Author's Notes: This has been sitting unfinished on my computer for about three weeks now. Finally sat down and finished it. It's by far not my best work, and I know I probably coud have done better but...I liked it. Hope you like it.
Theirs was a relationship so forbidden it would have surely landed the pair of them directly in Azkaban. It hadn't started out as anything other than them being best friends, but by the time they were sixteen, it was more than them just being best friends. None of the others in Gryffindor knew, and the pair were thrilled at that. What would the rest of the house think if they found out that Sirius Black and James Potter were at one point in time madly in love with each other? But everything had changed their sixth year, and they were no longer the same as they once were.
Sirius Black had first met his cousin, James Potter, as children at a Black family function, before the Potters decided they did not like the political views of the "Most Noble and Ancient House of Black". They were five years old at the time and became friends almost immediately, which showed in how often they would write letters back and forth. It was those letters that let them stay close when the Potters stopped going near the Black family almost all together, and those letters that helped to keep Sirius sane when they were apart.
James Potter had never been more thrilled than that day at Hogwarts when he and Sirius were sorted into the same house, into Gryffindor. In his mind, James knew that Sirius would take shit from his parents for being in Gryffindor, but James didn't care in the least, his best friend was there. They stayed best friends, thicker than thieves and the two even were able to make friends with two other students. A young, and very shy boy by the name of Remus Lupin, and another one, the smallest of the three but kind and sweet, known as Peter Pettigrew. The four of them were close, but nothing could break the bond between James and Sirius.
Their first kiss had been by accident; they had been fighting, arguing over the prank on Severus Snape their fifth year at school which nearly got Snape killed and Remus expelled. They had fought, said words that neither two friends nor family should have ever said to each other. James had never been so angry in his entirely life than he was at Sirius at that specific moment in time. The only thing that had stopped his yelling was Sirius shoving him up against the wall, his lips touching his. It had just happened, and it just kept happening. It was a secret and it was theirs. James still chased after Lily; Sirius still flirted with both girls and boys. It was something no one could take from them. But despite everything, despite their situation, they both knew all good things must come to an end.
Their seventh and final year at Hogwarts brought new emotions and relationships to light; Lily Evans had finally agreed to go on a date with James Potter, and Sirius had fallen almost madly in love with their friend and fellow Marauder Remus Lupin. They both knew that the relationship that they had shared was coming to an end, that soon they'd be with separate people, and no longer able to be with each other. That knowledge caused them to make sure they were never alone together, knowing what would happen.
It had been a long Quidditch Practice for the Gryffindor team that day, most of it spent doing physical exercises rather than doing flying training. It meant for Sirius, as a beater, his arms felt like they were about to fall off from how many push-ups, chin-ups, and passing exercises he and the two other chasers had done. But it was over for the day and they were all free to return to the Common Room. Sirius hadn't left yet; he was still in the locker room, waiting for James.
"Still here Pads?" Sirius glanced up at the sound of James's voice, the captain of their team having just gotten out of the shower and dressed back in school robes. His hair was still wet, the towel drying it had received clearly had no affect on the messy black hair, and steam still clung to his glasses.
Sirius nodded, folding his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorframe, finding it increasingly difficult to look at James Potter. "I…we gotta talk Prongs. Bout us, what's going on…look we can't avoid it. We need to talk."
James tilted his head to the side, then snorted shaking his head as he went over to his locker, pulling his school bag from it. "Sounds like you're breaking up with me Sirius."
"I am." Silence, just the faint sound of the water dripping in one of the showers was the only noise in the locker rooms. Sirius finally glanced at James, saw his friend completely tense, still bent over as if reaching into the locker. "We can't keep doing this James…not when we both…Lily and Remus…" James straightened up, sitting down on the bench, staying quiet. Too quiet… "James you're my best friend. I want you happy you are with her. You are over the moon for that girl."
Nothing.
"You're my best friend James. I can't continue…whatever it is we have knowing that you want to be with Lily, and I…" You what? You are in love with another one of his friends? Jeeze how much of a jerk are ya Padfoot? "And I'm interested in Remus…It's not right…it's not fair to them…"
Still nothing.
"Say something Prongs…"
James stayed completely silent.
"At least look at me…"
And he did. James looked at Sirius and felt his heart snap at the look of sorrow in James's eyes, and…were those tears? He watched in silence as James rubbed the back of his sleeve against his eyes, standing up to sling his bag back over his shoulder. "Yeah…guess…makes sense ya know? Always figured it wouldn't last…thought it wouldn't hurt this much…"
At that moment Sirius wanted nothing more than to hold his best friend, his cousin in his arms tell him that it would all be okay, that they would still be best friends and they were still family. He couldn't bring himself to move, only to watch him as James moved towards the door. "James…"
"Don't Sirius…" he muttered, his hand on the door. "I'll be fine…just need space…" There was a pause before James looked back over his shoulder. "Just…one thing?"
"Anything…"
"Give me…just one last kiss…"
It was a request Sirius would not deny him. Within seconds he was standing close to his friend, one hand on James's cheek as he looked down into his eyes. Their lips met in a soft kiss, gentle and loving, more so than most of the kisses they had shared during their time together. The majority of the time, the kisses were rough, heated, passionate, but this one…it was different, it was one they would both savor.
Sirius was the first to pull back, and held James's face in his hands, their foreheads touching. "You'll always be one of the most important people to me James Potter… Nothing can break us apart…we got that deep of a bond…" He whispered to him, brushing their lips together one last time before he stepped back. He closed his eyes, heard the sound of the door open, and his stomach began to churn uncomfortably.
"See you around Sirius…" James whispered under his breath before he left the locker room, letting the door close quietly behind him.
The animagus sank down to the damp floor of the locker room, his back pressed to the wall, hands fisted at his sides. It shouldn't hurt that much…it had to be done…but it felt like he had just lost his best friend. And, in a way, he had, he had broken his heart, but he had to keep telling himself it was for the best, that it had to be done. It didn't make a difference to Sirius, it sucked, and he hated how it had made him feel. There was no erasing their past together they would always remember it. It was something they both shared, it was their darkest secret. Sirius would love James, not as much as he once had perhaps, but the emotions would stay… It would just take some time for things to return to normal.
He didn't want to cry… He was Sirius Black, he didn't cry. He was. Oh how he hoped things would be okay between them… He wasn't sure he'd be able to act the same way if they weren't. He wouldn't return to the castle, he was not about to let anyone see him like that. He would just stay in the locker room till the damn tears stopped, then he would be able to face the world.
The past was just that, in the past, but it wouldn't be forgotten. He would always have the memories. They both would.
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