AWAKENING
By King Cobra3 ([email protected])
Author's Note: A humorous fic intended to deliver a good laugh. It is a parody of "Awakening-Part 1." Contains a sidesplitting story line. This story is taken from the first episode as shown on "Gargoyles - The Heroes Awaken" so if anyone sees any scenes or dialogue here that do not correspond with the episode as shown on TV, that's because it was not intended to.
Manhattan, New York
1994 A.D.
Standing in the streets, their jaws agape in unrestrained wonder and horrified expressions, the residents of the island known all over the world as "Manhattan" watched in curiosity as the stone fragments fell down from the cloudy sky, landing in the streets and denting the car roofs. One stone fragment shattered like water when it hit the road. Many people groaned. "Oh, my hair!" One woman screamed as she got drenched from head to toe.
In the middle of the crowd, a cherry red vehicle pulled into the scene, and a dark-haired dark-skinned goddess dressed in a red jacket, a black T-shirt, and blue jeans got out of the driver's side, glaring strictly upwards. She watched the stony objects coming down towards the city. It almost seemed like a kind of a meteor shower. Glancing over, she grabbed the drunken man near her. "Stop bathing and get dressed before I arrest you!"
Confident as always, the woman approached the dark-skinned cop trying to keep people away from the scene of the incident. "Get back!" the man yelled at the onlookers. He looked pretty flustered himself. The sexy extravagant woman took pity on him.
Her name was Elisa Maza, Manhattan detective, 2nd class. She nodded her greetings to the uniformed officer named Morgan who was holding the crowd at bay, and pulled out her identification to show to her. Morgan stared, a look of confusion on his dark face.
"Why are you showing me your library card?"
Elisa realized her mistake, and quickly pocketed the card, smiling in an embarrassed manner before showing Officer Morgan her police badge. "Maza. 23rd. Member of the Sipowitcz Unit." Her gaze returned skyward. "What's goin' on here?"
Officer Morgan followed her look and shrugged. He was every bit as concerned and baffled as she was. Then again, he usually got baffled trying to solve a raping incident. "Got me, Detective. Must be a heck of a party up there." He kneeled down and stood up, a party hat and a party horn in his grip. "See?"
"Yeah," Elisa nodded. Something was definitely going on here. She could feel it in her instincts, those inner voices that helped her through many tough cases after her many years on the Manhattan P.D. She motioned at the crowd behind her. "Get back!"
She sighed, feeling bored. "Or you'll wind up as street pizza." Elisa swallowed her words as a large pizza pie just plopped down onto the road and the young kids at the scene rushed in to devour it. They were chowing down on the snack like wolves. "I rest my case," she thought, amused.
Suddenly noticing the stone piece in front of her, Elisa ran her hands over it. "Claw marks?" She rubbed it, her curiosity growing. "What could be strong enough to leave claw marks in solid stone?" She paused; a horrifying thought coming to mind as she realized where the claw markings had came from. "Oh my god!" She looked at Officer Morgan wildly.
"Cher must be having another concert!"
Castle Wyvern
Scotland
994 A.D.
Everyone was fighting, engaged in a heated battle. The soldiers hiding behind the castle walls shot arrows at their adversaries, ducking as cannonballs and arrows came flying back at them. Hakon, a tall Blonde-bearded man and who was the leader of the forces of evil, pointed his sword at the giant castle that loomed before him. "Fire!" he commanded, his husky voice booming across the land.
"How about water?" A soldier suggested helpfully. "Or thunder?" The goofy-looking warrior broke into a rain dance. Hakon glared at him. "I said...FIRE!!" The man kept dancing. "FIRE!!" Hakon shouted. The man stopped and then looked around, frantically. "Fire?! Where?"
Hakon groaned and rubbed his face. "I'm surrounded by incompetents."
Grabbing the cannon, Hakon knocked the pompous fool away. "I'll do it myself!" The Captain of Villainy growled as he lit the cannon launcher with a match and hurled a large lethal looking black ball towards the castle's protective walls. He smiled cruelly. Suddenly...
PLOP!
Instead of causing the defensive layer surrounding the kingdom and castle to shatter, the "cannon" suddenly splattered on the front of the walls and hung there like a glob of jelly. Hakon started and looked at his men. "What in the blazes...?" The evil soldier gasped in shock and confusion and plain stupidity.
His lead soldier smiled and looked apologetic. "Uh...too much Paintball Games?" Hakon sneered cruelly. "Impossible! Paintball won't even come out for another thousand years!" "Uh, would you believe we are really ahead of our time?" The brain-dead soldier offered, hoping against hope that he would. Hakon just snorted. "Idiots!"
Facing the closed entrance of Castle Wyvern one soldier leaned in to whisper into his friend's ear. "Attacking a castle full of gargoyles near nightfall. This is crazy, and Hakon knows it." The unfortunate babbler suddenly found himself being hoisted up by his shirt collar and pulled into Hakon's accusing eyesight. "Seeing me wearing a girdle and a dress then telling your friends about it, now THAT's crazy!" The man's face twisted in confusion. "What?"
Hakon realized what he just said and recovered quickly, masking his expression into that of a composed feature. "Uh...nothing." Hakon let the man go, and looked at the remaining fleet of soldiers facing him. "I say those gargoyles are not but chiseled stone. And even if they aren't, it's worth the risk for the plunder within. Attack!"
Enraged, driven by some inner force that manipulated their will, Hakon's army charged into the castle, swords raised and shields blocking any possible attacks that might come their ways. Tossing their hooked ropes up to snag the upper tower where the stone gargoyles sat, frozen in alternate positions, except for a large one that had his hands brought up by his ears and was making a goofy, crossed-eye tongue sticking out silly face, the men climbed.
Sighing in satisfaction, the job halfway finished; Hakon didn't notice the sun dipping low in the orange sky.
Or, for that matter, the infamous yellow happy-face imprinted on the sun either.
However, he DID notice that the stone statue above him had started cracking open. The skin shattered, sending fragments flying everywhere, and revealing the large male Lavender Gargoyle that stood there for a second. Hakon stared at him, dumbfounded, as the now flesh-and-blood gargoyle said "Booga-Booga!" to no one in particular, then looked at Hakon, and frowned. "Hey, who are you?" the creature asked, sounding almost bored.
"Uh...." Hakon started to say before Goliath picked him up and studied him disinterestedly.
"You are trespassing," the purple behemoth muttered, yawning in boredom.
Suddenly angry, not wanting to be defeated, not wanting to give up on the Castle, Hakon grabbed his sword and paused. Did he stand a chance against his foe, his attacker who was staring at him intently? Should he strike at him, maybe cut him to ribbons?
Would he ever stop asking himself questions so we could get on with this fan fic?
Taking the chance, hoping for luck, Hakon whipped out the sword and swung it, burying it into Goliath's hand, that large purple three-fingered claw reflexively moved upwards to grab it, and then they both winced as the blade drew red blood. Horrified, Hakon watched as Goliath stared at his wound for what seemed to be an eternity before the lavender gargoyle roared in pain and dropped him. "Oh....FUCK!" Goliath roared, tears flowing down his weepy face. "That HURT!"
"Whoooaaaaaaaaa!!!!!" Hakon screamed as he fell, landing on a hay filled wheelbarrow that was conveniently placed outside the Palace Gates, then glanced up at where Goliath hobbled around, holding his bloody hand. "Geez, what a crybaby!" He glanced at his hesitant, shock-ridden, and utterly stupid men. "Fight men, they are not invincible!"
The men attacked, rushing into the castle, hollering madly.
Up in the tower, watching the newly awakened gargoyles fighting madly against their enemies, three youths, all gargoyles, watched the intense battle below. One on the gargoyles observing was a red-skinned beaked scary-looking creature with a double set of horns that swept backwards his hair. He glanced back at his rookery brothers, one large fat Aqua monster and the other being small, bald, and green, and smirked. "Shall we let our brothers and sisters have all the fun?" the gargoyle that looked most like a demon asked, then stepped lightly over the parapet and flew off to join in. The small one looked at his rotund companion. "Fun? We were playing catch? Cool!"
The chubby gargoyle shook his fat head. "You're an idiot. Our friend was talking about the war. I really don't want to fight, anyways. I'd rather sit up here and have a snack." The Olive creature smirked at him. "Not afraid, are you?" The Aqua deformity sucked in his gut and his voice took on a note of masculine strength. "Afraid? Me?! Huh! Why, all of nature trembles at my passing!" He exclaimed proudly.
The Olive gargoyle held his nose. "Stop eating pork so much, and you won't have that problem."
He flew off, leaving his brother to look pissed off before sailing down after him.
Up in the cornices of Castle Wyvern, amidst all the arrows flying, the old Brown elderly gargoyle fought off the advancing Vikings bravely, using his bare hands to eliminate his attackers, flinging them over the castle walls or off the stairs. Putting the last Viking in his sight down for the count, the aged warrior didn't notice the Viking sneak up on him and raise a stick, intending to smash his brains in.
Fortunately, Goliath did, shoving the widely vulnerable soldier off the staircase as his mentor spun around and looked just in time. Goliath looked at him, and smiled. "Watch your back, Old Friend." In his usual Scottish accent, the elderly fighter answered "Watch your own" and they went their separate ways.
Completely oblivious of the large bulls-eye on the other's back.
Getting spooked, starting to question his chances of victory at this point, Hakon glanced around worriedly and decided to make a break down the narrow Castle hall towards the tower entrance. Then stopped, for something as yet unknown to him emerged in the darkness, growling. Glancing at the shadows being cast on the stone wall, Hakon gasped in silent terror as he saw the dark reflected shadow of a vicious, growling monster, and he backed away, terrified.
Growling, approaching, treading slowly towards his frightened foe, the shadow suddenly started getting smaller, shrinking down with each closer step, until Hakon saw, much to the Viking captain's amusement, that his dangerous threat was nothing more then...
A Blue gargoyle canine the size of a Chihuahua.
