Olivia Benson had always taken care of herself. She had never needed anyone's help before and she didn't want to need anyone's help now. She stood in front of the precinct, the place she had worked at for 12 years and was absolutely terrified to go in. Six weeks ago she had done the unthinkable…she had crossed a line that a cop should never cross.
She slept with her partner Elliot Stabler and she had been going crazy ever since. After a particularly bad case the two had gone for a drink and before either of them knew it…they had taken a cab back to her place clothes had been shed and their relationship had been changed forever.
Somewhere underneath the haze of the alcohol Olivia's head was reeling. Elliot Stabler's lips were on her neck right now; his hands were roaming her body. This was everything she had ever wanted and more and yet somehow there was something missing. She had to tell him how she really felt now or she would never have the courage to do it again.
Shivering as he bit down on her neck she opened her mouth to speak. "El? El?"
He moaned against her neck. "What? Did that hurt? I'm sorry…I'll make it up to you." He said looking up and winking at her.
She shook her head trying to stay focused. "No. No it didn't hurt…there's just something I need to tell you before we…go any further."
Elliot continued kissing her neck. "Can't it wait?"
She gripped the sheets on her bed as his hands slid under her shirt. "No. No I need to say it now."
Elliot looked up at her for a moment, he took in her flushed face and realized she was fighting some inner battle and he had to listen to her. He cleared his throat, tried to ignore the aching in his groin and sat up and gave her his full attention.
"Okay. Shoot." He said trying to stay as focused on her words as possible and not letting his eyes roam her gorgeous body.
Olivia was taken aback by his abrupt absence from her body so it took her a moment to sit up and react. She stumbled and pulled at her shirt to try and compose herself before looking up at him.
"Um…okay. I just…this thing we're doing here…you and me…I don't…" She closed her eyes. "I don't want it to be just sex…"
Elliot stared at her for a moment. "Okay…"
She licked her lips and opened her eyes again. "I care about you."
He smiled softly. "Well I care about you too Liv…"
She smiled back and nodded. "What I mean is…I…I love you. I'm in love with you."
Elliot was silent for a minute taking in her words. He had wanted to hear her say that for as long as he could remember and yet something was stopping him from saying it back. He couldn't put his finger on it…he was divorced now. Kathy wasn't in the way so he could really be with Olivia if he wanted but something was holding him back.
But all he knew was that he didn't want this moment to end. He had waited this long to be with Olivia and he couldn't let his fear get in the way of it so he said it back without thinking about the consequences of his actions.
"I love you too Olivia." He said smiling.
She stared at him in shock for a moment. "You…you do?"
Elliot nodded. "Course I do." He leaned forward and kissed her. "So…can we continue now?"
Olivia knew there was more that had to be discussed but she couldn't form a coherent sentence with the feel of his lips on hers again. So she pushed any other thoughts to the back of her mind and shook her head letting him kiss her once again…
The next morning…
Olivia woke up with a smile on her face, despite the headache that was pounding at her skull. She rolled over in bed and went to reach for Elliot but he wasn't there. She sat up and pulled the sheets around her naked, cold body.
"Elliot?" She called out hopefully.
No answer.
"Elliot?" She called again in a shaky voice.
Again no answer.
He was gone. And she was pretty sure…he wasn't coming back. She lay back on her bed and cried for hours until she had to face the music and go to work. Nothing would ever be the same again…
And now here she was six weeks later feeing like there was nothing else she would rather do but run. But she couldn't. She had just gotten back from the doctor who had told her that all her morning sickness was because she was pregnant. Olivia Benson was pregnant with Elliot Stabler's baby and she didn't know what the hell to do about it.
Sighing, she finally walked into the building and took the elevator up to tell Elliot about the baby. She didn't know what she should say; he and Kathy were officially divorced, had been for two years so that was okay. But they had not had a none related work conversation since they had slept together so it wasn't going to be very easy.
She took a deep breath and then walked over to her desk, which was across from Elliot's. He didn't look up when he heard her come in like he always had…at least he did before they had slept together. She put her bag down on her desk and walked slowly over to the side of his desk.
"Uh…hey El." She whispered.
He looked up quickly and then back down at his desk. "Hi Liv."
She put a hand on the side of his desk to steady herself, she was feeling like she was going to be sick or pass out. "Um…are you busy?"
"Just filling out some paperwork. You missed the trial this morning but we won. Jackson's going to jail, 25 to life." He said.
