A/N: This started as my and general zargon filling a prompt on norsekink and pretty much when wild. I'm going to try and break the chapters by 1000 words each, and then once we catch up to the present I'll update weekly or bi-weekly, depending on what we get. we don't own Thor, the avengers, or anyone else Marvel-related.

.o.o.o.

For a good time, call Tony Stark (727-349-3185)

Okay, seriously, I'll take you up on that offer but only if you don't try to kill me when you leave the morning after (written in Mr. Stark's hand writing)

Malekith the Accursed:
Does anyone else think that SHIELD needs a bigger bathroom?
P.S. Don't ask how I managed to get in here...

Malekith, this is Loki. Give me back my casket, and no one dies.
Also, yes, this bathroom is rather small. One must assume Hulk handles his business elsewhere.
Remember: Casket of Ancient Winters. My hands. Tomorrow. Your funeral otherwise (and I won't ask what you want on your gravestone because there won't be enough left of you to put in a grave!).

Malekith the Accursed:
Loki, I do not have your casket. I gave it to a random mortal around a week ago to see what would happen. It was actually rather funny.
With the size of the SHIELD personnel, one would think they would spring for a larger bathroom.
You are welcome to try and find me. I actually took a page out of your book of hiding places.

Agent Coulson, I wish to inform you of what might be called a situation. Kindly note that any mortal who manages to open the Casket will die within seconds, thus leaving it open and causing a massive, spreading dome of winter. You might want to get the Avengers on that.
If anyone needs me, I will be dissecting a certain half-dead dark-elf.
Finally, I vote we take out a wall so that the bathroom can be combined with the closet next-door for greater size. Thoughts?
Sincerely, Loki Silver-tongue

Hey Thor, I've got a demolition project for you!-Tony

In the interest of keeping my current source of amusement going for a little while longer, I have unleashed a troll with a bad case of dandruff in the middle of the cafeteria at the main SHIELD base.
Loki, you are looking for me in the entirely wrong places, so be aware that each time you guess wrong, I shall be laughing at you. Ha!
Also, has anyone seen my favorite scarf? I have the feeling that I left it somewhere around here, but I cannot seem to remember where...
Signed, Malekith the Accursed

Dude, the troll thing so wasn't funny. It threw...wait, if I tell you this, you'll like it.
Oh, yeah, is the scarf a red one that has MtA embroidered on the ends? I found it. You can have it back when you give Loki the location of the box-thing so NYC can stop being snowy in July.
Loki, in the interest of the trade working, could you maybe make sure he doesn't kill me?
Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man *cute drawing of a spider*

All right, first off, Spider, I commend your excellence and shall teleport to your exactly location should you activate the talisman I left in your backpack. Second, the Casket of Ancient winters is NOT a "box-thingy"!
Malekith, pay up or the scarf will be destroyed. Horribly.
Loki Liemsmith

Loki, do me a favor and don't go into my backpack again. Thanks for the talisman, though.
Spidey

Yes, that is the scarf. My thanks for locating it, and though I refuse to do anything about the dandruff flakes scattered around the SHIELD cafeteria, I suppose I can tell you where the casket is. However, I shall do something horrible to you if even one thread is out of place.
Oh well, it was amusing watching the mortals try and figure out why it was suddenly snowing all over the world while it lasted. At least I have my scarf back, and I got a good laugh at Loki's expense.
Sincerely, Malekith the Accursed
P.S. Wait, is that a ketchup stain? Prepare to meet your doom, Spiderman!

Loki, save me! Come on, I helped you out!

^Oh, that was Spider-Man by the way. And I didn't do anything to the scarf! Spider-Scout's honor!

Miss Potts, I think you might need to put up anti-magic wards. I know I can teleport anywhere in here I please. Might I recommend Dr. Strange? Since, after all, I won't do it for free.
Loki
P.S. Spider, only if you tie up Iron Man so I can use him as a piñata

Spider-Man, I hope you enjoy that little curse I put on your underwear drawer. *Insert diabolical laugh here* Ahem, at any rate, I have decided to spare you only because I recently found a way to remove even tough stains like ketchup from delicate fabrics. Well that, and I can't hang around too long writing this, because I have it on good authority that the resident SHIELD agents didn't appreciate that troll I set loose...
I'm off to find someone else to torment, so consider yourself lucky!
Signed, Malekith the Accursed

Pepper:
Oh great...Now I have to go track down Dr. Strange...-_-.

...Did Malekith just admit he found Oxi-Clean? And btw, he hexed a dresser in one of the guest rooms here, Pepper. Yay for secret IDs, he doesn't know where I live.
Spider-Man

Loki, why does the doorbell burst into flames whenever I try to ring it?-Clint

Thanks a lot, Spidey, now someone (Loki) just filled all the washers and dryers with Oxi-Clean.
Natasha

I know where your room at the Avengers mansion is now, Spiderman. Aren't locator spells grand? Now all I have to do is think up something particularly nasty to do to you with this information...
Actually, the doorbell was my little way of saying goodbye for now, archer.
Sincerely, Malekith the Accursed

Pepper: Great, now I have to ask Dr. Strange to de-hex an underwear drawer. I hope Tony realizes that I'm getting a raise for this.

Hank Pym: Hey, does anyone know when the washers and dryers will be cleaned out? A lot of the uniforms are starting to smell, and I think I heard some of the janitorial staff mutter about going on strike...