Hello to everyone! This is a completely fanfic dedicated to humor, so I believe there won't be any pairings in this. I know, you're probably thinking, "this is just a rip-off of Gintama and Sket Dance. Yes, I watched those anime, but let's say that this is a parody of it.

Anyways, D. Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura!

No matter what year you are in in high school, or what kind of high school it is, you must absolutely join a club. High schools have a variety of clubs: the basketball club, the music club, art club, softball, baseball, football, etc. But most of these are the common clubs, because there are a lot of people who like these clubs.

But choosing which club to go to is the difficult part.

Allen Walker didn't really have much interest in stuff like clubs. He was quite good in sports and was often invited to some sports club, but he politely refused them, since sports didn't catch his interest. He was good in music as well, and was asked to join them, but he refused that as well.

He sighed and ruffled his silver-white hair as he walked through the school grounds. Maybe I should join the art club…? But his art skills sucked terribly, so he quickly shook that suggestion away.

He took a seat by the fountain and took out a sandwich and munched on it. It's already my second year of high school and I still haven't decided on a club yet… His eyes flickered to a bulletin board that had posters of different clubs. Curious, he got up and decided to pick one from there.

In the mess of all these hand-drawn posters, only one caught his eyes.

The Exorcist Club.

"If you're ever in trouble, please visit the Exorcist Club on the second floor all the way at the end of the hallway!" Was what the paper said in big, cutesy letterings with hearts and smiley faces all around it.

Allen could feel his motivation drain away. "What kind of club is this…?" He wondered. There probably wasn't any point to this club, but simply to just…past time?

Gee, and here he thought that rich kids in Black Order High would be a lot smarter than this.

So Allen left the garden and headed straight back to the school building, finishing his sandwich along the way.

His classroom was on the first floor and was planning to just sit there and read some of the manual that the principal had given him to learn more about this school. He couldn't get the Exorcist Club out of his mind, so he decided to take just a tiny peek at the clubroom and then walk away.

He walked up the stairs to the second floor, walked to the end of the hallway and saw a door with a sign that said, "Exorcist Club."

He fixed his red tie and dusted off the dust on his black uniform with silver linings. He stood up straight and tall and put his hand on the knob. He took a deep breath, and then slowly twisted the knob. The wooden door opened up a crack, which Allen peeked through.

N-No one's there… Allen thought, after scanning the room. Where did everyone go…?

"Hey, who are you?"

Feeling a killing aura and that deadly voice, Allen immediately twisted his body, and caught the wooden sword that was only a millimeter away from his head.

"Th-That was dangerous!" Allen shrieked, completely horrified. "What was that for!"

The man spat. "Why are you looking into our room without permission?"

"I-I was just—"

"Yuu, what are you doing?"

A new voice suddenly came in, which made Allen and the attacker turn around.

The man "tch'ed" and huffed. "I found someone suspicious."

"I'm not anyone suspicious!" Allen retorted back. "I was just looking around!"

The other guy with red hair took a long stare at Allen. Suddenly, he said, "Do you need anything from our club?"

"No," said Allen. "I was just looking around to find which club I should join—" He was cut off when he saw that redhead's green eye sparkling like he just found free chocolate on his desk.

He clasped his hands together and exclaimed, "Then join our club! We're the Exorcist Club, and we'll help anyone and anybody in trouble!"

Allen gave him a nervous chuckle. "T-Thanks, but I don't think I'll have any…" He stopped and stepped away when he saw a teary eyed redhead.

"Y-You won't join…?"

"N-No, it's not that I won't join, b-but it's more like I never had intentions to join in the first place…"

"Then you'll join now?" the redhead said, all evidence of his mock tears gone.

"N-No, I-I never s-said that I'll join…"

"Hey!"

Allen jolted when he saw a textbook whack the redhead's head with full force. It was a girl with long teal hair tied into two ponytails.

"Don't scare new members like that! That's why we never have any new members each year!"

The redhead grinned and rubbed his head. "Hehe… Sorry, Lenalee."

Lenalee sighed and shook her head. She walked up to Allen and smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry about our president. I'm Lenalee Lee." She took out her hand, offering a handshake.

