10/01/2011

Title: There's only one thing to say.

Summary: What is it that Gibbs won't talk about with Tony? Will the silence ruin their friendship or finally make Gibbs realize what he has denied for so long.

Feedback: Always welcomed and appreciated. Thanks so much for all the feedback on the other stories and the kindness you show. It means more to me than I can ever say.

Author's Notes: I edited this myself. I do my best but mistakes do get by me.

Would love to have you join my Facebook page, link is on my profile. We have a great time over there ;) Thanks to everyone that has joined, I appreciated the feedback, discussions and the love that you show.

And to those that have added me to their favorite author list and story alerts, again thank you. It means so much to me.

############################################

Eyes closed, head back against the wall, anyone glancing at him would have thought he was asleep. But he rarely slept and he never slept after something like this. He was merely trying desperately to soothe the adrenaline surging through his veins. Nothing was working, he barked orders out to his team, sending each of them scurrying. Then had paced for what seemed like hours, harassing the nurses for information every fifteen minutes until they finally told him6 if he approached the desk again they would ask him to leave. The angry glare he gave the head nurse was met by a similar glare from her, after a five minute staring match her eyes softened and she promised to come and get him the minute they had any information for him. And that was how he ended up here, sitting in the waiting room, head back, eyes closed, and hands clutching at the arms of the chair so hard that his knuckles were white and his fingers ached. The adrenaline still raced through his veins looking for an outlet but finding none. He knew it would continue to churn endlessly within him until he gave it a way out. He knew countless ways to alleviate the adrenaline had learned over the years what worked best. Punching a wall was a good one, hours at the gun range or gym, sex, alone or with someone, or a shouting match with an unwilling sparring partner helped. But right now, none of those were an option, not until he knew everything was okay.

"Mr. Gibbs."

Gibbs shot up. "Is he okay?"

The head nurse from earlier smiled. "He's going to be fine. Dr. Carson is on his way out to talk to you."

He nodded, the closest she was going to get to a thank you.

She rolled her eyes and walked back to the desk. A few moments later, a tall lanky, curly haired blond man made his way into the waiting room.

"He's okay?" Gibbs asked again.

"Yes." The doctor nodded extending his hand. "Dr. Carson by the way."

"Gibbs." He replied with a handshake.

"No concussion, no broken bones but a hell of a lot of lacerations and abrasions."

"And the bullet?" Gibbs asked.

"Penetrating wound on the right side, just below the ribcage, didn't get in very far." Dr. Carson shook his head. "He's lucky the bullet caught the edge of his vest, slowed it down considerable. It never made it past the muscle and tissue."

A quick nod from Gibbs. Vests weren't really bullet proof, only bullet resistant and this one had found the perfect spot.

"It's gonna hurt like hell but he'll be fine."

"Can he go home?"

Dr. Carson nodded. "I prefer someone stay with him tonight we've give him pain medication." The doctor paused when he saw the other man roll his eyes. "Problem?"

"No." Gibbs shook his head then snickered. "He just gets flakier than he already is when he's on pain medication."

"So I've notice." Dr. Carson chuckled. "You taking him home?"

"Yeah." Gibbs sighed.

"I'll have Nurse Ander give you the discharge instructions."

"Thanks."

"No problem." Dr. Carson nodded as he left.

Running his hands down his face, Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief. Tony was okay, that was what mattered right now. Once he was better, Gibbs would head slap him so hard, the bullet would seem like nothing in comparison.

##########

"Seriously this is some good shit they gave me." Tony grinned.

Gibbs just nodded as he continued to focus on the road ahead of him.

"I feel all warm and fuzzy."

Rolling his eyes, Gibbs just let Tony ramble.

"And everything seems so bright and vivid." Tony leaned forward, cocking his head as he looked out the car window. Then he suddenly turned and looked at Gibbs. "This isn't the way to my apartment."

"Observant, even doped up."

"Where we going Boss? Bossman. G-man. Silver haired fox. All mighty one." Tony grinned.

"My place so you can sleep off the pain killers."

Leaning back, Tony sighed. "I love your place. It just feels so nice and safe and warm."

Oh brother. Gibbs rolled his eyes again.

"It's still kinda stoic though." Tony stared at his hands as he talked. "But then you're stoic so you give the vibe to the house. Not stoic in a bad way necessarily...well kinda in a bad way. You're too stoic."

Ignoring the insightful ramblings, Gibbs pressed his foot down harder on the gas pedal.

The action caused Tony to laugh. "You really hate talking about anything to do with feelings, even if it is just me calling you stoic..." There was a long pause. "I remember when you weren't so stoic...it was nice."

The car suddenly seemed like a coffin, to small and closed in, and Gibbs just wanted out.

Closing his eyes, Tony smiled. "That was nice, really nice. You were nice, you trusted me then, really trusted me. I mean really, really trusted me. You even-"

Gibbs' hand went over Tony's mouth muting the rest of the sentence. Only when he no longer felt the movement of Tony's lips against his palm did he finally remove his hand.

