Leah

It was a scene stolen from bygone dreams, changed and distorted to fit my reality. It was the same and yet agonizingly different, masquerading in front of me and waiting silently for my defences to crumble.

I stared at the ground and tried to concentrate on moving each foot deliberately in front of the other, knowing all too well the sight that would greet me if I dared to lift my eyes. I knew that Sam would be watching me, waiting eagerly beneath the white, wooden archway; not even my presence would be enough to keep a smile from lighting his face. Jared and Paul would be standing with him, all three men uncharacteristically dressed in a suit. Under different circumstances, the thought might have made me laugh.

The music playing softly in the background was hauntingly beautiful. Violins and keyboards accented my steps, emphasizing the differences between reality and fantasy. Reality moved in slow motion – each step that I took seemed to last an age. Halfway down the aisle, I took a deep breath and looked up. Carefully avoiding Sam's gaze, I focused on the landscape behind him.

Nobody could deny the beauty of the scene that lay bare before me. Land plummeted to meet water in a steep drop just metres behind the altar. Though the base of the cliff was hidden from view, I could hear the waves lapping restlessly at the rocks below. Away to the left, beach-goers took advantage of the unusually warm day. The light breeze was not enough to carry their laughter, and from this height, they appeared small and insignificant. In the distance, dark clouds descended to kiss the ocean's horizon, threatening the reservation with an evening storm.

The ceremony was taking place atop of one of La Push's larger stone precipices; it was where Sam's parents had been married and where he had once vowed that he would wed me. I closed my eyes and tried to swallow back the painful memory. Time was passing too slowly; my calm façade was delicate and I could feel cracks beginning to form. I quickened my pace, no longer bothering to keep time with the music.

I reached the altar as a soft, synchronized, murmur ran through the small assembly. Turning around, I sucked in a sharp breath. As it had this morning, Emily's beauty caught me off guard. Her dress was simple and elegant; the white fabric clung gently to her chest before flowing gracefully to the floor, merely hinting at the figure beneath. Her golden skin, accentuated by the fabric, shimmered as she walked. It was difficult not to take notice of Emily's beauty on an ordinary day; today, it was all but impossible. Her face was radiant; shy bliss adorned her every feature. Such was the brilliance of her expression that it consumed her face. I would defy even the most ignorant onlooker to notice the scars that disfigured the right hand side of her face.

Powerless to submit to my head's screaming warning, I turned to glance at Sam. He had his right hand cupped over his mouth and proud tears threatened to fall from his eyes. His expression was one of absolute reverence as he watched his bride walking gracefully towards him.

I was suddenly aware of my body's reaction to the wedding. I felt hot and clammy, and my skin began to prickle. A faint ringing sounded in my ears and though the noises around me dimmed, I could hear the steady rhythm of my heart.

Seth took the place of Emily's late father at her side. I couldn't believe how much he'd grown up in the past year. Inclining his head seriously, he place Emily's hand in Sam's and moved to take his place next to Paul. I fought to keep a smile on my face as Emily and Sam spoke their vows; I wanted so badly to look as if each word was not a knife to my heart. I stared out past the heads of the guests as the rings were exchanged, but instinctively glanced down when I felt a pair of eyes watching me. Bella Cullen's face was filled with sympathy as she gazed unashamedly towards me. My smile faltered as I read her poorly-disguised pity. Detecting the venom in my thoughts, Edward nudged her gently.

I heard the applause and the wolf-whistles when Emily and Sam kissed, but I didn't turn to watch. A few moments later, Seth hissed my name under his breath. I turned towards him and saw Sam, flanked by Jared and Paul, and Emily being led away to a small table positioned to the left of the altar. I hurriedly followed, avoiding the curious glances from the guests. The bride and groom sat down at the table to another chorus of applause and then holding hands, they signed the register. I turned my head away from the cameras flashing in our direction.

'So, which one of you boys is next?' Emily asked quietly. She was grinning suggestively at Sam's groomsmen.

Jared snorted, 'Well considering that Paul's been practicing for that garter toss...'

Paul punched him lightly in the arm, but he, too, was grinning.

