To Hell and Only Halfway Back Chapter 1

I don't own Rizzoli and Isles.

Jane Rizzoli arrived with just under fifteen minutes before the ceremony was to begin. She had never been prouder of her younger brother. Frankie had worked hard and proven he was a solid, capable officer with the Boston Police Department. Now he was about to take the next step in his career and it was important that his sister, his mentor was present. For just a few proud, peaceful moments, Jane had been able to block out the stress, the pressure, the grief that was all in a days work for her. Frankie had shown her his exam and he nearly killed it. Frankie Rizzoli had passed the detective's exam and wanted, no needed, his big sister to be proud of him. And she was, maybe even prouder than their parents as she held him in a tight Rizzoli bear hug.

It seemed like forever ago, her birthday, her birthday party. Her and Maura's near brush with death at the hands of her own personal boogie man. It really wasn't that long ago, but life had moved forward for most.

The joy of spending the evening with her family and friends barely existed in her mind anymore, unlike the horrors that still filled her dreams each night. The sound of him as he threatened her, the feel of the scalpel against her neck, the look of accomplishment in his eyes. He was proud of himself, proud that he would win against her this time. He didn't win, not in the way he had hoped anyway. Jane cursed out loud as she usually did when she admitted to herself that he did win, despite her actions. She had killed him, somehow she had managed to kill him. She was defenseless, just waiting for him to claim his prize, his victory. It wasn't until he moved on to Maura that she found the fight in her once again. She knew all too well Hoyt's M. O. Killing Maura in front of Jane was what he intended to do, making his victory all that much sweeter.

Jane jumped at the sound of the locker room door slamming closed behind her. "Looking sharp, partner."

"Thanks." Jane tried to control the rapid beating of her heart. Get a grip, Rizzoli, it was a door for Christ's sake. "I hate wearing blues. Makes me look like a man."

Frost looked her up and down, making a point to turn his body slightly to look at her ass. "Nah, not a man. A damn good cop though."

"What do you want, Frost?" Jane had to smile at his comment.

"Frankie's nervous, been asking about you." Frost looked in the mirror to straighten his own tie. "You know, I swore I'd never go back into uniform, but it feels good."

"Yeah it does. Sometimes it does, Frost." Jane was proud of her partner. He had come a long way over their short partnership. She trusted him and she knew he trusted her. Jane stared at him though the mirror until he took notice.

"You okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Just feeling a little off." Jane shook it off and straighten her already straight tie as well. "It's Frankie's big day, he deserves it."

"I'll meet you out there." Frost lightly touched her shoulder as he made his way past her and out of the locker room.

Jane returned her attention to the mirror. She reached for her uniform cap. She took the few minutes to position it squarely on her head, mindful of the mini obstruction that was her hair. She had it up in a tight bun to fit snugly under the uniform cap. She returned her focus to the mirror, letting herself block out the noise and commotion that seemed to be taking place just outside the locker room doors.

She sighed as she could see herself as she'd been well over a decade ago. She was so brand new, just out of the academy and ready to make a difference. She was green as spring, proud of her badge, prouder of her gun. She would make a difference, that was a promise she had made…back then.

She was a cop then and still now. Never had any hesitation over what she was meant to be, what she had to be. It was in her, somehow she had always known. The fact that her little brother wanted to follow in her footsteps scared her. It scared her enough to risk killing his dreams. She would never do that to him, she loved him too much, but this world scared her and she was often scared for him.

Jane sighed out loud, adjusting the perfectly fitted cap once again. She thought she knew what lie ahead of her when she proudly marched across that stage as a new graduate. She thought she had known, but she didn't. She couldn't possibly have guessed what she would see and do, what she would learn and accept. She had no idea as such a young woman what she would live through and then live with. She would never have guessed she would be ready, so early in her career, to turn in the badge, the gun, the responsibility.

She had stopped Hoyt, she had killed him herself, but there was no victory in it as she had hoped. He remained in her head and as a result crowded her purpose, her mission to make a difference. She had had enough and it was becoming more and more evident in her approach to the job each day.

"I don't know if they'll hold the ceremony for you, but I could ask…if you'd like." Maura's voice was never startling to Jane, despite the fact she hadn't heard her enter. Jane stared in the mirror at herself a moment more before focusing her eyes on the form of her close friend standing at an angle behind her.

"I've had enough, Maur." Jane's voice was always a bit huskier when she was confused, upset, or scared. Maura recognized this instantly, not needing to question her statement at all. She knew Jane had been struggling with the aftermath of the situation with Hoyt. It wasn't her place to agree or disagree with Jane's declaration. Maura had never been so worried, so terrified, so proud of Detective Jane Rizzoli as she was that day in the jail infirmary.

Jane turned to face the nicely dressed medical examiner. Jane had to laugh a little at the fact that Maura always looked nice. "You look nice."

"Why thank you, Detective. You look…"

"Like a man." Jane interrupted causing Maura to smile. "It's for Frankie though. Ready?"

Jane and Maura filed in, taking the seats that were saved for them by Korsak and Frost. Jane let her mother squeeze her hand as she settled into the chair next to her. "I'm so proud of him." Angela Rizzoli loved her children and it wasn't too long ago she was scared to death of losing them two of them. It was a fear she fought with everyday, but sometimes reality ignited the fire.

Not today though. Today was for her son and today she wouldn't worry. Angela knew he would protest when she hugged and kissed him, but that's what moms did when they were proud of their children. He'd just have to accept it, for tomorrow the worrying would resume.

