Chapter 20

by

tuille

disclaimer: anything you recognize, i do not own.

You're the one that I love, and I'm saying goodbye...

Rin felt cold as the elevator doors opened, that long, empty hallway appeared daunting, her hands clutching the handles of her bag. So this is the end, she thought as she walked down the hardwood path, her heels echoing against the bamboo.

"Rin," Miroku bowed his head as the petite woman arrived at the entrance of the room, "How have you been?" He asked, taking in the bags under her eyes, her pale complexion, and her lacklustre gaze.

"Ok," she replied softly, forcing that smile on her face.

He sighed, his hand gently resting on her arm, "You've been staying with Ayame?"

"Yeah," she rubbed her eyes, struggling to stop those tears from falling. "They've been taking care of me."

"Good."

Rin gave him a tense smile, "Yeah," she answered softly, her gaze moving past him to the silver-haired gentleman who's back was turned. She admired his broad shoulders, remembering those moments when she once could have run to him. When she could have wrapped her arms around his waist, kissed his cheeks, and laughed with him. She cursed as she felt her eyes moisten, her chest tightening.

I can't do this, she thought as she took a step back out of the room and leant against the wall. Not yet, she closed her eyes as she head hung low, not yet.

Miroku noted her expression as he ran his hand through his hair. "We'll be inside… take your time." He told her, walking into the office.

"She's here," Miroku announced as he walked to Sesshomaru, "Are you sure about this?"

Sesshomaru replied, his face impassive, "Yes."

Miroku bit his lip, "Ok." He looked back at the door, finding the young woman whose fists were clenched by her side as she tried to stop herself from crying.

"I'm sorry I'm late," her voice was meek as she finally tiptoed into the office, her fingers gripping the handle of her bag tight.

Sesshomaru closed his eyes as she spoke, his thumb moving reflexively to his ring finger. No ring, he thought, stepping away from the window to sit at the large desk.

Rin did not dare look at the man in front of her as she took a seat across from him. Don't cry, don't cry, she repeated, her hands rubbing her forearms as a cold chill moved over her.

"Alright, we'll begin." Miroku cleared his throat as he began, laying out the documents in front of them. He pulled out the first file, "These are the finalized divorce papers. We'll send it to a judge later this evening. The process should take no longer than two weeks."

Rin felt her heart sink into her stomach at those words. We'll no longer be married, she thought, her gaze fixed on the white papers. She felt numb, her gaze lifeless and dull. She knew this day would come, so why did it still hurt? Why did her chest ache just at the thought of him?

"Rin?" Miroku's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"Ah, yes." Her voice was hesitant as she looked at the document in front of her, her hand shaking as it reached forward for the pen. Two weeks, she thought, two weeks until she would no longer be his wife.

Sesshomaru's hands fisted tight, resisting the urge to take the pen from her hands. Let her go, he told himself, his eyes closing.

She deserves better.

Sesshomaru lifted the pen as Miroku turned the paper towards him, his gaze set on her signature. Rin Takahashi, he thought, she had signed it as Takahashi. His fists clenched once more, a cold chill running through him.

Let her go.

Rin watched Sesshomaru elegantly scrawl his name on the line, admiring his long fingers, remembering the feel of her hands laced through his. Just a memory, she thought, wondering when it began to feel like she was looking at a stranger.

Because her Sesshomaru was no longer.

"Alright," Miroku tucked the sheets into his leather folder. "I'll contact you both when the papers are signed. Rin," he bowed low, "Take care."

"Thank you," Rin stood up to bow in return. Her brown eyes darted to his for a brief moment, her breath hitching at the sight of him tugging on his tie. He still makes my heart flutter, she thought, her chest aching.

Sesshomaru moved up from his seat, walking towards the entrance of the room before pausing. Rin hesitated as she glided past him to leave.

"Rin."

He called out her name, unable to stop himself from reaching for her, from clasping his hand through hers as she moved past him, her delicate form halting at his actions. She flinched at his touch, the irises of her wide eyes were stained red as she looked up at him, her mascara smudged.

Let me go.

His gaze softened as he looked at her, his hand lifting on its own accord to cup those rose-stained cheeks. "Rin," he murmured as his thumb brushed against her soft skin, looking deeply into those brown eyes. She was silent as she moved her small hands and placed them on his chest, just above his heart. Her gaze was haunting as he lifted her chin.

We're over, he thought, so why is it that I can't let you go?

Rin took that moment to study his expression, those amber eyes, those perfect lips. She remembered those moments when he kissed her, when he held her hand, and whispered in her ear.

It was like it was all a dream.