Even in the drug induced fog, Tony knew to remain silent. And the silence remained as they pulled into the driveway and Gibbs helped him from the car and into the house. The only sound Tony made were winces and grunts of pain as Gibbs helped him inside and upstairs into the bedroom.

"Why am I in here?" Tony finally spoke lying in Gibbs bed looking around the room completely confused.

"Because you need to sleep and this is the only bed."

Tony's eyebrow went up. "We sharing?"

"No." Gibbs replied as he pulled Tony's shoes off tossing them beside the bed.

"Are you undressing me?"

"Tony!" Gibbs sighed, quickly losing his patience with the drugged man.

"I'm good like this." Sleep already pulling at Tony's eyelids.

"I'll check on you in a little bit."

A weak nod as Tony's eyes closed completely.

##########

Fresh cup of coffee in hand, Gibbs dropped down on the couch and took a few long sips of the hot black liquid. As good as it tasted to his caffeine deprived body; it did nothing for his mood. Putting the mug on the coffee table, he moved his head back and forth, then up and down hearing the creaks and cracks of his tired old bones. He really was getting to old for this. Too old for the physicality it required, too old for the emotional toll it took whenever a member of his team was in danger or harmed, and too old to feel the way he did about it all. As much as he loved what he did, this part...this was the part that made him want to give it up on an almost daily bases.

Truth was he wasn't that old, there were plenty of agents older than him still in the field but days like these made him feel even older. It could have been worse, a lot worse. Tony was lucky, hell he was lucky himself. They had both been standing there, side by side, when the gunman jumped out from behind the crate. Either of them would have made an excellent target. Both of them had seen the gunman at the same time, both pushing the other out of the way. Unfortunately, one of the spray of bullets had hit its mark, Tony, sending him stumbling backwards into another crate. The crate splintering under the force, which is where the lacerations and abrasions had come from.

Gibbs had landed not far from where Tony had shoved him out of the way. Falling with a thud onto his side, he recovered quickly and unloaded five shots into the gunman, three in the chest and two in the head. Pushing the pain aside, he was instantly on his feet and at Tony's side, surprised Tony was conscious and telling him he was fine. Not fine, but at least with it enough to have his hand pressed hard against the wound at his side. Slipping his hand under Tony's, Gibbs took over applying pressure.

"I got it." Even as he applied the pressure, Tony's hand stayed on his, clutching at his fingers. Tony's eyes closed and he took a deep breath.

Gibbs felt the body under his touch settle, calm, and warm. Tony's fingers released his hand, but remained there.

After that it was a matter of waiting...waiting for the ambulance, waiting to get to the hospital, and waiting to find out if Tony was okay. He'd been through it all before, with Tony and with countless others. But Tony...Tony getting hurt was always the hardest for him to deal with.

Running his hands down his face, Gibbs pushed the thoughts aside and decided his energy would be better served checking on his charge. Making his way upstairs to the bedroom, he peered inside and smiled.

On his back, mouth open, arms and legs sprawled out across the entire bed, Tony was snoring softly.

Continuing to stare at the younger man, the smile gradually faded as a sullenness settled over Gibbs' eyes and face. Already the bruises were starting to materialize on Tony's face and hands, and he was positive they were probably already visible on the rest of the younger man's body that he couldn't see. Drawn by some magnetic like force, he stood beside the bed scrutinizing the haphazard marks crisscrossing the normally unmarred olive skin of Tony's face. Involuntarily, his fingers brush across Tony's forehead barely touching the skin.

Still the whisper like touch caused Tony to stir. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled up at Gibbs. "How long have I been out?" Tony sighed, not surprised when Gibbs quickly drew his hand away.

"Few hours." Ignoring the fact that Tony had seen the affectionate display, Gibbs cleared his throat. "Thirsty, hungry?"

"No." Tony winced as he shifted slightly.

"Pain okay?"

"Yeah." Tony nodded forcing a smile.

"I'll get you something."

"No." Grabbing Gibbs' arm, Tony caused the older man to pause. "I'll be fine. I'd rather stay off the hard stuff.

Understanding, Gibbs nodded.

"Maybe some aspirin or something later."

"Sure." He glanced at where Tony held his arm then back up. "Just get some more sleep."

"Thanks." Tony let his hand slip down Gibbs' arm, the touch taking longer than it should have to fade away. "For everything."

Another nod.

Tony watched him walk away, watched until he heard the footsteps reach the bottom of the steps. Then closed his eyes and told himself the next time he woke up, he'd leave, no matter what it took.

##########

He'd fallen asleep shortly after checking on Tony, but the movement upstairs woke him instantly. His first instinct was to rush up the stairs and make sure Tony was okay, but he knew it wasn't necessary, even though every fiber of his being wanted to. Assuming Tony was hitting the head, Gibbs just listened, expected to hear the footsteps to and from the bathroom and then back to the bed. When he heard the creaking of the stairs, he realized that wasn't what was happening at all.

"Trying to sneak out?" Gibbs asked still laying on the couch, looking over at Tony standing at the bottom of the steps.

"No one sneaks out when you're around."

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah." This wasn't going to be a pleasant goodbye, Tony could already tell.

"Your car is still at NCIS."

