"Apologize? Me apologize to you? Are you kidding? I am so pissed at you, Spengs that I can barely speak."

Peter was a blur of motion, crisscrossing the lab as if movement could displace some of his anger.

"You're angry with me?" Egon was incredulous.

"No, Egon, I'm beyond angry. Pissed. Incensed. Enraged. Furious. Pick a word."

"You are angry with me for sleeping with Janine," Egon said flatly, not a question though his mind was reeling with a thousand questions.

"You have no idea, do you?" Peter asked, shaking his head with disgust. "And it's about damn time that you admitted what you've been doing. You've got Winston and Ray convinced that you never moved beyond holding hands and a little necking."

Egon blinked, astonished and slightly unnerved that he had admitted aloud what he'd barely admitted to himself.

"You knew." Again a statement, not a question, though it implied a question. How? How did Peter know? Not from Janine. She'd been remarkably discreet.

"Of course I knew. What I want to know is why?"

Overwhelmed, Egon thought irrelevantly, 'so this is what it is like to receive data in excess of processing capabilities.'

"Why what?"

Dazed, he blinked vapidly at Peter who frowned and sighed before taking a seat on the lab couch.

"You really don't have any idea, do you, Spengs?" he asked in a voice that sounded childishly surprised.

Egon stared at him for a moment, still grasping for the clues that eluded him. "How?"

"How did I know? You want the whole unexpurgated story or the Reader's Digest Version?"

Egon nodded dumbly and Peter sighed and then shook his head. "How about I tell you the whole thing? Maybe by the time I'm done, your brain will have come out of shock. Sound like a plan?"

Spengler nodded, this time slowly, almost gratefully, and fumbled to a seat on his lab stool. He mentally thanked every benevolent force in the universe; as this conversation was apparently inevitable, it was best that it occurred in the quiet of his lab. It was a safe place and it was private, though at that precise moment the entire firehouse was equally private as Winston and Ray had made vague noises about grocery shopping and Janine was meeting a friend for lunch.

"I guess it was two, three weeks ago. I drank too many Cokes or something while watching TV because I had to get up, hit the head, about 3 or 4 in the morning. So I stumble back to bed, still half-asleep and I notice your bed is empty. Even worse, your bed is made, looks like it hasn't been slept in. I went to the lab to drag your ass out of there but it was empty. Not even a light on. So then I figured maybe you were having trouble sleeping and I went downstairs. Nothing. Four in the morning and no sign of you anywhere. I kind of panicked for a minute, almost woke up the guys, but then I tried to remember what you'd been doing the night before and I remembered you had Philharmonic tickets or something. Swear to God, Egon, I almost called the cops right there and then. I was that convinced you got mugged or something on the way home. I had my hand on the phone when I remembered that you had two tickets to the Philharmonic and you'd taken Janine. Bam! It hit me. All those nights you said you got home late because you escorted Janine all the way back to Brooklyn, total horseshit. You were staying over. You just got up early enough that you made it home before anyone noticed you spent the night at Janine's."

"Actually, Peter," a recovered Egon corrected, "as I arrived home in the early morning hours…"

"Egon, you've been lying to me for months, maybe years. Don't compound it."

Egon rubbed the back of his neck. "Peter, I did not lie to you. I have never lied to you though I admit to a certain amount of evasion in this matter. I wished to avoid the innuendo that would accompany such a revelation. It was a new situation…"

"How new? How long have you been covering this up?"

"A desire for privacy hardly constitutes … "

"Spengler." The muscles of Peter's jaw stood out in relief as he growled the one word, both rebuke and warning.

Egon exhaled the words, "Three months." It was out and he felt shameful relief settle around his shoulders.

Peter stood, pacing. "Three months, three goddamn months you've been…" He broke off and shook his head, as if in disbelief.

"Peter," Egon paused and then continued his question in cautious tones, "if you've known or at least suspected for several weeks that Janine and I had a physical relationship, why, pray tell, did you not speak up before that incident several days ago? And why didn't you come to me directly instead of doing so in front of Winston and Ray?"