'Yeah, Jacob would just love that,' I muttered under my breath. The thought of being stuck with Paul as a brother-in-law was not an appealing one.

At the sound of my voice, they all turned to stare at me in shock. Though I was well practiced in keeping my emotions to myself – at least in my human form – nobody, including myself, had been entirely sure how I'd react to the wedding. Only Sam kept the surprise from colouring his face. I rolled my eyes angrily and bit back the words that were already on my tongue.

Paul was the first to recover. 'Sure sure. Jake just doesn't know how lucky he is!'

'Oh he knows alright,' I replied, smiling sweetly. 'You'll be the lucky one if you make it to your wedding with both arms still attached to your body.'

Jared howled with laughter and Emily smiled tentatively up at me.

'You look beautiful, Ems,' I whispered softly, gently squeezing her shoulder. I didn't want my pain to ruin her day. Though our relationship teetered dangerously on the edge of a cliff, Emily was still my best friend.

In response to my touch, Emily jumped up from her seat and flung her arms around me.

'Oh, Leah!' she cried, laughing as she sobbed. 'Thank you!'

Emily's happiness came at the expense of my own, and though today's pain was sharper than usual, it was a price that I'd long come to terms with.

I gently peeled her arms from around my neck and inclined my head towards the white marquee that was set up in a clearing about a hundred metres from the cliff's edge. 'I think you two had better lead the way.'

Sam was already at her side. He took her hand and nodding solemnly at me, he led Emily away. Jared and Paul were still bantering noisily as they, too, walked towards the marquee. The guests turned to follow the procession and, unable to move, I stood where I was and watched. Alone for the first time, I allowed memories of this morning to creep, unbidden, into my mind.

(* * *)

I stood at the water's edge, watching the waves forming gentle ripples around my feet. I liked the feel of the sand between my toes. Though the rising sun was cloaked by its usual cover of clouds, the morning remained warm. Only a light breeze caressed my skin. Despite today's weather forecast, there was no sign of an approaching storm. Not that that was surprising, I thought, frowning. The psychic blood-sucker had assured Emily of the weather's cooperation. As long as you're done by dusk, she'd said, the storm won't bother you.

I yawned. I'd run patrols with Jacob all night and I could feel the exhaustion beginning to catch up with me. Though my presence was unnecessary, Jake hadn't tried to deter me from joining him.

I was still frowning when I heard the soft sound of approaching footsteps. It was funny how, even after all of this time, I still recognized the footsteps as Sam's. Turning around, I watched as he walked hesitantly towards me.

'Jacob said I'd find you here,' he said, in explanation.

'Right,' I answered, unsure of what to say in response. My voice was hoarse.

'Do you mind if we talk?'

I smiled wryly, 'Will it make a difference if I told you that I did?'

'Probably not, I guess,' he replied, shifting uncomfortably. He looked uncertain as to how he should continue.

'Big day today, huh?' I tried my best to sound indifferent.

'Yeah,' Sam said, smiling for the first time. 'Listen, Leah, I just wanted to say thank you… you know, for today. I know that it won't be easy for you.'

My eyes narrowed. 'I'm not doing this for you, Sam.' I hated the way that his name tasted on my tongue.

'Yeah, I know. All the same though, it means a lot to Emily.'

'Then she can thank me herself.'

'Leah…' Sam trailed off, his eyes pleading with me to understand. 'I'm so sorry, Leah. I wish that –'

A harsh laugh escaped my lips and cut him off. 'No you don't, Sam. Don't tell me that you wish things were different because you don't.'

He stared back at me, his face contorted with pain. It was strange, considering all that we knew and understood of each other, to think that I hadn't yet had this conversation with Sam. Before I'd joined the pack, Sam's apologies were limited by his obligation to protect the pack's secret. Once I'd phased, Sam and I had shared more of our thoughts than we'd ever meant to and the necessity of this conversation seemed to no longer exist. I couldn't remember the last time that we'd spoken face to face. Given that we understood exactly how one another felt, it seemed easier that way. Why verbalize our sufferings?