Laughing heartily, Hakon put his hand to his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold off his chuckles but still snickering, still tittering deep in his throat. "YOU are attacking me?!" The man gasped, trying to suck in air, a big grin on his face. "I am the leader of a Viking army which is getting beaten up by creatures from children's nightmares, and I meet my defeat by YOU? What are you going to do, bite me on the ankle?!"
The dog growled viciously, and Hakon's smile faded contemptuously. "Out of my way Hellspawn!" He growled, slashing at the small hindrance with his sword. Unfortunately, the dog leaped behind Hakon's clumsy feet and, opening it's snout, bared it's teeth...
And bit him on the ass.
Suddenly caught off guard by his bad slash, which was thrown off-guard by his heavy sword and the small creature's surprising quickness, Hakon barely had time for his mind to register that the dog was behind him now. Then his nerves registered something else about two seconds later, and Hakon screamed, grabbing his ass and stumbling backwards into the recesses of the tower. Falling back onto his butt on the stone floor, Hakon looked up behind him. What happened next made his blood run cold.
Hakon wrapped his arms around him and shivered. Why was he suddenly so cold?
No matter.
For what he saw was enough to make him feel warm all over again as he spotted the outline of a red-haired human woman staring down at him, the unmistakable look of contempt and hatred in her eyes. Only this woman was not human. She was one of that...that MONSTER's clan. The woman stepped a little further into the light, allowing Hakon to see her a little better, especially her blue highlighted skin. In Hakon's eyes, her skin tone reminded him of a drowning victim he had once tried to save unsuccessfully back in his own village.
"Face me, human, if you dare," she growled. Frightened to the point of wetting his pants, Hakon staggered back outside and Goliath leaped onto the wall to Hakon's left, growling, his teeth bared.
He fell off.
Climbing back up sheepishly, slightly humiliated, Goliath smiled a toothy (or not) grin. "Allow me to try again." He rumbled. Clearing his throat, he snarled. "I see you've met our watchdog," he picked the whimpering Viking up. "And my second-in-command as well," Hakon grimaced as the flame-headed gargress leered at him, making him bite his tongue. "Ouch!" Hakon gasped.
Suddenly getting sick of dealing with this puny human, Goliath came to a decision. "I grow tired of this. Take what's left of your men," he threw Hakon off the wall. "And be gone!" Watching the man fall down towards the rock hard soil, Goliath and his mate laughed as Hakon landed on the steps below, touched a pile of hot coals, burned his feet screaming, and fell off onto another hay barrow. Hakon looked up at them, eyes burning hatred beneath his metal helmet.
"This isn't over, monster! I'll be back!" Hakon vowed, then limped away painfully. "Ouch. My ass..."
Faced with defeat, not to mention the impossibility of overtaking the castle against the odds of being beaten by gargoyles, Hakon's men fled, ignoring all the arrows. The men all cheered victory. The Castle was safe once more.
The group of soldiers crowed over the fleeing Vikings, that were running from the castle.
"I knew we could do it!"
"They fled before our arrows!"
"I'm in love with Princess Katherine!"
Two of the soldiers looked at their comrade strangely. "What?"
The 3rd archery master looked up. "What?"
"You're in love...with that bitch?"
The other two soldiers cracked up, and the 3rd one walked off, shaking his head.
Goliath and his clan saw all this, and grumbled among themselves, not liking the attitudes of the humans they had helped save. They dedicated their entire lives to protecting these people, these residents of Castle Wyvern in their home country of Scotland. Why would they not share the credit for the Vikings' defeat with their gargoyle protectors? They all knew that if it wasn't for the clan that aided them, Hakon's forces would have slaughtered them all. Goliath and his species knew this, and they were not happy about it.
Nor was the Captain of The Guard, a stocky well-built bearded man in his mid 40's. He was what Princess Katherine would call, "A beast lover", due to his deep friendship to the gargoyles. Out of all the humans that lived there, it was the Captain that knew the clan and defended them the most. He was the only one who truly understood how important it was to the gargoyles to protect the humans, and to try to be accepted by them. The Captain pitied the gargoyles, and he spent much of his free time trying to help them any way he could.
"Goliath, we owe you our lives," he deadpanned simply, knowing it to be true. The Lavender clan leader acknowledged him through strict eyes, ignoring his mate bandaging his hand. "As we owe you ours every day." he answered gently. The Captain nodded silently, and headed inside the Castle for a celebration that he had to get to. The gargoyles watched him go, and Brooklyn stuck his tongue out at the Captain, earning a smack on the head from Goliath.
In the Dining Hall of the Castle, the soldiers, the Magus, and his close friend and boss (and resident bitchy figure of royalty) Princess Katherine sat amid the room, eating chicken and other meals prepared by the palace staff. Several of the dogs from the village were also present. Moving into the room towards his seat, Hakon overheard a conversation between two soldiers. They were talking heatedly, their tones loud and blatant. The Captain stopped and listening, hoping that neither one of them could smell or hear that little fart he just had...
"Aye, a fine soldier is our Captain of the Guard," One of the men replied brazenly.
"Captain of the GARGOYLES, you mean," His friend added sarcastically.
The other soldier laughed. "He-he'd fit right well on the cornices with them. It's a fact." He suddenly paused, sniffing the air intently. "Hey...what is that smell?" The other soldier stopped eating and turned green. "Did something die in here?" he questioned.
Captain realized it was time for him to make haste away before they discovered his little deed...
Smiling, which was a rare miracle, Princess Katherine smiled at the Captain, her brown hair falling from her shoulders. "Our thanks for a battle well-fought, Captain." The Captain bowed quickly, then straightened up. "The credit is not mine to take, your highness." He paused. "It was also won by our finely disciplined soldiers and greatly trained warriors!"
All the people who fit the description smiled, pleased to be praised for their work well done.
"Even if they are butt munching kiss-ups." The Captain replied casually.
Everyone's smiles faded instantly.
"Also, without Goliath and his Gargoyles, our defense would have proven useless."
Princess Katherine frowned in disapproval.
"Please, don't mention that monster's name in my presence." She requested.
Suddenly, the doors to the dining hall flew open and Goliath and his second-in-command stepped forward, looking not very happy to be there. Which, judging by the cold looks being thrown in their direction, wasn't completely inconsequential.
"Filthy monsters in the castle!" The princess gasped in horror and revulsion.
Demona looked at the Magus. "You heard her. Leave." The Magus only scowled.
Captain tried to relax his lovely (yuck) superior. "Uh, your pardon, your highness. I took the liberty of asking them to appear and be recognized for their bravery. Plus, I just wanted to piss you off."
Princess Katherine frowned even harder. "Captain, we are most seriously displeased to allow beasts in the dining hall."
Demona returned her gaze to the Magus again. "Boy, she really hates you, doesn't she?"
"Shut up," The Magus grumbled, resting his head on his fist as he listened to his majesty speaking, an annoyed expression on his face. He really hated these gargoyles, almost as much as Princess Katherine did. These were filthy beasts, monsters that had no need being with humanity. Sharing a castle and village with them. "You speak wisely, Princess." He cast a disgusted glance at the two large figures standing in the doorway. "These are natural creatures. No good can come from associating with them." He paused. "Besides, what kind of people would we be if we didn't treat them with loathing even after they risked their asses for us?"
Goliath bowed. "If you will excuse us, your highness."
"Excuse you for what?"
"For this." Goliath moved forward, until he was looking into Katherine's eyes, then he did something that everyone in the village, except the Magus, had always wanted to do, but had never dared.
He belched loudly in her face.
Squeezing her eyes shut, wiping away that foul smell, Katherine gagged, choking loudly as everyone laughed heartily. The Captain couldn't help but look at that expression on his majesty's face and chuckle. Even the Magus smiled.
"Get out of here right now!" Princess Katherine gasped, sharply inhaling several gasps of fresh breath.
Goliath put his around Demona and led her away. Princess Katherine, in a highly pissed off mode, glared accusingly at the Captain. "In the future, Captain, you will make your reports to my advisor, the Magus, not directly to me!" The crowned bitch huffed haughtily. Instead of answering, the Captain turned and left the room, determined to catch up with the gargoyles that had just walked out of the dining hall.
Finding them in the dark hallway, a lit torch in his hand, Captain placed his hand on Goliath's shoulder gently to signal his sorrow and friendship. "My apologies for this, Goliath. Princess Katherine has had a cork stuck up her ass since birth." Goliath shook his head in disorientation. "No apologies needed. We are what we are. Her opinion will not change that." The Captain of the Guard remained silent, but that didn't mean Demona was going to.
"Have you no pride? No sense of justice? We saved their lives and they repay us with contempt."
The Captain agreed, his voice echoing his certainties. "She is right, Goliath. You deserve better than this." Demona picked up the argument. "These cliffs were our home ages before they built their stone fortress." Her voice took on a touch of anger that Goliath did not like at all. "They should bow to us!"
Goliath shook his head again. He understood where his mate was coming from, but he also knew the way that he and his kind were treated had nothing to do what he wanted or what anyone wanted. It was just natural, as bad as it may be. He addressed his mate and his good friend, then spoke in a low hushed tone. "It is the nature of humankind to fear what they do not understand." He paused, hoping to see understanding on their faces. Finding none, he continued. "Their ways...are not our ways."
He walked away and left the two alone. Demona looked at Captain. "No offense, pal, but your people suck." She muttered. Surprised, Captain only nodded, knowing that no easy solution to their problems was yet evident.
Early the next morning, as the still rising sun approached, the gargoyles locked in their frozen sleep-filled positions at different points throughout the castle, a white-cloaked stranger left the city by horseback, his (or her) face carefully hidden from the view of any suspicious spectators. This mysterious stranger approached the Vikings camp a few miles outside the city, and stopped outside Hakon's tent. Listening to the Viking Leader muttering "Mother, I want some biscuits" in his sleep, the cloaked visitor woke the man by nudging him with their right foot. Hakon woke up. As he did so, a huge farting noise escaped him and the mysterious person ripped off the cloak, revealing Captain underneath. "Aw, jeez! Did you have to?!"
"What do ye want?" Hakon growled, drawing his sword. The Captain showed no fear, and spoke in a condescending tone. "You seek the fall of Castle Wyvern?" the traitorous servant to Princess Katherine asked, sounding like he had a deal for Hakon.
