Hello everyone! Here's Udyjay, uploading to you the f-final... c-chapter... to.. *SOBS*
OH GOD I C-CAN'T
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0o0o0o

I couldn't ease Erik's mind that night. He didn't sleep and neither did I. We lay in bed, silent. My mind was playing over our chess match conversation. The most unpleasant conversation we've ever had while playing that game. It just wouldn't stop re-running in my head and I didn't want to peer into Erik's mind. Not only out of respect, but I was afraid of what I might find. Erik turned on his side, facing away from me. In a way I wanted to run back to my own room. Sleep in my own bed because I was sure as hell not going to find peace in this bed tonight.

But peace is exactly what I aimed for as I moved onto my side and closer to Erik until my bare chest was against his own bare back. I wrapped my arm over his torso and buried my face in between his neck and shoulder. We cuddled like that for a while before Erik took my hand in his own and brought it up to his lips. "Charles, why can't you see my side of things?" Erik asked, breaking the silence that had washed over the room hours before.

Staying quiet for a moment, I tried to find the quiet air once more. His voice rang in my ear like a bell. But his question stung my heart like a needle. "Why can't you see mine instead?" I asked in return.

He shrugged slightly and I kissed at his shoulder and neck. "Just stubborn I guess. And you?" Erik turned to lay flat on his back as he put his arm around me to pull me atop of him.

I lay my head on his hard chest. "Well as you would say, I'm arrogant."

Erik's breath caught for a moment before he chuckled and sighed. "I'm sorry if that got to you." He started running his fingers through my hair and I couldn't help but kiss at his chest.

Looking up at him from where I lay, I shook my head in reply. "I never thought of myself as arrogant. Actually I always thought I was more of the understanding type."

"Understanding but non-accepting." Erik replied, his voice was soft despite the harsh words.

In truth, I really did think I was quite the understanding type. But he may have been right on the accepting part. Yet Erik is the same way. If it's not his way then it just must not be. Which is probably why we refuse to see each others ways. We want different things. "And you are just stubborn." I replied.

Chuckling, Erik wrapped his arms tightly around me and, to my own shock, sobbed. Before I could ask him what was wrong he pressed his lips hard against my own. I felt suddenly powerless as he let his emotions flow to me. All his grief, his anger. I didn't want to feel any more of this, but Erik held me firmly to his body and purposely sent me the images of his childhood in the clutches of Shaw. He didn't want to go through this alone, and for a shocking moment, I felt myself agreeing with Erik. Kill Shaw. If it will make this sorrow end, kill the bastard. With that thought I pulled away with all my might and moved away from him. We were both out of breath and panting. Erik softly touched my hand and sighed. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

"No, don't be." I turned to look at him and attempted to smile. Didn't matter since it's so dark in this room he couldn't see. As if he read my mind, Erik made the metal cord of the lamp on the side table pull and the room filled with a warm glow. I averted my eyes and slowly let them adjust. Once I could keep my eyes open without them watering, I sat on the bed facing the other man. "Unfortunately I don't know you as well as I thought. You have a great deal of sorrow hidden under all that anger and pride. I had just barely scratched the surface before."

Erik sat up and rested his back against the bedpost. "I figured since tomorrow is the big day, I'd let you know why I wish to kill that man."

I nodded and looked to the sheets. I tugged at it as I spoke. "Well, thank you for letting me in." Don't misunderstand me, Erik's reasons are legit good reasons, but once he kills Shaw, he'll continue doing so. I've had a glimpse into Erik's mind as he slept and I know he dreams of a mutant only ideal world. It's a thought he's been musing over for some time now.

Patting the side next to him, Erik offers me a cuddle session. Guess I was quiet too long. I take the offer with a half hearted smile and pull the blanket over our waist. In his arms, in the soft warm glow of the room, I finally fall asleep.

0o0o0o

Checkmate was correct. Though I begged him not too, Erik had cut me off and took his revenge on Shaw. And sadly, I had helped him. After all my ideals even, Erik was right. The humans planned to eliminate us once we took care of the job. But I couldn't just stand there and let Erik destroy them. His mind was clouded with pride and euphoria, his past taking a clear emotional presence. We fought, and I had been losing. Moira stepped into the battle, and then I had really lost. But the distraction of me getting hurt stopped Erik from his task at hand.

There we spoke briefly. But it was filled with every last bit of effort to hang on to one another. But the ice was too thin, and it broke. Erik was gone. And so was Raven. If I wasn't in so much pain, I would have been hysterical in tears from grief.

Back at the mansion I sat in my office become bedroom since I never leave it. I hadn't eaten in days. Instead I sat in this wheelchair I was to be forever cursed in and sat in front of the never changing chess board. It was a magnetic chess board I bought shortly after the events of the Cuba crises. It was to remind me of him, of our games together. Of our conversations which often led to sex. Well, which always led to sex, except for that night. Every day I make a move and stare at the board and wait for a piece to move. Of course, they never do. After a few hours of staring at the never changing pieces I go back to my desk and rest my head on the desk and sleep.

So that's what I did and by the time I woke due to knocks on the door it was dark. Moira had been over for a while helping us adjust to the school before returning to her original job. Right now she was knocking on my locked door. "Charles, it's dinner time!" I heard her lingering outside before she sighed and walked away.

I reached over to turn on my desk lamp. The light dimly lit the room and I stretched out my arms with a yawn. I could use with some type of meal before I die in here. No one would forgive me for that. I must be making Moira feel horrible. She made a silent promise to Raven that she'd take care of me. I just haven't been allowing it. I wheeled my way around my desk and over to the window. Thought I had it closed, but it was wide open at the moment. The clean air felt refreshing and I stood by it, taking a few deep breaths. My hunger died quickly and once the air felt a little too chilly I closed the window and made my way over to the chess board.

Taking my place, I stared at the board. My piece still stood in its moved place. As I looked to the other side of the board, my eyes grew in shock. My stomach turned in knots and a single tear slipped from my eye. The other side had made a move.

I tried my luck and moved another piece. I waited for a small while before another metal piece began to move like a ghost over the board. I tried to reach my mind out to see if I could find him. Erik. He is here. He is close. But I had no luck reaching his mind, so I moved again. Then he. Then I.

From that day on, every day at the same time late at night, though I never see him, Erik and I would play chess.

END