She felt her eyes mist, her heart twisting at the memories. Did your heart ever beat faster because of me? She wondered as a single tear dripped down her cheek. Did I ever make you nervous and trip over your words? She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, did you ever miss me? As much as I missed you?

Sesshomaru cursed as he laid his forehead against hers, his fingers moving to her waist, holding her close. How easy, he knew, how easy it would be to ask her to stay. To have her in his arms for the rest of his life. But he couldn't, not after all he had done. He didn't deserve her.

He felt his eyes become moist as his nose brushed hers, his hands shaking as they gripped her tight. "Rin," he whispered breathlessly, memorizing her scent, her touch.

Stay.

Their lips were almost touching as he lowered his head.

I'll miss you.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he pressed his lips to hers. Their last kiss was slow, their hearts aching at the touch. He groaned as he lost himself in her taste, the feel of her body against his. Soon the kiss became desperate and rough, his hands knotting her hair as he brought her closer into his embrace. Rin's eyes were closed, her arms wrapping around his shoulders, her fingers finding their way through his hair. She moaned as he ran his hands down her sides, her body trembling at his touch.

Does he know, she wondered, how he makes me feel? How he can make me lose my mind? How he can both make my heart soar and break? She whimpered as they parted, her body frozen for a moment as her eyes opened. Her nerves were on fire as she took a step back, her hand touching her lips.

"I'm sorry." He repeated, his voice shaking.

She blinked back tears, her throat tight, "For?"

His amber gaze was sincere, "Everything."

Everything.

Rin nodded, taking a moment to calm herself. Her fingers curled into fists as she stood in front of him, feeling a cool breeze move past her. She looked into those amber eyes, how long could you have pretended? She wondered, how long was this charade going to last?

"You lied to me." She whispered finally, her heart clenching as she spoke. "I can't help but wonder, all this time, did I just not want to know? Or was I blind? Were you just that great of a liar?"

Sesshomaru looked back at her, his shoulders heavy. Guilt? He wondered, that sinking feeling in his chest not going away.

"You never really loved me, did you?" She laughed bitterly as the tears fell down her cheeks. "I guess I didn't want to admit to myself that it was too good to be true. I wanted to pretend that you spoke the truth. That I wasn't a fool for not wanting to let you go the first time. For convincing myself to fight for you, for us."

She sniffed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "How foolish of me, for loving you."

"Rin," his voice caught as he spoke her name.

"No," she shook her head, "It's ok." She looked at him and smiled, tears in her eyes. "I've stopped letting myself daydream." Her smile faltered, "I should let you go," she told him.

"But I… I'll miss you. I'll miss…" she closed her eyes, unable to meet his gaze. "Holding your hand and making you laugh. I'll miss…" her voice broke as she covered her mouth, urging herself not to cry. "You. You…" her eyes were watering, her gaze blurred by the tears, "It's silly, but I think… I'll miss your hugs the most." She laughed bitterly, "Sesshomaru Takahashi, greatest hug giver," she jested softly, looking down at her feet.

This is it Rin, she thought, their last moment. She glanced up at him and moved up onto her tiptoes to press her pink lips to his cheek. "Sesshomaru…"

I love you.

"Aishiteru," she whispered, knowing how pathetic she was. Still so hopelessly in love with him. A shadow of the man she had fallen in love with the day he had asked her to dance. She was blinking back tears as she put her hand in her pocket, her fingers curling against the metal band.

My love is more than words, she thought, her gaze fixed on the hardwood floor.

But that was just a lie.

She pulled the ring from her pocket and took his hand, placing it into the centre of his palm. Those good morning kisses, those I miss you's, those moments when they laughed and slow danced in the middle of the day.

Just a lie.

She pulled her hand from his, taking a shaky breath, "Will you… lie to me, one more time?" I still can't let you go, she thought, despising her weakness. Despising how pathetic she was when it came to him.

A lie? Sesshomaru lifted her chin and looked deeply into those brown eyes. He remembered the first day he heard those three words fall from her lips. The first day he had confessed to her.

Lie to me.

How cruel was fate, he thought as he murmured those three words. "I love you."

But it wasn't a lie, he felt, gently releasing his hold on her. Because he knew now, the feelings he had for her. He had fallen for her. Truly. Somewhere between the day he had woken up as a stranger to the day he found her letter. He had fallen for that foolish girl who fought for their relationship. For the foolish girl who danced in the rain and decorated his home with flowers.

The foolish girl who had fallen for a monster like him.

He knew now that he loved her, which meant that he could let her go. Even when he wanted to hold onto her tighter. Even when he wanted to keep her next to him. But that was selfish of him.

Their whole relationship, he had been selfish.

But for her, for Rin, his Rin, he could be selfless.