However, the pillager just snorted disdainfully. "What of it?"
"Perhaps a bargain can be made," The Captain of the Guard suggested helpfully. Hakon regarded him with curious wonder. Could this be some sort of a trick? Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. But Hakon decided to give it a try. If it was a ruse, he would find out and escape at the last minute.
"I'm listening..."
That night, just like every night, the sun sank behind the cloudy depths of the Scottish sky and the gargoyles all woke up instantaneously, their protective stone coverings breaking away. Goliath removed his bandage and smiled down at his newly healed hand. Ahhhhh, the benefits of stone sleep! Behind him, his mate stood next to the Captain, smiling in a cocky manner, as he spoke in a grave tone. The Captain was speaking straight and to the point.
"Those Vikings may return at daybreak, Goliath. I say take all your gargoyles and make SURE they're gone."
Demona smiled devilishly. "I agree. Let us go out in force and put an end to these pigs once and for all."
Captain stared at her, incomprehension on his chubby face. "Why would you attack pigs?"
Demona groaned and rolled her eyes. The Captain of the Guard was a good friend to her and her kind, but he had the intellect of a summer squash. Some people just didn't grasp metaphors. "No. I meant the Vikings."
Captain's face broke into a thoughtful expression. "Oh. I see."
Goliath considered following his Angel of the Night's advice, but decided against it. "Too dangerous. I don't want to leave the castle unprotected." Desperate, The Captain shook his head. A small glimmer of fear was rising in him, and he was doing his best to repel it. "Their leader swore he'd be back. It's best to harry them far away now and not take that chance." Goliath sighed. He knew he was beaten, and he accepted it. But he would not allow everyone to go.
He looked at Demona, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Very well. But I shall do it. I can scare those cowards away without any help." Then his large face drew into a childish pout and in a small voice he whined. "Unless they get lucky with that big mean sword again!" Demona tried her best to convince her love. "That's too dangerous for you. Let me come along, at least."
"You and the others will stay with the castle. You are my best command. I leave you in command." He answered truthfully. He loved her with all his heart, and he couldn't bear to be apart from her. Especially with those scary men, and their scary swords. But now was not the time to go simper to his love like he would have his mommy.
I guess there's a first time for everything.
"No," Demona pleaded. "I cannot let you."
Goliath squeezed her shoulders briefly before releasing her and turning away to glide off. "Remember, you and I are one. Now and forever." He soared away into the night, and Demona reached for her love, to beg him not to go. To stay with her. But he was already gone. Captain shrugged. "Wow...you really suck at reasoning with him."
Down in the courtyard, engaged in a fun game, Brooklyn and Lexington, although they had not names since none of the gargoyles except Goliath did yet, were playing a fun game with their little dog who would someday be known as Bronx. They were tossing a piece of turkey leg back and forth, trying to prompt their pet to chase after it. The large fatty Aqua ball of fat sat in the far corner. He was completely ignoring the games and concentrated only on eating his chicken wing. Not catching the meat, Bronx simply sat down on the ground and uttered one sentence:
"Yo no queiro Taco Bella?"
Staring, amazed, Lexington glared up at Brooklyn sitting on a crate. "Did you hear that? He talked!" Lexington's excitement diminished as he realized his rookery brother's gaze was focused on something behind him, so Lexington turned and looked to see a bratty little boy, laughing his head off. "Man! You really fell for it!" The boy gasped, breathing heavily. He stopped and spoke again. "Yo no quiero Taco Bella?" He asked and then broke into giggles again. "So, uh, I'm Tom Anthony Harold Bradford Nicholas Jonathon Joseph Gerald Leonard Steven the fifth. What's your name?"
Lexington stared at him for a few seconds, wondering how anyone could have such a long name, then he spoke again. "Except for Goliath, we don't have names." Brooklyn nodded in agreement. Tom Anthony Harold...ah, never mind, you've heard it all, looked confused. "How do you tell each other apart?" "We look different," Lexington responded. Tom looked fascinated now. "But what do you call each other?" he wanted to know.
"Friend," Brooklyn answered, friendly as always.
Suddenly a really huge woman grabbed Tom and tried to pull him away. "Tom!" she screeched. "Get away from those monsters!" Tom tried to pull away, and the gargoyles, showing only kindness and no indication of the beastly endeavor that she believed them to have, came forward trying to reason with the angry woman. "We wouldn't hurt the lad, ma'am." Brooklyn calmly replied.
But this woman did not want to be reasoned with.
"Keep away from him, you beast!" The enraged woman threw a rock at them.
"Hey, lady!" Lexington growled. "You're a bitch!"
It was then that Demona landed on the ground, separating the two male gargoyles from the young boy and his overprotective mother. Hey eyes glowed red as fire, burning with hatred for this human woman that dared to attack her kind. "You're the beast, you-" Demona started to say. But Brooklyn and Lexington cut her off, moving in front of her to face the humans.
"No," Brooklyn growled. "If they think they're beasts and monsters-"
"-Then perhaps we'd better live up to the name," Lexington finished.
Both their eyes glowed white as marshmallows, and Tom's mother gasped from the sudden fear that she and her son would be ripped to pieces. That fear was short-lived, however, when Goliath and the old Gargoyle he had aided earlier, the wisely effective warrior who would someday be Hudson, touched down side by side to see the humans, including Tom and his mother, fleeing. They both turned as one to look at the Trio and Demona. Broadway had rushed forward before the two clan leaders had spun around, and had asked. "Ooh. What is it? Are we being attacked again?"
Seeing Broadway standing next to Brooklyn and Lexington, who both had looks of gloom forthcoming on their face, Goliath automatically logically assumed that ALL THREE were guilty of this misdeed. "You three. Down to the rookery until I return. I'll deal with you then."
Lexington clasped his hands together and hopped up and down, from one foot to the other. "You'll deal with us? Are we going to play cards? Maybe Solitaire? I know a good game. It's called "Go Fish"..."
"Er, no, young one." Goliath answered, beginning to get a headache. "And take him with you." He answered, pointing at the dog.
Unhappily pushing the rookery doors open, Lexington started down the stairs into the cavern-like space, followed by Broadway and Bronx. Brooklyn looked mournfully at his superior, remorse tinged in his voice. "We meant no harm. We were just playing Keep-away." He joined his brothers in the rookery. Demona looked, slightly frustrated, at her love.
"Are you blind? They were not at fault. The humans were. The humans messed up their innocent game."
Goliath glared down at her. "No matter who was at fault, I cannot condone fighting between their people and ours. I will make it up to them, later. I'll buy them some smut magazines to atone for this. Now, I have business to attend to." He flew off with Hudson, heading for the forests on the eastern territory of Castle Wyvern. Spotting the horses' tracks leading into the heart of the woods, Goliath pointed down. "There!"
Trying to make a gentle landing on the ground, Hudson instead overbalanced and plunged face first into an oak tree. "Och, my achin' head..." The old warrior groaned as he rubbed his forehead and peered down at the horses' tracks. He had years of knowledge and instincts that he used for things like this. When he got down on his knees, however, Hudson's face suddenly took on an agonized expression. Goliath noticed. "My friend, what is it?"
Hudson tried to conceal his pant leg, but Goliath knew right away. "You stepped in some horse shit, didn't you?" Embarrassed, Hudson nodded; not wanting to admit it but knowing that lying would be futile now. "Aye, those horses musta ov'erdosed on 'eir Oats tah-day!"
Goliath peered at the large brown stain on his mentor's pant leg. "Damn." He whispered in awe. "When they have to go, they REALLY go, don't they?" "Wait for a minute, lad. I'll be 'ight 'ack."
Waiting until Hudson had washed the shit off his pants in the nearby river and returned with his pants sopping but clean, Goliath flew off after the horses, with Hudson close behind. In fact, Hudson was so close behind, that when Goliath saw the horses, the purple mass of muscle braked to a sudden stop and his comrade crashed into him. They collapsed in a heap on the ground.
"Great, Old Friend," Goliath mused. "Why don't you just wear a shirt that says, "How's my flying? Call 1-800-Get-Flying-Lessons"?" "Very funny," the aged creature groaned. "Get off! You need to be losin' some weight!" Goliath pushed Hudson off and climbed to his feet shakily. Hudson, knowing that the horses had been frightened off, peered at the new set of tracks again, this time watching where he kneeled down. "It's them, right enough. But the tracks are very light for horses carrying armored men."
Goliath looked up to spot the last flash of white fleeing flesh vanish into the trees (try saying THAT three times fast! I dare you!). "They're not far ahead. Come." Hudson shook his head. Something about this whole set-up was bothering him, and it didn't feel right. Worse, he was missing Craps night at the Castle Wyvern casino. "It's not long until sunrise. Perhaps we should return."
Goliath was already chasing after the flock of wild horses; his brow set in a determined fixing. Then he spotted the horses, and his brow raised in alarm. "There they are!" He shouted as Hudson approached quickly. Horror etched his features as he realized. "They were leading the horses to decoy us from the castle."
"Or maybe it's just a wild horse stampede and the Vikings are away in their village having Happy Hour!" Hudson suggested.
"Boy, Happy Hour? We really ARE ahead of our time." Goliath leaped back the way he came. "We've got to get back to the castle. NOW!"
Reaching the hilltop, the Castle foundation in plain sight, Hudson prepared to leap, spread his wings, and soar...
When the sun rose.
'We're too late!!" he roared just as the stone sleep overtook him. Goliath struggled to fight off the granite rushing up his body. But it was useless. As the grayish substance overtook his face, he opened his conversing mouth and spoke two last words just before sleep overtook him.
"Aw, Crap."
Approximately less then a minute later, Hakon's Viking rebels, what remained of them, stood facing the castle. Hakon drew his sword. "ATTACK!" He yelled, then look down as his commanding officer tried to hand him a tack. "That's not what I meant Idiot! What I meant was..." He thought better of it. "Ah, fuck it." Putting the tack in his pocket, Hakon signaled his troops and they rushed the castle.
