke rolls her eyes but quietens down.

Sometimes James really wonders why his mother bothers coming to Church at all.

James is aching for the mass to be over. The homily appears to go on forever, and he isn't sure he can take anymore hymns or prayers. He's itching to stand up and walk because his leg is falling asleep so he's tapping, it, restlessly. His mom scolds him, saying "James, anyone would think you're bored!" James feels so irritated by this that he doesn't bother to respond, deciding that he's not talking to his mother because she's so hypocritical. Instead, he sits in stony silence, itching to tap his leg, which is really beginning to hurt.

Finally, finally, they come to the offering of peace. James jumps up, perhaps slightly too early, and while his mother glares at him for getting unnecessary attention, he replies with "It just shows I'm eager to participate," forgetting that he's giving her the silent treatment. Brooke rolls her eyes and stands up too, as at the point in time everyone is meant to. The priest says, "Let us give each other, a sign of peace," and James turns to his mother, shaking her hand. Brooke goes to the people in the pew in front of her and James turns behind, shaking numerous hands and granting them peace. He feels a tap on his shoulder from the left and turns, inhaling sharply when he sees the boy who tapped him. So maybe he hadn't really been focusing before, but it's the boy who's wearing the white button up and black slack and-black vans for shoes. He's blonde and has the most amazing green eyes James has ever seen. He holds out his hand and for a moment James just blinks, too startled to do anything, until Brooke nudges him and James clumsily accepts it, stuttering "P-Peace be with you." The guy smiles warmly at him and replies, "Peace be with you," before walking back to sit with his family.

"Heaven's real!" His mom taunts in his ear, and he sighs at her immaturity. So, he sees a hot guy at Church. No big deal. Hot guys happen to be everywhere. Except places James seems to go. But, he does go to Church and there was a hot guy, so score 1 for James!

"I'm like a magnet," James replies, a little too loudly. The old lady in the pew in front turns around to give him a dirty glare. Brooke paints on her "angry mother face," but stifles laughter when the old lady turns back around. James glares at her, saying, "Have I told you, you are the worst mother ever? Because you are, you know. You are."

"I don't think god would approve of you saying that," Brooke sing-songs. "Especially in his house!" James sighs and says nothing, turning back to the front, to wait for Communion. He's thinking of the hot guys' voice, intoxicated by the sound. The guy will be behind him when he takes Communion. If he walks slow enough, he'll get to hear his glorious voice say "Amen!" Or, of course, he could always inconspicuously slide down the pew until he's sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, but there's too much distance between them for James to actually do that. Sigh. Life was cruel, sometimes.

Or not. Life isn't cruel at all. After the mass ended, James and his mother walked outside, leaning against the brick wall of the front of the Church. "We'll say hello to the priest, after them," she nods her head towards The Priestly's, who are arguing with the priest. Brooke snorts suddenly and James turns to her, alarmed. "What?" he says. "Aren't you listening to them? They want their daughter exorcised. Talk about taking it overboard." Actually, no, James wasn't listening. James was craning his neck to see if he could see Mr. Hot. "Distracted, right?" Brooke says, winking at him. James feels his face flush. "Mom," he whines. "Can you not be so embarrassing?"

"James," His mom imitates. "Can you not be so obsessed with him?"

James sighs and says "Worst. Mother—"

"—Ever." Brooke finishes, "I get it, I get it." She perks her head up when the Priestly's leave, looking irritated. She's about to take a step forward when a red-headed woman beats her to the spot. "Dang it," she says. "Wait! Wait a second—isn't that blondie's mom? I'll go talk to her. Find out some goss for you, kiddo." Brooke says.

"What?" James says, startled. "No. No no no no. No. You can't. I-I forbid you!" But Brooke's already striding up towards the priest and the red-headed lady and James groans, burying his head in his hands.

"How often should we light a candle for dad?" He hears a little girl ask as two people walk out of the Church doors.

"I don't know," another voice replies distractedly "Where's—oh. Talking to the priest, again."

And, oh.

It's.

It's Mr. Hot!