"I have a cab coming."

That statement finally made Gibbs sit up. He stared at the coffee table as he spoke. "Sure you're okay?"

"I'll be fine." Tony swallowed the lump of emotion that had formed in his throat. "I'll just sleep."

"That uncomfortable sleeping here?"

"No."

"Then why leave?" Gibbs glanced over at Tony.

Looking back into those steel blue eyes, Tony shook his head. "You know why."

"Yeah." A sarcastic chuckle dripped from Gibbs' lips. "I'm too nice to you when you're sick, injured, or whatever."

"I told you the last time. I can't-" Struggling to maintain his resolve, Tony continued. "I can't deal with it."

"So I should be an ass, not care, not be there for you when you get hurt?"

"You should let someone else be there for me." It wasn't like Gibbs was the only one that gave a shit about him. "Abby, McGee, Ziva, hell even Palmer or Ducky would have stayed with me. It doesn't have to be you. It can't be you any more; I'm not your responsibility. I never was."

"I'm your goddamn Boss it's my responsibility." Gibbs snapped glaring at Tony.

"You know this has nothing to do with you being my Boss. Not a damn thing."

"Yes it does." Now on his feet, the adrenaline he had buried in the pit of his stomach surged forth again. "You're the only one that makes it about something else."

"Right!" Tony scoffed. "That's why I woke up to you touching my forehead."

Clenching his jaw, Gibbs tried to contain the anger. "I care you know that."

"You care when you want to." Tony chuckled. "It takes me almost dying or getting shot for you to care. I don't need that kind of caring."

"And why does this only come up when I wanna help?"

"Because that's the only time you let me see a hint of the truth." Trying to hold back the wave of emotion threatening, Tony took a deep breath. "A glimpse of...it doesn't matter. I'll be fine and in a couple of days we'll go right back to the way it's always been."

"And it'll be another month until I see you outside of work." The anger was still there bubbling just under the surface.

"Unlike you, I care all the time, not just when you're lying in a hospital bed half dead." Tony knew the words would have the desired effect. "So it takes me some time to adjust again."

Eyes narrowing, Gibbs was just about to speak when the honking of a horn stopped him.

Without a goodbye or even allowing Gibbs to respond, Tony opened the door and left.

The anger fumed as he stood there, rushing with a new urgency through his veins, and it finally demanded release. With all the strength of the anger coursing through him Gibbs fist hit the coffee table, splintering the wood almost dead center. He saw the blood, but never felt the pain.

###########

Sitting at his desk he read the file with an unusual sense of detachment, the words gunman, agent shot, gunman dead, ambulance, all just seemed like jumbled words of nothingness, until his eyes caught the only word that mattered. Tony. It was when his eyes read that word, when his brain finally assembled the pieces of the word puzzle that his body reacted. His stomach knotted in pain, the bile rising in his throat.

"I thought I made it clear, your team was to take the next two days off."

Gibbs answered without even looking up. "I have things to do."

"Reports can wait."

Closing the file, Gibbs finally looked up. "Nothing better to do than keep track of me Leon?"

"Keeping track of you is a full time job, one I don't have time for." Leon sighed. "Go home, go to a bar, hell go visit the three letter boys. I don't care just don't be here."

Narrowing his eyes, Gibbs was about to shoot off a snide comeback, when he stopped. Standing up he grabbed his coat. "Bar sounds good."

Leon watched Gibbs forgo the elevator and take off down the steps. Something was wrong, definitely wrong. Gibbs never listened and never gave in without a fight.

##########

Holding up the empty glass, Gibbs nodded at the bartender and received a nod in reply. A few seconds later Bourbon appeared before him. At almost the same time the phone in his pocket rang. Picking it out, he looked at the caller id. Please let it be about work. He said to himself before answering.

"Yeah."

"Can I talk to Tony?"

"He went home Abs." Gibbs sighed.

"Went home? Why?"

"Call his cell."

"I have been for hours. I figured he was asleep at your place."

"Nope."

There was a long silence.

"Nope that's all you have to say?" Her voice now full of annoyance. "Did you hear what I said? I can't get a hold of Tony."

"Then go over and check on him." He'd already been told it was no longer his responsibility to worry or give a shit.

Another silence.

"You're not at home?"

"He went home, that's all I know. So if he didn't answer his cell and you're worried, go over there."

He clicked the phone closed and shoved it back in his pocket. Picking the drink back up, he downed it and nodded at the bartender again. Another drink appeared.

"You actually followed Regs?"

"Yeah well there's a first time for everything."

"I thought hell would freeze over before you took the mandatory two days after a shooting." Fornell sat down and nodded to the bartender for his regular

"Like I said first time for everything."

"Your boy okay?"

Why did everyone have to call Tony that?

"DiNozzo's fine."

"He at your place?" A drink now in front of him, Fornell took a sip.

"Nope."

"He must be okay if you let him out of your sight already."

When he didn't get an answer Fornell shook his head. "Jesus what did DiNonotzo do now that pissed in your Wheaties? Getting shot do it or was there something else?"

"Nothing." Gibbs shrugged taking a swig of his drink.

