A/N: *Peeks around the corner*….Been a minute. See you at the bottom
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!
Chapter 41
EPOV
Epilogue
As unfortunate as it sounds, I have to put my hand over her mouth to keep her quiet.
It's still pretty early. The sun is just peaking up over the horizon, and I am buried deep within my wife. She's having a hard time keeping her moans to a minimum. With every thrust I make inside of her, her voice rises another octave.
"Faster!" She's panting rolling her hips in a tantalizing way that my eyes roll back in my head. I comply to her wish because, why not. Whatever she wants she gets. She loves when I take her from behind. I have control over her pleasure which turns her on even more; at least that's what she likes to whisper in my ear when she's being naughty. The hornier she is, the wetter she becomes and that my friend's is the best fucking feeling ever.
"You're driving me crazy." I rasp out slowing down just a little to rub my hands over her skin. She looks back at me biting that damn lip, driving me crazier…
"I need you baby." She whimpered. "I need you to make me cum. I want to cum all over you."
My dirty talking girl…
I give her what she wants, and I give it to her hard. She tenses, her walls tighten and just like that we reach the point of no return. That all-consuming explosion of our bodies having been joined as one rising high above the earth. She cries out throwing her head back in ecstasy, and all I can do is hold tight and crash with her.
I love morning sex.
When I've caught my breath I move from behind her leaving her boneless in the middle of our bed as I run to the bathroom to grab a towel to clean us both off. "Mmmm, thank you baby." She snuggles into my arms when I've finished making her comfortable.
I kiss her forehead. "You never have to thank me." I consider it a privilege.
We lay silently, basking in the afterglow of our love making. I smile thinking about today. It's a big day for my girl and I know she's nervous. She's been on edge with wanting everything to be perfect that I sometimes have to remind her that she's not in any condition to stress. Bella's need to be perfect in everything she puts her mind to has been the glitch in our otherwise happy relationship. No matter how much I remind her that she will make mistakes because she's human and we all make them, it drives her even harder to prove herself.
I can admire that. Sometimes I wish I had as much drive as she does. My job as a physical therapist requires a certain level of that, but also patience. I've had to develop the kind of patience that makes people comfortable enough to keep coming back for rehabilitation. With Bella, it's always about pushing harder. Never settling for less…If there's not a level of stress associated with whatever project she is doing this week, then she'll take on more.
She needs her rest though so I fill in whenever, and wherever I can. It makes things…very interesting.
I hear the familiar creaking of the floor outside of our bedroom door, which means someone is awake and looking for food. I look down at Bella and see she's fast asleep. Yeah, she's not going to be any help right now. I hoist myself from her side to only have her reach for me.
"Where are you going?" Is muffled by her pillow.
"If I don't catch them before they get into the cereal we're going to have a repeat performance of last week." Let's just say there was milk and frosted flakes everywhere…
Her eyes popped open and she sighed. "Please make sure Claire doesn't dunk her head in the sugar again. We should probably start getting ready anyway." She was saying this, but she hadn't moved from the spot I'd left her. Smirking, I plant a smacking kiss on her lips and leave her. She'll get up eventually.
I take the stairs two at a time which at my age is a feat in its own.
Things have not always been easy… But then, is anything ever easy with Bella?
The ring had been burning a hole in my pocket for three weeks. Each time I thought "here's my chance" I'd mess it up, or Bella would mess it up. Not on purpose, she didn't know I wanted to propose. Things would come up and she would be pulled in a different direction with how busy her life had been. Using the money Peter left her to give back to a community that wasn't always kind. It brought her so much happiness to help, and I loved seeing her growth. It seemed she had finally found her calling and I was so proud…She was the most beautiful person in the world to me inside and out, and I think she was starting to feel that way too.
That brings me back to the ring. She made me promise that I would think long and hard about forever with her. Three years into our relationship and I was more than ready to make her Mrs. Cullen. Hell, if I had things my way she would have been my wife the first moment she stepped back into my life. She's been so amazing with Claire. It was as if she hadn't missed two years of her daughter's life. The bond between a mother and her child is something beautiful to behold, it's the kind of love that everyone should experience. I know that I did, but my Bella didn't. She'd had the exact opposite, so to see her being such an amazing mother to her baby is just…I am in awe of this woman, and with this ring I'm going to make her my wife.
"Baby?" She's massaging my scalp with her fingertips. Probably not a good thing since I'm driving. We're heading over to my parent's house to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. Emmett and I had to reel Alice in or she would have thrown a lavish soiree at some swanky place that cost an arm and a leg. Mom and dad just wanted a nice dinner at home with their children and grandchildren so Em had the head cook from Bella Italia come over and cook some of their favorites. It's going to be a good night. Great food, great company, and hopefully a yes from the beautiful woman deliciously kissing on my neck.