Rin blinked back tears, her voice breaking at his words. She bowed, her heart breaking into pieces, again. "Goodbye Sesshomaru." Her voice was timid, don't cry Rin. "I…" She trailed off, unable to continue.

Will you miss me?

She wondered as she moved away, trying her hardest to ignore the pain in her chest. Because I don't think I will ever forget you.

Sesshomaru felt his heart clench as he touched the gold band in his hand. Goodbye, he thought, resisting the urge to hold her close. To ask her to stay, knowing how easily she would. Amber eyes were filled with regret, with sorrow, as they followed that petite brunette leave.

Don't go.

"Rin…" he whispered as he took a step forward, but it was too late. She was already gone.

Goodbye.

Rin giggled as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, whispering into his ear. "You look so handsome today," she told him, pressing her lips to his cheek.

"Do I?" He returned with a hint of a smile, "You look beautiful," he told her, brushing her long hair behind her ear.

She blushed as she sat on his lap, his arm finding his way around her small waist as he pulled her back towards his chest. "Have you been outside ever since you woke up?" She asked, her fingers playing with the gold band on his left hand.

"Mm," he replied as he kissed the top of her head before leaning back against the bamboo lounge chair.

"It's weird," she told him with a grin, "Seeing you so relaxed." She cocked her head, taking in his relaxed form, his lips curling up as he stroked her bare legs. Sesshomaru Takahashi, the arrogant heir to YK Takahashi, was almost unrecognizable with his silver hair loosely tied back, shirtless and wearing black briefs.

"Hm," he answered lazily, "I suppose you're a good influence then."

"Guess you'll have to keep me around then." She teased, turning her cheek to listen to his heartbeat. It was steady, she thought, her finger tracing his name on his chest.

"You're going to drive me crazy," he murmured, his hand catching her wrist.

"I like driving you crazy," she replied, pressing her lips onto his naked skin.

"Rin," he groaned as she shifted, turning her hips so she straddled his thighs, the white robe covering her slim body slipping off her shoulders.

"I'm not wearing anything under this," she told him coyly, looking up at him through her long lashes.

He smirked, his hands moving to untie the sash, the silk falling onto his lap. She was naked, her petite form glowing under the sunlight. "You're beautiful," he told her, his hand moving down her slight curves, cupping her bum as he pulled her to him, his lips pressing hungrily against hers.

She giggled as he sat up, struggling for a moment to keep his balance as he moved to the bedroom. She fell onto her back as he dropped her onto the bed, crawling down her body as he pressed kisses to her delicate form.

"Maru," she moaned at his touch, whimpering as his mouth descended on her core, her fingers entangling his silver hair. "Mm," she twisted her hips, tugging on his hair. "More," she pleaded, her toes curling as his tongue lapped her centre. "Oh, Maru… Maru, I'm coming…" she squealed as she came. "Oh my god." Rin released her hold on his hair, her head turning to the side as her body went lax with pleasure.

"Rrrinn," he growled as he moved up her body and pulled off his briefs. "You drive me crazy," he told her, his forehead resting against hers as she struggled to come down from her high.

"Oh," her chest was heaving up and down as she caught her breath. She cupped his cheeks and grinned, "Wow. You're really good at sex."

He laughed at her comment, "Thank you." He kissed her lips softly now, "Are you feeling ok?" He asked, his hand caressing her small waist.

"Mmhmm," she closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his warm, toned form on top of hers. "I'm all yours," she murmured, moving up to wrap her arms around his shoulders, their lips finding one another.

He smirked, "Mine," he growled, slipping his member into her, their pace slow and sensuous. He hissed with pleasure,"Fucking mine," he nipped her ear as his lips moved down to her neck.

"Oh god," she cursed as his pace increased, her fingers curling into his back. "Sesshomaru…" She repeated his name over and over like a mantra for what felt like hours until she peaked. "Sesshomaru," she whimpered, "Oh…"

He chuckled as he set her back on the bed. "We'll have to work on your stamina," he told her teasingly as he felt her core tighten around him as she came for the second time that morning.

"Mmm," she opened her eyes, "But we have forever, don't we?" She kissed his cheek and smiled, "To practice?"

"Forever," he confirmed, his fingers caressing her rose stained cheeks.

"Mm," she mewled as he pulled out, her long lashes fluttering at the movement. "Sesshomaru, we don't have to stop," she murmured, her hand finding his.

"You're getting greedy," he teased, gently turning her over. He pulled her hips up to meet his, "We've yet to try this position." He purred into her ears seductively, his strong hands wrapped around her waist.

"Oh," Rin blushed as she settled on her knees, her elbows resting on the pillows.