Up on the protective walls, the arrow shooters once again tried to fire their arrows but it was useless. The bow's cords snapped back, knocking them all out unconscious. Hakon grinned at this lucky break; it was his first in a long time. Chaos had come to Castle Wyvern, and all the townspeople were in a panic. They were doomed.
So much for Craps night now.
Gasping, breathing heavily because she had been masturbating in her chambers (since no one in the village would be stupid enough to have sex with her in the first place, except the Magus, who was an idiot) when the pillaging began, Princess Katherine rushed down the stairs, trying to fine some way out of this place when she spotted her trusted servant, the Captain of the Guard, approaching her. "Captain, Captain! The Vikings, Captain! We are attacked!" She stopped and thought. "I'll never make queen now!"
Captain sneered. "It is worse then that, your highness." He held a dagger to her throat and forced Katherine to move down the stairs, holding her wrists behind her. "How can you DO this?" Katherine bellowed. The Captain considered, then answered.
"Easy. I used to be a governor. Move!"
Outside the castle, in the long line of captives being led away, their hands all chained together, Princess Katherine and the Magus trudged slowly. Hakon's guard, keeping watch over the prisoners, shoved the Magus roughly. "Move! Now!" The Magus groaned angrily, but said nothing.
On the Castle Foyer, Hakon looked at the Captain. "Not that I don't appreciate your help, but why? Why betray one of your own kind?" The Captain looked up, having second thoughts about his involvement in raiding Castle Wyvern. "They are not my kind."
Hakon looked at him in surprise. "They're not?"
The Captain looked back at him. "No. Didn't you know? I'm a space alien sent to infiltrate this planet and steal all your valuable resources to aid my dying planet of Sector Hydrox-12!." The Captain took his fake face off and showed Hakon his small bald head and beady black soulless eyes, before slipping the fleshy face back on.
Hakon turned to a frozen gargoyle, and raised his mace. "Well, to work. There's little enough time for it." The Captain grabbed his arm. "This is unnecessary! They won't follow you when you're out of sight! This is unpractical! This is...wait a minute, why the hell am I trying to save them?" He shook his head. "Do it."
"Yeeeeeeeee-haawwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!" Hakon crowed as he smashed all the visible gargoyles at the castle and it's surrounding streets. The Captain only watched calmly as every single one of his gargoyles friends were turned to rubble before his very eyes. He couldn't believe that this was happening. Had he done the wrong thing?
Not that it mattered. The time for repentance was long gone. All that remained now was to try to figure out how to make a future for himself, now that Princess Katherine and the villagers were there to ruin both his and the gargoyles' lives no longer. Maybe some of them were away. Maybe some of them would survive...
No.
Not possible.
Sighing sadly, The Captain of the Guard looked at the abandoned castle walls one last time and walked away.
Night settled.
As Goliath and Hudson awoke, their throaty roars echoing through the trees, making the forest creatures scatter in opposite directions, the large Lavender gargoyle peered and saw, to his horror, that the city was quiet. Save for the sound of flames crackling as the houses and the castle burned, one great big bonfire set by Hakon and his merry men.
"Nooo...." Goliath whimpered.
Frightened, horrified, frantic on the thought that some gargoyles were still alive somehow, Goliath flew back towards the castle, Hudson following. As he soared, Goliath's fearful eyes glanced down, searching for any signs of life. There were none. Neither any traces of human or Gargoyle. Coming to a rest on the roost that Demona had always occupied, Goliath scooped up the smashed rubble that was all that was left of his mate, bringing it close to his face.
"My...Angel of the night..." He gasped mournfully, then his upset look changed. "Ah-ah-AH-CHOO!" Crying sadly over his loss, his love's loss, Goliath spread his wings to the sky and voiced a mournful cry that soon broke into a coughing fit.
Hudson inspected the mangled arrows carefully. "These Bow strings have been cut. There was betrayal here."
Goliath looked up. "No shit, sherlock."
He remembered sending the Trio down to the rookery with Bronx before all this happened. Might they have survived? He knew he had no choice but to check it out. There was always a chance that Hakon's soldiers might have completely ignored the rookery, thus ensuring their survival. It was a small chance, but it was still possible.
Gliding down to the courtyard, Goliath was delighted to see that his younger students were still alive and well. Cautiously, fearing the answer, Goliath inquired. "Were any more down in the rookery?"
Broadway shook his head. "None. Only us."
Hudson groaned. "So much for those smut magazines," he groaned.
Lexington looked at him. "What?"
"Och, nothing." The old leader looked at the remaining gargoyles. "All the humans are gone. Taken prisoner, most likely."
"So what?" Brooklyn answered. "Those humans were giving us grief anyway."
Goliath growled and gave Brooklyn another smack on the head. The red garg fell down unconscious.
"Then we will find them. We will save the humans, and we will have our revenge!!!"
Deep in the depressing surroundings of Hakon's camp, the soldiers cheered, basking in the pleasures of their victory. The former residents of the village Castle Wyvern had once so proudly ruled such a short time before were now sitting in gloom. Mary, Tom's mother, sat crying, her face buried in her hands.
"Oh, god," the frightened woman wept. Tom tried to comfort her warmly. "My friends, the Gargoyles, will come, Mother." The weeping woman looked up at her prize and joy. "Nay, the Gargoyles were destroyed, Tom. All of'm. Besides, if they were alive, they'd celebrate life without us."
"Then what's that?" Tom asked pointing.
Inside the cave, where Hakon and the Captain were holding Princess Katherine and the Magus hostage, Hakon sneered. "Hmmm, the Magus is worth more alive than dead. Barely. I should get a good ransom sum of 50 cents for him."
"True," The Captain agreed, "But I'm sure your uncle, the King, will pay handsomely to see his niece returned alive."
"I'll see you both hanged for this!" The princess spat. "Then I'll see you catch an episode of ABC's "The View!"
Hakon grabbed his neck mockingly. "What a cruel punishment!" He pretended to gasp. "I'm scared!"
"You blackguard." Magus snarled angrily. "If I had my book of spells, I'd..."
"Do what?" Hakon asked pleasantly, burning a page of the Grimorum out of the Magus' view.
"I'd...I'd...I'd turn you both into pudding," the Magus finished lamely.
Hakon and the Captain both laughed heartily. "Would that spell be on THIS page?" Hakon sneered, showing Magus the burning page. "No! My spells!" The helpless captive gasped in horror.
Hakon laughed, then gasped as the flames licked his hand and he dropped the page. "Stupid page!"
"Ha ha!" Magus laughed.
"You shut up!" Hakon snarled.
Magus only laughed harder.
Wielding his dagger, Hakon moved forward, intent on spilling the Magus' blood when a guard appeared, breathless.
"Sire! Gargoyles are here!"
"You said they wouldn't follow us!" Hakon roared at the Captain.
"If you hadn't played Mr. Campfire back at their village!"
Hakon grabbed Katherine and pulled her along with him. "Okay, Princess Brat, time to die!"
"Eeeeekkkkk!" was all Katherine could say before she and Hakon disappeared outside, followed by the Captain of the Guard. The Magus cried out "No! Princess!" then "I'll never get laid now". Suddenly noticing the rocks behind him, The Magus began to cut his ropes against the sharp stones.
Outside, the Gargoyles, minus Goliath, looked up as the Magus appeared. "The Princess is dead! We would have been ransomed if you hadn't shown up! Here's your punishment! Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo! Hocus Pocus! Abracadabra!"
Suddenly, the Gargoyles found themselves surrounded in a pink mist. "What be this now?" Hudson wondered.
"I don't know." Brooklyn answered. "Maybe we are going to the Bermuda Triangle?"
They all turned to stone.
Princess Katherine screamed in holy terror as Hakon and the Captain shoved her roughly along the path towards the cliffs. "Oh god, are ye going to kill me?" She gasped in horror when she saw Hakon's dagger. "No, I just thought you'd like a nice haircut, my Princess." Hakon replied sarcastically.
Suddenly, Goliath appeared, eyes glowing a furious white color as he saw the scene before him. "YOU ARE THE BETRAYER?!" he roared at the Captain, who looked so frightened, everyone thought he was going to wet himself.
Which he did.
"Um...would you believe that I was framed?" the Captain of the Guard asked meekly.
Suddenly, the cliff gave way beneath the two men and the Princess, and they all started to fall.
Seeing this, Goliath lunged forward and snagged the ropes tying Princess Katherine's wrists together with his talons, watching as the two traitors fell screaming into the rocky depths of the hills below them. "You're safe now, Princess." Goliath promised.
Suddenly, the rope snapped and Katherine fell screaming. Goliath simply shrugged. "Oh, well. She was a bitch anyways."
The Magus rushed up, and Goliath faced him. "What are my clan?" he growled deep in his chest. "They are stone now. They will be until the castle rises above the clouds!" the Magus snarled. "And since you killed mi'lady Katherine, I will do the same to you." Goliath bowed. "Do it, and put me with my clan once more until the spell, if it ever is, gets broken."
"Fine," The Magus replied and, closing his eyes, chanted. When he was finished, he opened his eyes and expected to see a stone statue resting before him.
He did not.
What was sitting before him was a large frightened white horse that looked at him and whinnied.
"Uh, sorry, boy, but the counterspell was burned."
Crying, snorting, the horse just turned tail and raced toward the cliff's edge.
"Goliath, I wouldn't..."
Too late. Goliath jumped, trying to spread his wings, trying to prove to himself that he was still a gargoyle instead of a horse, but he was just kidding. Magus watched as the horse sailed off the cliff and vanished in the darkness to join Katherine, the Captain of the Guard, and Hakon on the pointy rocks below.
"Oh, well..." The Magus thought and turned to head back to the now freed people. Sure he would always miss Katherine. But that didn't matter anymore.
She was always such a bitch anyway...
The End.
Okay, any comments about this? This is the finished version of my "Awakened: Parody" fan fic. If anyone would like to discuss their feelings about this to me, then I can be reached at my e-mail address: [email protected].
If I get enough good responses from this, I may make it into a regular series.
Until my next tale, Enjoy!
King Cobra3.