"Someone put you in a foul mood."

Glancing at Fornell, Gibbs balked. "Maybe it was you."

"Hey!" Fornell held up a hand. "Don't take it out on me. I just came for a drink."

"Then shut up and drink." Another long drag and Gibbs empty his glass, again catching the bartender's eye. "Two more."

"I haven't even taken a drink of this one."

"And what did I say?" Gibbs glared over at him.

"Alright!" Fornell downed the rest of his drink and shook his head. "God, I hate when you're like this. Why is it when you wanna get shit faced, I'm the one that ends up passed out on some floor, waking up not knowing where I am."

"Well Tobias probably because you don't know how to pace yourself." Gibbs smirked.

"Who the hell has time to pace themselves when they drink with you?"

With a chuckled, Gibbs tossed back his drink and ordered another.

"Damn it!" Fornell groaned. "If I wake up in the CIA woman's bathroom again I'm coming after you this time."

###########

A few hours later, Gibbs and Fornell were sitting in Gibbs' living room, an empty bottle of Bourbon on the floor by the couch, another bottle already started.

"What happened to the coffee table?" Fornell stared at the empty space in front of the couch he was sitting on.

"It broke."

Raising an eyebrow, Fornell looked over at Gibbs sitting in the chair next to him. "It broke or you broke it?" Fornell had seen the bandage around Gibbs hand.

"Just drink your drink."

"Sure." Fornell, already drunk, downed his glass and held it out for Gibbs to refill. "So you drunk enough to tell me now?"

"Tell you what?" Gibbs asked refilling both their glasses.

"Whatever has you all brooding tonight."

Ignoring the question, Gibbs sipped his drink.

"You haven't hit the sauce this hard in a long time." Fornell struggled not to slur his words and keep his mind on track.

"Just following orders."

Fornell laughed. "Wish my director would order me to get plastered now and then."

Staring at his glass, Gibbs went silent.

"But, um, that's not it?"

Downing his drink, Gibbs poured another.

"Jesus Jethro just tell me already?" Fornell sighed. "I probably won't remember it in the morning anyway."

Twisting the glass in his hand, Gibbs gazed at the amber liquid. "Been ordered not to care anymore, not to give a shit because it's not my responsibility."

"What?" Maybe it was the booze or just the cryptic way Gibbs spoke, but Fornell had no clue what the hell he was talking about. "Who the hell ordered you not to care about them?"

Gibbs sighed. "DiNozzo...Tony."

Fornell's brow furrowed. "So you actually pissed him off this time instead of vice versa."

A nod.

"What he didn't like your bedside manner?" Fornell smirked.

"No." Leaning his head back, Gibbs chuckled. "I'm too nice."

A hearty laugh ripped from Fornell's gut. "You, too nice?"

"Yeah."

"Seriously?" A surprised expression covered Fornell's face. He shook his head. "Wow. Hell really is freezing over! You take the mandatory days off and now you're too nice. What the hell did you do? Offer to make breakfast in bed."

"No." That was as much of an answer that Gibbs was willing to offer.

"And not being your responsibility, that mean he wants to leave?"

"I don't know." Picking up his head, Gibbs took another drink. "But means I don't have to worry about him anymore."

"And you're okay with that? I mean-" The thought went unfinished.

"What Tobias?"

"That's your boy. You brought him into NCIS, wanted him on your team." Fornell sighed. "You never did that until DiNotzo and haven't done it since."

"That's because I learn from my mistakes."

Drawing back, Fornell was shocked. Never had Gibbs said a negative word about DiNotzo. Well the odd he needs to focus more or that the movie references were annoying, but never anything harsh.

"Thought he was one of the best young agents you'd ever worked with?"

"He is."

"So how is hiring him a mistake?" Again, Fornell was confused, still believing it was the drunken haze.

"Because I let my personal feeling affect how I handled my professional responsibilities." Gibbs ran his hand down his face. "And I've been paying for it ever since."

Fornell rolled his eyes, making himself half dizzy in the process. "Jethro, I'm drunk, can you just cut to the chase here."

Something made him tell the truth. Maybe it was the booze, maybe he figured Fornell really wouldn't remember in the morning, but either way he admitted it.

"I had a personal relationship with Tony...Before he was hired."

"Yeah I know you two met in Baltimore isn't that why you hired him?"

Gibbs rubbed his forehead. "No I don't mean I knew him. I had a personal relationship with him."

Fornell's eyes widened. "You mean personal...like personal, personal?"

"Yeah."

"Whoa." Fornell slumped back onto the couch in disbelief. "I mean you and DiNotzo. That's just, I can't even...Really?"

"It was in Baltimore, before-" Gibbs took a deep breath. "It just happened so naturally."

"And was it just that once?"

"Three days." Gibbs sighed breathlessly. "Three very long, intense-."

Glancing at Fornell and seeing his eyebrows raised, Gibbs stopped before he said any more.

"Sounds like you want another round?" Fornell smirked.

"What I want." Gibbs snapped as he stood up. "Is for Tony to let it go."

"But he won't?"

"No." Gibbs growled. "It's been ten fucking years and he just keeps-"

"Keeps what? Asking for another go round?"