"I adore when you blush," he murmured as he ran his hand down the length of her back. "Your entire body turns red."

"Sesshomaru," she whined, her cheeks red, wiggling her pert bum.

"Rin," he returned, entering her once more with a deep thrust. "Kami," he cursed as his hands clutched her hips, "You're so fucking tight."

"Mm," she bit her lip, "Kami," she whimpered at his touch, his soft manipulations to her body. He knew exactly how to bring her pleasure, she mused as she came again and again until her senses overloaded and her eyes closed, her body exhausted from making love.

Later in the afternoon, Rin awoke in the king-sized bed, the light blanket strewn over her petite form. She blinked wearily, "Sesshomaru?" She called his name as she looked around the room, the villa silent save for the soft closing of the kitchen cabinet.

"I guess you're already up," she whispered as she pulled on his forgotten shirt, tying her hair up with an elastic. Her feet shuffled softly on the hard wood, smiling as she found him eating a slice of toast. "Maru?"

"Hn?" He glanced over at his wife of three days and smiled, "Sleeping beauty awakens. Did you want something to eat?"

She shook her head and pressed her strawberry-stained lips to his cheek, "Nope, I just remembered that I didn't tell you that I loved you yet."

He chuckled in return and his hand found hers, his thumb affectionally rubbing that gold band on her finger. "Well that won't do."

"Mm," she grinned as she leant against the white kitchen island, shyly looking towards him. "I love you, I love you, I love you." She exclaimed, coyly biting her lip. Her honey brown eyes shining with brilliance, vitality and passion.

He smiled, "And I you," he told her, taking her lips once more.

My love is more than words…

Sesshomaru sat in his office, the glow from his computer exhausting his eyes. He sighed as he glanced at his watch, past midnight, he mused bitterly, again. He laid his head against the leather seat, his eyes closed as he tried to rest. Since the day he had signed those divorce papers, he had thrown himself into work. Trying to erase thoughts of her from his mind by burying himself in mountains of papers. Contracts to sign, deals to make, mergers to overtake.

But it didn't work.

Because he always thought of her.

You haunt me Rin, he thought as he rubbed his face, utterly exhausted. Mentally, physically. He pulled out his phone and dialled his inbox, his body tense as he listened to that single message he saved.

'Good morning Sesshomaru!' Her voice was bright, and he felt the corners of his lips lift in response. 'Happy six months. How cheesy, neh? I never thought I'd be the type of person to celebrate something so silly as dating someone for six months, but here I am, making you a special cake. I hope you get in safe today, and even though you'll probably be exhausted, thank you for coming to see me tonight. Oh! And Shippo made us a card for today,' she giggled then, the phone rustling as she picked up the gift. 'It's the cutest ever, it says Happy Day of Love Uncle Sesshy-maru and Auntie Rinny. He really is the sweetest, isn't he? Anyways, you're probably bored listening to me ramble on and on, I'll stop now. Gunbatte kudasi! I love you, see you tonight!'

Sesshomaru was silent as the call ended, I love you. He cursed as he hung up, flinging the phone into the wall. He rubbed his face with his hands, feeling drained, weary.

I love you, her words whispered into his ears. He could imagine her standing next to him, imagine her soft, feminine scent. He could imagine the way she felt in his arm, the way her lips felt against his. Rin. His Rin.

He missed her. Only seven days and he missed her. A lifetime without you, he thought as he moved out of his chair and walked to the window.

So this is what it's like, he thought, to miss someone. To truly mourn for someone you loved. He knew now, what it was like to be happy. To have that bright, ray of sunshine in his life. To have someone that loved him, cared for him, adored him, and he had been so foolish. So fucking foolish to have ruined it.

"Rin," he murmured as his hand leant against the cold, glass window, "I'm…" sorry? Missing you? A monster?

Or all of the above…

"Sesshomaru," Rin whispered as she woke up in her twin sized bed, her fingers moving to her left, to where he always slept. What are you doing Rin? She chastised herself as she pulled her hand back, he's not here. She sat up, looking around the small bedroom, her eyes falling on the white wedding album that laid at the foot of the bed. Wake up Rin, she told herself, your fairytale is over.

It's not healthy, she reminded herself as she wiped her eyes, to think of him so often. To miss him as much as I do. To crave his touch, his warmth, his voice.

She closed her eyes, because he's hurt me, so much. She sniffed as a single tear fell down her cheek, her head hanging. She felt ashamed and pathetic, and yet here you are, still crying over him. Will there ever be a day, she wondered, her fingers curling into her comforter. When I don't cry? When I don't wake up and miss him? When I don't think of what could have been?