By King Cobra3 ([email protected])
Author's Note: A humorous fic intended to deliver a good laugh. It is a parody of "Awakening-Part 1." Contains a sidesplitting story line. This story is taken from the first episode as shown on "Gargoyles - The Heroes Awaken" so if anyone sees any scenes or dialogue here that do not correspond with the episode as shown on TV, that's because it was not intended to.
Manhattan, New York
1994 A.D.
Standing in the streets, their jaws agape in unrestrained wonder and horrified expressions, the residents of the island known all over the world as "Manhattan" watched in curiosity as the stone fragments fell down from the cloudy sky, landing in the streets and denting the car roofs. One stone fragment shattered like water when it hit the road. Many people groaned. "Oh, my hair!" One woman screamed as she got drenched from head to toe.
In the middle of the crowd, a cherry red vehicle pulled into the scene, and a dark-haired dark-skinned goddess dressed in a red jacket, a black T-shirt, and blue jeans got out of the driver's side, glaring strictly upwards. She watched the stony objects coming down towards the city. It almost seemed like a kind of a meteor shower. Glancing over, she grabbed the drunken man near her. "Stop bathing and get dressed before I arrest you!"
Confident as always, the woman approached the dark-skinned cop trying to keep people away from the scene of the incident. "Get back!" the man yelled at the onlookers. He looked pretty flustered himself. The sexy extravagant woman took pity on him.
Her name was Elisa Maza, Manhattan detective, 2nd class. She nodded her greetings to the uniformed officer named Morgan who was holding the crowd at bay, and pulled out her identification to show to her. Morgan stared, a look of confusion on his dark face.
"Why are you showing me your library card?"
Elisa realized her mistake, and quickly pocketed the card, smiling in an embarrassed manner before showing Officer Morgan her police badge. "Maza. 23rd. Member of the Sipowitcz Unit." Her gaze returned skyward. "What's goin' on here?"
Officer Morgan followed her look and shrugged. He was every bit as concerned and baffled as she was. Then again, he usually got baffled trying to solve a raping incident. "Got me, Detective. Must be a heck of a party up there." He kneeled down and stood up, a party hat and a party horn in his grip. "See?"
"Yeah," Elisa nodded. Something was definitely going on here. She could feel it in her instincts, those inner voices that helped her through many tough cases after her many years on the Manhattan P.D. She motioned at the crowd behind her. "Get back!"
She sighed, feeling bored. "Or you'll wind up as street pizza." Elisa swallowed her words as a large pizza pie just plopped down onto the road and the young kids at the scene rushed in to devour it. They were chowing down on the snack like wolves. "I rest my case," she thought, amused.
Suddenly noticing the stone piece in front of her, Elisa ran her hands over it. "Claw marks?" She rubbed it, her curiosity growing. "What could be strong enough to leave claw marks in solid stone?" She paused; a horrifying thought coming to mind as she realized where the claw markings had came from. "Oh my god!" She looked at Officer Morgan wildly.
"Cher must be having another concert!"
Castle Wyvern
Scotland
994 A.D.
Everyone was fighting, engaged in a heated battle. The soldiers hiding behind the castle walls shot arrows at their adversaries, ducking as cannonballs and arrows came flying back at them. Hakon, a tall Blonde-bearded man and who was the leader of the forces of evil, pointed his sword at the giant castle that loomed before him. "Fire!" he commanded, his husky voice booming across the land.
"How about water?" A soldier suggested helpfully. "Or thunder?" The goofy-looking warrior broke into a rain dance. Hakon glared at him. "I said...FIRE!!" The man kept dancing. "FIRE!!" Hakon shouted. The man stopped and then looked around, frantically. "Fire?! Where?"
Hakon groaned and rubbed his face. "I'm surrounded by incompetents."
Grabbing the cannon, Hakon knocked the pompous fool away. "I'll do it myself!" The Captain of Villainy growled as he lit the cannon launcher with a match and hurled a large lethal looking black ball towards the castle's protective walls. He smiled cruelly. Suddenly...
PLOP!
Instead of causing the defensive layer surrounding the kingdom and castle to shatter, the "cannon" suddenly splattered on the front of the walls and hung there like a glob of jelly. Hakon started and looked at his men. "What in the blazes...?" The evil soldier gasped in shock and confusion and plain stupidity.
His lead soldier smiled and looked apologetic. "Uh...too much Paintball Games?" Hakon sneered cruelly. "Impossible! Paintball won't even come out for another thousand years!" "Uh, would you believe we are really ahead of our time?" The brain-dead soldier offered, hoping against hope that he would. Hakon just snorted. "Idiots!"
Facing the closed entrance of Castle Wyvern one soldier leaned in to whisper into his friend's ear. "Attacking a castle full of gargoyles near nightfall. This is crazy, and Hakon knows it." The unfortunate babbler suddenly found himself being hoisted up by his shirt collar and pulled into Hakon's accusing eyesight. "Seeing me wearing a girdle and a dress then telling your friends about it, now THAT's crazy!" The man's face twisted in confusion. "What?"
Hakon realized what he just said and recovered quickly, masking his expression into that of a composed feature. "Uh...nothing." Hakon let the man go, and looked at the remaining fleet of soldiers facing him. "I say those gargoyles are not but chiseled stone. And even if they aren't, it's worth the risk for the plunder within. Attack!"
Enraged, driven by some inner force that manipulated their will, Hakon's army charged into the castle, swords raised and shields blocking any possible attacks that might come their ways. Tossing their hooked ropes up to snag the upper tower where the stone gargoyles sat, frozen in alternate positions, except for a large one that had his hands brought up by his ears and was making a goofy, crossed-eye tongue sticking out silly face, the men climbed.
Sighing in satisfaction, the job halfway finished; Hakon didn't notice the sun dipping low in the orange sky.
Or, for that matter, the infamous yellow happy-face imprinted on the sun either.
However, he DID notice that the stone statue above him had started cracking open. The skin shattered, sending fragments flying everywhere, and revealing the large male Lavender Gargoyle that stood there for a second. Hakon stared at him, dumbfounded, as the now flesh-and-blood gargoyle said "Booga-Booga!" to no one in particular, then looked at Hakon, and frowned. "Hey, who are you?" the creature asked, sounding almost bored.
"Uh...." Hakon started to say before Goliath picked him up and studied him disinterestedly.
"You are trespassing," the purple behemoth muttered, yawning in boredom.
Suddenly angry, not wanting to be defeated, not wanting to give up on the Castle, Hakon grabbed his sword and paused. Did he stand a chance against his foe, his attacker who was staring at him intently? Should he strike at him, maybe cut him to ribbons?
Would he ever stop asking himself questions so we could get on with this fan fic?
Taking the chance, hoping for luck, Hakon whipped out the sword and swung it, burying it into Goliath's hand, that large purple three-fingered claw reflexively moved upwards to grab it, and then they both winced as the blade drew red blood. Horrified, Hakon watched as Goliath stared at his wound for what seemed to be an eternity before the lavender gargoyle roared in pain and dropped him. "Oh....FUCK!" Goliath roared, tears flowing down his weepy face. "That HURT!"
"Whoooaaaaaaaaa!!!!!" Hakon screamed as he fell, landing on a hay filled wheelbarrow that was conveniently placed outside the Palace Gates, then glanced up at where Goliath hobbled around, holding his bloody hand. "Geez, what a crybaby!" He glanced at his hesitant, shock-ridden, and utterly stupid men. "Fight men, they are not invincible!"
The men attacked, rushing into the castle, hollering madly.
Up in the tower, watching the newly awakened gargoyles fighting madly against their enemies, three youths, all gargoyles, watched the intense battle below. One on the gargoyles observing was a red-skinned beaked scary-looking creature with a double set of horns that swept backwards his hair. He glanced back at his rookery brothers, one large fat Aqua monster and the other being small, bald, and green, and smirked. "Shall we let our brothers and sisters have all the fun?" the gargoyle that looked most like a demon asked, then stepped lightly over the parapet and flew off to join in. The small one looked at his rotund companion. "Fun? We were playing catch? Cool!"
The chubby gargoyle shook his fat head. "You're an idiot. Our friend was talking about the war. I really don't want to fight, anyways. I'd rather sit up here and have a snack." The Olive creature smirked at him. "Not afraid, are you?" The Aqua deformity sucked in his gut and his voice took on a note of masculine strength. "Afraid? Me?! Huh! Why, all of nature trembles at my passing!" He exclaimed proudly.
The Olive gargoyle held his nose. "Stop eating pork so much, and you won't have that problem."
He flew off, leaving his brother to look pissed off before sailing down after him.
Up in the cornices of Castle Wyvern, amidst all the arrows flying, the old Brown elderly gargoyle fought off the advancing Vikings bravely, using his bare hands to eliminate his attackers, flinging them over the castle walls or off the stairs. Putting the last Viking in his sight down for the count, the aged warrior didn't notice the Viking sneak up on him and raise a stick, intending to smash his brains in.
Fortunately, Goliath did, shoving the widely vulnerable soldier off the staircase as his mentor spun around and looked just in time. Goliath looked at him, and smiled. "Watch your back, Old Friend." In his usual Scottish accent, the elderly fighter answered "Watch your own" and they went their separate ways.
Completely oblivious of the large bulls-eye on the other's back.
Getting spooked, starting to question his chances of victory at this point, Hakon glanced around worriedly and decided to make a break down the narrow Castle hall towards the tower entrance. Then stopped, for something as yet unknown to him emerged in the darkness, growling. Glancing at the shadows being cast on the stone wall, Hakon gasped in silent terror as he saw the dark reflected shadow of a vicious, growling monster, and he backed away, terrified.
Growling, approaching, treading slowly towards his frightened foe, the shadow suddenly started getting smaller, shrinking down with each closer step, until Hakon saw, much to the Viking captain's amusement, that his dangerous threat was nothing more then...
A Blue gargoyle canine the size of a Chihuahua.