"Bella…. As much as I love you being a naughty girl, we don't have time to pull the car over." And we also have a child in the backseat. Claire is oblivious to us as surely she's gotten used to our affection for each other.
"I was just thinking about earlier." She bit her lip.
She's referring to earlier as we were getting ready for tonight. She had teased me mercilessly to the point where I followed her into the shower and gave her the ride of her life. She's had this dreamy look in her eyes ever since and it's taking major will power not claim her again.
The little minx.
Sex with Bella is mind blowing. I can't remember ever wanting someone as much as I want her all of the time.
Everyone is in high spirits when we walk in. Mom and dad have been hitting the champagne a little hard and Em is challenging them to a dance off. My dad is doing a horrible rendition of the cabbage patch when they notice us.
"I'm so glad you guys made it." Mom tackled me. I glare at Alice who is having the time of her life laughing at our parents.
"Happy anniversary." I hug her back.
"Thank you sweetheart. Look at my beautiful girls." I leave Bella to deal with my clingy mother and greet the rest of the family.
Not long after we are sitting around the dinner table to an Italian feast fit for royalty. The glasses of bubbly are flowing; everyone is enjoying celebrating my parents. I notice Bella is a little quiet so I grab her hand to get her attention.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." She shakes her head, but I can tell something is really bothering her. She seemed to be fine before we came. She's barely touched her food.
"Mom! I have to pee!" Claire is wiggling in her seat. Bella giggles and gets up to take her. I volunteer but she tells me to stay. And for good measure she kissed me so that I would keep my butt in my seat.
"I hope all of you are staying here tonight. No drinking and driving." Mom looks around the table.
"I'm not drunk." Alice offered, following that with a hiccup. She's sloshed. Jasper laughs at his wife and assures us they will stay. Plus, the kids were winding down.
Emmett and the twins are stuffing their faces as if they have no home training. Poor Rose, I know she must hate grocery shopping for them. It's almost like Emmett gave birth to them the way they act and look just like him.
The evening has been so divine; I can't really remember a time where we were all together like this and celebrating a milestone in the family. Our lives are chaotic with children and jobs and just day to day things that sometimes pull you this way and that; you forget how just having dinner with the people you love brings you back down to earth. I can genuinely say I love all of the people around me. No family is perfect, and through the years we have definitely been at odds with each other. But isn't that what family is about? They love you when you're up, and they love you harder when you're down. If it weren't for my parents sticking beside me when I wanted to give up…if it weren't for my brother and sister kicking my ass in to shape, I'd still be that lonely guy too afraid to leave his home and live again.
And if it hadn't been for Bella, putting me through all the heartache and bullshit, we would have never found our way back to each other.
She re-enters the room and the glow around her is majestic. She's always been beautiful to me, but even more now it seems since she's found her niche in life. I don't know where the urgency comes from but as soon as she's next to me I spring into action…
"ATTENTION! ATTENTION EVERYONE!" I tap the side of my wineglass with my knife. "I have an announcement." The liquid courage running through my veins has me out of my seat.
"First, I want to say happy anniversary to the best parents in the world. I don't know where I would be without you guys. Thank you for all the years of love and sacrifice. You both have been such an inspiration not only to me, but to our family….And speaking of family, Bella," I hold out my hand for her. She looked up at me with wide eyes but took my hand and stood. I could already hear the excited squeals around the table.
"Bella, love of my life…Will you do me the extreme honor of being my wife?" I drop to one knee and present the ring.
It's like all the air rushed out of the room, you could hear a pin drop…
"Umm," she takes a step back, then another. Her eyes are wide with shock, but not the good kind. She suddenly looks grief stricken and I immediately deflate. Did I read the situation wrong? I thought…I thought…
"Bella?"
She's shaking her head. "I…I…I'm sorry." She turns and bolts out of the room.
I'm still down on my knee, ring in hand, and utterly horrified.
"Edward sweetheart," I hear my mom begin, but I stand and stagger out in the same direction Bella left.
She's not running so I'm able to catch up with her outside on my parent's patio.
"What the hell!" I grab her wrist. "Why did you just storm out like that?"
"I…I panicked."
"Panicked?! I'm down on one knee asking you to marry me and you panic! Don't you love me?"
"Yes!"
"Don't you want to be with me?"
"Yes I want all of that but…" She begins to cry, and I slowly feel like shit.
"But what?"
"I'm scared." She threw her hands into the air.
"Why? Don't you know you have nothing to be afraid of now? We've been together for three years, why are you still afraid of me?"
"No, it's not you. I love you I just, everything is happening so fast." She's pacing back and forth in front of me. Each time I reach for her she evades me.
"Can you stop speaking in code and tell me what the hell is the problem? I've been holding on to this ring waiting for the right moment to ask you, and you just run out on me."
