Dissidia 012 [duodecim] Final Fantasy © Square Enix

A/n: Hey, so as some of you may have noticed, my updates are getting less frequent. That is because I am really wrestling with this story - mainly with pacing and with how I want this to end. I guess you could say I'm in over my head, and it's taking some time to straighten everything out. While we're on my troubles, I'll be honest about the lack of reviewing: it bothers me. There are a few things I could say concerning this, but I guess it boils down to do you like what I've done with this story & why or why not and do you want to read more of it? I know reviewing is not an obligation. Just know that if you don't, we can't be friends. (I'm kidding. ((Or am I?)))

Kain leant back against the wall and set his gaze on Tifa. She was across the span of the cavern floor, facing the wall and sleeping. Cecil slept just out of sight, safely in the farthest reaches of the cave.

He hadn't known the aftermath of Cecil's slumber would be so dramatic. He had felled several of his comrades before, and though it was never pleasant, and though he was closer to Cecil than anyone else, he didn't expect such emotional turbulence. As soon as he saw Cecil that late afternoon, he knew his friend would be sleeping soon, and by his hand. It was only when the deed was done that Kain felt guilt prick the base of his spine and ascend up his vertebrae. He could not shake the feeling that he had betrayed Cecil before, and guilt snowballed into frustration and sadness. (Why couldn't he remember? Why was he on this end and Cecil on the other?) And then his memory revealed the reasons to him. He wouldn't ever forget the sight of his lance nearly piercing Cecil's back.

He could only be thankful that Tifa was so stubborn and had decided to come along on his mission. She was instinctive in her care for him - she did not delve so deep as to aggravate his wounds, but she let him know she was there for him. She had even, surprisingly, coaxed more of his memories to return to him. When she worked her hand into his, he knew that it was better that he shared his worries and his memories. She was changing him.

He'd do all he could to protect her. He could never disentangle himself from her now, but how long could he go on doing that without telling her his feelings? Telling her certainly was not an option, not if he wanted to keep this from becoming immeasurably awkward. This was the trouble: accepting the fact that he liked her too much meant opening himself up to all of this - the knowing that he liked her and she did not return his feelings. At least before he could have denied the strength of his liking and therefore her rejection. Now he seemed to wade deep through his unrequited feelings. He had his work cut out for him - this was a fine line he'd have to walk.

Tonight, she did not say Cloud's name. He knew because he only dozed, always half-awake. They hadn't discussed who would keep watch, and though it would have been nice, he didn't give manakins quite so much credit as to leave them alone in the night. He thought of his few early memories of Cecil. He thought of the taste of Tifa's cooking. His thoughts eventually became blips, brief images, all disconnected.

She lay curled up on her side, trying to keep her breathing even. She was pretty sure Kain was awake, but if he knew she was awake that would mean they'd have to talk and gosh... she wasn't sure she could handle that. Not with his noble accent and deep register.

This was just wrong. The man had just taken out his best friend and discovered that his mind had been controlled by some freaky wizardry in his however distant past. He'd just been through the emotional ringer. She had just helped him through it, and she knew she would do it again if he needed it. That was what friends did for each other. Friends, and... not anything else.

She resisted curling in tighter on herself, lest she give herself away. How was this happening? She had too much going on already - the crystals, this mission, her recovering memory and Cloud - why did her brain not recognize that? Why did it pick out and highlight the bobbing of Kain's Adam's apple, or the quiet fire behind his eyes, or the swipe of his thumbs over her eyelids? Sure, there was kindness where she had least expected it. And okay, the rest of his face was just as nice as his jawline. Yes, determination and confidence were hugely attractive qualities...

Okay, this wasn't helping. Even breathing. Sleep.

When he woke from his latest bout of dozing it was early morning. Her back was pressed against his. They were sleeping in the middle of the cavern. They must have drifted toward each other in the night.

The smell of her hair was a light cloak over him. When she stirred, the scent was thrown over him in a fresh wave. "Kain?"

She'd woken like this yesterday morning, too, his name on her lips. He found himself thinking to the future, when they would not be traveling together, when she would not ask for him first thing in the morning. He cleared his throat.

She turned, twisting her torso to see his back at her own. "Good morning."

He pushed himself off of the ground to greet her properly. "Good morning."

She stretched then, her lean torso and long arms lengthening. He didn't know whether to look away or not (he didn't, in the end). He could tell she was thinking on what to say next. She pulled herself into a sitting position, but it was a lazy one, slouching over her knees. It looked comfortable - and he realized that it was because she was comfortable around him. "Ready to get going?"

