When you're nearing the end of your life, suddenly things you never thought of, never wanted to think of, become very important. Questions as: why am I here? Where will I be going after this? What will happen when I'm gone? Will it hurt? Will the people I know be tormented by the thought that I will never again see the light of day? Or will they celebrate after the funeral. And once you reach that last question all of a sudden your whole life is flashing past, right before your eyes. The good things, the bad things. The funny experiences and the awkward experiences. The first time your head got stuck in a toilet seat and the first time you were no longer the victim, but became the culprit instead. And just like that, when I was enjoying my own little life cinema show, it hit me.

My life had never been the way I had planned. It had never been the way I had wanted it. For example: my sibling turned out to be a girl instead of the baby brother I hoped for. A few years later my father turned towards the bottle and became an alcoholic, causing an early divorce between my parents. My mom left and took my sister with her and while doing so, she just so happened to forget that I was born from the same place as my sister. Without a second thought she left me behind with my drunk dad while she and my angelic sister moved to the other end of the world.

It only got worse after that. The angel my mother used to call me, turned into a teen devil. Bad grades, near death experiences, wrong friends, drugs… You get the picture.

Eventually I got out of that downwards spiral but still, it never had gone the way I had wanted it to go.

When I finally and for the very first time in my life had everything together, you would expect things to be fine. A loving clean and sober father, a happy sister that could see again and even a mother I exchanged a conversation with for longer than five minutes. Although they never really hit more than six minutes either.

Yet I longed for more… something else that would fill the gigantic gaps in my existence. I wanted somebody to love. But like I said, things never go the way I want them to go.

When I finally started to be interested in everything seventeen year old boys are interested in, which comes only down to one thing, I came to the realization that I wasn't the normal boy I had been all my life… What a big fat lie. Let me rephrase that. I came to the realization that I was still just as messed up ever since I existed. Why you wonder… Well, I found out I was gay.

What people generally say at moments like these is something along the lines of: 'it could've been worse, you know!' Well that is certainly the most stupid response humanity ever came up with. OF COURSE IT COULD'VE BEEN WORSE! I could've died from a fatal disease when I was five, although sometimes I doubt if that really would've been worse. Or perhaps I could've been born with an incurable illness. However, may be that would've done the trick for my parents to stay together, or at least for my mother to have taken me with her when she left.

Anyway like I said, I was gay and I expected modern society to accept the fact that I shared beds with males. Or at least wanted to… Society did not though. I told you, it never goes the way I plan things.

My messed up sexual preferences resulted in the fact that my happy-go-lucky mask was no longer alone. It was now accompanied by the I-AM-STRAIGHT façade. And while the people around me might've been thinking I fancied girls, my head (and manhood) certainly did not.

But don't worry that wasn't were it stopped. Cause out of all the guys I could fall in love with and live happily ever after with (if that's even possible in my book). I, jonouchi Katsuya, fell in love with…

Seto Kaiba. It never goes the way I want things to go…

The biggest cold hearted bastard who happens to also be the richest kid in town. What am I saying? The world!

It was weird. All these years that I had known moneybags I had always been thinking I hated him. The guy who resembled all I was not: Wealth, family, happiness, strength and… straightness. Yea I know , I did not knew the guy and it were all prejudices, but with money printed in numbers I couldn't even pronounce, you must have a damn good life. And because his life was such a fairytale he hated me and all I was: a failure, poor, a loser, pathetic and a homosexual. Of course he never knew for sure, but he damn well expected my preferences for men.

I'll always remember the first day I realized I was in love with him. It was snowing, but somehow the sun shone and while Kaiba left his limousine and gracefully entered school grounds, it happened. The wind gently breezed through his chestnut hair that was covered by tiny flocks of snow. It was the most perfect sight I had ever seen and I am damn well knew for sure that the twenty girls surrounding me where having the same, 'I think I'm in love moment'. God, I hate myself.

Nothing but my feelings changed from that moment on. We still fought every day like we used to, we still pissed each other off in every possible way and our main goal was still being better than one another. Unfortunately for me, that game was a lost cause to begin with. I'd never be better than the one person I wanted to have for myself so miserably. I'd never win from Seto Kaiba.

However… something must've gone wrong with destiny from there on. Considering for the first time in my whole life I managed to do the one thing I planned. Jonouchi Katsuya managed to seduce the cold hearted and unbreakable man behind crystal blue eyes. And for a moment I think I was happy back then... But what does it all matter, when you stare in the eyes of death? No amount of money, love or happiness can save me from the object that was racing in full speed towards me. Nothing could save me from death disguised as a black long car. Nothing would…

And suddenly everything went dark.