"How the fuck was I supposed to know you were going to propose! I'm overwhelmed Edward! I'm sorry you can't see that right now but I'm not trying to do this on purpose. I wish you wouldn't have done this in front of your family because I really needed to talk to you about something."
"What? What is so important that you couldn't hold off until later."
"I'm pregnant!"
I stepped back, immediate shock swept through every muscle in my body.
"I wanted to tell you before we got here but you wouldn't let me get a word in. If I had known you were going to propose I probably would have taken it better, but baby I'm a ball of nerves over here and I feel like running for the hills."
"You're pre…"
"I tried so hard. I took my pill when I was supposed to. I don't know how it happened but I swear I didn't do this to trap you."
"Why would you feel that way?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. Old habits die hard."
"Baby, can't you see how head over heels in love I am with you? How in love I have been with you since the moment we met?"
"I never wanted this though! I can't go through another pregnancy."
"Wait, what are you saying?"
She exhaled. "I don't know."
"Are you planning to get an abortion?"
"…I won't lie to you."
I grabbed her. "Why would you do that! To me? To us? You would really kill a child we made because you're selfish?"
"I thought about it for a second. Sure I do alright with Claire but it's just one of her. She was supposed to be an only child. I never wanted more children."
"Not even when you knew I wanted more?" I felt myself sinking before I realized my knees had given out. To hear those words come from her lips, it's the lowest dig I think she's ever used.
"I'm sorry Edward. I try…I try every day to be the woman that you need, the mother Claire needs. But I feel like a failure. I can't help it. It's up here." She points to her head. "The moment I feel at peace with my life, I hear those fucking animals whispering in my ear. Telling me I will never be free of them. That I'm too damaged…And I believe them." Tears streamed down her face.
"Bella-"
"I've been going back to my therapist. She was thinking about putting me on anti-depressants but I kept telling her that I could do it myself. So I threw myself into helping at the homeless shelter and I threw myself into being the perfect mother and girlfriend when all the while I'm fighting this fucking never ending battle with these memories inside of my head."
I never noticed her struggling. I assumed she was better now…
"I had a really bad day last week so I called my therapist and told her that I wanted to try the anti-depressants. Before I got them I made an appointment with my doctor because I wasn't feeling well, and she told me I'm pregnant."
I was stunned by how irrational she sounded while speaking about what she's been going through. How could I have missed it? I thought I was more attuned with her moods now that we have been together for so long; she's had bad days before, but nothing like this. "Why didn't you tell me any of this? I could have helped."
She grabbed my face and came down to my level. "Because, I'm tired of fucking up your life Edward. You've been so happy…I don't want to cause you anymore pain, no more than I already have. So I've hidden all of this from you so that you could continue to live in bliss. You deserve that much!"
"You should have let me BE THERE FOR YOU!" There was a brief pause where I noted the shift in her eyes, that guilty look I've seen more times than I want to admit. "You've kept me in the dark! How is that fair?…I would have never left you behind because you can't get your shit together. Do you think I've had it easy this whole time? What kind of man would I be to leave you when shit gets tough? I LOVE you Bella, don't you get it! I love everything about you…The good, the bad and the fucking ugly."
I want to shake her for making me so furious; for her to even think such a thing is a slap to the face. But I do the only thing I can do right now, and that's get up and walk away.
"Edward." She was crying so hard she can barely get my name to pass her lips. All I hear is her begging me not to go. I'm not leaving, I just need a minute to myself. If I don't walk away I might say something that will hurt her; and even though I feel betrayed I won't do that. I won't hurt her even though I'm always on the receiving end of her pain.
That was a rough patch that wasn't easy to get over. We couldn't just put a band aid over the wound and hope it would heal; it literally took some time for me to forgive her. I internalized a lot of my feelings because of how delicate the situation was. She was pregnant and didn't know if she wanted to keep it, and in all honesty I couldn't tell her what to do with her body. That was my child in her womb, but if she truly felt she couldn't do it…
Well it didn't turn out that way in the end. In fact, quite the opposite. Bella didn't give up like I expected her to. She set up therapy meetings for us where she actually wanted to talk and tell me things that the old Bella would have kept bottled up. She was vocal about her setbacks, about her memories and her short comings. I had seen her vulnerability many times but I can't say I had ever seen her like this…It was tragically beautiful.
In the end, I'm not expecting perfection…All I want is my family.
Speaking of which, I knock on my daughter's door.
She opens it with a huff. "Dad! I don't want to wear this!"
I look down at her pretty pink dress and smile. At seven, Claire thinks she has the world figured out. She's a mini Bella with the attitude to match. Over the years she's grown to look more like her mother, with a little of her biological father thrown in. She's a beautiful girl.
Bella calls her a diva. I just think it's cute.
"And why not? Your Aunt Alice bought you that dress."
