Disclaimer: I don't claim to own anything related to Supernatural.

Summery: AU. John brings home a strange boy after a hunt, a boy who calls himself Castiel. He bonds easely with the young Dean, but why is he really there?

Warnings: Will contain slash, violence and sexual relations of a slightly incestrious nature between underaged boys.

It took John a while to figure out how to be the best hunter he could be.

At first he wanted to skip the basics and go straight after the thing that had killed his wife, the monster that had taken his angel away from him. John was a soldier after all. But luckily there were people holding John back, good people, like Pastor Jim and Missouri. They kept telling him to think about his boys, to slow down and get habituated in the unfamiliar world of the Supernatural. "You cannot run before you learn to crawl." Pastor Jim told John with a strong arm around the younger man's shoulder.

They stayed with Pastor Jim for almost a year after the fire. Dean didn't remember much about his time there, but he remembered losing his first baby tooth in Pastor Jim's kitchen. He remembered that Pastor Jim had a big house and no kids so Dean got his own room. But every night Dean would sneak into Sam's bed after their father had tugged them in. Dean couldn't sleep when Sam wasn't there.

Dean watched as his father shot at empty cans on the fields behind Pastor Jim's church house, his young arms already holding Sam tight, shielding him from harm. He heard as Pastor Jim and his father argued, Pastor Jim telling John not to go, not to walk down that dark road. Dean didn't understand, but he watched one day as John packed the car, filled the trunk of the car with weapons, books and the few toys and clothes Dean and Sam had, and told Dean to get in to the back seat with Sam.

Pastor Jim watched as they drove away, a sad and worried look on his kind face. John didn't speak about Pastor Jim for seven years after that. They checked into a motel room with one bed for Dean and Sam. Dean didn't ask where his father would sleep; he just got under the covers and held Sam close, careful as always not to wake the sleeping toddler.

For a few days John would sit up at night and study maps and omens and old, thick books in the dim light of a flashlight, trying not to wake up his boys, while Dean would pretend to be asleep in the only bed in the room, arms around Sam, as if the toddler was a warm, living teddy. Three nights after they left Pastor Jim's house John went on his first hunt. It was the second of November.

Even when Dean is six and Sam begins noticing when John is gone for days, Dean is old enough to wish that John would spent just a little more time figuring out how to be a Father.

It's not often John leaves the boys alone for more than a night. Usually Sam is fast asleep and Dean should be too, when John leaves to hunt. But Dean worries about his father, worries that one day his father won't come home. So he lies awake, keeping his breath even and slow, pretending to be asleep as John gathers his things and slips out into the night. Dean knows that his father would rather stay home with them, he's told Dean this and Dean believes his father. So Dean keeps quiet, tries to fall asleep as he's told, tries to be a good son and not to burden his father with his fears, hoping that in doing so, John will be proud.

John hunts many things. He doesn't tell Dean anything about what he hunts or how he kills the monsters. Dean is still too young. John doesn't tell and Dean doesn't ask. But Dean sometimes wonder out loud if his father is in danger and what will happen if someday the monsters win? Dean watches as his father's eyes go blank and John force his mouth into a sad charade of a smile. "Don't worry kiddo. This monster is no match for your dad." John always refers to the monster he's currently hunting. The monster that killed Dean's mother is never mentioned; like it's a secret you're not supposed to talk about. And as always, Dean never asks.

When Dean is seven John takes Dean out onto an empty field and teach him to aim and shoot a gun. John gives Dean his own gun and tell him to keep it under his pillow. It's after this that Dean asks his father if he can get his own bed. Dean doesn't want the gun in the same bed as Sam, scared that the toddler will find it and hurt himself. John wouldn't understand this, so Dean doesn't tell him. Instead he force himself to grow up, to sleep alone without the safe feeling of his baby brother in his arms.

One morning Dean wakes up and to find a dark-haired boy lying next to Sam in the other bed. Dean's first reaction is to get the boy away from his sleeping baby brother, but then he notice that John is home, a smell of slightly burned oatmeal and gunpowder filling the room. Slowly Dean sits up and stretches his neck, trying to see the boy's face, but he's curled in on himself, back turned to Dean's bed. Dean can tell he's not asleep though, he's faked sleep enough times to know what it looks like.

Just then John notice that Dean is awake and he holds a finger to his lips and waves his son over to sit next to him on the couch. Dean slide out from under his covers and tip toe over to the couch on bare feet.

"Morning champ. I've made you breakfast." John whispers, but he can tell from Dean's frown that the boy is not going to be bribed this time. Especially not with John's attempt at oatmeal gone cold. Dean's green eyes ask the questions the boy has learn not to ask with words and John sighs. "I know. I'll tell you, I swear. I just – I don't know yet what to tell you, kiddo."

"Who is he?" Dean tries, deciding that he must be allowed to ask now that John has opened the conversation.

John clenches his jaw and seems to think it over, deciding what to tell Dean. "I found him. The monster I was hunting had taken him. I don't know who he is. No one around here has lost a child."

"So how are we supposed to give him back?" Dean asks, unconsciously choosing the words John had once used about a lost kitten Dean had found. John smiles, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. It never does and tonight John seems even more tense than usual, just a little more absent-minded.

"We can't give him back, kiddo. We can't even leave him with the police." John lifts his head and look over to the bed, the one occupied by the dark-haired boy and Sam. "I can't risk getting seen by the cops here."

It's the first time John admits that what he's doing isn't exactly accepted by the law, but it's not really news to Dean. John had told Dean a long time ago not to let in anyone, not even the police, not a sheriff, especially not the FBI. Dean hadn't asked why. He had been just old enough to understand the expression John got on his face when Dean asked questions. This time Dean doesn't ask either, not because he shouldn't, but because he knows his father is lying. He looks over the back of the couch, eyes resting on the boy and he wonders who he really is and why John wants to keep him.

"Do I take care of him too, like Sam?" Dean is careful when he chose his words. He doesn't want to sound like taking care of Sam is a burden, because it's not. He loves Sam.

"No I think Castiel is old enough to take care of himself." John say the words with a soft voice that's almost amused and adds: "He's older than you Dean, so you don't need to protect him."

Dean just nod. It's strange though, he doesn't know the dark-haired boy, haven't even seen his face or heard his voice. And still. Still he wouldn't mind protecting him, protecting Castiel.

To Be Continued…