"Egon," Peter drawled impatiently, "I'm not going to tell you who you can and can't sleep with. Yeah, I admit, I was kind of pissed and a little disappointed that you didn't say anything to me but I know how private you are and since it's Janine… Well, you know I give her a hard time and all but if she made you happy I was all for it."

Bewilderment again claimed Spengler. "Then why on earth are you angry with me for doing so?"

"It was the tape, the goddamned tape." Hands jammed into the front pockets of his jeans and eyes fixed on a distant point, Peter took furious strides that ate up the raised tile floor of the lab. "Nothing had changed, Egon, except for the fact that you'd raised all of the stakes by hopping in the sack. No wonder you didn't say anything. You had to know you were behaving like a dog, a swine, the kind of guy who makes the rest of us look bad. What the hell were you…no, are you thinking?"

"I was-" Egon trailed off, quite literally flabbergasted for perhaps the first time in his life.

Peter whirled on him, eyes tossing off sparks of anger. "Let me spell it out in words that Slimer could follow. For three and a half years you dated casually. Oh, you probably swapped a few gallons of spit and maybe groped each other a little, but you kept it relatively casual. What the hell made you decide to screw her?"

Egon felt the first stirrings of anger. "There is no need for crudity and I fail to see how this is any of your business."

"Oh, it's my business, all right and Egon, I swear, you better talk to me now before this goes any further and it's completely out of control. This doesn't just affect you and Janine." Peter sighed explosively and made an obvious effort to rein in his temper. "Egon, I'm not asking what she's like in bed or for any prurient details. I just want to know what changed your mind? Is that such a deep, dark secret?"

"No," Spengler said hesitantly, exploring the question for alternative meanings and finding none. He groped for words, finding his usual grasp of vocabulary failing him. "There was no single defining moment, no sudden change of heart. As you said, we had engaged in various displays of physical affection over a period of time though we had never actually been intimate." Egon felt himself blushing and struggled for control. "Janine had more than once expressed a desire to…" Closing his eyes, he sighed and turned his face to the ceiling for anonymity. "Peter, I don't expect you to understand it but it occurred to me that my refusal to engage in a more physical relationship might be a purely selfish one."

"What!" Peter squawked, eyelids fluttering rapidly. "It was a pity fuck? Jesus Christ, I think I'm speechless." He stared at Spengler in obvious amazement. "Okay, it didn't last long but for nearly three or four whole seconds I didn't know what to think much less say."

Egon straightened his back and drew himself up on the stool he occupied. "That is a grossly inaccurate and demeaning description, Peter. I think I've said quite enough. I know that you have."

He slid from the stool and turned to exit the lab. Hands grabbed each of his upper arms and turned him back.

"Look, I'm sorry. I was just a little surprised. I didn't mean it and I apologize, Egon. God, I really am sorry."

Egon allowed himself to be turned and faced Peter at close quarters. Venkman was breathing rapidly, his eyes bright, hair disheveled but the look on his face was sincere and beseeching.

"Egon," Peter implored, tightening his grip on Spengler's arms, "please talk to me. This is really, really important. We have to talk about this."

"Why?" Egon demanded irately. "I don't see its relevance or how this involves anyone but Janine or myself."

Peter swallowed. "I promise you will. Just trust me for right now. I'm sorry, really I am. Please go on. Why did you think it was selfish?"

Spengler walked slowly to the couch and sank down onto it, resting his arms on his knees and his head in his hands. "Peter, I cannot be what Janine wants me to be. I am not in love with her. I don't expect to ever be in love with her. We go out and I enjoy her company but I know that is completely inadequate, it's not what she really wants. I cannot give her what she really wants."

Venkman nodded. "But you could give her this."

Egon sighed. "In relating it to you it sounds tawdry, as if I am justifying an activity, a decision, of which I am not proud but I assure you it was never intended that way."

"So she pursued you for three years, you kept her at arm's lengths and now you're telling me that you broke down and slept with her because that's what she wanted?" Peter stepped back a few paces, leaned against a lab table and folded his arms. "Sounds to me like you were thinking with your dick instead of your brain."

