A/N: This will be short, just a few chapters. It hasn't been beta'd so all mistakes are mine. Sorry about that.

I am donating a o/s to the Texas Wildfire Relief. It's titled "Sins of the Past". It is Carlisle's pov after chapter 22 of Creating a Mate. You'll find out why he's concerned about Bella and hear the phone call to his mysterious old friend.

I live in a small town in central Texas less than 20 miles from Bastrop. My parents were eating at the local Mexican restaurant and my daughter's best friend was shopping at the Wal-Mart when the Bastrop fire broke out. My parents left Bastrop just after the fire began. My daughter's friend (17 yrs-old) spent 30 hours camped out at Wal-Mart due to roadblocks that prevented her from coming home. Our neighbor's elderly mother lost her home that was built by her now deceased son and all her memories. Another friend was picking up their dog from the vet and came home with 12 other cats and dogs workers shoved in her SUV as they evacuated every animal they could before the fire reached the clinic.

Please consider donating as little as $5. It will earn you a compilation of stories from some very talented writers.

Texasfires (.) ysar (.) info

Disclaimer: SM still owns Twilight. I just play with her characters for fun.

Legends

Summer 2010

I stumbled out of the house to get away from the noise of the sportscaster droning on and on about some team that was expected to beat some other team this weekend. Phil was talking over the television telling me his views on why he thinks the guy on the TV is wrong. Like I really give a damn. I mean, honestly? The fate of the world isn't relying on who wins a stupid baseball game. I'm dealing with a crisis right now that far outweighs some stupid game.

I was certain I had misunderstood what Charlie was saying. It had to be because the noise inside the house was so loud it made my ears ring. Charlie couldn't have really said what I thought I heard him say. Charlie mumbles sometimes when he talks to me which makes him hard to understand. Cell phone reception isn't always the best between Forks and Jacksonville. I may be developing swimmer's ear which could affect my hearing.

I was grasping at straws to avoid facing the truth. I took a deep steadying breath and listened as each word filled me with more fear.

"-I wasn't sure at first, but they seem like decent people—vampires." He paused and I could picture him standing in that tiny kitchen of his tugging on his mustache. It was a habit he had when he needed to process information before finally accepting the conclusion. There was a lot of mustache tugging before he accepted our marriage was over.

"God I still can't believe I'm saying that. They act like your typical family and their coven leader is an actual surgeon at the hospital, if you can believe that. He's surrounded by people every day who are hurt and bleeding and he doesn't eat them. I called the hospital this morning to check on him and Dr Mays couldn't sing his praises enough." Charlie's voice was filled with surprise and disbelief.

"I swear Renee I haven't seen anything like the connection Bella has with the one named Edward since—well—since you and Josh actually. But that's a good thing right? I mean, isn't that how it's supposed to be when someone imprints? Alice—that's the hyper one I was telling you about—said they do the same thing."

The sound of a poorly stifled yawn could be heard through the phone.

"I left Bella with the Cullens for the day. I remember how hard it was for you to be away from Josh. You'd be proud of me, Renee. I'm being supportive and keeping an open mind here. I don't know the particulars about how imprinting, or whatever they call it, is supposed to work between them, but I'm sure they'll explain it all to us. You should probably plan a visit soon so you can meet him for yourself. You're welcome to stay with us, but I'm sure you and Phil would be more comfortable at the lodge. Bella will be happy to see you and I'm sure she has questions. You know mother-daughter stuff she wouldn't want to discuss with her old man." He cleared his throat nervously.

"Look, I've been up over twenty-four hours and it's shaping up to be a long day again today. I'm running on caffeine since I didn't get breakfast and Mark is still out sick so I won't have time to grab lunch either. Bella will be home this evening so you can call her then."

Silence filled the line as he waited again for me to say something, but I couldn't. Too many emotions were choking me, making speech impossible. The sandy beach and Atlantic Ocean in front of me disappeared as my vision narrowed down to pinpricks of light and white noise filled my ears. My mind screamed the accusations I couldn't voice aloud.

How did this happen? Where were you? Where was Billy? Why wasn't someone paying attention to my baby and protecting her from monsters? Where is her imprint? As unlikely as it may be, if her imprint wasn't in Forks then why wasn't she introduced to the pack in Alaska?

I left my baby with Charlie to keep her safe. She was supposed to meet someone. She was supposed to fall in love. She was supposed to be happy - and if I allowed myself a moment of selfishness – she was supposed to help me atone for my mistakes in spitting on destiny.

How did everything go so horribly wrong?

The phone slipped through my numb fingers and I heard it hit the wooden floor of our deck. My limbs failed me and I sank into the chair behind me. Did I disconnect the call before dropping the phone? Did I tell him to give Bella my love? I couldn't remember. My thoughts were a violent storm rolling and churning in my brain.

"I'm heading to the ballpark. Practice shouldn't be too late. Do you want me to pick up something for dinner on my way home tonight?" Phil asked. I hadn't even realized he'd come out of the house or was standing in front of me.