Quick, James, quick! Look like you're doing something. James quickly fishes out his phone from his pocket and opens a blank text, typing in some random letters. He's heart is beating like crazy and he can see Mr. Hot from the corner of his eye, all blonde hair and green eyed. He hears, "Aren't you coming to say hi?" from the little girl and then a muttered reply.

James feels so uncomfortable that he decides he's actually going to go to his mother (by choice) and talk to the priest. Plus, maybe that redheaded woman can give him some detail about Mr. Hot without making it seem as though James is totally stalking him. Which, okay, he hasn't been. Until the first time he saw him. As in today. As in, he's going to go home and go onto every social networking site and find out as much as he can about him.

That's James' way of life.

Except, as he's walking, head down to avoid eye contact, he ends up bumping into someone. "Ow," James says weakly, rubbing his head where it collided with the persons shoulder. "You can say that again." Mr Hot replies. Mr. Hot. Oh no. It's Mr. Hot. Keep cool, James. Keep cool.

"Oh it's you," James says lamely, then mentally slaps himself. Oh it's you. "Yep, it's me," the guy grins. James is just glad he didn't add on "the guy who gave me peace." Well, James would like to think he has some tact.

Think being the key word here.

Mr. Hot holds out his hand and James goes to shake it again, saying "Uh peace—" before the guy cuts him off, laughing. "No!" He says. "No, sorry. I meant-uh. I'm Kendall. I was..."

"Oh." James says, blushing. "Oh. Yeah. Uh. I'm James. Nice to meet you," and he shakes Kendall's hand.

"Nice to meet you, James." Kendall replies, still laughing a little over James' mishap.

"So what are you doing waiting here?" Kendall asks. "Do you need a lift?" And, wow. That was nice and forward. (The inner part of James' brain, the teenage hormone part, hopes that Kendall is also nice and forward in the bedroom.)

He blushes, a not so innocent scene in his head (and so maybe, in mind's eye, Kendall is on his knees, but he could be praying!...praying to his God, formerly known as James) and stammers out "Uh-no. My mom...she's uh. Over there," he motions in the direction of the priest, where he suppose Kendall's mom, and his mom, are talking.

Kendall looks briefly then says, "Oh! My mom's there too. Hey, they're laughing. I bet they're getting along. Like us, huh?"

James manages a small smile and nods his head, and what the hell is going on here, Mr. I-exude-confidence? This is not you, James scolds himself, snap out of it!

"Sorry, I'm really talkative. And you're really shy. You don't mind me talking to you, do you?" Kendall asks.

"No, of course not. Sorry. I uh. I have a sore throat." James says. Another mental slap for the brain, he scolds himself once more.

"Oh." Kendall sounds surprised. "You don't sound it."

"It's-it's in its early stages. I'm just getting sick." Keep with the lies, Diamond, keep with the lies!

Kendall's face softens. "Oh, that sucks. I hope you feel better soon. Actually, I hope you avoid being sick all together! After this go home and like, put on the heater and cuddle up with chicken soup and a good book or something."

And, oh my god. Is Kendall not the most precious, most adorable thing ever? Isn't he so cute. Which is why James can't work out why he says what he says next.

"Thanks. Do you always dress like that?" The words seem to blurt out before he realises and he mentally scolds himself. If he was actually hitting his brain, his brain cells would be non-existant. Except, rather then get annoyed by James' rudeness, Kendall laughs. Oh god. His laugh. It's so sunny and infectious and James grins, feeling foolish.

"No," Kendall says. "This is just Sunday stuff. And probably for that Church camp, but I'm taking normal clothes to that too. Are you going?

"Going to what?" James asks distractedly. He'd been a little too busy staring at Kendall's lips and wondering what they'd be like crushed against his own.

"To Church Camp?" Kendall prompts.

"Oh!" James says. "Oh, no. I mean. I'm religious but."

Kendall smiles warmly at him. "Yeah. I get it. Not many people take religion as seriously as my family does."

James can't help but ask, "Do you?"

Kendall nods his head in affirmation. "Of course. But, I don't discriminate. I mean, how would I be a practicing Catholic if I did? I wouldn't be. I'd be a sinner." He kind of shudders at the word.