"Why does it always have to be so itchy, and poofy? It's like she's trying to turn me into a ballerina or something." I'm pretty sure that's what my sister is always trying to do.
"You said you liked it when she brought it over last week."
"I only said it so she wouldn't cry. Remember last time I didn't like something she gave me, she cried for hours." I ruffle her curls, she's so dramatic. The life of a seven-year-old is hard…
"Yeah but she was pregnant then. She's not pregnant now." Alice was a little ball of sadness with her second pregnancy. If you looked at her wrong she would cry.
"Doesn't matter. I heard Uncle Jasper talking to Meme about how Aunt Alice is always wailing in the bathroom." She pursed her lips looking more like her mother.
"You need to stay out of adult conversations missy." I don't know how many times I have to tell her to stop eavesdropping when she's at my parents' house. Last time she heard something she shouldn't have and almost caused Rosalie to kill Emmett. It was kind of funny watching him running for his life as his wife ran after him with a hammer.
My Claire Bear, things were so much easier when she would look at me with those big brown eyes and toddle over, clutching my legs because she wasn't sure on her feet yet. I miss blowing raspberries on her chubby cheeks. I miss rocking her to sleep.
She's a big girl now…sometimes I forget that.
I was picking Claire up from school. Kindergarten was an exciting time for our girl. The first day Bella and I dropped Claire off in her class both of us couldn't fight the tears. My little miracle baby was growing up and we were powerless to stop it. Time was a cruel bitch…
She absolutely loved her teacher and her new friends. Not a day went by that she wasn't filling us in on the happenings of her Kindergarten class. Everything from little Timmy digging in his nose for gold because his dad told him that better be the only reason he had his finger so far up there, to little Tina and her mix-match socks she wore every day.
I spotted her curly mane running toward me, eyes bright and arms wide ready to jump into mine. I hope she knows that no matter how big she may get daddy will always be waiting with open arms to catch her.
"How was show and tell?" I kissed her forehead and helped her into her booster seat.
"It was ok." Came her soft voice.
"Just ok?"
Claire became quiet. A little too quiet considering how we normally can't get her to stop talking.
"What's wrong?"
She shrugged. "Nothin."
"C'mon, tell your dad what's up."
Her class was given a chance to show pictures and talk about their families. Claire had been so excited to show her class the family portraits we had taken a couple weeks' prior with her new baby brother.
She was proud.
"It's just, the kids were picking on me."
"What were they saying?"
She glanced away with a frown. "…They teased me cause I don't look like you. They kept saying you're not my dad."
I was completely baffled by her words. "Don't listen to them sweetheart. I'm your dad. I've been your dad since you were born."
"But you're not my real dad. Jacob is."
I was hoping we would never have to have this conversation. It stings a little sometimes when someone tells you to your face the opposite of what you feel so sure of in your heart. No, I'm not her biological father…We don't share the same DNA, but she's my daughter and no one can take that away.
She must have seen the look on my face and knew she hit a sore spot. "I heard you and mommy fighting about it."
"How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of grownup conversations."
She rolled her eyes. "You guys were yelling and it woke me up!"
Bella and I have had arguments about Jacob's rights as the biological father of Claire. For a moment he was threatening to take us to court to get joint custody because he felt he was mature enough to be a dad to Claire. We met and talked about everything and still Jacob wouldn't back down. He was so sure; meanwhile Bella and I were worried about how this might negatively affect Claire. She didn't know Jacob that well because he didn't come around much. It seemed he only wanted to see her when it was convenient. His girlfriend Leah was there by his side but I could tell it bothered her that he wouldn't allow her to have any say. She was a nice girl but she was young too, definitely not equipped enough to help her boyfriend raise a little girl.
I understood that he felt that he had never signed away his rights because he didn't know anything about her until way after she was born but, it made no sense for him to come around and start demanding to see her when he hadn't even been alone in a room with her. That is a lot to put on a kid especially when they don't understand what's really going on. I won't let him hurt her, no matter what he thinks he's capable of; he won't shoot in and out of my daughter's life. Jacob isn't stable. He's still growing up…Hell he can't even keep a job for more than a few months without being fired or quitting for one reason or another. Last I heard he'd gotten into a brawl at the auto mechanic he worked at and was arrested. The kid is digging his own grave and Claire doesn't need to be involved.
"Does this mean you don't love me as much as you love Elijah?"
I feel that she's too young to really understand, but when she gets older we will have that serious talk. Right now I just want her to stay my little princess. I don't want her to ever hurt.
"That's not true at all."
"But he's your real son…" Her big brown eyes filled with tears. I hadn't pulled away from her school yet, and most of the kids and parents were gone.
I searched for the right words to say…What do you tell a child who knows the truth and is hurting because of it. It's not her fault. I could blame Bella for being so negligent all those years ago and inadvertently bringing this on Claire but then what good would that do? It happened and it can't be taken back.