I nodded absently still incapable of coherent speech at the moment. He leaned down and kissed my cheek, unaware of the turmoil taking place inside my head before he jogged down the porch steps to climb into his car and leave. It's what I liked about Phil; his inability to see beyond what I portrayed on the surface. He was content living with the falsehoods of our relationship. Maybe he feared if he looked too deep he wouldn't like what he found.

I vaguely heard the tap of his car horn as he drove away, drawing my attention momentarily and stared at my hand I'd unknowingly raised to wave in front of me. The brief flash of fire from the ring on my finger caught my attention. I held my hand out further to watch the sun catch the prisms and throw colors of the rainbow across my face. It was a beautiful ring; a little over three carats and surrounded by smaller diamonds making it appear even larger.

I hated it, but I'd made my bed and I'd wallow in it until the day I died or Phil realized he deserved so much more than what I gave. I'd promised myself this time I would stick it out until the bitter end. Only then would I find the peace denied me in this life.

I had no one to blame but myself. I made my choices and I had to live with the consequences. I lost everyone I ever loved because of my own foolishness and now my daughter was being affected by those same decisions. What was that old saying? Something about 'sins of the father'? Or in this case, sins of the mother coming back to haunt her children.

Blue water and tan sand met my gaze as I took in my surroundings; anything to escape the green from my past. I was as far removed as I could be from Forks, Washington without actually leaving the country. I was afraid of flying so Hawaii was out of the question. I was across the country and at the bottom on my side. Almost a perfect diagonal from where I started. Was my subconscious still tethering me to the past? Had I run in a straight line so that I could always find my way back?

I closed my eyes on the calming view and gave in once more to the piercing pain in my chest that never ended. Never lessened. Pain that I would feel in the depth of my soul until the day I died. There was nothing to go back to anymore. He was gone. Long buried beneath the ground he fought and died for. My guilt would forever haunt me.

I slowly made my way inside and let my feet carry me to the closet in Bella's bedroom. It was still decorated in lavender, Bella's favorite color when she was thirteen. Did she still like the color or had her preference changed over the years.

I wouldn't know since she never called or came to visit any longer. I called her at least once a week, but she never answered my calls. What I knew of the young woman my daughter had become came through conversations with Charlie and though I knew he tried, he's still just a man. He wouldn't think her favorite color would be important enough to share with me and I couldn't bring myself to ask him.

It wouldn't be the same.

In trying to make up for the past, I'd lost my daughter.

I knew she was hurt and angry when I cut her visits short. She didn't understand then. She needed to stay home during summer vacations so she'd have more time to spend around the reservation. How could her imprint find her if she spent her holidays with me? I'd sacrificed my relationship with my only child to make up for my mistakes.

It was supposed to be a temporary sacrifice. I always figured when her imprint found her she would have questions and I'd be the one she turned to for answers. She'd let me back into her life. Who better to turn to than her mother? She would understand then the pain I lived with and that I loved her more than my own life and had never stopped.

I just couldn't stay in Forks, surrounded by green and gray when I desperately needed tan and blue. I remembered blue eyes as dark as midnight when he was filled with passion. Or because of me; pain.

I touched the blue topaz pendent I always wore around my neck; the color of his eyes when he laughed. It was my fault his eyes weren't filled with light more often.

I rubbed my thumb softly against my fingertips and conjured the memory of my fingers disappearing beneath thick tan fur. I could almost feel the texture on my skin.

My laughter was harsh and loud in the silence. I had run from lush green forests and the almost constant gray of rain swollen clouds of Forks, but I still hadn't outrun my past. I'd surrounded myself in it.

I pulled out the dusty shoebox hidden in the closet behind blankets we never use and climbed onto the bed, crossing my legs Indian-style and stared at the lid that hid my secrets. I wiped my hand across the top almost reverently, smearing the layer of dust until it coated my hand and fell onto the lavender bedspread. Taking a deep breath I steeled myself for the inevitable pain and removed the lid, laying it carefully to the side and to look at the contents inside.

The contents would mean nothing to anyone who might stumble across my box. To anyone else they were nothing more than garbage that should have been thrown out years ago, but to me they were more precious than gold. Inside rested a broken yellow strap from a cheap pair of flip flops, a torn piece of cloth with a black button still attached, a broken stick; the tip charred and crusted in old gunk from roasting marshmallows all those years ago and the skeletal remains of a maple leaf. And an old photograph, taken by mistake-a simple press of a finger on the wrong button of the camera had unwittingly captured the exact moment our lives changed.

If I close my eyes and inhale I can still smell the smoke from the bonfire. I can feel the cool, wet sand beneath my feet. I can hear the distinctive sound of the Pacific Ocean crashing against the cliffs. And I can remember the exact moment I saw him. My heart and my soul, my pain and my guilt.

My Joshua.