LUKE CASTELLEN: User Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own LUKE CASTELLEN unit! To ensure that you don't end up squeezing the life out of your unit, we have provided this user manual; reading it would be advised if you don't want to be sliced into bite-sized pieces.

Name: Luke Castellen. Will respond to "Luke", "Castellen", "Scar-face", and "Blondie" - though irritated at the last two.

Age: 23

Place of Manufacture: Westport, Connecticut

Height: 6'1"

Weight: 171 lbs

Your LUKE CASTELLEN unit comes with the following accessories:

One (1) dangerously sharp sword

One (1) leather necklace

One (1) pair of flying sneakers

One (1) white tee-shirt

Two (2) pairs of khaki shorts

Programming

Your LUKE CASTELLEN is equipped with the following traits:

Security/Bodyguard: Are you guarding something top secret? Are you being chased by the mob? Well, you're in luck. After LUKE CASTELLEN's return to the light side, he has a drive to prove how totally-not-evil he is. With his awesome fighting skills and his pointy weaponry, no one will ever harm you again.

Fencing Instructor: After years of teaching a bunch of snot-nosed, ADHD brats how to handle a sword, LUKE CASTELLEN is pretty much the best possible choice for a fencing teacher. The cash will come rolling in, and there will be a sudden influx of talented fencers in you neighborhood.

Babysitter: As a previous head counselor of the Hermes cabin, LUKE CASTELLEN is very good at taking care of children. And while his unfortunate facial disfigurement may scare the younger kids, he will soon become their favorite babysitter.

Master Criminal: Being a son of Hermes, god of thieves, and having robbed said godly parent before, it's safe to say LUKE CASTELLEN is a master in the art of stealing stuff. Soon, your home will be outfitted with an unholy amount of expensive objects, but don't worry. The cops will never be able to catch him.

Soldier: If you can manage to convince your unit his skills would be useful in the army, he will soon rise up in the ranks. He excels at commanding troups.

Removal of your LUKE CASTELLEN Unit from Packaging

LUKE CASTELLEN is one of the less temperamental units. Waking him wrong won't be fatal, but for your safety, we have provided a list of ways to get your unit up and about.

1. Call an ANNABETH CHASE or a THALIA GRACE unit and have her call out his name. He will wake up immediately and begin to apologize profusely to the other unit; he will not oppose you trying to reprogram him.

2. Bake some chocolate chip cookies. The box will begin to shake. This gives you the okay to open it. When he realizes you aren't a MAY CASTELLEN unit, he will calm down and allow you to reprogram him without a fuss.

3. If you are careful, you can open the box and reprogram him directly. Do not attempt to glomp him. It just ends in pain.

Reprogramming

After you successfully get your LUKE CASTELLEN unit out of his box, you can reprogram him to any of the following settings:

Demigod (default)

Friendly (default)

Caring

Kleptomaniac

Angry (locked)

Possessed (locked)

LUKE CASTELLEN comes in default modes Demigod and Friendly. In these two modes, he will be easily distracted and slow at reading, as well as extremely charismatic. He is actually very easy to handle while in these modes.

Note; The Demigod mode is permanent.

The Caring mode is unlocked by letting your unit within one hundred yards of a Little!Annabeth or a Little!Thalia unit. That, or buy him a really, really nice car. LUKE CASTELLEN will be especially good with kids in this mode, and generally an even nicer person than he was previously.

The Kleptomaniac mode can be obtained by taking him to a mall that has a lot of jewelry stores, or by informing him of the fact that your neighbors just bought a new plasma screen TV with surround sound. He will be eager to gain a few valuables and more likely to get a career as a cat burglar; getting him out of this mode can be done by introducing him to your friendly neighborhood policeman.

LUKE CASTELLEN's last two modes, Angry and Possessed, are locked for good reason. In Angry mode, he will be in a constant state of rage, and become prone to giving bitter speeches about his parentage. Angry mode can be achieved by badmouthing his family, reminding him that his father abandoned him, or turning him into the cops can unlock it. In Possessed mode he will act very different from his normal personality - meaning that his eyes will turn gold, he will begin plotting the downfall of Olympus, he will threaten you more than usual, and he will chuckle evilly. A lot. You can get him into it by leaving him in Angry mode for too long. Only the combined efforts of a PERSEUS JACKSON unit and an ANNABETH CHASE unit can get him out of it.

Relationships with Other Units

ANNABETH CHASE: LUKE CASTELLEN sees this unit as his little sister, and he loves her (in a completely platonic way, mind you). He will do anything to fall back into her good graces, and she still looks up to him as a brother.

PERSEUS JACKSON: Your unit used to want to kill him. He doesn't anymore, but their relationship is strained. Very, very strained. Don't worry; a renewed friendship can be obtained by leaving them alone together for long periods of time.

GROVER UNDERWOOD: They also have poor relations, but are more likely to become friendly with each other. GROVER UNDERWOOD naturally wants to make amends with his past charge while LUKE CASTELLEN just wants everyone to forget about his whole "tried to take over the world" phase. With enough hard work, they can be quite close.

THALIA CHASE: Despite past animosity from the War, these units are actually quite fond of each other. They are siblings in everything but blood and care deeply about each other.

Cleaning

Your unit is perfectly capable of cleaning himself, thanks.

Feeding

LUKE CASTELLEN prefers koolade, chocolate chip cookies, and peanut butter sandwiches as a meal, but will eat anything if hungry. He can cook for himself as well.

Rest

The LUKE CASTELLEN unit tends to be a late sleeper and late riser. He sleeps whenever he wants to; going and badgering him to turn off his light won't do anything except irritate him.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: My unit keeps staring at his reflection in the mirror and sighing! He's locked the door to the bathroom…

A: He is most likely just angsting out over his facial disfigurement. After all, he used to be a pretty good-looking dude. If it bothers him that much, just get him scar-removal surgery.

Q: My unit got into a fight with my neighbor's ANNABETH CHASE unit, and now he won't stop complaining!

A: Forcibly have them make up, or have a THALIA GRACE unit come over to forcibly have them make up. Or, you could always take the units out for therapy. Therapy is always an option.

Troubleshooting

Problem: Your unit is refuses to eat his dinner. It's getting really cold, and he's probably going to starve himself to death.

Solution: LUKE CASTELLEN has realized that you don't have an open flame anywhere in the house, and he needs to sacrifice some food to the gods before he eats. This can be remedied by lighting up the fireplace, or by calling Customer Services to buy a Pot 'o Greek Fire.

Problem: You opened the box we sent you and found that, instead of a guy in his twenties sporting a nasty scar, there was a kid in his early teens lying in the box, and no scar. Upon awakening, he grumbles and fights all the time, and asks where ANNABETH CHASE and THALIA GRACE are.

Solution: Oops! We sent you a little!Luke unit on accident! In this form, he is much more irrational and tends to moan about his unfortunate familial situation. If you don't want such a troublesome unit near your loved ones or precious belongings, feel free to call Customer Services for an exchange.

End Notes

With the proper care and minimal hugs, your LUKE CASTELLEN unit will turn out to be the most useful purchase you've ever made, as well as a loyal companion and awesome older brother to any children you've got running around. We wish you a fun time with your unit. Good luck!