I got out of the car and walked around to open the door where Claire sat crying her precious eyes out. I unbuckled her seatbelt and grabbed her into my arms, kissing her forehead and rubbing her back. She immediately relaxes her hiccup sobbing and hugged me back.
"I'm gonna be your daddy forever ok. I love you so much. No one will ever take you away from me. I won't let them."
"Promise?" Was muffled into my shirt.
"I promise."
"But," She shifted back to look up at me. "What if one day you have to pick between us?" She looked so much like her mother I almost smiled. When Bella cried her face became more pinched and splotchy. Her eyes bloodshot and nose runny, hiccupping as she tried to explain whatever it was bothering her. I would do to her just as I am doing to Claire, take her in my arms to calm her down. Reassuring both of them that it is the safest place to be.
"Sweetheart, that won't happen. I have loved you since the moment I held you in my arms when you were born. That love has only grown…Don't listen to those kids. They don't understand and they don't have to. All I care about is you Claire. If I didn't have you then I wouldn't have learned how to be a good dad. You taught me how to be a good person just because you exist…I love you ok, stop crying." I wipe her tears and kiss her forehead once more.
She gave me a watery smile. "Ok."
"That's my girl. Now, let's go get some ice cream." I buckle her back in.
"Mom said I can't have any before dinner."
"That's why it's our secret."
I drive to our favorite ice cream stand and get two scoops of vanilla with sprinkles. With no trace of tears or sadness left we dig in to our treat. I text Bella to let her know we made a stop so she won't worry.
On the way home, I hear a sleepy declaration from the backseat. "I love you daddy."
A smile splits my face. "I love you more."
Sitting on the porch, I take in the scenery of late Summer. I've always loved my home, but never so much as when the seasons are changing. For years I would sit on the steps of this porch and daydream, mostly about where my life was heading; my goals, my wants and desires. Never thinking that I would still be here on these steps but this time daydreaming about how utterly complete I am. How I have been blessed to be doing a job that I love. To have my family who I am devoted to and that devotion is what drives me each and every day.
Where would I be had I not picked Bella up that night?
…I don't know. That's no longer my reality. I'm not alone; I no longer blame myself for things that were out of my control. I no longer wonder what could have been, what should have been. My eyes are set on the future.
The pitter patter of little feet come flying toward me. In a second I turn around to catch my rambunctious two year old son. Elijah Anthony Cullen for lack of a better word is me reincarnate. Bella claims he looks so much like me I should have carried him for nine months. I would have gladly if I could. She had a hard pregnancy which caused a lot of stress for the both of us. I wanted to keep her in a cocoon and she fought me at every turn.
"I'm not a fucking invalid!" She would seethe at me.
I was just so nervous. I worried myself ragged. Every show of morning sickness or pain had me rushing to her side, treating her as if she were the most fragile thing in the world. She was, at least to me. I couldn't touch her romantically either. It reminded me of when she was pregnant with Claire and how I was terrified to have sex with her because I thought I would hurt the baby. Well, that fear was back but amplified when she was pregnant with Elijah. Bella would get so mad at me she would force me to sleep on the couch.
I did, I was glad to.
When her water broke one night in the middle of making dinner we were confident in making it to the hospital. If judging by her labor with Claire we knew that it was better to leave right away then wait around. Well, we almost made it. Our baby boy made his grand entrance in the backseat of our car. I caught him in my own two hands.
What a day that was.
"How's my boy!"
He babbled something and slapped at my face.
I love having a son.
Elijah is a character all his own. Things were complicated in the beginning because he was so attached to his mother and it took a while before he would let me hold him long enough without crying. I was a little put out by that, but it didn't make me love him any less. Now, he can't be separated from me.
His hair is as red as mine was at his age. He's pretty tall too, definitely showing off those Cullen genes.
"Daddy, are we leaving now?" Claire stepped outside in her cute, simpler, dress I'm sure Bella picked out to quell her worries.
"Just waiting for mommy."
She came to sit next to me and her brother. She laid her head on my arm and stared out over the yard.
We have shared so many great times in this house…
I think the memory that sticks out most is the day Bella surprised me with the best gift ever.
Work was tiring and I was more than ready to get home. Bella was home with the kids. Elijah kept her on her toes most days; she was so tired I hardly saw her before she'd fall asleep. She didn't trust herself at first with both of them on her own. With a five year old and a new born she was stressed. But she seemed happy. We still made weekly visits to her therapist.
I think she's been doing amazing.
When I got home I noticed my parent's car, as well as my brother and sister's cars parked in front of the house. There was a soft glow coming from inside and since the sun was setting it looked peaceful.
I wasn't exactly looking forward to a house full of people when I all wanted to do was crash. However, when I stepped inside my dad greeted me at the door dressed in a tux. The house was decorated in shades of blue. Flowers seemed to cover every inch. The furniture had been moved and my family waiting, all dressed up.
