Black and White

By: Light of the Firefly

A Prelude

I'm just a step away
I'm just a breath away
Losing my faith today
Falling off the edge today

-Skillet

Present Day

Nanao squeezed the ink well in a tight fist, dipping her pen slowly into its depths.

She had to do this, because her hands were shaking so hard she was afraid of spilling it over.

She sat at her desk, the shared office with Captain Kyouraku empty and quiet.

It was late, all the 8th staff having left long ago. It had transformed from the warm feeling of the daylight hours, to just a room with a chill to it. She spared a moment to look around the dim space, taking in every last detail to commit to memory. The ratty couch in the corner, the large expanse of window, the other desk in the room that was rarely used for more than sleeping on. It was way too quiet, she decided. Distractingly so. She felt the silence right down to her bones, echoing and reminding her of all she was about to loose.

Blank sheet of paper in front of her. Positioning the pen over it, she froze.

Where did she start..?

Her neat characters formed on the page:

'I never meant-'

She tore the page from her book and crumbled it. That was not how to start such a thing. She shouldn't even be leaving any sort of message, but she couldn't do this unless she left him something.

She tried again:

'Not all of it was an act-'

A tear slipped out, and she violently ripped this page apart as well. God, how was she ever going to get through this?

'I never had a choice. He has my family-'

The pen dropped from her hand, and she sat back heavily, leaning against the chair. Her limp body tired suddenly. She fought back the tears, the sinus burn of repression almost making her choke. She roughly pulled her glasses off, and rubbed her eyes.

"Get it together." She muttered angrily to herself. She couldn't fall apart, Aizen would see right through her if she lost it now.

She could do this.

She had to do this.

Nanao took a moment to relax, trying so hard to collect her thoughts and separate herself from the emotional aspect. She leaned forward again, and closed her eyes, her brows knitting in her agitation.

It's too late to change anything now, and there is nothing else I can do. I have to go on as planned. She repeated this to herself mentally over and over, until her eyes snapped open and she purposely set her glasses back to the bridge of her nose.

Taking the pen in hand, she wrote the only thing she could think of. It hardly explained anything, but it was all she had to give him:

'No matter what you see or hear,

Know that I am sorry.'