"That is entirely possible," Egon admitted reluctantly. "It seems rather outlandish to say aloud now, though at the time…"

"Yeah, well the blood was rushing in one direction. I know. Okay, let's take a step back, take it from the top. Do you love her, Egon? Love as in being in love, not love like you love a dog or your favorite PKE meter."

"Peter, really," Egon said sternly, "one does not possess emotions for inanimate objects. And the answer, as you well know, is no. Janine is a beautiful woman, bright and energetic, intelligent and vivacious. In short, she is much of what I desire but I am not in love with her. Perhaps it would be easier if I were."

"Damn straight it would. Okay." Peter rubbed his hands together as if signaling a beginning. "Egon, you're my best friend and if your best friend can't tell you when you're screwing up, who can?"

"I assume that's a rhetorical question?" Spengler asked dryly.

"Naturally. Okay, Spengs, sleeping with Janine when you don't love her and she loves you is bad. Like in crossing the streams bad. Think you can remember that?"

Egon nodded wryly as Peter prowled around the lab, picking up and putting down items at random.

"Reason number one: it's unfair to her because it keeps her tied up with you when she really should be free to find someone who can love her as fully as she loves you."

"I know," Egon admitted. "It's something we've discussed but Janine has been somewhat adamant about her desire to continue as is."

"That's because she hasn't given up on you yet and the longer you sleep with her, the longer you reinforce that expectation. You with me so far, big guy? It's basic psychology. You're reinforcing her hope even though you know it's misdirected. It's a big no-no to sleep with a woman under those circumstances. Some people would say you were using her. It's why I called you a dog and a swine…"

"Peter, I have near perfect recall. It is unnecessary to share these charming depictions with me more than once." Egon chewed at his lip and watched Peter until the other man stopped moving and met his gaze. "While I understand and essentially agree with every point you've made, each of them fails to take into consideration what Janine wants."

"You said it yourself, big guy, Janine wants more than you can give her."

Over the tops of his glasses, Egon regarded Peter solemnly. "Except in this one particular instance."

Peter dropped to a crouch in front of Spengler. "Are you being stubborn, blind, or is the sex just that good?"

Egon shook his head forcefully. "You are missing the point. Janine and I are both adults. Our decision to engage in a physical relationship is a purely personal matter. Both of us have entered it with our eyes open, fully aware that it implies only a desire to…"

"Be intimate." Peter snorted. "You said it yourself, that exact wording. That's a lot more than a little friendly or casual sex." He pushed himself to his feet but remained hovering in front of the couch.

"Peter, we are both long past the age of consent. You are implying that Janine is unable to make her own decisions, something you know very well that she'd refute. Quite angrily, I imagine."

Peter bit the inside of his lip and began pacing slowly around the nearest lab table. Egon leaned back against the couch, watching warily as Peter obviously sought and prepared a counter argument.

"Think of it this way," Peter said slowly, as if he was thinking as he spoke, "if she was drunk, would she be competent to give consent? The courts say no."

Egon scowled at the irrelevance and Peter laughed lightly, as if he had foreseen Egon's objection.

"She's in love. Trust me, sometimes that feels a lot like being drunk except there's a lot less barfing and you don't need the aspirin until you actually get married. Or so I've been told."

"An amusing analogy, Peter, and quite probably true for certain individuals," Egon said with a pointed look in Venkman's direction. "However, the effect of alcohol on brain functionality can be empirically measured and therefore can be said with some accuracy to inhibit the ability to make an informed decision. What you are suggesting is that emotion acts as a similar obstruction to rational judgment."

"Yeah, but it's hardly a novel thesis," Peter said mockingly. "Come on, Spengs, even the courts recognize this. Ever hear the phrase crime of passion?"

"Hardly applicable to these circumstances."

Peter shook his head disbelievingly. "And you're the genius. I bet your IQ is double Janine's."

Egon growled menacingly and Peter hurriedly continued.

"I didn't know anyone's IQ could be so lopsided. What was it, like a buffet? I'll have an extra serving of science brains but thanks, I'll pass on that stuff about people or feelings or emotion because any idiot can do that."