"What's going on?"
"Welcome home son. I was told to give you this." He pushed an envelope into my hand. I looked around at everyone confused but opened the letter.
Baby…I know you are probably confused right now. Everything is ok. I just want to show you how much I love you.
Go to Alice.
It's from Bella obviously. I notice that she's nowhere in sight. I look at my sister who is beaming from ear to ear. She's wearing a fancy pale blue dress and standing next to her is dapper looking Jasper holding their son. She's holding another envelope in her hands. I walk over where she stands on her tippy toes to kiss my cheek before handing it to me.
How long has it been now? Six years that we've known each other? That may not seem like a long time to most, but when you think about us unfortunately it seems more like a lifetime. There was a time I resented you…Almost hated you for saving me. No one would understand what you did for me that day you brought me to your home. That was the day it became my home too…
Go to Rosalie.
I'm less confused now and more intrigued by this little game. Obviously my Bella had something up her sleeve. When I called her earlier she seemed very secretive when I asked what she was doing. She even told me not to come home for my lunch break, and if I did she would kick me out of the house. Now I see that she was planning something.
I walk toward my brother and sister in law and the twins. They were more subdued than I've ever seen them. My brother claps me on the back with a huge grin. Rosalie gives me a hug and hands me the envelope.
The people standing in this room represent love and devotion. Because of their selflessness, I was able to trust people again. And though we've had our fights, many, many fights I never have to question how they feel about us. Without knowing it, they were the blueprint of what I wanted to be for you. I want to be as fierce as Rosalie, protective as Alice, and kind like Esme. I want to have quiet patience like Carlisle, bring laughter like Emmett, and as wise as Jasper. Your family is my family now, and they have shown me how to love you.
Go to Claire
Claire wass sitting on the couch in the lap of Charlie Swan. Next to him was Jacob smiling bright at something she's saying. When she saw me she jumped out of her grandpa's lap and right into my arms.
"Hi daddy."
"Hey baby girl. Do you have something for me?"
"Yes." She hands me another envelope.
"Mommy said it's a surprise." She whispered before getting back down. Charlie shook my hand and Jacob gave his customary head nod. We're not friends by any means but, I try for Claire's sake.
You didn't have to adopt my baby. When I was too heartless to love her, you stepped in and did it without complaint. What kind of man does that? A man who took a lost, scared girl off the street and made her see that she could have the world too, if only she believed in herself. And when I left you, there was never a day when you were not on my mind. I regret every moment of my stupidity. You've heard it all before but I will tell you again, you didn't have to do any of it, but you did. And in turn you inspire me to be just as amazing.
Go to Elijah
Tears were starting to weigh my eyes down but I kept it together in front of everyone. Mom was holding Elijah in the corner of the room talking to Bella's Aunt Katie, or Mary as she prefers. I always liked her.
Mom gave me a watery smile and turned a sleeping baby toward me with an envelope held in his little fingers. I kiss his forehead before taking it.
Not that I ever thought that I could do this on my own or that I didn't need you or you didn't need me, but I know that I need you so much and we need each other to run this house and this family. There is a lot to look after and a lot to do for one person, but aside from that, there are just things that I do not have in my DNA to share with the kids when they need it and the reverse is probably true as well. Look what we made together. Our baby boy, your son. I will work every day to give you the world Edward.
Come find me…
I looked around, wiping the wetness from my eyes, searching for my beloved Bella. My brother signaled upstairs…Of course. Our room
Not our bedroom. The room where it all started. The room I brought her to all those years ago and kept her like an animal because I thought I was keeping her safe. I don't really go in that room too much and since we have our kids now it's more of a storage. I run upstairs and down the hall to where I know she is. I can feel her presence.
I open the door and there she's standing, right in front of the window facing the apple tree. I remember her always doing that but now it has more meaning. When she turns to me, I don't know if she's ever been so beautiful. Standing there in an Ivory gown that curved around her body so beautifully. Her hair was down around her in curls and at the top of her head, a crown of blue flowers. She looked stunning…
"Bella." I breathed stuck in place at the door. My brain wouldn't connect with the rest of my body. I couldn't move.
"Hey baby." She smiled.
"What's all of this?"
"You have one more letter." She walked slowly toward me and took my hand pulling me into the room. All I want to do is grab her and kiss her, but I do as I am told and open the last letter.
I want us to feel the freedom to express our needs and our hurts without ever having to raise the tone of our voices. I want us to fight for our love and never consider being apart as the answer to a problem. I want to grow with you, deep into the autumn of our lives. I never want us to forget to hold hands when we walk together. I want to tell you that being with you is simply the best way for me to spend my life. And I want you to know that I love you today and for all my tomorrows….
