Disclaimer: The Ink trilogy belongs to Cornelia Funke. I own nothing.

Note: I made this list purely for the entertainment of myself and others, NOT because I dislike Dustfinger (I don't in the least bit) or actually want to do any of this stuff to him.

How to Frustrate, Infuriate, or Generally Annoy the Heck out of Dustfinger:

1. Put a stuffed animal labeled 'Gwin' in his backpack. Make sure it looks nothing like the real Gwin.

2. When asked where Gwin is, either (a): After repeatedly refusing to reveal Gwin's location, finally sigh and say that Gwin is currently in the hospital, suffering from BPSFT, which stands for Being in the Presence of a Scar Faced Traitor, and it is unlikely that he'll ever recover.

Or (b): Say that you won't tell him where Gwin is unless he gives you his matches.

3. If he does give up his matches, hand him a ferret. When he tells you that it isn't Gwin, give him a blank look and say slowly, "Ohh...whoops."

4. Tell him it's a fire hazard for a fire eater to have long hair.

5. Inform him that children (meaning him) aren't supposed to play with matches.

6. Ask him why he keeps a picture of Resa in his backpack instead of one of his own wife.

7. Act like a crazy fangirl. As in: hug him, scream excitedly whenever he enters the room, beg for his autogragh...

8. Call him Dusty.

9. Continually poke him.

10. Constantly talk about what you like or dislike in Dustfinger/Resa, Dustfinger/Meggie, Dustfinger/Elinor, or any other non-canon relationship involving him.

11. Comment on how dusty his fingers are every time you see him, even if they're perfectly clean.

12. Taunt him about his death. Laugh and say, "Oh, you're gonna die. You're gonna be killed so hard you'll DIE to DEATH! And you know why you're gonna die? Because Fenoglio wrote it that way and he's your creator! Haha, don't you think it's funny, Dustfinger?"

13. Touch him; then jump back and scream, "OWW! You burned me!" Do this over and over again.

14. Tell him it's all his fault that Farid died. ("See, if only you had killed Basta when you had the chance, Basta couldn't have killed Farid, so he would still be alive! But no, you just had to act like a coward and a wimp, too scared to take a life...Well, just remember that you're responsible for the death of this poor boy!")

15. Quote the part in Inkspell where his heart breaks. ("He had hit his target, and it was the target he had been aiming for all along: Dustfinger's heart, his stupid heart. It broke in two as he held Farid in his arms, it simply broke in two, although he had taken such good care of it all these years.") Say this every time you see him.

16. Make fun of his name. ("Dustfinger? What kind of idiotic name is that? What, did your fingers get really dusty from lack of use? Is that how you got such a ridiculous nickname?")

17. Tell him he reminds you of a cute little bunny rabbit.

18. After he gives a fire eating performance, pat him condescendingly and say, "That was a good try, Dusty, but maybe you should take some lessons from Sootbird."

(Please note: None of these ideas have been tested. It IS possible that you could be killed/seriously injured/yelled at. Please use this list at your own risk).

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this! I'd love reviews! :)