Peter's lighthearted tone didn't hide his dismay and Egon forced himself to consider the point.

"You are suggesting that I am deficient in my ability or knowledge of human relations?" At Peter's emphatic nod, Egon frowned. "I make no claims towards expertise in the field, though I hardly think I am as inept as you portray."

Peter cocked his head and narrowed his eyes as if giving the matter both serious attention and a somewhat mocking answer. Then he exhaled loudly and shifted position.

"Okay, let's look at this another way. What would happen if Janine got pregnant?" He waved off Egon's objection. "Oh, I'm not implying that she'd do it deliberately, though I wouldn't put it past her, but birth control isn't 100% reliable. Did you even think about that?"

Egon stiffened. "I assure you, we have taken more than adequate preventative measures."

"You better have," Peter said heatedly. "And you better be using a condom every goddamn time you have sex 'cause it's not just about babies, Egon…"

"Don't be ridiculous, Peter. Janine isn't…"

"No. Don't even say it because you don't know. Unless she's been tested and cleared, you don't know, she doesn't know. Hell, you weren't a virgin either and as far as I know, you've never been tested. So don't tell me it isn't an issue because I am not going to watch you die like that."

Peter's voice cracked and he turned away. Egon sat in silence, giving his friend time to recover and giving weight to the matter at hand.

"I am neither naïve nor suicidal," Egon said gravely. "Nor is Janine. The matter was discussed and preventative measures were taken."

Peter's breathing slowed and the flush faded from his face as he turned back towards the couch.

"Okay, so then we're back to the possibility of Janine getting pregnant. She's in love with you so chances are that she won't even consider an abortion and since you'd be feeling as guilty as hell, I'm willing to bet big money what would happen. You'd marry her, out of a sense of obligation, because it's the right thing to do. You'd marry someone you're not in love with because you were stupid enough to start sleeping with her in the first place. And you'd stay married for the rest of your life." Peter shook his head sadly. "Egon, I know guys like that. That's not what you want. That's not what I want to see happen to you."

"And you," Egon said indignantly, "are you in love with all of the women with whom you engage in sexual intercourse? Does the pregnancy issue not apply to you as well?"

"It's a fair question and the answer is no, I'm not in love with them but they're not in love with me either. Chances are if that happened," he looked around hastily, "knock wood it never does, we'd probably agree not to have the baby." Peter grinned sheepishly and tapped his knuckles against his own temple.

"I see. The worst case scenarios only apply to me."

"No, they don't," Peter said honestly. "But let's face it, you and I operate from different moral codes. We have different reputations and people have different expectations of us. No one would actually expect me to get married under those circumstances."

Egon swallowed, appalled and hurt on Peter's behalf. "Peter, I know that you do not take your responsibilities any less seriously than I do. No matter what persona you project, we do not operate from different moral codes."

"Yeah, well, we'll have to see about that." Peter ruffled a hand through his hair. "Anyway, we're discussing you, not me."

Egon sat quietly on the couch, mulling the discussion and allowing Peter some manner of recovery from his unprompted confession.

"It is apparent you've given this matter a great deal of thought."

"Yeah, well, sit tight 'cause I'm not done." Peter said flatly. He bit his lip and watched Spengler for a minute or two before frowning and returning to his rapid yet aimless wandering around the lab.

"The final reason? You're her boss, Egon. Her boss. Have you even considered that this opens us up to a sexual harassment suit? Has that thought penetrated that oh-so-superior brain of yours?"

Spengler blinked. Truth be told, it had not. "Peter, quite honestly, I've always considered that to be your domain."

"Sexual harassment or supervision?" Venkman grinned and then waved a hand quickly, as if to brush away what he had said. "Never mind; you're the one who's sleeping with her. This business is a partnership, Egon, and Janine works for all of the partners. No court in New York – hell, in the freakin' United States! -is going to excuse you from that responsibility just because you like to stay in your lab and play with your mold."

Spengler shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "I am not unaware of the potential repercussions, Peter, but Janine is hardly likely to exact that sort of retribution."