Rin wiped her eyes and pushed herself up and off the bed, quietly getting ready for the day. She quickly dressed in white jeans and a pink blouse, tying her hair up in a ponytail. She paused by the entrance as she looked back at the small apartment she had rented since signing the papers. This is your life now, she told herself, no more Cinderella story. No more Prince Charming. No more happily ever after…

"Ten o'clock at the gardens for the Morimoto wedding," she reminded herself as she slid into her car, buckling her seatbelt. She looked at herself in the mirror, touching the dark circles under her eyes. Seven days and counting without a full night of sleep. It was so hard to sleep, without him. "And then 3 o'clock for the wedding anniversary," she murmured, pushing all her thoughts of him out of her mind.

Just concentrate on your work Rin, you can do it…

After a tiring day, Rin returned to the shop. She was sitting in the back with Ayame at the centre island, her gaze blank as she looked out the bay windows.

Ayame frowned as she noticed the look on Rin's face. "You've been out of it since the wedding anniversary event," she murmured, concerned. "Are you ok?"

Rin smiled softly, remembering the party. "They were married for 50 years." She chuckled lightly, "50 years," she licked her lips, laughing at herself as she felt tears fill her gaze. "I thought that someday," her voice broke, "That it would be me."

Us.

"Oh Rin," Ayame sighed, squeezing her friend's hand. "You miss him, don't you?" She dared to ask.

Rin bit her lip, thinking for a moment. She couldn't lie. Ayame could read her like a book. "I… yeah." She hung her head, ashamed at herself for missing him. "In the mornings it's the worse. Because I wake up, after dreaming of him, expecting him to be next to me. Or expecting to hear the shower. But he isn't there, and I'm alone."

Alone. The thought hit her straight in the gut.

She hated feeling alone.

"It's pathetic," Rin whispered, feeling those dreaded emotions crawl back in. "Because he probably doesn't miss me. And yet here I am, wallowing in my misery." She crossed her legs as she looked out the window. "He's everywhere Ayame. In my dreams, my thoughts, in the real world. Even at the event today, two women came up to me, telling me that they hope I become pregnant again soon. Even his CFO was there, with his second wife. What are they going to think, when it comes out that we're getting a divorce? And I'll be living the rest of my life as Sesshomaru Takahashi's ex-wife, while he moves on." If he already hasn't…

Ayame touched Rin's hands, "Rin, it's not healthy for you, to be here is it?"

"Working?" She shook her head firmly, "No, I'm fine."

Ayame frowned, "I mean being in Tokyo. It's like you said, he's everywhere. You hear his name on the radio, on the news, in magazines, on the sides of buildings."

Rin looked at the table, averting her gaze, "I'm…" Fine? Was she?

"Rin," Ayame bit her lip. "As much as I want you here, maybe you should leave. If only for a little while, once the media hears about everything. Maybe come back after the aftermath dies down. Because if I were you… I don't think I could live in his shadow for the rest of my life."

Rin rubbed her ring finger, considering her words. "You mean run away?"

"More like… lie low," Ayame placed her hands on her rounded belly, "The press can be vicious. And you know already how evil those high society people can be. Just… think about it." She wiped her eyes, "Oh gosh, here we go again. Pregnancy hormones." Ayame explained, waving her hand to fan her face. "I don't think there's been a day when I don't cry."

Rin smiled softly, "I remember that. And the cravings," she moved off the stool and grabbed a jar of pickles from the mini fridge. "Here, for you."

"Thanks Rinny," Ayame grinned as she plucked one out and bit into it. "Oh yum. Thank god for pickles."

Rin laughed, tucking her hair behind her ear, "Your breath is going to be disgusting for the rest of the day."

"I'm sure Kouga will appreciate it."

"Eww," Rin shook her head, "Weird images Ayame!" She giggled, hopping back onto the seat.

"Mm." She finished her pickle before she continued. "In all seriousness Rin, I don't want to see you getting hurt. Not again. And once this news comes out, people are not going to leave you alone. You've seen what they did to Mizuhara's first wife. She's still being followed by the press, and it's been five years."

"Yeah," Rin played with her necklace, "The scorned ex-wife. He cheated on her and yet the press donned her the 'bitchy, frigid wife' and him as the poor, lonely man who just wanted love." She felt something catch in her throat, what would they call me? She wondered, the stupid little girl who wanted to play Cinderella?

"Rin," Ayame hesitated, "Don't do anything drastic. Just… just consider everything. Besides," she joked, "With your settlement, you could basically buy yourself an island if you wanted to and live there for the rest of your life."

Rin giggled, "Idiot." She moved up and hugged her friend, "I'll think about it."

Running away. Maybe it would be for the best...