Allen took shook her hand while scratching his head. "I-I'm Allen Walker. Nice to meet you…"

"I'm Lavi Bookman!" the redhead suddenly exclaimed, popping up in between Lenalee and Allen. "I'm the president of this club! And this guy here," he grabbed the boy with the wooden sword. "Is Yuu! Kanda Yuu!"

"Don't call me Yuu, you stupid rabbit!" Kanda shouted, trying to push Lavi away.

"Aw, we've been buddies for such a long time already! You should be used to it by now."

"Shut up, you moron!"

"Now, now, both of you. Calm down already," Lenalee said, attempting to stop those two as usual.

Seizing this chance, Allen decided to slowly tip-toe away…until Lavi just grabbed his shoulder with a lop-sided grin (with some additional shadows from his bangs) and said in a honey-coated dark voice, "Where do you think you're going, Allen~~~~?"

Allen slowly turned his head, trying to laugh it off. "I-I'm just going to use the restroom for a minute…" Before he knew it, Lavi was already dragging him on the floor!

"Ahh, don't worry about it! Our clubroom has one; you can just use this one! It's much closer!"

"Waaah! Lenalee, help me~~~~!"

"Hey, Lavi! Don't be so pushy!"

Lavi grinned. "If I'm not pushy, then he might get away!"

"Don't speak as if I'm an animal or something!"

"Lavi!" Lenalee scolded.

Lavi pouted and dropped Allen to the floor. He held up his hands as if surrendering himself to the police. "Fine, fine. I'll stop being pushy. But it's true that you can use the bathroom in our clubroom though."

"I'm not going to fall for that, Lavi."

"Whaaat? You think I'm a bad guy now? It was just a joke!"

"You're actions don't exactly follow your words!"

Lenalee sighed. "Alright, break it up you two! Let Allen-kun do what he wants. If he wants to join, then he'll join. If he doesn't, then we'll let him go peacefully without chasing after him, got it?"

"But we need one more person to join to become a proper club!" Lavi whined. "It should be a miracle how we managed to stay as a three-people club for this long."

"We can always get other people, right?" she replied. "It's not like Allen has to be the one—"

"U-Um," Allen interrupted. "I-Is it fine… If I at least know what you do everyday… I-I might consider…joining…your club…" he mumbled the last few words in an inaudible voice.

But with Lavi's ears, nothing can escape from his ears. He glinted. "Seriously? You'll join?"

"I-I said maybe!" Allen exclaimed, flustered. "If you can at least show me what kind of jobs you guys can take—"

"Hello there, Lavi!" A new voice suddenly said. A girl just hopped towards them holding a container smiled and handed it to Lavi. "I made some cake in my club! Would you try it with your friends?"

"Wow! It looks great! Thanks!"

The girl giggled. "No problem! It's a thank you for finding my cat the other day!" And with that, the girl hopped away.

Absolutely no sound was made after that girl hopped away.

"Well, let's eat the cake, everyone!" Lavi cheered, breaking the silence.

"…I-Is this what you do everyday?" Allen asked, blinking.

Lenalee smiled, but her eyebrows told otherwise. "Y-Yea, I guess… We're pretty well-known in this school…for doing unproductive things like helping somebody find a lost cat or something…"

"But this is a school filled with rich kids, isn't it?" asked Allen. "They have their own bodyguards and search parties, right?"

"Well, that's how it seems on the outside," Lenalee explained. "In reality, Black Order High accepts normal people as well, not just rich people. And besides, our students have some…issues so those bad people don't want to mess with us."

Allen just stared. "What do you mean, issues?"

Lenalee smiled. "You don't need to know." Allen tilted his head in confusion, but he simply let it slide.

"Ah, but if all three of you are this wealthy, why did you bother making this kind of club?"

"You should ask the president," Lenalee said. "Now, let's go back inside and eat the cake." She seemed like she didn't really want to talk about it. So, being the gentlemen he is, Allen didn't push it further. He followed behind a growling Kanda, who was emitting a deadly aura that clearly coded, "don't come any closer" like a hissing cat.

