Funny little story, later on full of banter and stupid stuff. Chapter 3, Avery starts telling the story. If you don't like this, I say HANG IN THERE for the 3nd, we (friend and I) believe it gets better. Maybe you will all too!

Hopefully you guy's we'll see past the spelling, typos, and grammar. lol To us, it wasn't that important, so we just looked past it all together.

Enjoy... Try to XD

"When will you find yourself a mate?"

In his chair, his precious hiding place, the once peaceful spot on the entire ship. Now, the females of the crew confessed their worry where he comfortably sat. Every day, well, not everyday, every once in a while, they would make small talk after business. Small talk, annoyance, useless, Joker could dish the stuff, though if the topic was his well being, quickly he loses interest. Pilot first and foremost. If Shepard required some impute, sure he was there. Upfront and honest, only for a handful of reasons. While he was more than happy to lay low, guide the Normandy like an angel in the clouds, small chat presented Joker with a special opportunity. That is to be in the presence of her. Shepard: Hero, Commander, friend, savior, the apple of his eye. As bold in words the man could be, and as brave a pilot he was, NEVER, has he EVER, spoken to her about brewing feelings.

Feelings, those were for people with time anyway.

"Joker, got a minute?" Snapped into reality, Joker jumped, rotating his chair to face her.

"What's up Commander?" Fuck, Nice try... Always he attempt true casualness. Someone his brain would skip, throwing the pilot off.

"I've found Garrus in Omega." Her voice was rough and tough, complete 'badassery' in his book. "He will be joining us, as well as his companion."

"Companion, like~? A lady friend? His twinkling fingers added new meaning in 'lady friend'.

Her face filled with amusement, Joker always aimed make her smile, "No, nothing like that. She is human, looking for work. Maybe as a copilot."

Looking? Work? ...Copilot? The very words pricked his sides with needles. No! Knives~something very sharp and unpleasant.

Flat, his eyes fell half shut. His arms became tight, and his body showed the tension Shepard just unleashed. "... A copilot?" Joker questioned, monotone as EDI. "How nice."

"Yes, she's rough around the edges Garrus claims." Shepard shifted, staring at her boots, "Since she is here to earn her keep, the girl will be working and perhaps a little learning, maybe?"

How uncharacteristically nice of her...

His face stayed stoic, brows not even budging to twitch. "Really..."

"Maybe?" Shepard requested.

Eyes locked, "Really?"

"Its actually an order." She laughed

"...really?"

"Lieutenant?" She warned.

A breath was released from his pouting lips, "Really?~!"

"Joker!"

"Fine!" He gave up, holding his face in defeat.

"Very well, I'll send her up" On a pin, Shepard turned, leaving the Pilot whining in his chair.

Hanging over the side, Joker dropped both arms. One hung over, almost dragging on the cockpit floor. His hat pushed up and over his eyes as a result of sinking in the leather.

"EDI?" Joker whined.

"Yes, Mr. Moreau?"

"Hit me, Please." His voice was stale, still having a fit.

Turning to face the hologram, He waited for mechanical arms to reach out and shake him, yet they did not exist. "Mr. Moreau, I lack the requirements to perform such task. And even if my program was accessorized with the specific tools, it would be unwise to jeopardize your physical health with hostile action."

Joker just blinked. Blinked over and over, eyebrow cocked and the eye below still half shut.

"A simple 'no' would have been fine." He rubbed his eyes vigorously, groaning loudly.

"A simple 'no' would imply the same request could be performed at a later time." EDI replied.

"Shut up. Shut. Up!" I want my mommy...

Later on Joker sat strained, empty of tolerance for anyone, and with a nagging system at his side, anything. Usually the pilot would be happy to obliged, especially for Shepard, to do anything she asked. But this was too much. Too, too much. A kid, a rookie. Potential replacement if his Vrolik's became worse, despite Cerberus' top notch health plan.

"EDI, I'm losing my mind today..." His head pounded. Joker even removed his hat to fan himself.

"Impossible." EDI argued.

"Its an expression- Gah, you know I should unplug you today, I swear you are just-"

"Hello?" A voice interrupted. Unfamiliar voice. New, fresh meat... ugh.

Joker was hesitant to spin around. Glancing over at the hologram, the expressionless orb didn't give anything. Last hope set in. The little hope this girl was a rocking with curves and deadly on looks. He could picture tall, toned, barely there coverage, and a beautiful. Sexy would make life easier. Hot would make ease the stress. Ugly and or underage would create hell. Either way, the honest truth, Joker wasn't exactly a happy camper.

In the time it took Joker's chair to rotate, he adjusted himself, sitting up, shoulders back, chin high. He presented himself as the Galaxies' best Pilot, the man he truly believed he was.

"Welcome to the cockpit." His greeting was dry, not because of the word cockpit, but today was bleak. Joker's eyes pinned the girl, widening under the hat's bill, "Shit." He muttered.