Will you marry me?
I was speechless.
When I looked at her she had a ring box in her hand. She got down on one knee and presented it to me.
"What are you doing?"
She playfully rolled her eyes. "I think it should be obvious."
"Aren't I the one who should be down on one knee?"
"I think I owe you something for a change." She shrugged.
"Bella, please get up." I pulled her up to her feet. "You planned all of this?"
"Yes. And if you agree, we will be married today."
"Today?"
"Yes. I have your clothes right there. I will be waiting down for you at the alter. It's up to you." She began to walk away but I pulled her back.
She was really serious.
I kiss her."I'll meet you there."
And like that we were married in a quiet ceremony in the living room of our home. With just our family, a few friends and our children. It was beautiful. I couldn't have planned it better myself.
We've been living in wedded bliss ever since.
Well, maybe not bliss, but you get the idea. I'm happy, she's happy. Our children are happy…What more could we ask for?
"Cmon babe we're going to be late!"
"Coming!" I could hear her stomping down the stairs cursing under her breath. When she appeared I smiled at the disgruntled look on her face.
"I can only move so fast." She walked passed me to the car.
Her waddle was so cute. Oh I forgot to mention, my wife was currently housing our newest additions to the family. That's right, twins!
Bella swore that after Elijah was born we were done. That's not what God had planned for us though. If I had it my way, we would fill the house with babies but Bella will kill me if I even suggest adding more after the twins. I think four is a good number…We'll see.
The day she found out she was pregnant again was actually quite comical. We'd had a long talk about birth control options since she didn't trust the pill anymore. I finally agreed to the idea of the IUD that guaranteed she wouldn't get pregnant for five years. I figured it was a sacrifice I had to make, although I wanted more kids sooner than five years. She wouldn't let up on it so I had to let bygones be bygones.
I went with her to her appointment. I can still remember the look on her Gynecologist face. "Well Mrs. Cullen, I don't think we'll be able to give you the IUD today, or anytime soon for that matter."
"What do you mean?" Bella asked, but I already knew.
I started laughing, loudly. My super sperm had beaten her to the punch. Bella threatened to skin me alive. And when we found out we were having twins, she tried to strangle me. Regardless, this has been a fairly easy pregnancy for her. I can't see how, I mean, there's two babies in there rolling around. I love when she's asleep and I am cuddling with her, I put my hand beneath her shirt and marvel at the way her stomach flutters. I would do this with Elijah too but back then Bella couldn't stand me to touch her sometimes. With this pregnancy she's more clingy, only being able to sleep if I'm there stroking her skin. I find her so irresistible; we're always trying to find new and exciting sex positions as she has expanded. We've got about another month or so before I think she'll be too uncomfortable.
I'm just enjoying the ride.
We haven't found out what we are having yet, deciding to be surprised once she gave birth. We have also planned to have a water birth here at the house if possible. With her track record we won't make it to the hospital.
"Everyone all buckled in and ready to go?" I look to make sure the kids are buckled in as Bella struggles to get her seatbelt around her belly. I hear her click it in place and kiss her before we take off.
We are headed to a celebration. Not just any celebration…It's my wife's celebration.
The Swan Foundation is a non-for-profit private organization Bella with a few colleagues helped bring to fruition that will provide underprivileged youth and adults who are homeless and living on the street with proper housing, necessities, and education. It supports a full staff of like-minded individuals who want the best for others. The money Bella received from Peter Dwyer was a blessing in disguise. While the money itself serves as a reminder of the horror Bella faced at the hands of Peter, it has done more good than we could have ever expected. We have not used any of that money for our own personal gain but rather donated it to charity and also in helping build the foundation. This is Bella's passion project. The space Peter left will now house the Swan Foundation and its associates.
The first of many ventures I'm sure to come.
Bella, the kids and I are greeted enthusiastically by each person invited to celebrate the opening. Really, they're all here to see Bella so with a kiss to her temple I let the crowd steal her away. My family is standing by the food table talking to guests when I make my way over.
Claire being the oldest cousin of the group is immediately swarmed by her little cousins who love her. Elijah is itching to go with his sister so I let him free. I just hope he doesn't break anything.
"Ed my man! Nice to finally see your ass." Emmett, the ever loud giant asshole lives to embarrass me. Even with a plate piled high with food he never ceases to amaze me.
I hug my parents and sisters and greet Charlie before jabbing Emmett in the stomach almost making him drop his food. That's what he gets for being a dick.
"This came together so beautifully. Aren't you so proud of her?" Mom kissed my cheek.
I look over the crowd and spot Bella speaking to one of the local news anchors. She looked so happy and in high spirits. This was her moment; of course I am over the moon.