"Bringing it up, wants to talk about it." Gibbs rolled his eyes. "What the hell is there to talk about?"

"What did you say ten years ago?"

Gibbs looked at Fornell like he had asked for the solution to the meaning of life.

"Jesus Jethro did you even say good-bye to the guy?"

"He knew I was leaving, knew I had to be back at NCIS." Gibbs said it as if it made all the sense in the world.

"So you just got up and left?" Fornell chuckled. "Damn you really are a bastard."

Gibbs stare had now turned to a glare.

"And that was it, you two never talked about it again? Even after he came to NCIS?"

"No." Gibbs shrugged. "I mean..."

"When you called him to come see you at NCIS what did you say?"

Suddenly he felt it. The smack upside the head with the two by four. He realized the mistake he had made ten years ago when he called Tony.

"I told him I needed to talk to him and I wouldn't say what about."

Fornell nodded. "And instead of wanting to talk about what happened, you just shoved him to HR."

"Yeah." Gibbs sighed heavily. "I just assumed it was a onetime thing, a fling. We were both keyed up, the case, the chase."

"The chase?"

"During the assignment, I needed to get arrested." He remembered it like it was yesterday. "I let Tony catch me, wrestle me to the ground. The adrenaline gets going, you know?"

No Fornell thought to himself. He had definitely not felt adrenaline the way Gibbs had during that situation. The man's eyes were glazed over as he remembered it, his face flushed, his hands balled into fists.

Shaking his head, Gibbs vanquished the vision from his mind. "It was just one of those things."

"Right." Fornell nodded slowly. "And you've never thought about getting DiNotzo back in the sack?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"Oh Jethro." Fornell groaned. "That's why DiNotzo thinks you're too nice when he's here? You're nice because you want another piece."

"I'm nice." Gibbs spoke through clenched jaw. "Because he's my Senior Field Agent and when he gets hurt it's my responsibility to make sure he's okay."

"And McGee and David? They have both been hurt before, never heard about you offering to let them stay here. Hell David's apartment blew up and I didn't see you throwing open the door for her."

"It's different." Gibbs was pacing like some caged animal.

"Yeah it is." God Gibbs really didn't see it. How could such a talented investigator not see what was right in front of him. Even half-drunk Fornell could see it. "It's different because you don't have feelings for David or McGee, but you do for DiNotzo."

"You're drunk." Another eye roll.

"Yeah but that doesn't make it any less true." Fornell took a deep breath. "I don't know what you feel for him. Lust, love, hell maybe just some pent up sexual attraction from ten years ago but you feel something and it's not friendship."

"You have no idea what-"

"Come on?" Fornell snickered. "Deny it, lie about it, whatever. But the truth is we're sitting here drinking because you're pissed that Tony finally stood up to you. Finally told you to back off and that he wasn't gonna tolerate you blowing him off..." He smirked. "Sorry wrong choice of words."

"TOBIAS!"

"He evidently wants to talk about it and you refuse, so he's feed up with trying and waiting. He's done." Fornell shrugged. "Everyone's got their breaking point and DiNotzo's finally reached his."

Wrestling with the emotions inside him, Gibbs didn't even know how to respond.

"Ten years is a long time to wait." Fornell grinned. "Shit, that's twice as long as any of your marriages."

"Fuck you."

"No thanks I'll pass." Fornell chuckled. "But I have a feeling DiNotzo would."

"How the hell did this get so far out of hand?" Gibbs groaned.

"Ten years of not talking about it, might have something to do with it."

"I need another drink." Gibbs dropped back down into the chair grabbing his glass and refilling it.

"So do I." Holding out his glass, Fornell waited for Gibbs to refill it, took a long swig then started laughing. "This explains so much."

"Like what?" Gibbs barked.

"How protective you are of him, the looks, the head slaps, and even how you keep him at a safe distance." Fornell leaned forward. "How do you feel about him?"

Fixated on the glass in his hand, Gibbs gazed at the Bourbon as if it might give him all the answers.

"Fine." Fornell paused knowing Gibbs wasn't going to answer that one. "You have any idea what he wants or how he feels?"

"I don't know, but it's not sex."

"Really?" Fornell grinned.

"It's not just sex." Gibbs smirked. "If he just wanted that, he'd have already gotten it."

"You that easy?"

Gibbs snickered.

"Oh God." Fornell groaned. "I don't wanna know."

#########

"Son of a bitch." Gibbs groaned as he picked up his head. He'd fallen asleep in the chair that was worse than sleeping on the boat. Now his neck was gonna hurt all damn day. Glancing over, Fornell was sprawled out on the couch, mouth open, snoring loudly. "Surprised I slept at all with that."

Standing up slowly, he felt every muscle in his body scream at him. Taking a few steps he groaned, he was too old to do this shit. Making his way into the kitchen he started the coffee then pulled the phone from his pants pocket. Hitting a button he pulled up the number he wanted then stared at the name on the screen. Was calling to check in considered being too nice? Taking a deep breath he pushed the button again and the phone dialed. He listened counting the rings, at the count of five he was sure Tony had saw his number and just refused to answer. After the sixth ring it went to voicemail. He listened to the voice then heard the beep. Opening his mouth to speak, he stopped then hung up. Searching his contacts he dialed another number. It rang twice and then picked up, but no one spoke.

