A blinding white light attacked his eyes as he opened them, a cluster of voices and beeping noises echoed around him. He shifted his hips slightly. Whatever he was laying on was unfamiliar and hard. He was cold. Cold.

"He's awake" he heard a voice say. A vaguely familiar voice, trying to identify its feminine tone danced around the outskirts of his brain. His head hurt, he moved his hand over his eyes to block out the light, not looking less white and more yellow, the warm inviting sunlight of a beautiful spring day. He imagined the desert of Nevada stretched out before him.

"I thought you were dead" he said. His own voice seemed to bounce around on the inside of his skull. Who ever thought a sound, unseen, could be so painful.

"I was in Paris. Do you remember?" Emily said, concerned. Remembered dreams and thoughts poured into his brain, painfully, he became aware of exactly where he was. This was a white room, a hospital room, but this time there was no Morgan eating Jell-O in the chair beside him. Instead Emily stood at the end of his bed, with her arms crossed in front of her chest and the same, serious, calm expression on her face.

"I remember." he said. Blinking hard against the light. "Please shut the blinds" Spencer whispered. His heart was pounding on the inside of his brain, as a million questions filled his head. He strived to remember what had happened, and as a whirlwind the image of his last action, the last bit of dilaudid in the vile, Morgan's visit, the feeling on the kitchen floor under him. A terrible feeling of self loathing consumed him. He felt his voice constrict and he whispered.

"so sorry… so selfish" Emily now standing by the window, looked over her shoulder at him.

"Its alright, Reid," she said, slow and simple. There was a unspoken love in her voice.

How wonderful and terrible was friendship, he thought.

"Just don't do this again to us."

He said nothing, shut his eyes and rolled his head to face the other side of the room.

A thought occurred to him.

"Where's my phone?" he asked, a fervor in his tone now. A new idea had struck him.

Emily handed him her phone, "Here, use mine." he dialed a number without opening his eyes to look at her.

"I'm at St. Marys hospital, can you come?" the voice on the other end said something Emily couldn't understand. "alright, ill see you soon." Spencer handed her back the phone. He avoided her piercing brown eyes.

Emily spent a hour with Reid, he didn't say much but that he was sorry. Over and over again he repeated it. She nodded, she gave as much compassion as she could give.

"Visiting hours are over." the nurse said. And Emily looked at Spencer, he finally looked back at her with his sad eyes. She said goodbye and she left. Spencer envied her for that.

It was very soon when he shut his eyes and dosed off, his body felt weak, his breathing irregular. He fought off the feeling of heartbreak.

"Spencer?" a voice asked, startling him from his slumber. It was night now, the street lights shown a green yellow glow outside the window. "im really glad you could come." Spencer said.

John nodded from the doorway. "its no problem" he said "not at all." Spencer sighed. "im sorry I dragged you out here. I'm sure you have better things to do."

"No Spencer, its not a problem."

Spencer looked at him, possibly wondering if he meant that or not. "I just don't have anyone that understands, I feel so hopeless."

"Don't beat yourself up Spencer, this happens to the best of us."

"I know, 50% of all addicts relapse." Spencer quoted, furrowing his brow.

"That's not important," John said, quietly. "What's important is right now. And I know you can be sober right now."

"I'm just so disappointed in myself." He mumbled.

"Its all in the past now." John reached and put his hand on Spencer's shoulder. "you start over again tomorrow."

Spencer looked up into his kind face, and almost smiled. "Right," Spencer said. "Just for today."

And john did smile down at him, "You can do it, kid."

A new kind of hopeful settled over Spencer, one he had forgotten in his drug haze. He thought about a thousand things at once. About his mother, about high school, about Tobias.

John sat down in the uncomfortable hospital chair next to his bed.

"You've got a second chance at life, Spencer. Now all you have to do is take things a day at a time and you can be happy again."

Spencer nodded. As weak as he felt in this moment, a happy memory came over him. The memory of the day he had gotten his year chip. The smiling faces, the cheers, the immeasurable feeling of accomplishment, incomparable to any degree he had received. Spencer settled into this memory. Everything was going to be alright.

The End.