Olivia nodded. "Oh. Yeah that's good."
"Where were you?" He asked looking up at her again as he reached for his coffee cup.
"I had a Doctor's Appointment…I told you about it yesterday." She said.
He stared at her for a moment. "You did? Oh…I guess I forgot."
She nodded. "I guess so…"
Elliot stood up and went to refill his cup. "Well the paper work is pretty much done. I'm probably going to head home soon cuz things are pretty slow here."
"Okay. Um…do you think we could talk for a minute before you go?" She asked her heart began to race.
He walked back to his desk. "Talk?"
She nodded. "Uh…yeah…is that okay?"
"About what?" He asked, the color suddenly draining from his face this was a conversation he had been trying to avoid for six weeks now.
"Could we go…to the cribs or something? I don't really want anyone to overhear it…" She said looking down at the ground.
He cleared his throat. "Olivia I don't know if we should…"
"Look I don't like this anymore than you do." She said quickly. "But we can't pretend this didn't happen and there is something I need to say so could you just humor me for a second? We can pretend it never happened after I talk if that's what you want but right now…I need to talk to you."
Elliot looked in her eyes and saw that this was something he could not get out of. "Okay…"
Olivia sighed. "Great." She turned away from him and started to walk towards the cribs.
When they were both in the room and sure that no one else was around Elliot leaned against the wall and looked at Olivia. "Okay…so what's up?"
Olivia stared at him for a moment. "Elliot I know this is awkward but do you have to be so…mean about it?"
"I'm not being mean Olivia I just don't know what I'm supposed to say here." He said shrugging.
"And you think this is easy for me? I'm confused too Elliot…really confused." She said laughing and thinking about how much worse their situation had just become.
"Olivia we were drunk…" He whispered. "We were upset…it just happened. But I love this job…and I love working with you. I don't want that to change…"
She swallowed hard. "I know…"
"So can't we just…move on?" He asked quietly. "Just go back to the way it was before…we…"
"Had sex." She whispered looking down at her stomach.
"Yeah…that." Elliot said clearing his throat. "I'm sorry Olivia…you know I care about you but it's just…"
She looked up at him. "I know. It's okay you don't have too…I wasn't trying too…" She felt her eyes well up with tears "It's just that…"
"I mean it would be normal for you to have feelings beyond friendship for me. We do spend a lot of time together…and I can't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind before. Especially now that I'm divorced but I don't think that's good for our relationship." He said.
"You thought about it?" Olivia asked curiously.
Elliot smiled softly. "Well of course…you're a beautiful woman Olivia. You're smart…and funny. You know me better than anyone else in the world and you've always had my back…it would make sense. But that happens with work partner's right? Especially in our case…we spend so much time together."
"Elliot…" She whispered again.
But he kept on going. "But you're my best friend…and I don't want anything to come in between that. So I think it would be best if we just pretend…it didn't happen. And I know I've been kind of a jerk since everything happened I've just been unsure what to do. So I guess it's a good thing that you wanted to talk. Now we can just move on right?"
"I'm pregnant." She blurted out without thinking.
Elliot stared at her for a moment. "What?"
She put a hand on her cheek and sighed. "Uh…that's not how I wanted to tell you. I mean…this whole thing is crazy but I…" She paused. "God…Elliot I'm freaking out here…but I'm pregnant."
He reached behind and rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh…I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say."
"I just…this wasn't supposed to happen. I didn't…I don't' know…" She started.
"Are you sure?" He asked her.
She nodded. "Yes…yes I took a few tests at home. And then the Doctor confirmed it this morning."
Elliot nodded. "Oh…" He cleared his throat. "Well…are you sure it's mine?"
Olivia stared at him for a moment, unsure if she had heard him right. "What?"
"I mean…" He shuffled his feet on the floor. "Is it…are you positive…that it's mine? I mean it was just one time…and you-"
"And I'm a slut. Is that what you're trying to say?" She asked feeling the tears well up in her eyes.
"No…no you are not a slut Olivia. That's not what I meant at all. I just…I…I had to ask." He said taking a tentative step towards her.
"Well regardless of your low opinion of me Elliot…you're the only person I've slept with in the last four months. So yes…to answer your question I'm positive it's yours." She said crossing her arms over her chest.
"Oh…I…just…I don't know what to say." Elliot said standing there feeling completely shocked and confused.