The silver-headed boy simply narrowed his eyes at him. Stupid straight-fringe, Allen silently thought, before walking. His insult indirectly directed at Kanda was quickly banished when he entered the room behind that plain-looking door that had the sign dangling.

A gorgeous room.

There was a desk, fit for one person, and behind it was a wide, sparkly window where you can clearly see the sky, the school grounds, and the rest of the city. The floor were polished wood—so polished that Allen thought the floor would squeak if he were to step on it—and the ceiling hung a beautiful chandelier sparkling the entire room.

Definitely high-class.

There were two fluffy sofas sitting face-to-face with each other, with a rectangular glass table in between. There was also a T.V—flat screen, on top of that—right there embedded on the wall (Allen could see some game systems connected to the T.V), and some comfortable bean bags laying in the corner (probably for when playing games on the flat screen, Allen thought), and there was a little mini kitchen corner next to Allen, where there was a stove and a cabinet.

This is impossible.

Allen gaped at the room animatedly.

"Hm? What's wrong, Allen-kun?" asked Lenalee. "Are you ok?"

Allen could only manage out the words, "I—I, w-what—where, h-h-how—"

"Huh…Oh! Are you surprised at the room? Oh, don't worry too much about it. This is all within our budget limit. The principal doesn't like us to just freely spending money, so we bought the cheapest ones we can find," Lenalee explained with a smile.

Allen continued to gap. "Th-This is…a-all w-within your b-budget l-l-limit…?"

"Yup!" Lenalee exclaimed, smiling.

"H-How m-much…?"

"Umm…" Lenalee took a moment to think. "I'd say about… ********* dollars! See? Cheap, isn't it?"

Allen felt like was turning into Edvard Munch's The Scream painting, falling into the trap set up by the minds of the high-class. Ah, the world seemed so bright to him…he felt so light-headed… "Ah… I can see Mana…"

"A-Allen-kun?" Lenalee gasped.

Ah, the superiority of rich…

A single flick was enough to wake Allen back up.

"Gah!"

The flick sent an electric shock through his systems that shook him up. He rubbed his forehead. "Ow! What was that for, Lavi?"

Lavi grinned. "You were spacing out, so I thought a flick was enough to wake you up! Come over here and eat some cake with us!" He danced around holding the container like it was a holy item.

Allen continued to rub his forehead as he stared. Lavi was still fooling around, Kanda was glaring with him with a scowl, and Lenalee was simply standing there smiling. This made Allen smile.

This is nice…

"Hm? Allen?"

"H-Huh?"

Lavi was staring at him with wide eyes curiously. "You're spacing out a lot. Are you alright?"

"Y-Yea," he smiled. "I was just thinking this is a nice club…"

"Of course it is!" Lavi exclaimed proudly, nose high in the air. "We're the trustworthy Exorcist Club!"

Suddenly, as if on cue, a knock rang through the door. Lavi jumped out of his seat, "Coming!" and opened the door. There, revealed a young boy shyly standing there with a flustered face.

"U-Um…" he mumbled, fiddling with his fingers. "Y-You're the Exorcist Club, right…?"

"Yup," Lavi exclaimed. "Come in and have a seat!" He led the boy onto their high-class couch (which the boy stiffened from) and served him some tea (made by Lenalee).

"So," Lenalee said, taking a seat. "What's your request?"

Allen observed carefully.

The boy stared at his shoes with the same red face. "I-I want you to find something for me."

"And what may that be?" Lenalee smiled. Allen could tell she has experience in this.

"Um… A-A photo. Specifically, a photo of m-my g-girlfriend and I-I…" He mumbled softly, his face deepening into a scarlet red.

Lavi popped in and exclaimed, "Wow, a girlfriend! I didn't know a shy boy like you would have a girlfriend!"

He blushed.

"Lavi!" Lenalee scolded and slapped his head. "Don't be so rude! I'm sorry; our president is an idiot…"

"N-No, I-it's ok…" the boy said. "B-By the way, I-I'm Zach Loyane."

"Well then, Zach," Lenalee said, trying his name out. "We accept your request."

Zach brightened up and exclaimed, "T-Thank you!"

Lenalee smiled. "No problem. Then first things first—can you at least describe to us how the photo looks like?"