A week later Rin drove up to the home she used to share with Sesshomaru, her hands gripping the steering wheel as she looked up at the house. It looks cold, she thought, the warmth, the charm the mansion used to exude somehow disappearing only after a month.

"Hello Jaken," Rin bowed her head as she stepped out of her car, meeting the small man at the front doors of the house.

"Mrs. Tak-" Jaken paused, his eyes wide at his blunder, "Uh… Ms. Rin, Rin, I'm so sorry! Please excuse my behaviour, my terrible oversight," he bowed repeatedly for his error.

"Jaken," Rin touched his shoulder, smiling softly, "It's ok."

"Yes, right." Jaken hesitated, shuffling towards the entryway, "Master Sesshomaru is leaving for Seoul after work today, so you have all night to collect what you needed to."

"Ok," Rin followed him inside the mansion, her brown eyes moving over the entrance. Every trace of her had been erased, the flower pots that sat on the table in the centre of the foyer gone, the frames that lined the wall by the stairs empty. She closed her eyes, her chest twisting, what were you expecting Rin? She asked herself as Jaken bowed, leaving the house to herself. For him to keep things the way they were?

"Woof!"

Rin turned on her heel as she heard the sound of paws scampering towards her, her smile wide as she bent down. "Ah-Un!"

"Hello handsome," Rin whispered to Ah-Un as the puppy snuggled her leg, kneeling down to cuddle the small canine. "I missed you so much," she kissed the top of his head, "Has he been taking good care of you?" She asked him, running her hands through his soft fur.

Ah-Un licked her hand in response, Rin laughing at the puppy's antics.

"You're getting so big," she murmured as she stood up, "Jaken's been talking you for walks every day I hear, you're good for him, aren't you?" She asked as the puppy wriggled in her hands, signalling that he wanted down.

"Alright," she gently set him down, "I guess I'm just going to pick up some of my stuff. You're not allowed on the second floor, huh?" She told him as she began to walk up the stairs, "I'll be right back."

Her steps became slower as she moved towards the bedroom, her hand frozen on the door handle. What will I see? She wondered, expecting the worse. Another woman's lingerie? She snorted as she rested her forehead against the door, maybe there will be even be a woman in the bed.

She sighed as she pushed down on the handle, her eyes looking around the room. The portrait of their first dance had been taken from the fireplace, it now on the floor, resting against the wall. She cursed to herself as she picked it up and sat on the bed, her fingers tracing the brush strokes.

Our first dance as husband and wife, she thought as tears escaped her eyes. She remembered that moment so vividly, how happy she had been, how happy she thought he had been.

All a lie.

She bit her lip as she moved off the bed, placing the portrait resting back against the wall, unable to look at it any longer.

You came here for your clothes, she told herself as she stepped into the walk-in closet. She quickly packed her clothes, the items she had before him, leaving the expensive brand names, the purses, the jewellery, the designer shoes, and sunglasses. Because that's not me, she thought as she zipped up the small duffle bag, she had always felt like an impostor wearing Chanel.

She took a deep breath as she left the bedroom, walking down the stairs, her heart heavy. She smiled as she spotted Ah-Un waiting patiently by the bottom of the staircase.

"Ah-Un," she cooed as she dropped the bag on the bottom step.

Rin wiped her eyes as she moved to the floor, reaching out for Ah-Un as she rubbed her nose into his fur. "Ah-Un," she whispered, her throat tight, "Be good for Sesshomaru, ok? Give him lots of kisses," she laughed lightly as he licked her chin, "Take care of him. Make sure you make him laugh, ok?" She spoke, her throat tightening, "He… he always spoiled you, didn't he? Sometimes, sometimes I was jealous that he gave you a kiss first when he came home." She giggled at the memory.

"Hey," she tsked as Ah-Un bit her finger, "You're getting hungry, aren't you? It's getting late," she spoke to him as she carried him to the kitchen. "Supper time, huh?" She opened the cupboard and found the can of dog food, setting it on the counter before she set him on the floor.

"Here you are," she patted his head. "Eat up," she smiled as she set the bowl in front of the white puppy. She sat at the kitchen island as she watched him finish the food, resting her chin on her forearms as she reminisced.

She remembered all those mornings when she would make him a cup of coffee before he went off to work, all those evenings when he would come home and kiss her hello. And then that night he tried to make her soup when she had a cold, or that evening they made pizza from scratch, resulting in a burnt pie and flour covering the kitchen floor.

Just a lie.

She closed her eyes, how could that all have been a lie? She wondered, all those laughs, those hugs, those moments when he told her about his childhood. When they talked about having kids, when she was pregnant, how could that all have been a lie?