"You don't have to say anything. I shouldn't have even told you but I thought it was the right thing to do." Olivia said wanting to run as fast as she could out of the room.
"No I'm glad you told me. Now we can do figure this out together." He said.
She felt angry and hurt and even more confused than ever. "No. No Elliot I'm going to figure this out on my own. You don't have to do anything. You have your own kids to worry about I can do this myself."
"Liv come on…" Elliot said walking closer to her. "Look I know I didn't react in the best way but this is pretty shocking."
"You think I'm not shocked?" Olivia asked raising an eyebrow at him. "This isn't exactly how I pictured having my first kid Elliot."
"I know that. But you can't just expect me to not do anything about it." He said. "It's my kid too."
"You know what…maybe you aren't the only guy I've slept with recently." She said feeling stubborn. "Maybe it isn't yours. It doesn't matter either way though because I'm raising this baby alone. I don't need your help." She said pushing past him and walking out of the cribs.
She had just reached the elevator when Elliot caught up with her. "Have you completely lost your mind?" He asked grabbing her arm.
"Don't touch me." She said pulling her arm away from him.
"Olivia stop it." He said leaning into her so that no one else could hear them. "I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry I've been such a jerk to you since we…" He paused. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now…but I know that I'm not going to ditch you and this baby. I'm not that kind of guy. You know that."
"I don't think I know you at all anymore." Olivia said shaking her head. "I mean…how could you just…how could you just leave me alone like that after what happened? I know we were drunk Elliot…but I meant everything that I said that night. And you just…you left before I woke up. No note…you wouldn't answer your phone and then you pretended like it never happened. How could you do that to me after all this time?"
Elliot stared at her for a moment, finally realizing just how much he had hurt her. "Liv I'm sorry…I panicked okay? I woke up in your bed and I realized that everything had changed. I thought that if I just walked away we could somehow pretend that nothing had happened and be friends again."
Olivia wiped a tear from her eye. "Well you were wrong Elliot. We can't go back…what's done is done."
"Liv please let me make it up to you…" Elliot said. "You know I-"
"You what Elliot? You care about me? You love me? You said all that that night…and clearly you didn't mean any of it." Olivia said bitterly. "But I did. I'm just a fool for thinking that you could love someone like me."
"Liv you're not an idiot. I did mean it! I just…I freaked out. It was like everything I ever wanted was handed to me so quickly and I couldn't sort out my thoughts. I woke up and realized that we had crossed that line. I wanted it to happen…I know I did and I'm glad it happened. But I just…I freaked out. I'm so sorry Olivia. I'm so unbelievably sorry." He said trying to plead with her.
"It's too late for your apologies Elliot. I'm done getting kicked around by you…I don't know why I would even fall for you in the first place. You always hurt me…and I won't let it happen again. Especially not now when there is a baby involved. I've never needed anyone's help before and I certainly don't need your help now." She said turning on her heel and walking into the open elevator.
"Olivia. Olivia don't do this." He said quickly. "Please…just let's talk about this…"
"There's nothing left to say." Olivia said pressing the button for the elevator to move.
The doors closed leaving Elliot alone in the hallway. He felt like he had just been punched in the chest. He couldn't breath, he felt like he was going to pass out.
"Yo Stabler." Fin said walking over to him. "What the hell were you and Benson fighting about?"
Elliot snapped out of his gaze and looked at Fin. "Nothing. Listen…tell Cap I'm not feeling well okay? I gotta go take care of a few things…"
"What's wrong with Liv?" Fin asked. "What did you do?"
"Fin…I'm really not in the mood to be harassed by you right now okay?" Elliot said putting his hand up to silence him. "So if you know what's good for you you'll shut up."
"If you hurt her…I'm gonna kill you." Fin said. "You've been acting like an ass lately…or more so than usual. And Olivia constantly looks like she wants to cry. I'm not stupid…something's going on."
"Stop interrogating me okay? I'm going to fix it." Elliot said pressing the button on the elevator. "I have to fix it."
Fin nodded. "Yeah you do have to fix it. Cuz if you don't…you're gonna have to deal with me."
Elliot gave Fin one last fleeting look and then jumped in the elevator hoping to catch up with Olivia. He didn't understand how he always seemed to get into these ridiculous messes. All he knew was that this time…he wasn't going to give up without a fight.
Thoughts? If you like it I'll try and update soon :)