Before I start this fic, I want to give my thanks to the GreatChickenMiasma. Her story What Goes On is what inspired me to make crack fics. Go and check it out for yourself!

The Normals

by HyperInuyasha

Falco arose from his bed, stretching his ar- er... wings. What time is it? Coffee time. Everyone loves coffee. Especially birds. And I totally got that off of Wikipedia. Honest. He got out of bed, leaving the StarFox dorm. On the way there, he passed Fox and Wolf. Fox was holding a gooey bomb. This won't end well.

"Hey Falco! Wolf bet me a quarter I couldn't eat a Gooey Bomb!" said Fox.

"Uh huh, you do that." muttered Falco, not caring. He had been staying at the Smash Castle for a long time and one thing quicky became apparant; everyone was batshit crazy. Only a few people, Falco among them, were normal and perfectly sane.

Mario acted sane, but he's a bit of a pyromaniac, along with anyone else who grabs a Fire Flower. Donkey Kong... um... he's an ape. He can be excused. Link was affected by a horrible mental disease: Gamer's OCD. Whenever he saw a blade of grass or a pot or anything that could hold his precious rupees, he would break them, all the while laughing maniacily. Samus had a temper and would blast apart the thing that made her unhappy, Yoshi was a glutton and so was Kirby, Fox believes in miracles and was pretty much an idiot. If someone did something to Pikachu, he would get them back in the most disproportinate manner. Luigi's scared of everything, Captain Falcon is pretty much just crazy, Ness also had a temper, and Jigglypuff always singed and drew marker on people's faces. And that's just the first eight of the Smashers.

Bowser was a villain and was already dubbed insane, Peach had an unhealthy obsession with tea, Zelda was constantly at war with her split personality Shiek, the Ice Climbers, despite being Ness and Lucas' age, were very childish and would go to dangerous places FOR ADVENTURE, Marth was obsessed with his looks, Mr. Game and Watch... no one's sure about him actually, and Ganondorf was insane FOR POWER. Oh yeah, and that's just the Melee characters. The Melee exclusive characters in the meantime had already gone insane, and it was clear to anyone with a brain.

Diddy Kong was a mad scientist who built stuff out of wood. Sometimes he would actually succeed (his jetpack and guns) but most of the time, his work has nothing to show for other than a flaming house. Ike liked to shine his sword a lot, Lucas seemed normal, but considering his past, it's not hard to imagine that he would one day snap from all of the trauma. Captain Olimar has become over-protective of his Pikmin (you could blame Captain Falcon for that), Pit would try to strangle people that did bad stuff and didn't say sorry, Red (Pokemon Trainer) is obssessed with battling and sics his Pokemon on people for no reason, R.O.B. was a robot and didn't count, Snake was paranoid and loved his box, Sonic's ego had developed it's own split-personality, Toon Link's OCD wasn't as bad but he's a cartoon so he's pretty wacky, Wario was already a weirdo, and Wolf was pretty much just crazy. All of this combined made one mad house that blows up at least once a week.

Then there were the normal people. The ones who don't have mental problems. Falco was among them of course. There was King Dedede. He acts like a jerk, but secretly, he wants friends to spend time with. He's also a bit of a spazz. Then there's Meta Knight, who had been keeping his sanity in check since the 1980s or whenever Kirby Adventure released. Lastly was Lucario, who was usually peaceful and very observant. They have all banded together to survive the madness that besieged everyone else. They became known to everyone as The Normals, the last remaining sane people in the castle.

Falco left the dorm. Upon closing the door, he heard an explosion along with Wolf's laughing. He looked down both ends of the hallways. Alright, no one coming. Lets just...

"GET OUT OF THE WAY LOSER!" yelled Wario, driving past him on his bike while holding a sack full of hats. A second later, Charizard passed him, with Red, Mario, Luigi, Ness, Link, and Toon Link on his back.

"GIVE BACK OUR-A HATS!" yelled Mario.

"YOU DESERVE DEATH! DEEEEEEATH!" shouted Ness.

"Why are you all so damn heavy..." groaned Charizard. Falco looked around to make sure no more antics were happening and sped off in the direction of the dining room. The food was arranged buffet style, so the Smashers could just grab whatever they wanted to eat and dig in. Falco waited patiently in line for the Primid chefs to be done making waffles. Meta Knight came alongside him.

"Greetings Falco." greeted (obviously) Meta Knight.

"Hey. Have you seen Snake? He borrowed my DS and I want it-" began Falco.

"I DON'T HAVE IT!" yelled Snake. He got out from under his box and took that thing he uses to fly and hovers upward. However, he forgot that he was inside and crashed into the ceiling, falling down face first. "...Don't help me, I don't need your sympathy!"

"...I'll get it back later." muttered Falco. The Primids finally served the waffles, satisfying both the bird and swordsman. They went to sit down in their designated table. Usually, people would just sit in any random place, but groups of people have established their own table to rule over. The Normals had their own table. Sitting a distance away was the kid's table, then there was the table that ws jokingly named Yaoi Table since Link, Marth, Roy, Pit, and Ike sat there. Last in the list of pre-established seating was the girls. Just like The Normals, they have banded together, but IN THE NAME OF BEAUTY. Except Samus. She's honestly not sure why she sits with them all of the time. All of the other Smashers just sat elsewhere so they could eat their food in peace. Except there's never peace. There is only war. King Dedede and Lucario arrived, sitting alongside their friends.