She stiffened as she heard door to the mansion open, the sound echoing through the empty foyer. Her gaze darted to Ah-Un who had fallen asleep next to his bowl, her hand clutching her phone as she timidly walked to the door.

"J-Jaken?" She called out his name, expecting to see the short man.

"Rin," Sesshomaru was frozen as he entered the house, his keys falling onto the marble floor, the sound echoing in the hall. Was she real? He asked himself, his heart clenching, his chest tight.

"Sesshomaru," Rin whispered as tears filled her gaze, not him, she tried to look away, tried to move, tried to run from him. Because one more word, and she'd fall to the ground and weep. She wasn't strong enough, not now, maybe not ever, to see him again.

"What," he took a step forward, his voice shaking. "What are you doing here?"

"Jaken," Rin's throat was dry. "He," she stuttered, nervous, tense. "He said you were leaving for Korea today."

"The flight was cancelled," he moved closer, it's her. She's real. The woman who had been haunting him for weeks now.

"I," she gasped as he touched her hip, his large hands delicately holding her sides. She felt goosebumps run up her arm at his touch, "I should go," she whispered, her heart twisting, her large brown eyes filled with tears.

I can't be here, not with you. I can't be here and not want to run into your arms…

"You should go," he repeated, ingraining the feel of her delicate form into his memory. "Rin," his forehead rested against hers now, "My Rin." His eyes closed as he felt her small hands lift to his chest, resting against his heart.

"Leave," he whispered harshly, his gaze firmly on hers now. His mind was conflicted, torn, "Leave before I can't stop myself from holding back any longer."

"I-" Rin told herself to take a step back, to run, yet her hands wrapped around his torso, her head resting against his chest. I can't do this, she thought as she began to cry. I can't run from you. "Sesshomaru," she felt overwhelmed, the emotions running through her causing her so much confusion, so much pain. "I can't stop missing you," she told him through her tears, his scent, his touch, it was all overwhelming. "I can't stop wanting to wake up next to you in the morning," she cried. "Maru," she looked up at him with those tired brown eyes, her voice wavering, "Why can't I stop loving you? I shouldn't… I should hate you."

A man who's lied to me so many times, who's hurt me over and over. I must be a masochist, for loving you.

He cursed, averting his gaze from hers. "Rin," he repeated, the pain in his head returning. Running through him as he tried to separate his thoughts. Let her go, he told himself, you've hurt her too many times. "Goddamnit," he pulled her tighter, closer, "You should go." It pained him to say that, and pained him to hold her so close.

Let her go.

"I should go," she repeated once more, her mind hazy, her thoughts a blur. He's right here, she thought, the man she missed. The man she dreamed of, the man she ached to touch.

This is wrong, she told herself as she moved up onto her tiptoes, his breath hitching as she moved closer to him. He doesn't love you, never loved you, yet here you are Rin, so desperate for his touch.

She ignored her thoughts, that voice in her head that warned her from making such a dangerous mistake, and that ache in her chest as she pressed her lips to his.

Just once more, she told herself as their tongues danced, as their mouths moved in sync, hungry with passion, with desperate desire.

"Maru," she whimpered as he cupped her bottom, her legs wrapping around his torso as he picked her up and pushed her back against the wall. His right hand rested against the wall as they kissed, her own arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, her hands entrapped in his silver hair.

"Fuck," he pulled his head back and looked at her, her swollen lips, her cheeks red, her long, brown hair tangled. "Rin," his heart was pounding, his breaths tight, "Tell me to stop," he pleaded, because I can't on my own. You're so addicting, your taste, your touch…

"I," her fingers touched his face, moving over his angled cheeks, "I don't want you to stop." Just once more, she told herself, one last time, let me lose myself in you.

"Rin," he cursed as his lips returned to hers, his hands moving down her front as he unbuttoned her dress, "Fuck, Rin…"

Rin woke first in the morning, her heart clenching as she looked at him. Her hand moved to the left, reaching forward to brush those stray silver hairs from his face. The last time, she told herself, waking up next to him.

She bit her lips as her eyes watered. "Sesshomaru," she whispered, "You should have stopped me the first time I told you that I loved you. Before I fell so hard for you. So desperately in love with you. Foolish of me, huh?" She felt the corners of her lips move up at all the memories, "It was like a fairytale, being with you. It was just like I imagined, having someone next to me for the rest of my life. Forgetting to be scared of love, to be hurt and left alone. I should thank you then, for letting me have something so perfect, even if it was only for a moment. Even if it didn't last a lifetime…" Her voice wavered, "Even if in the end, I'm alone."

