N lay quietly on the floor of his childhood bedroom, in a slight daze despite the distracting flickering of an old light bulb. It was completely silent. Silence terrified him; it made him feel completely alone, the way he felt for years as a child when his pokemon friends weren't present. Solidarity seemed to make his mind flutter and wander, often into bad memories and paranoid delusions.

He forced himself to think of Black, to think of all the wonderful things he had experienced under his guidance and care. Those memories were surprisingly comforting to him. It had been a quicker process than he had expected, mourning the life he left behind. N had forced himself to accept it. He deserved it, after all. Born into the world under the premise of being raised into a heartless monster. It was his destiny, he assured himself. Black's love had been but a nice occurrence on the route of his doomed life. How foolish it was to think N would ever be capable of understanding love.

N hoped Black would find someone else to love, someone who could reciprocate it the way he deserved.

What use was he here? Did his father have plans for him? Surely there was a reason the man wanted him to return. N could only hope it wasn't just for... that. He sometimes heard the shuffling of feet in the hallway that didn't belong to his father, most likely grunts or scientists passing by. Ghetsis had something up his sleeve. Perhaps N was part of a new equation formulating in the sage's mind, most likely sinister. N cared little anymore about human's view of "right and wrong." It had only caused him anguish in the past. Whatever role his father needed him to fulfill, he would do so without questioning. It wasn't worth the pain continuing to fight with him.

Slowly pushing himself off the floor, N rose to his feet. A terrible pain radiated across his body from his earlier assault, his legs trembling and his back searing from his wounds. He dragged himself across the room to his childhood dresser that had been turned on its side. Thankfully, there were still some of his old clothing left in one of the drawers.

He meticulously removed his outer shirt and then pulled his turtleneck over his head, wincing at the feeling of cotton rubbing against his welts. N found a clean black turtleneck folded amongst some of his clothing from when he was still a boy. The feeling of a new shirt made him feel slightly less dirty despite the dried blood and sweat that still stuck to his skin.

N dug into his pockets before attempting to remove them, making sure he hadn't left anything inside. To his surprise, he found the folded up photo of his mother as a child. His eyes widened in wonder as he stared.

"N," his father's voice boomed across the room at the doorway. Quickly, N squeezed the photo into his palm and lowered his arm. He heard footsteps approach him, but he did not turn around.

"Yes, father?"

"I demand that you make eye contact with me when I speak to you." N bit back a sigh and turned towards his father, who stood a few feet away.

"Yes, father." The boy forced himself to meet his father's eyes, trying not to look too fearful. He'd prey on it, he was sure of it.

"You are to remain here in your room at all times unless I summon you for one reason or another. Do you understand?"

N's eyes began to wander as he looked at the condition of his bedroom. Nervously, he brought a hand to his opposite shoulder as if holding himself.

"Yes, but..." He paused for a brief moment, trying to calculate the best response. "Will my room be repaired from its current state?"

Ghetsis frowned.

"Not until you are worthy of it," he replied. "You will have to earn that right."

N's palms clenched together unconsciously as he heard his father speak. The paper within in his palm rustled noisily. Ghetsis's eyes dropped down and N's body stiffened immediately.

"What is that in your hand?" he asked in a tone N could not decipher. The boy opened his palm and showed his father.

"It's a photo." He did not say who it was, hoping he would not probe much further if he did not recognize her. Instead, his eyes narrowed considerably.

"Where did you get that?" Ghetsis's voice was quieter, but no less stern. N looked down at the picture as he spoke.

"I... came back here a few months ago and visited mother's room. It made me feel really safe and warm when I looked at it, so I took it." He spoke quickly carefully, making sure not to mention Black's name. "I thought because the castle was in ruins, it wouldn't hurt anything if I took it, but I'm sorry if it-"

Ghetsis lifted his hand to silence his rambling son. The sage had hoped N had forgotton about his mother. After all, she died when he was a very young child. The thought that he had broken into her old bedroom even after being told explicitly not to years ago made his temper flare. She was supposed to be erradicated from his life altogether.

Still, there was little harm in giving the boy some small ounce of comfort with the photograph. His living conditions were squalid and his independence had been seized. N's life changed dramatically, and Ghetsis could not have the boy becoming too broken to function.

"Very well," is all he said as he turned towards the door.

"Father!" N called as Ghetsis began to leave. He anxiously ran his thumb over the photo as his voice softened. "What happened to mother?"

Ghetsis froze. He curled his lip in a snarl, though N could not see his face. Curse the boy's curiosity.

"It is simply too painful for me to speak of," he managed calmly through gritted teeth, hoping N would no longer pry. Without waiting to hear a response, Ghetsis slammed the door so hard the door frame rattled.

The photograph rustled once more as N's hand shook, forlorn eyes staring longingly at the kind face frozen in time.

"Mother..." He sniffled as he felt tears welling up in his eyes. "What could have happened that would make you abandon me? Was is because I'm incapable of love...?"

The idea of death never crossed his mind. Instead, he could only assume the worst, and the object that once gave him hope had become another symbol of his failures.