Laughing heartily, Hakon put his hand to his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold off his chuckles but still snickering, still tittering deep in his throat. "YOU are attacking me?!" The man gasped, trying to suck in air, a big grin on his face. "I am the leader of a Viking army which is getting beaten up by creatures from children's nightmares, and I meet my defeat by YOU? What are you going to do, bite me on the ankle?!"
The dog growled viciously, and Hakon's smile faded contemptuously. "Out of my way Hellspawn!" He growled, slashing at the small hindrance with his sword. Unfortunately, the dog leaped behind Hakon's clumsy feet and, opening it's snout, bared it's teeth...
And bit him on the ass.
Suddenly caught off guard by his bad slash, which was thrown off-guard by his heavy sword and the small creature's surprising quickness, Hakon barely had time for his mind to register that the dog was behind him now. Then his nerves registered something else about two seconds later, and Hakon screamed, grabbing his ass and stumbling backwards into the recesses of the tower. Falling back onto his butt on the stone floor, Hakon looked up behind him. What happened next made his blood run cold.
Hakon wrapped his arms around him and shivered. Why was he suddenly so cold?
No matter.
For what he saw was enough to make him feel warm all over again as he spotted the outline of a red-haired human woman staring down at him, the unmistakable look of contempt and hatred in her eyes. Only this woman was not human. She was one of that...that MONSTER's clan. The woman stepped a little further into the light, allowing Hakon to see her a little better, especially her blue highlighted skin. In Hakon's eyes, her skin tone reminded him of a drowning victim he had once tried to save unsuccessfully back in his own village.
"Face me, human, if you dare," she growled. Frightened to the point of wetting his pants, Hakon staggered back outside and Goliath leaped onto the wall to Hakon's left, growling, his teeth bared.
He fell off.
Climbing back up sheepishly, slightly humiliated, Goliath smiled a toothy (or not) grin. "Allow me to try again." He rumbled. Clearing his throat, he snarled. "I see you've met our watchdog," he picked the whimpering Viking up. "And my second-in-command as well," Hakon grimaced as the flame-headed gargress leered at him, making him bite his tongue. "Ouch!" Hakon gasped.
Suddenly getting sick of dealing with this puny human, Goliath came to a decision. "I grow tired of this. Take what's left of your men," he threw Hakon off the wall. "And be gone!" Watching the man fall down towards the rock hard soil, Goliath and his mate laughed as Hakon landed on the steps below, touched a pile of hot coals, burned his feet screaming, and fell off onto another hay barrow. Hakon looked up at them, eyes burning hatred beneath his metal helmet.
"This isn't over, monster! I'll be back!" Hakon vowed, then limped away painfully. "Ouch. My ass..."
Faced with defeat, not to mention the impossibility of overtaking the castle against the odds of being beaten by gargoyles, Hakon's men fled, ignoring all the arrows. The men all cheered victory. The Castle was safe once more.
The group of soldiers crowed over the fleeing Vikings, that were running from the castle.
"I knew we could do it!"
"They fled before our arrows!"
"I'm in love with Princess Katherine!"
Two of the soldiers looked at their comrade strangely. "What?"
The 3rd archery master looked up. "What?"
"You're in love...with that bitch?"
The other two soldiers cracked up, and the 3rd one walked off, shaking his head.
Goliath and his clan saw all this, and grumbled among themselves, not liking the attitudes of the humans they had helped save. They dedicated their entire lives to protecting these people, these residents of Castle Wyvern in their home country of Scotland. Why would they not share the credit for the Vikings' defeat with their gargoyle protectors? They all knew that if it wasn't for the clan that aided them, Hakon's forces would have slaughtered them all. Goliath and his species knew this, and they were not happy about it.
Nor was the Captain of The Guard, a stocky well-built bearded man in his mid 40's. He was what Princess Katherine would call, "A beast lover", due to his deep friendship to the gargoyles. Out of all the humans that lived there, it was the Captain that knew the clan and defended them the most. He was the only one who truly understood how important it was to the gargoyles to protect the humans, and to try to be accepted by them. The Captain pitied the gargoyles, and he spent much of his free time trying to help them any way he could.
"Goliath, we owe you our lives," he deadpanned simply, knowing it to be true. The Lavender clan leader acknowledged him through strict eyes, ignoring his mate bandaging his hand. "As we owe you ours every day." he answered gently. The Captain nodded silently, and headed inside the Castle for a celebration that he had to get to. The gargoyles watched him go, and Brooklyn stuck his tongue out at the Captain, earning a smack on the head from Goliath.
In the Dining Hall of the Castle, the soldiers, the Magus, and his close friend and boss (and resident bitchy figure of royalty) Princess Katherine sat amid the room, eating chicken and other meals prepared by the palace staff. Several of the dogs from the village were also present. Moving into the room towards his seat, Hakon overheard a conversation between two soldiers. They were talking heatedly, their tones loud and blatant. The Captain stopped and listening, hoping that neither one of them could smell or hear that little fart he just had...
"Aye, a fine soldier is our Captain of the Guard," One of the men replied brazenly.
"Captain of the GARGOYLES, you mean," His friend added sarcastically.
The other soldier laughed. "He-he'd fit right well on the cornices with them. It's a fact." He suddenly paused, sniffing the air intently. "Hey...what is that smell?" The other soldier stopped eating and turned green. "Did something die in here?" he questioned.
Captain realized it was time for him to make haste away before they discovered his little deed...
Smiling, which was a rare miracle, Princess Katherine smiled at the Captain, her brown hair falling from her shoulders. "Our thanks for a battle well-fought, Captain." The Captain bowed quickly, then straightened up. "The credit is not mine to take, your highness." He paused. "It was also won by our finely disciplined soldiers and greatly trained warriors!"
All the people who fit the description smiled, pleased to be praised for their work well done.
"Even if they are butt munching kiss-ups." The Captain replied casually.
Everyone's smiles faded instantly.
"Also, without Goliath and his Gargoyles, our defense would have proven useless."
Princess Katherine frowned in disapproval.
"Please, don't mention that monster's name in my presence." She requested.
Suddenly, the doors to the dining hall flew open and Goliath and his second-in-command stepped forward, looking not very happy to be there. Which, judging by the cold looks being thrown in their direction, wasn't completely inconsequential.
"Filthy monsters in the castle!" The princess gasped in horror and revulsion.
Demona looked at the Magus. "You heard her. Leave." The Magus only scowled.
Captain tried to relax his lovely (yuck) superior. "Uh, your pardon, your highness. I took the liberty of asking them to appear and be recognized for their bravery. Plus, I just wanted to piss you off."
Princess Katherine frowned even harder. "Captain, we are most seriously displeased to allow beasts in the dining hall."
Demona returned her gaze to the Magus again. "Boy, she really hates you, doesn't she?"
"Shut up," The Magus grumbled, resting his head on his fist as he listened to his majesty speaking, an annoyed expression on his face. He really hated these gargoyles, almost as much as Princess Katherine did. These were filthy beasts, monsters that had no need being with humanity. Sharing a castle and village with them. "You speak wisely, Princess." He cast a disgusted glance at the two large figures standing in the doorway. "These are natural creatures. No good can come from associating with them." He paused. "Besides, what kind of people would we be if we didn't treat them with loathing even after they risked their asses for us?"
Goliath bowed. "If you will excuse us, your highness."
"Excuse you for what?"
"For this." Goliath moved forward, until he was looking into Katherine's eyes, then he did something that everyone in the village, except the Magus, had always wanted to do, but had never dared.
He belched loudly in her face.
Squeezing her eyes shut, wiping away that foul smell, Katherine gagged, choking loudly as everyone laughed heartily. The Captain couldn't help but look at that expression on his majesty's face and chuckle. Even the Magus smiled.
"Get out of here right now!" Princess Katherine gasped, sharply inhaling several gasps of fresh breath.
Goliath put his around Demona and led her away. Princess Katherine, in a highly pissed off mode, glared accusingly at the Captain. "In the future, Captain, you will make your reports to my advisor, the Magus, not directly to me!" The crowned bitch huffed haughtily. Instead of answering, the Captain turned and left the room, determined to catch up with the gargoyles that had just walked out of the dining hall.
Finding them in the dark hallway, a lit torch in his hand, Captain placed his hand on Goliath's shoulder gently to signal his sorrow and friendship. "My apologies for this, Goliath. Princess Katherine has had a cork stuck up her ass since birth." Goliath shook his head in disorientation. "No apologies needed. We are what we are. Her opinion will not change that." The Captain of the Guard remained silent, but that didn't mean Demona was going to.
"Have you no pride? No sense of justice? We saved their lives and they repay us with contempt."
The Captain agreed, his voice echoing his certainties. "She is right, Goliath. You deserve better than this." Demona picked up the argument. "These cliffs were our home ages before they built their stone fortress." Her voice took on a touch of anger that Goliath did not like at all. "They should bow to us!"
Goliath shook his head again. He understood where his mate was coming from, but he also knew the way that he and his kind were treated had nothing to do what he wanted or what anyone wanted. It was just natural, as bad as it may be. He addressed his mate and his good friend, then spoke in a low hushed tone. "It is the nature of humankind to fear what they do not understand." He paused, hoping to see understanding on their faces. Finding none, he continued. "Their ways...are not our ways."
He walked away and left the two alone. Demona looked at Captain. "No offense, pal, but your people suck." She muttered. Surprised, Captain only nodded, knowing that no easy solution to their problems was yet evident.
Early the next morning, as the still rising sun approached, the gargoyles locked in their frozen sleep-filled positions at different points throughout the castle, a white-cloaked stranger left the city by horseback, his (or her) face carefully hidden from the view of any suspicious spectators. This mysterious stranger approached the Vikings camp a few miles outside the city, and stopped outside Hakon's tent. Listening to the Viking Leader muttering "Mother, I want some biscuits" in his sleep, the cloaked visitor woke the man by nudging him with their right foot. Hakon woke up. As he did so, a huge farting noise escaped him and the mysterious person ripped off the cloak, revealing Captain underneath. "Aw, jeez! Did you have to?!"
"What do ye want?" Hakon growled, drawing his sword. The Captain showed no fear, and spoke in a condescending tone. "You seek the fall of Castle Wyvern?" the traitorous servant to Princess Katherine asked, sounding like he had a deal for Hakon.