I hated the concern that flashed across his face. I wanted him to tell me that I was right: that despite my pain, he was glad that he'd met and fallen in love with my cousin. Forget the hurt and forget even the betrayal; if only Sam would stop caring about me, maybe then I could get on with my life. If he couldn't love me the way that he once did, I didn't want him to love me at all. It was too difficult – too painful.

Sam didn't speak. Angered by his silence, I continued, letting go of the words I'd been holding inside. 'Just stop, please, Sam! You don't get to feel sorry for me!' I was yelling now. 'You don't get to come here and apologize to me for the simple sake of easing your own guilt! I don't want to deal with your pain on top of my own!'

My words were not just for Sam; they were for Emily too – Sam was just the easier of the two to hurt. The guilt that would accompany my words had I yelled them at Emily didn't touch me when I screamed them at Sam.

He didn't defend himself, he just waited. I wanted to continue, and I wanted Sam to yell back, but I was shaking violently, my control rapidly ebbing away.

'I need to go and help Emily get ready,' I said through gritted teeth and then, turning from Sam, I fled.

(* * *)

'Leah?' Jacob's voice brought me back to the present.

I hadn't heard him approach. Shaking my head to clear the memory, I turned to him. He was staring at me questioningly, his eyes slightly narrowed.

'How're you holding – '

'Don't ask me how I'm holding up, Jacob Black!' I snapped angrily, cutting him off.

'Fair enough,' he muttered. 'Listen, are you going to come and join the party?'

'Do I have a choice?'

'There's plenty of good food,' he replied grinning, and then, grabbing my arm gently, he began to tow me towards the reception.

I allowed myself to be pulled along, knowing that I'd have to face the guests sooner or later. I was only a few feet from the marquee when Sam and Emily took to the dance floor. I stopped dead. My legs refused to move and the ringing returned to my ears. They gazed adoringly into one another's eyes as they floated and spun to the music. I felt like I was going to be sick.

'Hey, um, Leah?'

I didn't immediately recognize the voice. Thankful for the distraction, I turned towards the newcomer. Jared stood staring at me, fiddling with his tie.

I raised my eyebrows but didn't respond.

'Look, Leah, I was wondering if you'd, you know, like to dance with me or something? What with the whole bridesmaid-groomsman thing...' he trailed off awkwardly.

I stared at him in shock. 'No.'

'Right… Well… OK then.' Though he tried to hide it, Jared's relief was evident on his face. I wanted to hit him. I glared after him as he hurried away.

'Leah?'

'What?' I said, exasperated, turning back to Jacob.

He was grinning. 'Check out Paul!'

Searching the faces, I found Paul easily. His hands were balled up into fists and his jaw was set angrily as he watched Rachel whirling around the dance floor with Embry.

Jacob was openly laughing now. 'I bribed Embry to get to her before Paul did,' he snorted.

I couldn't help grinning in response, though the smile didn't reach my eyes. 'You had better be careful, Jake, or Rachel's going to end up looking like Emily.' I cautioned, watching as Paul began to shake.

'He knows I'd kill him.' Jacob's voice was serious now, though he was still enjoying Paul's discomfort.

I watched Jacob out of the corner of my eyes. Every few seconds, his eyes flashed towards Renesmee, who was dancing in a tight circle with Edward and Bella. The happy family were holding hands and laughing as they spun round and round.

I couldn't do this. I thought that I could, but I couldn't.

'I have to go, Jake.'

Jacob didn't argue. He just nodded. Grateful for his quiet understanding, I turned and fled from my pain for the second time that day.

My dress made it difficult to run. I only had to reach the edge of the forest and I'd be free from its restraint. I hated running in my human form. Though still fast, it was nothing compared to racing through the forest as a wolf. I smiled grimly – being a wolf had to come with some perks, right?

It didn't take long before I was hidden beneath the trees' shadows. I pulled roughly at the zip of my dress and it broke in my fingers. Shaking uncontrollably, I shouted out in frustration. I wasn't going to get the dress off in time. Not that I cared about the dress, I thought sardonically. Still, it would have been useful to have something to wear home tonight. The cry died on my lips just moments before I phased.

And then I was running.

Away from everything I loved and everything I hated.

I was running and I never wanted to stop.