She's stopped several times for interviews and pictures, pulling me and the kids into a few of them. Before long a DJ started playing music and everyone happily joined in on the dancing. The highlight being Bella's killer dance moves when Nelly's "Hot in Herre" came on. She worked me over so good I whispered in her ear that there would be a repeat performance of this when we got home, minus the clothes.
"Speech!"
"Yeah Bella, Speech!"
She'd been dreading having to say anything much less give a speech in front of people who supported what she was doing for the community. I urge her up on stage and promised to stay right where she could see me, just in case she needed me, you know.
Grabbing the mic she cleared her throat. "Thank you all so much for coming out tonight." Bella nervously smoothed her hand down her dress. She looked beautiful in simple cream that hugged her heavily pregnant figure, accompanied with matching ballet flats because her ankles are swollen. She glowed, radiant beauty that stunned the crowd, or maybe just me.
"This has been a long time coming. I have so many people to thank, but first I want to share my story with you." Everyone waited with baited breath as she continued. "I was fourteen years old when I became a prostitute. I had grown up in a home where I was raped and beaten, and discarded. No one loved me, no one cared that I was hurting." Her voice cracked. I can't imagine how hard it is to share something this personal with a room full of people who either don't know her that well, or do know her but not to this extent. I want to go to her side as the first tear falls from her eye, however this is her moment. If she needs me, she will let me know.
"So the first opportunity I could get away I ran, and I ran for a long time. My life took many twists and turns. Again I was used and discarded. No one loved me, no one cared. I was lost, until I met a man who forced me out of that life." People in the room, including my embarrassing family looked over and gave me thumbs up. I could feel myself turning red. I'm not proud of what transpired between Bella and I when we first met. I hate to remember how I kept her tied to a bed, how I tried to force my agenda on her when I could have approached it in a different way. Yeah, definitely not proud…
"And while looking back it may not have been the best way to do it, but I'm so grateful that he sacrificed his life and his time to take care of me. I've done many things that still haunt me to this day, that I may never 100% heal from but I can stand here and say…Someone loves me…Someone cares. To my wonderful, amazing, selfless husband you will never understand what you mean to me. To my babies," She smiles at Claire and Elijah while rubbing her belly, "I will always strive to be the best mommy I can, because you make me want to be better. To my family, who have stuck by me through thick and thin…I love you. And to many of you standing in attendance today, who have had similar lives or who may still be struggling, you're not alone. I'm here…I love you…And I care. Thank you."
The crowd cheers as I rush to her aid as she steps down. Again she's swarmed by people, so many people who support her cause. I'm so damn proud of this girl.
Charlie somehow gets through the crowd and saves her as the music picks back up again. They share a father daughter dance, his pride showing fiercely as he dazzles her with his moves. She's twirled around the dancefloor and enjoying every moment of it.
By the time she makes it back to my arms she's blissfully tired and in need of my body for support. A familiar song begins to play.
Take time to realize,
That your warmth is crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side.
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?
We look at each other beaming now that the words hold so much more than they once had. I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her as close as her middle will allow. I sing the next words in her ear.
But I can't spell it out for you.
No, it's never gonna be that simple.
No, I can't spell it out for you.
She hummed and laid her head against my chest.
If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other,
And we'll never find another.
Just realize what I just realized.
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.
Looking around the room I couldn't help but smile. Holding her in my arms, her body molded to mine as we slowly twirl to the song in bliss. It didn't matter that there were people standing around watching. All that mattered was this moment, right now. I felt her shake a little and looked down to see the tears falling onto my shirt. I started to disengage, wanting to calm her but she raised a hand to my lips.
"Just hold me." She kissed me before returning her head to my chest. I was her anchor just as much as she was mine. I was lost for a long time, walking through life with no clear direction. Wanting to give up because, why not?
But where one life ended, a new one began.
The complexity of it at times almost being too much to bear. When all you're striving for is the pursuit of happiness….
Bella deserved this happiness. And me? WelI, I just want to be anywhere she is. And when I look into her brown eyes I know this is exactly where I was destined to be.
It's what made me realize, I deserved it too.
The End
A/N: And that's the end. Only took me six years to complete it huh? SMH…I started this story when I was 23 years old and I am now 29. Over time I fell out of love with it. It was extreme sometimes and I could never seem to get my thoughts together to produce the direction I wanted to go in. I love writing, it is my passion and over the years I believe I have matured in my writing style. I will probably never write a 1st person account kind of story again with POV and all that jazz. I find I'm not that good at it…
Thank you to everyone who gave this story a chance. It's been a journey. I have so many I have wanted to post for so long, but I have always wanted to finish this one first. I want to take on writing full time and I would like to use this platform as practice for when I publish, so in the coming days, weeks, months, I have vowed to post more frequently to a bunch of stories I will be putting up soon. It is my goal to work on my writing, and I will get the feedback that I need to keep going.
Once again, thanks for giving this story a chance.
Signing out,
-Rae