However, the pillager just snorted disdainfully. "What of it?"
"Perhaps a bargain can be made," The Captain of the Guard suggested helpfully. Hakon regarded him with curious wonder. Could this be some sort of a trick? Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. But Hakon decided to give it a try. If it was a ruse, he would find out and escape at the last minute.
"I'm listening..."
That night, just like every night, the sun sank behind the cloudy depths of the Scottish sky and the gargoyles all woke up instantaneously, their protective stone coverings breaking away. Goliath removed his bandage and smiled down at his newly healed hand. Ahhhhh, the benefits of stone sleep! Behind him, his mate stood next to the Captain, smiling in a cocky manner, as he spoke in a grave tone. The Captain was speaking straight and to the point.
"Those Vikings may return at daybreak, Goliath. I say take all your gargoyles and make SURE they're gone."
Demona smiled devilishly. "I agree. Let us go out in force and put an end to these pigs once and for all."
Captain stared at her, incomprehension on his chubby face. "Why would you attack pigs?"
Demona groaned and rolled her eyes. The Captain of the Guard was a good friend to her and her kind, but he had the intellect of a summer squash. Some people just didn't grasp metaphors. "No. I meant the Vikings."
Captain's face broke into a thoughtful expression. "Oh. I see."
Goliath considered following his Angel of the Night's advice, but decided against it. "Too dangerous. I don't want to leave the castle unprotected." Desperate, The Captain shook his head. A small glimmer of fear was rising in him, and he was doing his best to repel it. "Their leader swore he'd be back. It's best to harry them far away now and not take that chance." Goliath sighed. He knew he was beaten, and he accepted it. But he would not allow everyone to go.
He looked at Demona, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Very well. But I shall do it. I can scare those cowards away without any help." Then his large face drew into a childish pout and in a small voice he whined. "Unless they get lucky with that big mean sword again!" Demona tried her best to convince her love. "That's too dangerous for you. Let me come along, at least."
"You and the others will stay with the castle. You are my best command. I leave you in command." He answered truthfully. He loved her with all his heart, and he couldn't bear to be apart from her. Especially with those scary men, and their scary swords. But now was not the time to go simper to his love like he would have his mommy.
I guess there's a first time for everything.
"No," Demona pleaded. "I cannot let you."
Goliath squeezed her shoulders briefly before releasing her and turning away to glide off. "Remember, you and I are one. Now and forever." He soared away into the night, and Demona reached for her love, to beg him not to go. To stay with her. But he was already gone. Captain shrugged. "Wow...you really suck at reasoning with him."
Down in the courtyard, engaged in a fun game, Brooklyn and Lexington, although they had not names since none of the gargoyles except Goliath did yet, were playing a fun game with their little dog who would someday be known as Bronx. They were tossing a piece of turkey leg back and forth, trying to prompt their pet to chase after it. The large fatty Aqua ball of fat sat in the far corner. He was completely ignoring the games and concentrated only on eating his chicken wing. Not catching the meat, Bronx simply sat down on the ground and uttered one sentence:
"Yo no queiro Taco Bella?"
Staring, amazed, Lexington glared up at Brooklyn sitting on a crate. "Did you hear that? He talked!" Lexington's excitement diminished as he realized his rookery brother's gaze was focused on something behind him, so Lexington turned and looked to see a bratty little boy, laughing his head off. "Man! You really fell for it!" The boy gasped, breathing heavily. He stopped and spoke again. "Yo no quiero Taco Bella?" He asked and then broke into giggles again. "So, uh, I'm Tom Anthony Harold Bradford Nicholas Jonathon Joseph Gerald Leonard Steven the fifth. What's your name?"
Lexington stared at him for a few seconds, wondering how anyone could have such a long name, then he spoke again. "Except for Goliath, we don't have names." Brooklyn nodded in agreement. Tom Anthony Harold...ah, never mind, you've heard it all, looked confused. "How do you tell each other apart?" "We look different," Lexington responded. Tom looked fascinated now. "But what do you call each other?" he wanted to know.
"Friend," Brooklyn answered, friendly as always.
Suddenly a really huge woman grabbed Tom and tried to pull him away. "Tom!" she screeched. "Get away from those monsters!" Tom tried to pull away, and the gargoyles, showing only kindness and no indication of the beastly endeavor that she believed them to have, came forward trying to reason with the angry woman. "We wouldn't hurt the lad, ma'am." Brooklyn calmly replied.
But this woman did not want to be reasoned with.
"Keep away from him, you beast!" The enraged woman threw a rock at them.
"Hey, lady!" Lexington growled. "You're a bitch!"
It was then that Demona landed on the ground, separating the two male gargoyles from the young boy and his overprotective mother. Hey eyes glowed red as fire, burning with hatred for this human woman that dared to attack her kind. "You're the beast, you-" Demona started to say. But Brooklyn and Lexington cut her off, moving in front of her to face the humans.
"No," Brooklyn growled. "If they think they're beasts and monsters-"
"-Then perhaps we'd better live up to the name," Lexington finished.
Both their eyes glowed white as marshmallows, and Tom's mother gasped from the sudden fear that she and her son would be ripped to pieces. That fear was short-lived, however, when Goliath and the old Gargoyle he had aided earlier, the wisely effective warrior who would someday be Hudson, touched down side by side to see the humans, including Tom and his mother, fleeing. They both turned as one to look at the Trio and Demona. Broadway had rushed forward before the two clan leaders had spun around, and had asked. "Ooh. What is it? Are we being attacked again?"
Seeing Broadway standing next to Brooklyn and Lexington, who both had looks of gloom forthcoming on their face, Goliath automatically logically assumed that ALL THREE were guilty of this misdeed. "You three. Down to the rookery until I return. I'll deal with you then."
Lexington clasped his hands together and hopped up and down, from one foot to the other. "You'll deal with us? Are we going to play cards? Maybe Solitaire? I know a good game. It's called "Go Fish"..."
"Er, no, young one." Goliath answered, beginning to get a headache. "And take him with you." He answered, pointing at the dog.
Unhappily pushing the rookery doors open, Lexington started down the stairs into the cavern-like space, followed by Broadway and Bronx. Brooklyn looked mournfully at his superior, remorse tinged in his voice. "We meant no harm. We were just playing Keep-away." He joined his brothers in the rookery. Demona looked, slightly frustrated, at her love.
"Are you blind? They were not at fault. The humans were. The humans messed up their innocent game."
Goliath glared down at her. "No matter who was at fault, I cannot condone fighting between their people and ours. I will make it up to them, later. I'll buy them some smut magazines to atone for this. Now, I have business to attend to." He flew off with Hudson, heading for the forests on the eastern territory of Castle Wyvern. Spotting the horses' tracks leading into the heart of the woods, Goliath pointed down. "There!"
Trying to make a gentle landing on the ground, Hudson instead overbalanced and plunged face first into an oak tree. "Och, my achin' head..." The old warrior groaned as he rubbed his forehead and peered down at the horses' tracks. He had years of knowledge and instincts that he used for things like this. When he got down on his knees, however, Hudson's face suddenly took on an agonized expression. Goliath noticed. "My friend, what is it?"
Hudson tried to conceal his pant leg, but Goliath knew right away. "You stepped in some horse shit, didn't you?" Embarrassed, Hudson nodded; not wanting to admit it but knowing that lying would be futile now. "Aye, those horses musta ov'erdosed on 'eir Oats tah-day!"
Goliath peered at the large brown stain on his mentor's pant leg. "Damn." He whispered in awe. "When they have to go, they REALLY go, don't they?" "Wait for a minute, lad. I'll be 'ight 'ack."
Waiting until Hudson had washed the shit off his pants in the nearby river and returned with his pants sopping but clean, Goliath flew off after the horses, with Hudson close behind. In fact, Hudson was so close behind, that when Goliath saw the horses, the purple mass of muscle braked to a sudden stop and his comrade crashed into him. They collapsed in a heap on the ground.
"Great, Old Friend," Goliath mused. "Why don't you just wear a shirt that says, "How's my flying? Call 1-800-Get-Flying-Lessons"?" "Very funny," the aged creature groaned. "Get off! You need to be losin' some weight!" Goliath pushed Hudson off and climbed to his feet shakily. Hudson, knowing that the horses had been frightened off, peered at the new set of tracks again, this time watching where he kneeled down. "It's them, right enough. But the tracks are very light for horses carrying armored men."
Goliath looked up to spot the last flash of white fleeing flesh vanish into the trees (try saying THAT three times fast! I dare you!). "They're not far ahead. Come." Hudson shook his head. Something about this whole set-up was bothering him, and it didn't feel right. Worse, he was missing Craps night at the Castle Wyvern casino. "It's not long until sunrise. Perhaps we should return."
Goliath was already chasing after the flock of wild horses; his brow set in a determined fixing. Then he spotted the horses, and his brow raised in alarm. "There they are!" He shouted as Hudson approached quickly. Horror etched his features as he realized. "They were leading the horses to decoy us from the castle."
"Or maybe it's just a wild horse stampede and the Vikings are away in their village having Happy Hour!" Hudson suggested.
"Boy, Happy Hour? We really ARE ahead of our time." Goliath leaped back the way he came. "We've got to get back to the castle. NOW!"
Reaching the hilltop, the Castle foundation in plain sight, Hudson prepared to leap, spread his wings, and soar...
When the sun rose.
'We're too late!!" he roared just as the stone sleep overtook him. Goliath struggled to fight off the granite rushing up his body. But it was useless. As the grayish substance overtook his face, he opened his conversing mouth and spoke two last words just before sleep overtook him.
"Aw, Crap."
Approximately less then a minute later, Hakon's Viking rebels, what remained of them, stood facing the castle. Hakon drew his sword. "ATTACK!" He yelled, then look down as his commanding officer tried to hand him a tack. "That's not what I meant Idiot! What I meant was..." He thought better of it. "Ah, fuck it." Putting the tack in his pocket, Hakon signaled his troops and they rushed the castle.
