It's 10 a.m. in a hotel in Boston. A large, muscular man with blonde hair was fast asleep next to a skinny, fiery redheaded girl with the most impressive of bosoms. Their names are Fred and Daphne. Neither of them were wearing clothes. They had spent the night making raunchy, passionate love.

Suddenly, a ringing sound comes from the nightstand. Fred's cell phone is going off. Fred groans, swings his arm out from the bed and grabs the phone. He sits up groggily and holds the phone to his head. "Fred Jones, Mystery Machine, Inc. If we can't solve it, it's not a mystery. What do you want?" He stands up while talking, rubbing his head due to the massive hangover he has, and starts to pull on his clothes. Daphne is still asleep.

The man on the other end of the line says, "Yes, sir, my name is Lt. Yoki. I run a coal mining corporation in a town called Youswell. Lately a lot of our miners haven't been coming into work because they claim there's, um, well-"

Fred sighed. "A phantom?" he asked exasperatedly, while examining Daphne's naked, sleeping body lustfully, proud of his trophy.

Yoki said, "Yes, I guess you could say that. They claim to see the ghost of a man called Shou Tucker, and they appear to be too frightened by him to work."

Fred, sitting down with his forehead in his hand, said, "Listen, Yoki, I get about fifty calls like this every day, alright? Tell me why I should give half a fuck about your phantom. I don't even know where Youswell is; why should I go that far when there are people willing to pay me to get rid of their phantoms and shit a few miles down the road?"

Yoki was taken aback. He had expected such a question, so he knew how to respond, but had expected it to be phrased a bit more delicately. Fred, Yoki thought, was much more abrasive than the advertisements for MM, Inc. had lead him to believe. "Well, um, like I said, I'm the head of the coal mining corporation. This entire town is miners, you see - miners, with an E, not an O - so I get quite a bit of money. And if you can help my corporation out, I can make it very much worth your while... How does $15,268.97 sound?"

This got Fred interested. Fifteen thousand two hundred sixty eight dollars and ninety seven cents? That was much more than he'd ever gotten for just one phantom! "That sounds very good... All right, we'll check it out. Tell me a bit more about this Shou Tucker. Why is he haunting your coal mine?"

"Well," Yoki began, "He was an alchemist several years back, you see. He performed.. horrible experiments. Awful, really, so bad that we had to have him executed for what he did to his wife, daughter, and dog. He was executed here in Youswell, you see, and I guess he's just haunting the coal mine as a sort of revenge because he knows it's our chief source of revenue."

"Makes sense.. Alright. Fax me directions to get from Boston to Youswell and I'll get my team out there later today," Fred promised.

"Excellent! I'll send over directions now," said Yoki. "Thank you so much." And they hung up.

Fred walked over to Daphne, who was still asleep and naked in bed. He poked her nipple just once, saying "Ding dong!" as if it were a doorbell, to wake her. She jumped back a bit, startled, but then started giggling. "I told you not to do that anymore, Freddie! What's up?"

"You know you love it," Fred said suavely. "Well, we got a case. Some dead guy who killed his family is haunting a mining town or something, it doesn't really matter. Here's what matters, though. Guess how much money he's going to give us for it? It's more than we've probably earned in the last year combined, we wouldn't have to stay in these shitbag motels anymore even."

"Hmmm..." Daphne said. "Seven thousand six hundred thirty four dollars and forty eight cents?" she guessed.

"Hah!" Fred laughed. "Try twice that amount, baby. He's going to give us a whole fifteen thousand two hundred sixty eight dollars and ninety seven cents for this case!" Daphne gasped. "Babe, we could do so much with that money. But here's the thing. I don't want to split it three-way with Shag like we usually do, alright? So let's tell him we're just getting a standard amount like $2400, give him 800 bucks so he thinks it's a third, and then we split the rest of it between the two of us."

Daphne giggled. "Ooh, Fred, you naughty boy! That's such a snakey plan I think it deserves a spanking."

So she took out the paddle and they made sweet love, never once ceasing to giggle about the fortune that was soon to be bestowed upon them that Shaggy would never know about.