He gestured to his armour. "Give me a moment."

"Of course," she replied. Then she began to stretch out her legs. (He did look away this time.)

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

He dared not turn back to face her. The true meaning of her question did not escape him though, even without the ability to read her expression. "I am well," he said, meaning it. He continued to don his armour quickly and efficiently, as he always did, but then there came the thought of last night, and Tifa's hand entwined with his... Hm. This was a complication. He couldn't go on daydreaming like this.

He would plan. He - Tifa and he - had to see Cecil to the cavern where he kept their slumbering companions. The cave was far off the path back to Cosmos, and it would be unwise to stray for long.

They did not necessarily have to return to Cosmos since Tifa's agreement to this mission, but reason dictated that they would encounter more Warriors around the stronghold. If all went well, he and Tifa could take on several together. As he slid a forearm guard into place, he mentally plotted the shortest route to the cave and back, but was met with an obstacle in the memory of Tifa's thumb, drawing circles on his wrist.

"This is kind of embarassing, but I think you'll have to carry Cecil."

Kain broke from his reverie to see Cecil's sleeping form balance awkwardly on Tifa's back. She was bent at the waist, trying to keep Cecil from falling too harshly by forming a slide out of her torso, it seemed. If she kept pulling at his arm, it just might pop out of the socket...

He crossed the cavern in large, brisk strides and lifted Cecil from her. "Forgive me, but I assumed I would be the one to carry him in the first place." He raised an eyebrow, then remembered he was without helmet and lowered his eyebrow again.

Her breathing was a little uneven as she said, "I know that you didn't get much sleep last night. I didn't want to tire you out any more."

How did she know that? The only way she could've known was if she were awake in the dead of the night when he was. That, or he was acting more tired than he thought. He set Cecil on the ground. He crossed his arms over his torso without a thought. "Your intentions are well-placed, but I will be fine."

She stretched yet again. "I hope so. He's really heavy."

His mouth twitched into a frown. It didn't seem very like her to question a comrade's strength. That, and... how could she question his strength? "Cecil is not that heavy."

He must have sounded either very angry or offended because she finally looked him full in the face, and she quickly became embarassed. "Ahem. Right," she said, turning away. When she turned back, his helmet was in her hands. She thrust it at him. "Let's get going."

Quietly, he took his helmet and donned it. Then he very deliberately hefted Cecil onto his back, angling himself forward slightly so Cecil's upper body stayed put. Tifa looked out the entrance of the cave instead of watching this feat. He went to her side, brushing away memories of her taking his hands. "Cover my back."

She nodded, then trailed out of the cave after him.

The better part of the morning was spent traveling over terrain that gradually evened out. It was leisurely, in a way, and he didn't have to adjust Cecil once. The emptiness helped to clear his immediate thoughts until all he knew was Cecil on his back and Tifa right behind it. Having taken so many rests over the past few days, traveling through this calming terrain, and finally, having dealt with such a large issue the previous night, he felt... relaxed. It had been a long time since he'd felt like this.

By now, they'd been traveling for a good hour, and the landscape was so flat that he didn't find it very surprising when Tifa's eyebrows shot up at the cliff-face rising in front of them.

"Wait here," he told her. He assessed the formation in front of him, plotting the best route with the added weight of his best friend on his back. Then he tightened his grip on Cecil and leapt quickly upwards. It took a decent length of time - the cliff-face was very sheer - but he imagined it wouldn't be a life-threatening amount of time for either of them to be left alone.

When he returned back down after depositing Cecil by a cluster of rocks, Tifa seemed nervous. Even so, she seemed to know her role in this. When he knelt, she went to him immediately, hooking her arms over his shoulders. When he stood, she was already babbling.

"I don't really have a fear of heights," she began as if they had been talking all along. "I just have a fear of falling. If there were some kind of guards or safeties I'd be fine."

Was this the same woman who had, last night, comforted him so supremely well? Multitudes, indeed. He realized that her thighs had clamped solidly around his waist. She really was frightened. Still, he couldn't help but be a bit insulted. "You underestimate me, Tifa."

Tension mounted in her body. Her legs clamped tighter. "Oh, Shiva, no! You're- I'm just-"

He wanted to smirk. "Hold on, please," he said. Then he leapt.

She yelped nearly right into his ear. Her grip on him was so ridiculously strong that he had to wonder how she could not have lifted Cecil. Her face was buried into the back of his neck and her hair whipped every which way, that fresh scent all around them. Her knees, poking out from either side of his back, got a little sharper as they bent more and more. He found himself hooking a hand under each of her knees, and her tension evaporated away little by little.