Up on the protective walls, the arrow shooters once again tried to fire their arrows but it was useless. The bow's cords snapped back, knocking them all out unconscious. Hakon grinned at this lucky break; it was his first in a long time. Chaos had come to Castle Wyvern, and all the townspeople were in a panic. They were doomed.
So much for Craps night now.
Gasping, breathing heavily because she had been masturbating in her chambers (since no one in the village would be stupid enough to have sex with her in the first place, except the Magus, who was an idiot) when the pillaging began, Princess Katherine rushed down the stairs, trying to fine some way out of this place when she spotted her trusted servant, the Captain of the Guard, approaching her. "Captain, Captain! The Vikings, Captain! We are attacked!" She stopped and thought. "I'll never make queen now!"
Captain sneered. "It is worse then that, your highness." He held a dagger to her throat and forced Katherine to move down the stairs, holding her wrists behind her. "How can you DO this?" Katherine bellowed. The Captain considered, then answered.
"Easy. I used to be a governor. Move!"
Outside the castle, in the long line of captives being led away, their hands all chained together, Princess Katherine and the Magus trudged slowly. Hakon's guard, keeping watch over the prisoners, shoved the Magus roughly. "Move! Now!" The Magus groaned angrily, but said nothing.
On the Castle Foyer, Hakon looked at the Captain. "Not that I don't appreciate your help, but why? Why betray one of your own kind?" The Captain looked up, having second thoughts about his involvement in raiding Castle Wyvern. "They are not my kind."
Hakon looked at him in surprise. "They're not?"
The Captain looked back at him. "No. Didn't you know? I'm a space alien sent to infiltrate this planet and steal all your valuable resources to aid my dying planet of Sector Hydrox-12!." The Captain took his fake face off and showed Hakon his small bald head and beady black soulless eyes, before slipping the fleshy face back on.
Hakon turned to a frozen gargoyle, and raised his mace. "Well, to work. There's little enough time for it." The Captain grabbed his arm. "This is unnecessary! They won't follow you when you're out of sight! This is unpractical! This is...wait a minute, why the hell am I trying to save them?" He shook his head. "Do it."
"Yeeeeeeeee-haawwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!" Hakon crowed as he smashed all the visible gargoyles at the castle and it's surrounding streets. The Captain only watched calmly as every single one of his gargoyles friends were turned to rubble before his very eyes. He couldn't believe that this was happening. Had he done the wrong thing?
Not that it mattered. The time for repentance was long gone. All that remained now was to try to figure out how to make a future for himself, now that Princess Katherine and the villagers were there to ruin both his and the gargoyles' lives no longer. Maybe some of them were away. Maybe some of them would survive...
No.
Not possible.
Sighing sadly, The Captain of the Guard looked at the abandoned castle walls one last time and walked away.
Night settled.
As Goliath and Hudson awoke, their throaty roars echoing through the trees, making the forest creatures scatter in opposite directions, the large Lavender gargoyle peered and saw, to his horror, that the city was quiet. Save for the sound of flames crackling as the houses and the castle burned, one great big bonfire set by Hakon and his merry men.
"Nooo...." Goliath whimpered.
Frightened, horrified, frantic on the thought that some gargoyles were still alive somehow, Goliath flew back towards the castle, Hudson following. As he soared, Goliath's fearful eyes glanced down, searching for any signs of life. There were none. Neither any traces of human or Gargoyle. Coming to a rest on the roost that Demona had always occupied, Goliath scooped up the smashed rubble that was all that was left of his mate, bringing it close to his face.
"My...Angel of the night..." He gasped mournfully, then his upset look changed. "Ah-ah-AH-CHOO!" Crying sadly over his loss, his love's loss, Goliath spread his wings to the sky and voiced a mournful cry that soon broke into a coughing fit.
Hudson inspected the mangled arrows carefully. "These Bow strings have been cut. There was betrayal here."
Goliath looked up. "No shit, sherlock."
He remembered sending the Trio down to the rookery with Bronx before all this happened. Might they have survived? He knew he had no choice but to check it out. There was always a chance that Hakon's soldiers might have completely ignored the rookery, thus ensuring their survival. It was a small chance, but it was still possible.
Gliding down to the courtyard, Goliath was delighted to see that his younger students were still alive and well. Cautiously, fearing the answer, Goliath inquired. "Were any more down in the rookery?"
Broadway shook his head. "None. Only us."
Hudson groaned. "So much for those smut magazines," he groaned.
Lexington looked at him. "What?"
"Och, nothing." The old leader looked at the remaining gargoyles. "All the humans are gone. Taken prisoner, most likely."
"So what?" Brooklyn answered. "Those humans were giving us grief anyway."
Goliath growled and gave Brooklyn another smack on the head. The red garg fell down unconscious.
"Then we will find them. We will save the humans, and we will have our revenge!!!"
Deep in the depressing surroundings of Hakon's camp, the soldiers cheered, basking in the pleasures of their victory. The former residents of the village Castle Wyvern had once so proudly ruled such a short time before were now sitting in gloom. Mary, Tom's mother, sat crying, her face buried in her hands.
"Oh, god," the frightened woman wept. Tom tried to comfort her warmly. "My friends, the Gargoyles, will come, Mother." The weeping woman looked up at her prize and joy. "Nay, the Gargoyles were destroyed, Tom. All of'm. Besides, if they were alive, they'd celebrate life without us."
"Then what's that?" Tom asked pointing.
Inside the cave, where Hakon and the Captain were holding Princess Katherine and the Magus hostage, Hakon sneered. "Hmmm, the Magus is worth more alive than dead. Barely. I should get a good ransom sum of 50 cents for him."
"True," The Captain agreed, "But I'm sure your uncle, the King, will pay handsomely to see his niece returned alive."
"I'll see you both hanged for this!" The princess spat. "Then I'll see you catch an episode of ABC's "The View!"
Hakon grabbed his neck mockingly. "What a cruel punishment!" He pretended to gasp. "I'm scared!"
"You blackguard." Magus snarled angrily. "If I had my book of spells, I'd..."
"Do what?" Hakon asked pleasantly, burning a page of the Grimorum out of the Magus' view.
"I'd...I'd...I'd turn you both into pudding," the Magus finished lamely.
Hakon and the Captain both laughed heartily. "Would that spell be on THIS page?" Hakon sneered, showing Magus the burning page. "No! My spells!" The helpless captive gasped in horror.
Hakon laughed, then gasped as the flames licked his hand and he dropped the page. "Stupid page!"
"Ha ha!" Magus laughed.
"You shut up!" Hakon snarled.
Magus only laughed harder.
Wielding his dagger, Hakon moved forward, intent on spilling the Magus' blood when a guard appeared, breathless.
"Sire! Gargoyles are here!"
"You said they wouldn't follow us!" Hakon roared at the Captain.
"If you hadn't played Mr. Campfire back at their village!"
Hakon grabbed Katherine and pulled her along with him. "Okay, Princess Brat, time to die!"
"Eeeeekkkkk!" was all Katherine could say before she and Hakon disappeared outside, followed by the Captain of the Guard. The Magus cried out "No! Princess!" then "I'll never get laid now". Suddenly noticing the rocks behind him, The Magus began to cut his ropes against the sharp stones.
Outside, the Gargoyles, minus Goliath, looked up as the Magus appeared. "The Princess is dead! We would have been ransomed if you hadn't shown up! Here's your punishment! Bibbity-Bobbity-Boo! Hocus Pocus! Abracadabra!"
Suddenly, the Gargoyles found themselves surrounded in a pink mist. "What be this now?" Hudson wondered.
"I don't know." Brooklyn answered. "Maybe we are going to the Bermuda Triangle?"
They all turned to stone.
Princess Katherine screamed in holy terror as Hakon and the Captain shoved her roughly along the path towards the cliffs. "Oh god, are ye going to kill me?" She gasped in horror when she saw Hakon's dagger. "No, I just thought you'd like a nice haircut, my Princess." Hakon replied sarcastically.
Suddenly, Goliath appeared, eyes glowing a furious white color as he saw the scene before him. "YOU ARE THE BETRAYER?!" he roared at the Captain, who looked so frightened, everyone thought he was going to wet himself.
Which he did.
"Um...would you believe that I was framed?" the Captain of the Guard asked meekly.
Suddenly, the cliff gave way beneath the two men and the Princess, and they all started to fall.
Seeing this, Goliath lunged forward and snagged the ropes tying Princess Katherine's wrists together with his talons, watching as the two traitors fell screaming into the rocky depths of the hills below them. "You're safe now, Princess." Goliath promised.
Suddenly, the rope snapped and Katherine fell screaming. Goliath simply shrugged. "Oh, well. She was a bitch anyways."
The Magus rushed up, and Goliath faced him. "What are my clan?" he growled deep in his chest. "They are stone now. They will be until the castle rises above the clouds!" the Magus snarled. "And since you killed mi'lady Katherine, I will do the same to you." Goliath bowed. "Do it, and put me with my clan once more until the spell, if it ever is, gets broken."
"Fine," The Magus replied and, closing his eyes, chanted. When he was finished, he opened his eyes and expected to see a stone statue resting before him.
He did not.
What was sitting before him was a large frightened white horse that looked at him and whinnied.
"Uh, sorry, boy, but the counterspell was burned."
Crying, snorting, the horse just turned tail and raced toward the cliff's edge.
"Goliath, I wouldn't..."
Too late. Goliath jumped, trying to spread his wings, trying to prove to himself that he was still a gargoyle instead of a horse, but he was just kidding. Magus watched as the horse sailed off the cliff and vanished in the darkness to join Katherine, the Captain of the Guard, and Hakon on the pointy rocks below.
"Oh, well..." The Magus thought and turned to head back to the now freed people. Sure he would always miss Katherine. But that didn't matter anymore.
She was always such a bitch anyway...
The End.
Okay, any comments about this? This is the finished version of my "Awakened: Parody" fan fic. If anyone would like to discuss their feelings about this to me, then I can be reached at my e-mail address: [email protected].
If I get enough good responses from this, I may make it into a regular series.
Until my next tale, Enjoy!
King Cobra3.