James does too, a little bit. So Kendall may have said that he doesn't discriminate, but he also implied he doesn't like sinners. By Biblical Standards, "abomination," translates to "wicked," translates to "sinner."

Luckily (or unluckily, James isn't too sure at this point) his Mom swoops in over to him. "Hey sweetie, you must be Kendall, right?" She says. Kendall nods and offers his hand, and his Mom shakes it, saying "I'm Brooke."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs—sorry, I didn't catch your last name."

James' heart does mini somersaults. Kendall is so polite.

"Brooke's fine, sweetie! Call me Brooke. I was just talking to your Mom."

Kendall grimaces and says, "She didn't bring out the baby photo's, did she?"

"Oh, you'll never know," Brooke replies, with a twinkle in her eyes. Kendall smiles at this. Internally, James thinks yes! Future boyfriend and my unfortunately permanent mother, already getting along! The relationship I'm about to establish is going to be fantastic.

"But, we really must get going. I'm going to be late for work, and you're going to be late for your Dad picking you up. That is, of course, assuming he knows how to drive his expensive car. Funny, he couldn't afford any of the alimony last time I spoke to him, but a new car—he suddenly has money for!"

"Mom," James groans, embarrassed.

Kendall's still standing there, politely, nodding his head to everything his mother's saying. "Sorry, honey." She directs this to Kendall. "Your Mom and I just had good chat about good-for-nothing exes."

Kendall looks kind of put off by this, and James attempts to send telepathic signals to his Mom that convey the message you are destroying my chances with this blonde beauty shut up woman, shut up! By some miracle (oh how James enjoys puns) Brooke gets the message and goes to shake Kendall's hand again.

"It was very nice meeting you, Kendall. Your mom is quite right in saying you're a fine, young man. If only James knew how to be one." She sighs dramatically, but smiles to show she's joking. "Maybe you could teach him." She continues.

Oh no, oh no. No. Brooke is not about to make a play date for two seventeen year olds. Just. No. Not happening.

"I wouldn't mind." Kendall replies, grinning.

"Well, don't be surprised if you see us around more, honey. I had to exchange numbers with your mom, she is honest to god, the nicest woman I've ever met in my entire life."

"She's the best woman I've ever known," Kendall replies and Brooke looks touched. She turns to James and says, "If only you respected me the way Kendall respects his mother."

If he wasn't trying to impress a hot guy, James would reply with something jokey yet insulting, but, at this moment? He can't. He's drawing a blank on saying anything witty. Brooke seems to pick up on it and actually has mercy for her son for once and says, "Sorry. He's normally much more talkative. He's coming down with something at the moment."

"Yeah, James was telling me before." Kendall says, and James feels embarrassed that his Mom has to baby him, but kind of relieved. He was sort of dying.

"God, we really have to go," Brooke says, as her phone beeps. "It was nice meeting you, Kendall. I'm sure I'll see you again soon." She answers her phone and begins her stride to the car. James turns to say goodbye too, and Kendall shakes his hand again. He hesitates, before saying, "Hey, I know you don't usually sit in our pew—but uh. I wouldn't mind it, if you did. Next week. This time, you may even want to sit next to me."

"Sure." James says. "Next week it is."

On his walk back to the car, his smile is so big it's threatening to burst his face.

He calls Carlos as soon as he gets home, while he's packing for his dad's. "Carlos!" he declares, as soon as someone answers the home phone. "Almost but not quite," says Mr. Garcia, before calling out "CARLOS"

James is irritated that he has to wait two seconds before Carlos gets the phone. He needs to tell Carlos important news. Now.

"Hola!" Carlos exclaims. "What's doin bro?"

"I'm in love!" James shouts dramatically, ignoring Carlos completely. "I'm in so much love that it's almost painful but in a beautiful, tangible way."

"Woah, woah. Slow down." Carlos says. "You're in love?" He asks. Then he says, "Not you and the mirror again?"

"No. No! Shut up. I mean it, this time. I'm in love."

"With who?" Carlos asks.

"With a boy." James sighs dreamily.