"Abs?"

"Gibbs." She replied coldly.

"Is he asleep or ignoring me?" He knew without asking that she was with Tony.

"Both."

Great now he not only had a pissed off Senior Field Agent but a pissed off Forensic Specialist.

"Is he doing okay?"

"Yes."

This was going to be like pulling teeth with her in this mood.

"Abby!"

"He's fine Gibbs. Although I'm not sure why you care now."

He let out a long sigh. "Can we not do this Abs?"

"Do what? Talk about what an ass you were last night."

"Yeah. I just wanted to know he was doing okay."

"He is." Her voice lost some of its harshness. "He's just tired and sore...and upset."

The question now was how much did she really know.

"Why are you two fighting?"

He could sense the pout through the phone, which was a good thing, it meant she didn't know.

"I just wanted to check in."

"Why didn't you just leave a message when you called?"

"Not sure he'd listen to it." And knowing how they left things yesterday, he was pretty sure Tony wouldn't have listened. "Take care of him Abs. Okay?"

"Yeah."

Ending the call, Gibbs tossed the phone on the counter. He wasn't sure how to fix this, but it would definitely require Tony being willing to talk to him.

"What the hell time is it?" Fornell groaned as he sat up.

"Little after eight." Gibbs smirked.

"Damn it." Running his hands down his face, Fornell sighed. "Wish we could have these drunken talks when I don't have to work in the morning."

"What fun would that be?"

"Right of course because since you feel miserable I have to feel miserable in some way too."

"Misery loves company." Gibbs chuckled.

"Just give me a damn cup of coffee."

##########

"Who called?" Tony asked emerging from the bedroom. He'd heard his phone go off then Abby's.

Abby chewed at her lower lip for a moment. "Gibbs."

"You made coffee?" Of course she had. It was a stupid question he could smell it, but he was trying to avoid the continuing conversation he knew was coming. Making his way into the kitchen, Tony poured a cup of coffee.

"Don't you wanna know why he called?" Abby turned, staring over the couch into the kitchen.

"No."

"He wanted to make sure you were okay." She paused. "Wanted to just checking in."

Sitting down next to Abby, Tony winced slightly as he settled in.

"Are you gonna tell me why you're fighting?" Abby had asked last night and didn't get an answer.

"No."

"I don't like it when you two fight." In typical Abby fashion, she pouted. "It makes me feel all yucky and sick to my stomach."

"Abby." Tony sighed. Abby hated when anyone on the team was fighting, but she got especially hinky when the boss fought with his Senior Field Agent.

"Why didn't you stay? You always stay with Gibbs when you get hurt."

"Not anymore."

"He obviously wants to talk to you, work it out. That's why he called."

"Gibbs doesn't talk. Barks order, but he doesn't talk." Tony shook his head. "If he talked we wouldn't be in this situation."

"He's a man of few words." Abby said both as an explanation and in defense.

Tony rolled his eyes. She loved all of the team, but Gibbs was the all mighty dark magic wizard behind the curtain.

"Well sometimes, even the all mighty Gibbs needs to open his goddamn mouth and do more than grunt."

"Maybe that's why he's calling, he's ready to talk."

"I doubt it." Tony took a sip of coffee.

"You won't know unless you talk to him."

"I'm done doing the talking, done trying to get him to talk." Tony paused. "I'm done with Leroy Jethro Gibbs, unless it deals with work, and only work."

Abby's face went white. "Don't say that! Don't even joke about that."

"Not a joke. I'm done."

As if on cue, Tony's phone rang. Abby grabbed it from the table and looked at the caller id, then held it up for Tony to see. Grabbing the phone he sent the call directly to voice mail.

Abby wilted. "So you're just going to ignore him now? What if it was about work?"

"Then he'll leave a message." Tony tossed the phone back on the table. "We have the day off anyway, it's not about work."

"You two will work it out. You always do." Trying to sound optimistic, Abby smiled.

"I've already worked it out." Tony patted her hand. "It won't affect work, you won't even notice."

Again Tony's phone beeped, this time telling him he had a voice mail.

"See he wants to talk."

"Go home Abs." Tony said as he gingerly got to his feet.

"But I told Gibbs I'd take care of you." A sadness filled her eyes.

"You have." Tony forced a smile. "Now I just wanna climb back into bed and rest, maybe watch a little TV."

"We can watch a movie!" She jumped to her feet filling herself with excited as she tried to convince her friend.

"I just wanna be alone for a while." Tony leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "If I need anything I'll call."

"Can't I just stay out here, I won't bother you." Abby had her best pouty face on.

"No." Tony chuckled. "Go home. I'll call you later."

"Maybe if you want I can bring dinner over later tonight." She smile hopeful.

"We'll see."

She nodded then picked up her purse and started towards the door, Tony right behind her.

"Listen to the message." She said turning around as she reached the door.

"I will." Tony nodded.