She hung her head, "I…" She exhaled sharply. "I was supposed to have a happily ever after. I was supposed to have a prince charming and have eight kids and be so happy. But now," she wiped her eyes, "Now I don't know. Now, now I think I'm going to leave." She whispered now, almost unable to continue. "I… I'm taking that offer your mother gave me and leaving for New York. Because here," she glanced at him, "In Tokyo, there's you. The man I loved so desperately once upon a time, the man I woke up next to and kissed goodnight. I can't be here, in Japan, and try to forget you." She looked at her left hand, her ring finger bare, "I've spoken to Miroku. To everyone I suppose, but you." She took a deep breath, "I'm disappearing." Her smile was bitter, "Your first wife dying from a brain aneurism. It's like a stupid soap opera," she jested, glancing at the balcony doors. "That way, it's best for everyone. I can live on the other side of the world and you can live here, without your plans going awry because of me."

With a new wife, she thought, a new woman to wake up next to in the mornings.

She slipped off the bed, picking up her dress from the floor. Will you kiss her goodnight, like you did for me? Will you laugh with her and hold her when she's upset? Will you whisper silly thoughts into her ear and hold her hand just because you want to? And when you tell her that you love her, will it be a lie too?

She dressed slowly, walking to his side of the bed. I don't think I'll ever forget you, she thought as she pressed her lips against his forehead, "Goodbye, Sesshomaru." She whispered, teary-eyed as she took a step back.

So this was it, she thought as she slipped out of the bedroom, quietly walking out of the home with the duffle bag in her hand. She looked back at the house, admiring how beautiful it was, clean lines, contemporary design, and cold… just like him.

She smiled bitterly, I'll miss you…

Sesshomaru struggled to keep his composure as he read the medical report. His jaw was tense, his mouth curled into a scowl.

Miroku cleared his throat as Sesshomaru threw it onto the desk, his amber gaze ablaze with anger. "It's dated for the fourteenth," the younger man started, "three days from today. As you can see, the neurosurgeon from Tokyo General has agreed to write off on it. She's to pass from a brain aneurism contracted from the car accident. She passes peacefully in her sleep."

Sesshomaru averted his gaze away to the table, "Was this your idea?" He snarled, "For her to… die?"

Miroku shook her head, sighing, "She wanted to disappear. I just came up with the documents."

Inutaisho's visage was stone as he regarded his son. He folded his hands, "It's for the best," he said finally, "This way, they can both move on with their lives."

Sesshomaru snorted at his father's words, glaring at the papers. Move on, he thought, from her?

"Sesshomaru?" Miroku called his name, pulling him from his thoughts, "What do you think?"

"Fine," Sesshomaru waved his hand, his mind agitated further after this matter. "It's fine." He pushed himself out of his seat, "Excuse me," he bowed his head before he left, taking the elevator to the rooftop of the building.

He closed his eyes after he walked out towards the iron railings, gripping the metal tight with his fists. "You're disappearing," he murmured bitterly, "I shouldn't be selfish, wishing you'd stay." He took out his wallet from his pocket and sighed. His fingers almost trembling as he opened the leather and pulled out a ring, her ring.

It was only last night when he had her in his arms, he thought as he leaned against the railing. Only last night when she had whispered in her ear that she loved him, that she missed him. It was only last night when she had cried in his embrace, and only last night when he whispered those three words in return to her.

I love you.

It had taken him too long, he mused, to tell her that. Too long to realize how he felt for her, his wife. The almost mother to his son. "I'm sorry," he murmured as he squeezed the ring in his fist, "For hurting you." For lying, for using you. Someone so pure, so innocent, for selfish gains.

"Fuck," he cursed as he felt a tear run down his cheek, "Why am I crying over you?" He asked himself with a bitter laugh, wiping his eyes, "Fuck."

He pushed his hands off the railing, "Enough." Sesshomaru pinched his nose, "Enough with the this pathetic charade," he hissed to himself. He was the CEO of a multi-million dollar company, yet here he was, an emotional wreck. Mourning her, missing her, while the other part of him fought for his return to his former self. The man who would never have cried over a woman. The man who's arrogance and calculative image had thrusted him to the top. He was torn inside, his rational part decidedly taking over.

He was letting her go. For kami's sake, she was disappearing from the face of the world. He had to move on. He had responsibilities, countless people depending on him to succeed.

"I'm Sesshomaru Takahashi." He murmured, "CEO of YK Takahashi." This was who he was, he decided. He was done playing the dedicated, doting husband. He could stop with the facade, the lies…

Because before the accident, it was all a lie, wasn't it?

He put the ring back into his wallet, "Sesshomaru Takahashi," he repeated once more, "CEO of YK Takahashi." He ignored the twist in his chest, that ache in his heart. "Soon to be widow," he added quietly, walking back into the building.

xoxo

tuille