Jane chanced a glance over at Maura as the ceremony began. It was only seconds before she tuned out the voices of their lieutenant, instead replaying in her mind how desperate she was when Frankie had been shot at the precinct last year. She was so scared for him and she had begged Maura to help him; to save him.

If Maura knew Jane was looking at her, she was successfully ignoring her. Instead her attention was on the activity ahead of them. Jane was so thankful for Maura. She had managed to save Frankie, at least long enough to get him to the hospital. Frankie was walking across the stage now, his eyes searched and found Jane's just before shaking hands with the lieutenant. He took his certificate with a smile, accepted the congratulations and just as quickly returned to his seat on stage. He would soon be a full fledged detective and he deserved the recognition he was receiving. Jane wondered if he would stay with the homicide division or maybe try the major case squad. Maybe narcotics.

Jane had left the Dirty Robber earlier than she would have liked. Frankie had protested, but understood as he was able to take in the fatigue in her features. "See look at that , already intuitive." Jane's little joke was not lost on her brother as he hugged her goodnight.

It had been a long day, a good day, but long nonetheless. It had been a long week as well. She had worked a homicide that should've been by all appearances an open and shut case. It was anything but and it had taken it's toll mentally as well as physically on them all. Jane acknowledged Joe Friday when she entered her apartment. She envied her dog, wishing she could have the same disposition every day. Jane was an intense soul and that so often served as a poison.

Jane contemplated turning off her phone as she crawled into her bed. It was not really an option, not in her position. She wished she could sleep a full night without waking up in a full sweat, scared of her own breathing. She hoped she was physically exhausted enough for her mind to comply with her body and let her sleep soundly.

Jane's body came off the bed a good three inches at the ringing of her cell. It had stopped ringing only to start again by the time she had reached for it.

"Rizzoli!" She didn't care if she sounded aggravated. This better be good. She glanced at her night side table trying to focus in on the digital numbers that told her it was just after three in the morning.

Jane slammed her phone closed, cursing under her breath. Another murder, another case. It took longer to get moving, longer to get dressed, longer to get out of the apartment. She showed her badge to the uniforms blocking the entrance to the small wood framed house just inside the city limits. Jane briefly took in the relative seclusion of the out of the way residence as she entered.

"What do we have?" Jane was immediately met by her partner with Korsak not far behind.

"Female. Late thirties. No signs of sexual assault." Frost was quick with the known information.

"Cause of death?" Jane struggled to get her mind into the right investigating mode.

"Asphyxiation. Very minimal damage other than bruising around her neck and throat." Korsak looked to be just as tired as Jane. She gave him a sympathetic look knowing the effect Hoyt had on him as well.

"Anybody call Maura?" Jane looked around at the upturned furniture in the small living area. She kept her eyes away from the victim, waiting as long as possible before she would have to look at another victim, another case, another number.

"She's on the way." Frost mumbled before turning to approach the victim again. Jane watched him wondering if she were ever that ambitious; she knew she was.

Jane turned at the sound of Maura's voice as she identified herself to the officers positioned outside. She made her way in glancing at Jane in an entirely professional manner. It had been a struggle to get back to the day to day after Hoyt had attacked them both. Jane appreciated the attempt, but she could tell Maura was reading her.

Jane followed behind the medical examiner as she prepared to access the victim. "Looks to be open/close, right?" Jane almost laughed at her own words as she knew that was so often not the case. She watched Maura with curiosity as she started to stay something and then stopped.

"Was there a struggle." Maura asked knowing there was as she had to maneuver her way around furniture to get to the woman she was examining.

"Yeah, why. What?" Jane allowed herself closer to the victim as she bent down next to Maura.

"Her clothes are neatly tucked. Her shirt is perfectly positioned inside her skirt. Her necklace is even carefully turned as if to position it. The charm at least would be off to the right or left given her position now." Maura looked at Jane before slowly beginning to pull the shirt from the skirt.

Jane's eyes widened as Maura reached for the thick piece of cloth that was carefully placed just above the victim's right hipbone. Maura gasped slightly as she forced her eyes toward Jane again.

"Son of a bitch." Jane's voice was especially deep as her tone stayed low. "Korsak!"

"Jane, what is it?" Maura lifted her eyes to follow Jane as she stood to her full height. Maura looked back to the victim. She studied the engraving that had been done to the woman. The letters and number in a heart had covered an area just blow the ribs and just above the hip bone. It was precise and done by a skilled hand, this much was evident to Maura.

Korsak looked from Jane down to the victim. He repeated Jane's slur as he stared at the inscription on the woman's body.

"Maura, was that done before of after death?" Jane's voice was hesitant causing Maura to realize this would not be the open/close case Jane had hoped for.

"Before. Jane what does it mean?" Maura looked at Korsak now, realizing Jane probably wasn't going to fill her in, not just yet anyway.

"It means Duncan McFadden." Korsak turned toward Jane, grabbing her by the arms to face him.

"What does 'J R 1" mean? Jane talk to me." Maura caught the look Jane had shared with Korsak before she forced herself to crouch back down to examine the message more carefully.

"It's a message, Maura." Jane spoke without looking up. "For me. She's victim number one."

A/N: For those of you who have been following "Cold Summer Heat", I haven't given up on that one just yet. Your comments and reviews have been very helpful and encouraging and I thank you for that. I wanted to try another before the idea escaped me, so let me know how it goes. Reviews not only make a writer's day, they are often very helpful as well. So, I thank you in advance.