.x.

Wally draped himself over an armrest dramatically. Argharghargh. "They left us again."

"Yep," Dick confirmed from the floor, doing a slow semi-backtuck, black and yellow cape fluttering. Wally's green eyes through his goggles traced over the space of the younger boy's lower back.

"To go on a super special mission."

"Yep."

"Without us," Wally said, groaning excessively in his utter and jilted frustration.

"At least you got to go to the Tower of Fate."

The speedster sat up so quickly that he blurred a moment from existence, and then twisted up his face. "…I had an old guy die in my arms, dude."

"You got a souvenir," Dick reminded him, without callousness or unkindness in the memory of the fallen hero, righting himself onto his feet. "That's pretty sipid."

Wally rolled his eyes. "What part of the English language are you butchering now?"

"Sipid. Insipid means it's boring or dull."

"Whatever." Wally flopped back on the armrest, dangling his head into the air. "…I'm booooored!" he yelled into the Cave.

Dick said nonchalantly, passing him, "Go jerk off." Wally's eyes lit up. He rolled onto his stomach, grinning pleasantly at his companion who paused.

"Wanna join me?"

The outer edge of the Robin mask lifted. "Me jerk you off or…?"

"If you really wanna." Wally wiggled his eyebrows. "Who am I to stop ya?"

"…" Dick hmmed thoughtfully. "… …I wonder what RA is up to."

Wally gave him a disgruntled look. Why would he be thin—Oh. "Oooh. Hell yes." Wally's grin returned toothy as Dick's fingers sketched his temple. "I knew I liked you for a reason."

.x.

Roy's holographic face remained devoid of anything else but irritation.

"No."

Wally whined, the unstrapped wrist device in his hands quivering.

"But—"

"No."

"We—"

"No."

"You—"

"NO."

Dick yanked the device out of Wally's hands, Roy's face warping with static feedback, and twin pairs of domino masks narrowed forebodingly at each other.

"I'll let you suck me off while Wally watches with the cock ring you bring over."

Wally's jaw slipped open, eyes bugging out in awestruck horror—but ohmygod, hispantsweresotight.

Roy huffed.

"…Let me get some shoes on."

The screen went dark. Dick tossed his personal possession, giggling at Wally's frozen expression. "Drunken sexual fantasy confession." He added, leering, and dragging a bare hand over Wally's jerking thigh, "Come to think of it… I'm pretty sure it's a vibrating ring…" Dick's mischievous hand gladly met the roundness Wally's erection springing up.

.x.

The Bioship hovered over the Louisiana marsh. To be quite honest with himself, Kaldur was not a fan of babysitting. Especially two fully capable teammates. But he was also on standby for a reason. He would not abandon Superboy and Miss Martian if they needed him. But… living in the Bioship for 48 hours, though fully stocked, but without accustomed company left him with… lousy feelings.

It wasn't really protocol for this mission to tap into other frequencies to strike up some well-deserved conversation with a sort-of friend but…

Kaldur tapped some tabs on a console. "Aqualad to Red Arrow. Do you copy?" he asked—hopefully.

A high-pitched cry was his answer.

"Oh god, Rob—h-HARDER!"

He blinked. Several times. "Kid Flash?" Kaldur asked, properly befuddled.

"..damn it, Wally, that BURNS-" Dick's voice emerged between Wally's now obvious and ecstasy-laced moans, snapping. Wet noises; smacks; slaps; and more moaning that wasn't just Wally.

"I'll gag you both," Roy threatened somewhere over the frequency, breathy. "I swear—oh FUCK yes, there.."

Kaldur's face reddened until he could feel the heat around his gills. Oh.

"HHHNNNNGGG"

.x.

Artemis peered over the edge of her knitting magazine at nothing in particular, shifting the mouthpiece to the house phone away from her shoulder. A shudder ran up her spine.

"Sorry, Will. My gay sex radar was going off."

"You are such a freak, Crock."

She shifted the mouth piece back, taking a rip out of the beef jerky in her hand and deadpanning, "Love you too, bitch."

.x.

END

.x.

Written (also because some Tumblr peeps asked) because… what the frick was everyone else doing? CERTAINLY IT MUST HAVE BEEN MORE ENTERTAINING THAN JUST NOT EXISTING THIS EPISODE.

And "Will" is totally William I. Zard or "Wizard" from the Injustice Society she was a part of in DC way back ago. Cause Artemis said she had friends in Gotham High and my OCs are actual DC characters~

… I don't understand why you let me do things.