When they reached the top they untangled themselves from the other and Tifa slid to the ground. "Thank you," she said a little huskily, "and sorry for being so paranoid."

He turned to face her and simply said, "You are much lighter than Cecil," to which her ears burned pink. She did not reply.

Some time later as he was turning over the stone covering the entryway to the cavern, Tifa still had not said anything. She followed him almost reverently into the dark. He went much farther in than he had before, allowing Tifa glimpses at all the comrades he had put to sleep.

Cecil he would place here, at the end of one of the more convoluted tunnelways. As he lay Cecil on the floor, he bid him a silent goodbye. I will see you again. When he about-faced, Tifa was very close.

She ignored their proximity and softly asked him a question - her first words in an hour. "Do you think he'll wake up remembering you?"

He answered honestly. "I have no doubt he will remember Golbez and I over the next cycle, be it upon awakening or not."

She nodded. "And... everyone's really safe here?"

He made sure she was looking at him before he solidly said yes.

She took a deep breath. "Okay." She stretched her neck to look at Cecil, worrying like a mother hen. Then she turned her gaze on Kain and her eyes softened all over again. She put her hand on his bicep. "And you're really okay?" she asked.

She was a worrywart. But then, he supposed he'd never been as vulnerable as he had been last night, and he'd certainly never shared that vulnerability with anyone. He nodded once, and tried to inject the right amount of warmth into his tone, "I am."

Her answering smile was brilliant. He felt himself wobble on that fine line he walked.

One terrifying piggyback later, they were both back on track to Cosmos. Kain had said that finding everyone else would be easier if they were around Cosmos, and she supposed he was right. It was a testament to his total commitment that he wanted to continue with this mission after the fallout of last night.

Last night. It felt like a dream. Kain had never been that talkative the entire time she'd known him, and there he was, volunteering deeply personal information. In the moment it was extremely welcome, but now in the light of day, with him clad in his Dragoon armour again, she thought he would revert back to his usual tight-lipped self.

He proved her wrong - he was at her side again, instead of the usual point-and-rear guard formation. Additionally, she could've sworn he'd smirked as she was shrieking down the cliff-face (that was embarassing, but in her defense going down was heaps scarier than going up). He also tossed the errant question her way every so often - what was she afraid of aside from heights, why martial arts, what did she enjoy cooking most - and she either had to accept that she was still in that dream or Kain was, shockingly, opening up to her. She hadn't expected to befriend him on such a level in two days. (They were a very long two days, and she certainly felt closer to him, but still.) Emotional support went a long way for Kain Highwind, apparently.

After she'd answered - losing her friends, I think I met a master, apple pie - she tossed a disbelieving glance his way. Are you for real? she thought to herself, studying that flawless jawline again. At the thought of the rest of his face revealed from beneath his helmet, her stomach did little flips. Scratch that, she thought with derision, am I for real? Kain? I'm just asking for it. She couldn't shake that this wasn't the first time the thought had occured to her though. (Yesterday morning's kiss made that very clear, last night's inability to fall asleep added to that clarity, and yes, she'd even thought about it a little perched on his back earlier.) This allure definitely wasn't a fluke, but there was a lot more at stake here than her budding attraction to Kain. She hadn't thought consciously on it before, but she knew now that she couldn't just coast along on the sound of his voice or on the kindnesses he bestowed upon her. There was, in fact, a whole world that hung in the balance, here. It sounded awfully dramatic, but it was true. She couldn't let herself be distracted by an attraction, however great or small, to her partner in this mission.

Kain's arm was suddenly in her way, his lance extending out farther than needed to stop her in her steps. She just began to ask what was going on when he said, "Manakins."

She followed his gaze. They were the worst manakins possible for Kain to fight right now - delusory knights. And there were seven of them. Not impossible to handle between the two of them, but it would be an uphill battle.

Kain seemed to know this, too. He circled around so that their backs were to each other's. The metal of his armour was cold against her skin, and she jolted fully out of her thoughts. "We can run or fight," he said.

The manakins were advancing. She didn't need them to do that for her to make a decision though. She thought of her asking him if he was alright back at the cave, and his answer - I am. "We fight," she said. This was what she needed - a reminder that this fight was real.

He pointed his lance straight at one of the delusory knights. She knew then that he would have little trouble fighting the very images of his friend. He'd weathered a great storm, and he had more strength than she could have fathomed. "We will prevail," he announced, twirling his lance.

She nodded, bringing her fists up. And at that, they both lunged forward to do battle.