"Bullshit she won't! What the hell are you thinking? You're usually not this clueless, you usually think with your brain, Egon…"

"Unlike a significant number of others of my gender, present company included."

"Yeah, go ahead, take a crack at me. None of my ex-girlfriends have the means to bankrupt the business, not to mention the impact on your patent rights. Are they listed under the corporation's name or yours?"

Egon blanched. "The corporation. You know that."

"Shit." Peter frowned and kicked angrily at the bottom of the nearest lab table. "Not that it makes a difference because if she goes that route, she'll name you and the corporation, if not all of us. Maybe you should list all future patent applications under your mother's name. Can you do that?"

"Peter, I still think the likelihood…"

"If she gets fed up and quits, or when we get fed up and fire her, she's got us by the balls. If she doesn't like her raise or her performance review, she can say it's because she's not sleeping with you anymore."

"Peter, this is Janine!" Egon finally shouted, exasperated. "Janine, who cares about all of us, not just me. Janine, who has gone into dangerous, potentially fatal situations, on our behalf. She may well have cause to be angry with me, and perhaps with you…"

"Perhaps?" Peter snorted.

"…but do you really think it likely that she would take any action to harm the business, much less Winston or Ray? Do you think she is even capable of doing anything like that?"

Peter's eyelashes fluttered as he studied his feet, frowning.

"I didn't think so," Egon concluded with a shaking sigh.

"Pretty impressive defense, Spengs," Peter said, blatantly provocative. "Sure you're not in love?"

"No," Egon said with a tremendous sadness that nearly drowned him. "She is a wonderful woman and I may well be a fool, but I am not in love with her."

Peter heaved a mighty sigh and walked over to the couch. "Push over." He sat next to his friend, shoulders touching, in quiet contemplation. They sat in silence, listening as the heat of the day finally broke under an onslaught of summer rain.

"It's not whether I think she'd sue us, Spengs," Peter said quietly, staring at his sneakers. "Because you're right. She does love us, all of us, and she knows we care about her and we'd never do anything to intentionally hurt her. But that's not the thing. She can do it. Even if she doesn't, even if I don't think she will, she can. It's a risk that's hanging over the business now and you put that risk there."

"Which explains your anger with me." Egon said with rigid control, fully aware of the magnitude of Peter's disappointment. I let him down, Egon thought morosely. I've let everyone down.

Peter smiled quickly, a flash of lighting in a subdued expression. "I think I said pissed or enraged or something. I don't think anger cuts it."

"Peter, I'd like to think that we've never given Janine cause to think or feel…"

"No, we haven't and we're not going to," Peter interrupted. "Maybe you forget but I used to date a lawyer who specialized in real sexual harassment cases and trust me, most of that stuff is real. Completely intolerable environments and quid pro quo arrangements. That's not happening here. But there are a lot of lawyers with the morals of that dead rat Janine left under my desk and just the fact that you were sleeping with her could be twisted and used against us."

"Were?" Egon said with a raised eyebrow.

Peter turned and eyed him, then shrugged. "That's up to you, Egon. You fucked up pretty badly, you know."

"Yes, I believe I am beginning to see your point," Egon said dryly.

"You can't undo what you did. Not unless that gate to the Netherworld lets you turn back time about three or four months. But you can fix what you can."

Spengler leaned forward over his knees and rested his chin in his hands, sighing almost despondently. "Janine deserves better," he concluded. "All of you do."

He felt the weight of an arm around his shoulder and while he knew it was given in comfort and reassurance, it reminded him only of his obligations, his failed obligations to the people he loved.

"You're not the first guy to screw up," Peter said, almost gently. "You won't be the last. You just do it a little more spectacularly than most."

Egon sniffed. "Surely your expertise in this area exceeds mine."

"That's better," Peter said, with a light squeeze of Egon's shoulder. "That sounds like the Egon Spengler I know. Just fix what you can, okay? And please don't call me Shirley."

Finis

A/N: I know this story will never be popular with E/J shippers but Egon lives a life of the mind and Janine lives a life of the heart and I can see him rationalizing himself into this type of situation, illogical thought it is, because he is less connected to his emotional side.