A Ladies Ambition

By: EDelta88 and Selonianth

Rated M for language, violence, adult content, and graphic imagery

Chapter 2: Hysteria

Meanwhile, beneath the Black Lake in the Chamber of Secrets, Fawkes was, put simply, gobsmacked. Was there a more appropriate response when you found a child hero unconcious on the ground with a seventy-five foot long serpent nearby swearing in ways that would make sailors blush... and take notes?

For several more minutes this continued with the gargantuan basalisk swearing up a storm and Fawkes being too stunned to do more than stare at the child who was clearly Harry Potter... or rather his female twin of some kind. Exactly seven minutes later the Basalisk paused in it's swearing long enough to turn and notice the phoenix. "Ummm, hi... I don't suppose you just arrived?" The basalisk hissed hopeful that her ranting and swearing hadn't just been catalogued by an immortal witness.

Fawkes shook his head, still staring at the massive creature.

"Damn... stupid pheonix gift of tongues, I'll bet you think me a lunatic now don't you?" Bianca sulked

Fawkes just shrugged his wings, trilling softly as though laughing.

"Daaaaamnitttt why do I hurt in places I shouldn't have?" a female Alto spoke.

...Now Fawkes was very clearly laughing.

"Stupid flaming pigeon..." Bianca muttered, laying her head down of the floor as she sulked. It wasn't fair, she was a paragon of her race! More than a thousand years old, with venom more potent than the most deadly of potions, complete control of her Death Gaze, immune to the weaknesses other Basali suffered... and she accidentally gender bent her first chance at a worthy master in over a thousand years while a glorified turkey laughs at her... and she couldn't even eat the turkey. It wasn't fair!

"What the-" cried Harry(?) as... she, clutched her throat. "What's wrong with my voice?" she wondered before unconsciously looking down, "Why bloody hell do I have boobs!"

Fawkes fell off the mantel where he'd been perched since arriving in the chamber.

"What the... Fawkes?" the, now female, golden...girl of Gryffindor muttered looking up from her body when he hit the floor. Then finally looking around she noticed the seventy-five foot basalisk trying to hide it's face in the ground and fainted dead away again.

"Did she just-OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!" the ancient serpent cried, starting to pound her head into the wall of the chamber; thankfully, said wall was enchanted to be nearly indestructible, Salazar really had thought of everything.

And Fawkes started rolling around the stone floor, squawking uncontrollably in his laughter.

"Oh stuff it you glorified turkey!" Bianca shouted at the phoenix. She was beginning to wonder if boiling the damn thing would kill it dead enough to eat...

A groan came from the boy-who-became-a-girl. "What the hell did I eat that I hallucinated becoming a girl and then a basalisk and Fawkes laughing so hard he fell over?"

"Umm... You didn't hallucinate that speaker..." Bianca told her, drawing the child'.

"Huh... So I didn't," the gender-bent-heroine muttered as her eyes began to loll in her head.

"YOU WILL NOT FAINT AGAIN! YOU HEAR ME!" Bianca roared, rearing up as she did so.

And The-Boy-Who-Lived-To-Become-A-Girl passed out.

And Fawkes laughed some more.

"...I'm going to go kill something," Bianca hissed, slithering off into the tunnels. Perhaps Hagrid had finally gotten his hands on a dragon she could fight? Or maybe a Nundu had wandered into the Forbidden Forest?

...What? It could happen!

Sadly she had to make do with slaughtering the majority of the resident acromantula colony. It had been creeping far too close to the centaur herds for her liking anyway so it was more like her doing her duty than blowing off steam... yes, completely justifiable.

And now she was back in the Chamber of Secrets, and the girl child was awake, and by Modred's Sloppy Seconds she was gonna stay that way!

"Speaker, I require your help with a matter of great importance to the security of Hogwarts," Bianca started, hoping that occupying the girl's mind would distract her until she could properly cope with the situation.

"Mhm" said the magical transvestite as if there wasn't a massive killing machine of a snake about ten feet from her body as she nodded and smiled.

"The heir of my master has ordered me to purge the school of those he deems unworthy," she explained. "Thus far I have been able to avoid killing anyone but it is only a matter of time before he becomes more specific with his orders and I am unable to purposefully misinterpret him."

"Yep." the extra from 'To: Wong Fu, Thanks for everything', affirmed.

"What I need from you is either a way to circumvent the enchantments in order to attack him directly or for you to contact someone who can do it for me," Bianca explained.

"Uh-huh," 'The Hot Chick Part 2' responded.

Bianca, realizing something was off, used just the tip of her tail to gently poke the barely responding Gender-Bender.

Of course, when said rule sixty-three'd hero didn't even respond in the slightest Bianca realized what was wrong and hung her head... again. Then, focusing she grabbed a globule of water from the outskirts of the chamber and dropped it on the comatose witches witch's head.

"Gah!" the ex-boy cried, immediately awake... for now.

Gryffindor Tower

Suddenly, in a cushy chair near the fire, a girl with bushy brown hair felt a chill run up her spine and groaned. A chill she knew all too well.

Harry had found trouble again. Or, more accurately, trouble had likely found him.