"Promise?"

"Promise." Opening the door, Tony smiled at her. "Now go."

"Love you." She sighed kissing a spot on his cheek that wasn't bruised.

"Love you too."

With a concerned look over her shoulder she finally started to walk away. Closing the door, Tony shook his head. Abby was a worrier.

Grabbing his phone he headed back into the bedroom, dropping down on the side of the bed staring at the phone.

"Sorry Abs." Tony sighed as he tossed the phone on the nightstand ignoring the message. Grabbing the remote he flipped through the TV stations until he found an old movie. Propping the pillow up, he leaned back against the head board.

So this was it...he was letting it go. Letting go of the idea that they would ever talk or that there could be something more. Instead he was done, done with talking, with feeling, and completely done with Gibbs.

###########

Instantly awake, Tony kept his eyes closed, his hand under the pillow until the perfect moment. It was when the form was standing by the bed, that Tony drew his gun from under the pillow and pointed it directly at the chest. His eyes shot open and he looked at the intruder.

"Gun under the pillow. That's new."

"How would you know?"

"Plan on shooting me?"

"Considering it." Tony still had the gun pointed at the other man's chest.

"I'm wearing a vest."

Tony's eyes narrowed. "You're lying."

"Am I?"

Reaching out, Tony's hand touched the man's abs and felt the heavy vest under the shirt. Shaking his head, Tony chuckled.

"I knew you were pissed." Gibbs smirked. "I thought I should be prepared for anything."

Letting the gun slowly fall, Tony finally laid it on the nightstand, and pushed himself into a sitting position.

Gibbs saw the small wince of pain on his face. "You should take something."

"Why did you break into my apartment?" Tony asked not acknowledging the comment.

"Figured this is the only way you would see me."

"I'm tired, not really up for visiting."

"So you're not ignoring me?" Gibbs already knew the answer to that. He'd called three times, left messages twice.

There was no response.

"That's what I thought." Holding up the cell phone Gibbs had seen the two new voice mail alerts still on Tony's phone.

Snatching the phone from Gibbs' hand, Tony tossed it on the night stand. "You never could take a hint."

"No. Guess not." Gibbs sat down on the edge of the bed, Tony wiggled away. Gibbs wasn't sure if it was to give him room or to make sure they didn't touch.

"Abby's bringing dinner over." Tony paused. "So you should leave."

Gibbs shook his head. "You really do wanna get rid of me."

Tony just looked at the older man.

"I just talked to Abby. She said she hadn't heard from you." Gibbs chuckled. "Wanna try another lie?"

"No." Tony should have known a lie would never work with Gibbs. "I'm telling you to leave."

"And if I don't, gonna pull the gun again?"

Running his hands down his face, Tony took a deep breath. "This isn't work, this is my home and I asked you to leave."

Gibbs didn't respond.

"Fine." Tony picked up his phone and was about to hit a button when Gibbs' hand grabbed his wrist.

"What the hell do you want me to say?" Gibbs sighed.

"I don't want you to say anything." Tearing his wrist from Gibbs' grasp, Tony glared at the other man. "I'm over wanting you to say or do anything."

"Last time we were on a bed together...you wanted me to do everything." Gibbs' eyes skimmed down Tony's body. "Begged me actually."

"To bad I didn't know what a bastard you were back then." Struggling to not let Gibbs words affect him, Tony continued. "Or I would have told you the same thing I'm telling you now. Get out!"

"So just like that you're over it all?"

"Ten years is a long time." Tony scoffed. "Too long."

"Yeah." Gibbs nodded. "So why is this time suddenly the time that makes you realize that?"

"Hope and want only last so long." Tony swallowed the emotion. "Mine ran out."

"What did you want?"

"Get up!" Using his hands and legs, Tony tried to push Gibbs off the bed so he could get up and away from this conversation. He'd already convinced himself that this was all over, that this conversation was never gonna happen and he couldn't let it happen now.

Stopping Tony's assault, Gibbs grabbed both of Tony's wrists. "Tell me what you wanted to happen after those nights we spent together?"

"Let me go!" Tony barked.

"No." Jerking Tony forward gently, Gibbs rephrased and asked again. "What did you want?"

"YOU!" Tony yelled. "I wanted you."

There was a pause.

"You could have had me." Gibbs' eyes locked with those sparkling green. "You know that."

"I didn't just want sex."

And there it was. Even though Gibbs had known, hearing it made his heart stop and made the fear clutch at his stomach. He let go of Tony's wrist and ran his hands down his face.

"But you know that already." Tony's voice was filled with annoyance. "So don't act all surprised. It just makes you look like more of an ass."

"Thinking you know and hearing it are two very different things."

"Don't worry. I don't want you anymore." The words came out as a growl of anger and denial.

Standing up, Gibbs nodded. "Good. You're better off not wanting me."

"Believe I know that now." Tony stood up beside Gibbs. "Us, you and I, it's just work now. I don't want to hear from you unless it's about a case."

Another nod.

"And the same for me." Tony paused as the pain gripped at his heart. "I won't call or see you unless it's about work.

Again a nod.