"Oh! I have that photo on my phone…" he flipped his phone open and searched through it and showed it to her, followed by Allen, Lavi and Kanda trying to take a glance at it.

It was a photo of a smiling awkwardly Zach with a tall girl with blonde hair and tanned skin with thick make-up smiling cheerfully.

"She's Yamamoto Mika," Zach said bashfully. "We've been together for two years already.

Everyone's jaws dropped. W-What a great difference…

"W-Woah…" Lavi mumbled, the cookie slipping out of his mouth. "I-I'm surprised you managed to get a girl like her…"

"S-She's actually my childhood friend… But I-I confessed to her two years ago, and then w-we started to go out…"

"T-Then," Lenalee said, moving on. "Can you tell us where you dropped it?"

"I-I think…it was somewhere around the cafeteria…" he said.

"Well then," Lavi got up, "To the cafeteria, we go!"

../..

"Ah, sorry," the janitor said once they explained the situation to them. "I just cleaned this place. But I didn't see any photos lying around here."

Everyone's jaws dropped (except Kanda whose eyes just widened) to the ground.

"W-What!" Lavi shrieked. "A-Are you absolutely positive?"

"Yes, I'm positive," he sighed. "Sorry about that guys. Now let me go back to my job." Then he began to mop the floors.

Lavi glanced at his friends before sighing. "Then…why don't we looking somewhere else?"

Zack seemed disappointed, but he nodded.

The next place they went to was the auditorium. They searched behind the seats and every corner on the huge floor, but they did not find any photos—

"Ah!" Allen exclaimed. "I found something!"

They flipped their heads to him. "R-Really!" Zack exclaimed.

Allen proudly held up nickel. "I found a nickel!"

They all slammed their heads into the wall.

Shortly after that, they went to the classrooms, the gym, the bathrooms, the lockers, the office, the hallways…they looked everywhere in this giant school and still couldn't find it!"

Exhausted, they all plopped themselves onto the bench. "W-We can't s-seem to find it…" Lavi panted. "A-Are you sure it's h-here, Z-Zach…"

Zach stared at his shoes. "U-Um… Excuse me for saying this, but…aren't you all very wealthy? Why don't you use bodyguards are something…?"

"T-That," Lavi panted. "Is the number one rule."

"W-What?"

Lavi took a moment to catch his breath. "I don't need bodyguards or anything to help people. I do this because I want to."

"Oh…" Zach mumbled. "I see…" Suddenly, he felt a vibration in his pocket. He immediately took his phone out and flipped it open to read a text: Zach, where are you? The teacher is looking for you right now!" -Mika.

He snapped his phone shut. "Sorry, I have to go now. And I'm sorry I dragged you out here…you guys can all go back now. I'll go look for it myself…bye!" And with that he took off.

Lenalee glanced at the redheaded president. "Well, President? What do you want to do?"

"…let's continue to find it," he said.

Lenalee smiled. "Roger."

../..

Zach sighed as he clutched his bag. "In the end, I couldn't find it…" he mumbled as he walked.

"Couldn't find what?" came a familiar voice.

Zach immediately flipped his head around. "L-Lavi!" he exclaimed, eyeing the Exorcist group covered in sweat and dirt.

Lavi grinned as he held up a very familiar photo in his hands. "Looking for this?"

Zach, almost in tears, ran up to him and grabbed the photo. "T-Thank you! I-I… T-This photo…y-you f-found it for me…?"

Lavi grinned. "You requested for us after all."

Zach smiled with tears brimming his eyes.

Allen wiped his sweat with his sleeves and smiled. This is nice. He tapped Lenalee and said, "Do you have an application to join the Exorcist Club?"

Lenalee gapsed, Lavi's eyes sparkled, and Kanda grumbled.

"O-Of course!" the girl exclaimed. "C-Come to the room with us later!"

Allen smiled. "Yes!"

And thus begins Allen Walker's life in the Exorcist Club.

How was it? And although this story sets somewhere (I dunno yet) in the U.S, I'll add the Japanese suffixes in it (-kun, -chan) in it simply because I don't like to disturb the character's words and such.