It happened quite a bit, and Hermione had no idea why she knew it had happened... again. She supposed it probably had something to do with the polyjuice incident, Madame Pompfrey hadn't been able to completely rid her of the cat DNA inside her afterall. Shrugging that line of thought off Hermione placed a bookmark in her transfiguration book and stood. She might as well do something with the knowledge. Now the question was...

"Who to tell?" she wondered, tapping her chin as she walked out into the hall. After a moment's deliberation she shrugged her shoulders and started walking toward the headmaster's office. Nothing against McGonagall but she didn't think the animagus could do much here while she knew Dumbledore would have a way of finding him if he needed to.

A few minutes later, Hermione found herself with a very pressing problem... Where exactly was Professor Dumbledore's office?

Almost an hour of wandering around in the dark later helped only by torches on the wall, she was just about ready to give up and wait until morning to ask a teacher when she felt a pair of hands on her shoulders. "Now what's an ickle second year like you doing wandering around at night?" a voice said as she spun around alarmed until she realized it was just the Weasley twins. They had a habit of being better at locating lost first and second year students than the prefects who were supposed to be doing it.

"I'm trying to find the headmaster's office... something happened to Harry and I need to find someone to help him." Hermione explained.

"Something's happened-" George-or was it Fred?- started, looking at his twin.

"To Harrikins?" Fred-George?-finished.

Then,without warning, "This way!" they said in chorus, each hooking a hand under her arm as they carried her off into the castle. Each resisting the urge to break into song.

Within five minutes they had her standing at a gargoyle. "Warheads," They spoke in unison making the statue jump aside and the stairs descend.

"His password is a weapon of mass destruction?" Hermione wondered. It was just so... strange, she'd always thought of the Headmaster as a peaceful man.

"Nah, the muggle sour sweet. He seems to like sour things..." The twins responded with a shrug.

Well that explained why she didn't know what it was, her parents were Sugar Nazis.

"Anyway, get up there. We'll see you in the morning, I think Neville got himself locked out again." Twin 1 informed her before they vanished into the barely visible darkness.

Hermione blinked after them. "How do they do that?" she wondered before turning to go up the stairs. Knocking on the door, she received no answer. 'I know it's rude but it IS an emergency...' Entering the room she found a concerned headmaster fidgeting over a set of instruments. "Um, headmaster? Are you ok?"

"Miss Granger, at the moment, I am a very great distance from 'Ok,'" the old headmaster responded, showing every one of his considerable years.

"Is it about Harry?" Hermione asked. "I know he's been found by some form of trouble again...I can feel it."

"Indeed he has," Dumbledore sighed, appearing extremely tired. "As to what trouble has found him, I cannot say."

"Sir? Can't you find him?" Hermione questioned getting nervous because of how Dumbledore was acting.

"My usual means of monitoring Mr. Potter seem to have run afoul of whatever has befallen him I'm afraid," he said, waving toward the inert trinkets on his shelves. "I'm still waiting for Fawkes-that's my familiar, he's a phoenix- to return but he has been gone some time now."

"Do you have any way of looking in on him?" Hermione asked trying to get eyes on Harry any way she could.

"Unfortunately it seems that my own cleverness has been my downfall," he responded, grimacing. "You see I put in place several... enchantments, that prevent anyone from locating Mr. Potter unless he wishes them to find him. Rather ingenious really as I tied them to the intent of the magics rather than Mr. Potter himself so that they could not be as easily dispelled accidentally. However..."

"Those same enchantments now prevent you from finding him now," Hermione finished.

"Exactly," Dumbledore sighed.

"And I'm guessing you did the same thing to Fawkes to prevent people from stopping him in his work? I mean, you know Fawkes is probably with Harry because a phoenix can find just about anyone, so couldn't you try to look at him and see if Harry would be in view?"

"A very astute point Miss Granger," Dumbledore complimented, "Unfortunately, it would appear that Fawkes either does not want to be found or is under some extremely powerful protections as I have been unable to locate him. I know he is safe, in fact he seems rather amused with something, however I cannot find where he..." his voice trailed off, a thoughtful look overtaking his face.

"That's not good. Harry's in some kind of trouble I know it and I can't find him and, and, and..." Hermione cried out as she started pacing nervously.

"Calm down Miss Granger, and think very carefully about what I have just said," Dumbledore ordered. Though he still appeared tired, a relieved twinkle was growing in his eyes as though he had just realized something.

"Huh?"

"Fawkes is amused by something," he told her, repeating his words from earlier. "So, while we should be worried, I do not believe that whatever trouble has befallen young Harry is life threatening."

"Oh... Right." Hermione muttered. Still, it was bugging her that she knew he was in trouble but couldn't fix it.

"Go to bed Miss Granger, I'll send you a message once Mr. Potter has returned to us.

"Ok..." Hermione acquiesced before leaving to return to her dorm.

Watching her leave Dumbledore sighed in relief. "Still though... Where are you Mr. Potter?"

A/N

Edelta:Sorry for the horrible movie references everyone, it was Selo.

Selo: Also tossed in an Avatar the Last Air-Bender reference if you noticed. And in my defence, it's really hard to keep thinking of original ways to say some variation of genderbent.