"Now you can leave." Fighting to hold his resolve, Tony prayed that Gibbs would leave before it all fell apart.

Gibbs leaned forward, surprising Tony when his lips pressed a gentle kiss to the younger man's forehead. Drawing back, blue eyes met green. "I'm sorry."

Tony's eyes widened at the taboo words that seemed to fall so easy from Gibbs' lips. The kiss, the words, froze Tony to the spot and all he could do was watch Gibbs walk away.

##########

The next day, Gibbs was already sitting at his desk when his agents started to filter in. McGee first, then Ziva, and finally Tony.

"You are back already?" Ziva asked as Tony strolled into the bullpen.

"You figure that out all by yourself Ziva?" Tony rolled his eyes as he sat down at his desk.

"Gear up. Dead Marine." Gibbs barked grabbing his gun and coat. He stopped when he saw Tony grabbing his stuff. "Desk until the doctor clears you." With that said he continued to the elevator.

Tony groaned tossing his backpack to the floor.

Ziva shrugged as she hurried past Tony's desk. McGee gave Tony an apologetic smile as he quickly followed.

"Fuck." Tony sighed, dropping back into his chair, wincing when the pain shot down his side.

###########

"Pizza?"

"That will be good." Tony nodded sitting on the stool in front of the lab table as Abby fluttered around the lab.

"How about we watch Sean of the Dead tonight." Abby smiled. "That always makes you laugh."

"Yeah."

"Whatcha got Abs." Gibbs strolled in carrying a Caf-Pow.

"Enough blood to make my own slasher movie."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "And?"

"And, it's mostly the vics, but another contribution as well."

"Running it against the husband?"

"Of course." Abby scoffed. "Oh yea of little faith."

"What else?"

"Never happy are you?"

"Abs!"

"Grump I see." Abby went to the computer and hit a few keys on the keyboard. "Knife is your run of the mill switch blade, but the blade is engraved."

"Can we figure out where that was done?"

"Ziva's making some calls now." Abby glanced at Gibbs then Tony. "Maybe your Senior Field Agent who is sitting right there and who you have ignored this entire time could make some calls."

"Ziva can handle it." With a kiss to Abby's cheek, Gibbs left.

Abby looked at Tony with a sigh. "How long are you two going to keep this up?"

"I see the doctor today at four." Tony said ignoring Abby's question. "But even if he clears me to work, Gibbs still has to okay it."

"What? You think he wouldn't?"

"At this point I'm not sure." Tony ran his hands through his hair. This isn't exactly how he wanted it to be. He thought they would at least be civil, polite, possible say more than two words to each other, but Gibbs only spoke to him when it was absolutely necessary. And even then he did it begrudgingly. Great just how he wanted to spend the rest of his career.

##########

The next morning Tony walked into the bullpen an hour early, knowing without fail that Gibbs would already be there. Stopping in front of Gibbs' desk, Tony placed the paper down in front of his boss.

Glancing over it, Gibbs sighed off on it, then looked up and handed it back to Tony.

"You realize you just signed off on putting me back on active duty."

"Yeah."

"And you're okay with that?" Tony asked slightly surprised that this wasn't going to lead to some argument.

"Yeah. Are you?" Gibbs answered looking at his Senior Field Agent.

Tony chuckled. "Yeah."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Just figured you were going to give me some lecture on needing more time to heal." Actually, Tony expected it and suddenly felt disappointed that he wasn't receiving it.

"Nope." Again, Gibbs just looked at the younger man.

"No, you should take the time, desk work isn't that bad." Tony paused. "No poking me in the gut to see if I still wince with pain from the gunshot wound in my side?"

"You're a big boy, you know if you're ready."

Tony nodded. Well this is what he had asked for and now he was getting it. He wanted Gibbs to stop worrying, stop caring, to make their relationship completely about work and Gibbs was doing just that.

Again he felt the crushing pain around his heart.

"Wow you really can just shut it all off can't you?" Tony shook his head.

Biting his tongue, Gibbs stood up. "This is what you asked for."

Another nod. Can't have it both ways DiNozzo. Tony told himself.

"I'm trying to respect your wishes." Gibbs took a deep breath burying the words he really wanted to say and instead saying what he should. "And yeah, I turned it all off, because you told me to, not because I wanted to or because it's not there."

Tony's stomach knotted and he immediately felt sick. "Thanks...I think."

"Vance is in his office." Gibbs sat back down. "You can take the doctors release up to him."

"Right."

Gibbs stared at his computer screen as Tony walked up the stair to the Directors office. Only when he knew Tony had disappeared from view did he lean back in his chair and run his hands down his face. Truth was he didn't want Tony back on active duty. Tony could hide the pain too well, from the doctor and everyone else around him, except his boss. Gibbs knew he was still in pain, knew he needed more time, but he also knew that Tony would take it personally if he denied the doctors okay. And right now he wasn't in the right frame of mind to have an argument with Tony about it. It was easier this way. Gibbs could still monitor what Tony did, make sure that he took it easy...yeah it was easier this way. That's what he told himself. Just like he told himself that this new cold distant relationship that they now shared was the right thing to do.