She was short, compared to most of the crew. One eye was dark, the other, freakishly white under scarring. Hair just as dark, all knotted in long dreads, tied back out of the way. Loose fringe, unknotted, framed her pale face. A face that was pretty, with potential to be prettier. She wore little makeup, clearly some mascara coated her lashes. She wore a black tank, standard issued BDU's and flat boots. More clothing than he imagined.

"Excuse me?" Her brows scrunched, tilting her head to the side. "Bad time?" The girl asked.

"Bad day." Joker corrected, "I'm Jeff Moreau. Normandy's Flight Lieutenant."

"Joker?" She asked, his eyes almost fell back at the nickname, "Or you can call me Joker."

Still feeling, not-so-great, his attitude was sour, and his all around first impression wasn't impressed.

"Right. Call me Avery." The girl introduced herself.

Joker stared at the girl. She stood with her hands behind her back, fidgeting at her feet and shifting her eyes in hopes someone snuck up behind her.

"Avery." He stated.

"Yes."

"Just Avery?" His attitude was irritating. Yet she bit her tongue and smiled through it.

"Yes." Smiling wide behind a shit eating grin.

"That's it?" He pushed.

"Yes."

Joker sucked back his lips, throwing the story on the back burner.

"So, you want to be a pilot? Why not just join the Navy?" The grilling began.

"Oh, I don't really. I just know my way around... A little. kinda... sorta." Peaking behind Joker, she caught a glimpse at all the screens, numbers, buttons, cluster fuck of total pain-in-the-ass. "... Not really."

What the hell Shepard? "I see."

"I can fix anything. I use to be an all around mechanic for credits..."

Why is she giving me her resumé?

"And I am pretty good at maintaining networks and systems." The large glowing orb kept pulling away Avery's attention, "Who is that?"

"EDI." He pointed with his thumb, not even looking at the system. "Say hello EDI."

"Hello Miss Avery."

It made the girl giggle, the ship talked to her. This was no ordinary ship. "Hi EDI." In a laugh, she was amazed looking around the hologram.

"Listen Avery, If you're not here to learn, why did Shepard send you over?"

Obviously the girl was surprised. Shooting up to a straight posture, she held her hips and confusion painted her face. "I was sent to assist you."

"Oh hell..."

And that was their first meet. As the days went by, their bond blossomed, blooming into a beautiful friendship.

Week One:

"Just drop it." He growled.

"Sorry, you looked tired." Holding his hand up to stop anymore words, Avery felt a grind on her back molars in frustration. "Sorry, Joker. fucking eh."

When Avery was off on other projects, the cockpit was quiet. Empty. So lonely.

Week Two:

He turned to EDI from his chair, "EDI, these days... You seem like the perfect woman."

"I have no specific gender." EDI responded.

"Shh, shh... Don't ruin this for me."

Peas in a pod.

Week Three:

"Avery, I beg you... leave the chair alone."

She tinkered at the wires, tightening, greasing the mechanics. "Its squeaking, I can't take it anymore!"

All together, EDI, Joker, and Avery kept the cockpit together.

Week Four:

Starting his shift, Joker walked with a stiff limp to his chair. Still feeling the repercussions of little sleep, he sat down, relaxed, readied himself. Waved to EDI, greeting the cat with simple mornin'.

Cat? "EDI, what happened to you?"

Behind him, Avery entered holding a cup of strong coffee, steaming, leaving a aromatic trail of fresh roasted beans behind. Not something he really asked for, just a nice gesture. But when Joker's question caught her ears, Avery wanted to carefully turn back and spend the day in the engine room.

"Avery, what happened to EDI?" He asked, knowing very well who stood behind him.

"I changed her hologram apperance. She likes it." On eggshells, the girl handed Joker his coffee with care. Presenting like a crown.

"I see that. Why? Or even How? How did you do that without her complaining about regulations?"

"Cats are nice to have around." His expression was starting to fall, "BUT, I did install some more personality into EDI..."

Taking a cautious sip, the pilot perked up, appearing interested. "More personality?"

"Yeah!" She grinned ear to ear, toothy and excited to show off her work. "EDI, tell Joker a joke, Please."

Turning to the cat, a hairless Sphinx of all breeds, sat perched gently wagging its tale. "A wife says to her friend, "Our sex life stinks." Her friend says, "Do you ever watch your husband's face when you're having sex?" She says, "Once, and I saw rage." Her friend says, "Why would he be angry during sex?" The wife says, "Because he was looking through the window at us."

Avery bit at her lower lip, completely unaware the jokes installed were inappropriate. Raunchy for the workspace.

"Miss Avery, I am detecting a slight tension." EDI stated, "I am fully aware of the nature of this joke."

"Thank you EDI..." The girl puckered her lips and hid the laugh.

Joker was quiet, grinning... "I can't believe you got EDI to say that."

And the real friendship began. Joker seemed to have lighten up. With more chit chat, EDI's jokes, discussions and debates, they were starting to tolerate each other. And while Joker's mood became normal, Avery was allowed to sit behind the copilot's station to monitor little things.

"Avery?" Shepard hollared through the speaker.

"Yes, Commander?"

"Changed EDI back, she's creeping out the crew."