"Hey you guys! Did you know that Zelda Four Swords is out now?" asked Dedede.

"Oh, it released already?" asked Falco.

"Yeah! How about we all go adventuring together? Huh? How does that sound? ...Please?" asked Dedede.

"Snake stole my DS." said Falco, looking over to the downed man.

"I do not pursue my time over frivilous games." muttered Lucario.

"You just want someone to play with, don't you?" asked Meta Knight.

"Sniff... Yeah..." said Dedede, breaking into a sob. "You're always doing important things, and Kirby just ditches me for other people. I'm... sniff... lonely..." cried Dedede. Meta Knight awkwardly put his arm around the fat penguin.

"There there. We'll all play together when we have the time." said Meta Knight.

"Really?" asked Dedede.

"Yes."

"Dedede, when you're not acting like a total douche you're a lonely crybaby. Why don't you grow a backbone or something?" asked Falco.

"I did! I'm just so husky that you can't feel it!" said Dedede proudly.

Lucario sweatdropped. "I think that was an expression." He then noticed something. "Falco, where's your coffee?"

"Huh?"

"You always get coffee in the morning. Yet I notice a lack of hot scalding liquids." said Lucario.

"Damn it, you're right. Hey, anyone else need anything?" asked Falco.

"Get me some hash browns. Go forth my servant!" commanded Dedede.

"Don't push it." muttered Falco. He went over to a random Primid. "Hey, where's the coffee?"

"Sorry sir, but we have no coffee." said the Primid.

"What? Why the hell not?"

"COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE..." yelled a hyperactive voice.

"That." said the Primid. He quickly hid under a table. "You should hide." Before Falco could question it, a blur ran toward Falco; it was Kirby, who had most likely depleted the stores of coffee. Acting as if Falco was never there, Kirby ran through Falco, knocking him over. He ran straight into Captain Falcon's table, up-ending it and sending the captain's food flying. Falcon let out a war cry and chased down the hyper blob. Falco went back to The Normals.

"I presume that there is no coffee?" said Meta Knight, looking utterly bemused.

"Yup."

"FALCON... PUNCH!" yelled Captain Falcon. Kirby flew into Falco's head, smashing him into the table.

"My face..." moaned Falco. King Dedede laughed at his misfortune.

"This is rich... Hey shouldn't you be stopping that Kirby or something?" Dedede asked Meta Knight.

"Why? I'm not his keeper."

"Yeah, but someone responsible has to stop that guy, and I can't do it because I'm a king." said Dedede. They all just sat there, waiting to see if anyone was going to get up and stop Kirby, who was currently punching Donkey Kong. But no one got up. In fact, they couldn't care less. Lucario sighed, getting up.

"I'll try to stop him in the name of peace." said Lucario. He approached Kirby slowly. "Psst... Kirby."

"Coffee?"

"Yes, I have coffee. Just get close enough so I could hi- I mean give it to you." said Lucario. Kirby slowly inched forward to him. Lucario could not believe that this is actually working. But then...

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" yelled Wario. He ran over Lucario as the no longer hatted heroes continued to chase him. Meta Knight looked at the squished blue pancake that is Lucario.

"Are you okay?" asked Meta Knight.

"Pain."

"I still can't feel my face guys..." muttered Falco, who's head was still lying on the table.

"Holy crap, two of us already injured, and it's still breakfast!" noted Dedede. He widened his eyes. "Oh god I'm next."

"Your majesty, I find that ridiculous." said Meta Knight. Then an explosion happened. They don't know the cause of it. They don't want to know. King Dedede fell out of his chair as a flying fork jabbed him in the head.

"OH GOD I'M BLEEDING!" screamed Dedede.

"Face... still... hurt..." muttered Falco.

"Skid marks... my skin... no longer blue..." moaned Lucario.

"Don't worry guys, I'll try to get a doctor in here." said Meta Knight.

"DID ANYONE SAY DOCTOR?" yelled Dr. Mario, coming into the scene.

"I said doctor, not mad scientist."

"Hey, that was just ONE time I replaced Dedede's arm with a laser cannon!" yelled Dr. Mario.

"It was awesome while it lasted." said Dedede.

"Sorry Dr. Mario, but I'm going to need a NORMAL doctor." said Meta Knight.

"Pfft. Since when was anyone here normal?" asked Dr. Mario. Meta Knight looked throughout the dining room. Samus was shooting at everyone who came near her, Kirby continued to run amuck, Wario somehow made skid marks on the ceiling as Charizard and the hatless heroes continued to chase him, the children have gotten into a food fight, and Bowser was for some reason setting stuff on fire. Meanwhile, most of the normal people were incapacitated, and any order that still remained had went flying out the window. Meta Knight realized: Dr. Mario is right.

And to think that it's still 9:00 in the morning.

"You forgot my hash browns..." said Dedede.

To be continued...

Remember kids: crack fics are the best fics!