It's silent. Then, he asks, again

"Are you sure it isn't you and the mirror, because—"

"I'm sure it's not me and the mirror!" James snaps. "I'm in love, okay. Be happy for me!"

"I am happy for you." Carlos says. He adds, "Yay James!" for good measure.

"Ask me stuff." James says, and god, sometimes being best friends with Carlos was so irritating. Carlos would say the exact same thing of James, but James ignores that.

"What colour shirt are you wearing?"

"Carlos!"

"Okay, Okay. I'll bite." Carlos laughs. "Who is he? What's his name? Where's he from? Where'd you meet him? What's he look like?"

"He's a guy I met at Church today, when we sat in the wrong pew. We were running kind of late and Mom told me to hurry up even though she was the one in the shower for half an hour, and then—"

"—James. Stop. What's his name?"

"His name is Kendall. He's blonde and he has the most gorgeous green eyes."

"Aw. Nice. If I was into dudes I'd say he sounds very pretty. The next most important question: Does he know you exist?"

"Yes, he does, Mr. Killjoy. He knows my name and he even asked me to sit next to him in Church next week! That's practically a date!"

"Maybe in the Roman Catholic world." Carlos says. He pauses a lot between phrases. James hates it sometimes. "Is he gay?"

"I don't know," James says, feeling slightly down. He quickly picks back up saying, "I don't care, he's gorgeous, he has the most attractive speaking voice and laugh, he's a little shorter than I am, but still tall enough to know that we'd look good together, and he was wearing vans."

"How can you wear vans?" is Carlos' confused response.

"Like the shoes." James says.

"Oh. Like the-yeah. Right. Well, dude, I'm really happy for you. He sounds cool. I hope you get him. If he's straight, I hope you take him to the dark side."

James laughs, but then remembers how Kendall reacted to "sinners," and feels a little unnerved.

"Carlos," he says, seriously. "Do you think I'm a sinner?"

"aren't we all sinners?" Carlos replies. "On The Simpsons Reverend Lovejoy said that religion doesn't allow people to go to the bathroom."

"No." James says, frustrated, despite the fact that he knows Carlos is taking him seriously (a difficult feat for Carlos Garcia). "I mean, do you think I'm—wicked?" It's the least hurtful word he can think of. He doesn't generally let his insecurities show, but sometimes they do.

"No." is Carlos' prompt response. "Why?"

James doesn't answer.

"Because you like boys?" Carlos prompts.

James stays silent.

"Oh James," Carlos sighs. "No, you aren't. If you believe in God, then he made you that way for a reason. And it's not weird or unnatural to like guys, okay? Well, maybe it's uncommon but that's not the same as it being weird. You're good. You're fine. You aren't wicked or a sinner." Carlos pauses then says, "Is that what this guy at Church told you?"

"Kendall," James responds, "And no. He told me he doesn't discriminate—" Carlos breathes a sigh of relief "—but then he implied he didn't like sinners. He said he could never be one. And in The Bible—"

"—The Bible wasn't written by God, okay? It was divinely inspired, or whatever. People wrote it. People edited it. Most of it's not even real to how it started off. I watched this documentary once and it said the first copy of the Bible had Jesus having a fling with that guy Peter! I wouldn't worry about a line in a text that isn't even true to the religion itself. The Bible's a small part of the religion, not the encompassing of an entire thing. Chill, dude. And if this Kendall kid thinks any different—which I don't think he does, cause he sounds nice—I'll pummel him. Deal?"

"Thanks." James says. It's such a small insignificant word to really show the gratitude James is feeling, but Carlos says, "No problem dude," in a tone that can only be described as touched. Sensing it getting too awkwardly girly, Carlos quickly says "So, tell me more about this guy," and, maybe that's not exactly that manly, but it sure beats sitting around talking about feelings. Even though, it's kind of the same thing.

Whatever. James knew he had the best friend ever.

A/N: I write for myself so regardless if this gets attention or not, it'll probably be finished. But a little insight into how everyone responded would be immensely helpful! Oh and Thank you for reading. That was a whopper, I know. And it was only the first chapter. Wow. (p.s I actually watched that documentary in religion.)