*AN1:
Well.. Its been about a year guys, good to see you again. About my inactivity, I'm not gonna give myself any excuses. The truth is, I got lazy and forgot about this. I apologize for any of you who were patiently expecting another chapter but were repeatedly disappointed because of my lack of motivation. Really sorry about that.
Anyways, here's the Rachel guide. No one requested her in particular, which is precisely why I decided to write her~ (That and because she's one of my more favored characters. XD)
*AN2:
The original idea of the "Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual" Series belongs to Teresa Green. All the credit goes to her.
*AN3
Like always, I'm going to drop a warning here. There MIGHT be spoilers. So, don't read if you don't wanna risk it, etc etc..
Presenting...
RACHEL : The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual!
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated RACHEL ALUCARD. To ensure that you get the best out of your RACHEL ALUCARD, please read carefully the following instructions :
Basic Information :
Name : RACHEL ALUCARD (A.K.A. Rabbit, Vampire)
Date of Manufacture : 10/31/?
Place of Manufacture : Translyvania
Genetic Type : Vampire
Height : 145cm (4'9")
Weight : 31Kg (68.3 lbs)
Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit will come with the following accessories :
One (1) Gothic Lolita Dress (Ribbons included)
One (1) Familiar : Gii
One (1) Familiar : Nago
*VALKENHAYN R. HELLSING unit sold separately*
Programming :
The RACHEL ALUCARD unit is self-conceited, arrogant and snobbish. However, this is attributed to her coming from an upper-class upbringing, so try to be more accepting okay? (The last guy that didn't got sent to the grave.)
The RACHEL ALUCARD unit comes with the following programs.
Snobbish 'Ojou-sama' : This is your RACHEL ALUCARD unit's default mode.
The RACHEL ALUCARD unit's default mode is set to "Snobbish 'Ojou-sama'. In this mode, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit is very likely to ignore your existence completely and go about her own business. Attempts to interact with her are not encouraged as you might anger her. Anger her too much, and you'll end up with spikes in your body.
(It is worth noting though, that if you, by some miraculous coincidence, Rachel's social equal,
she might decide to grace you with the opportunity to converse with her.)
Loli : The RACHEL ALUCARD's 'fun' mode.
By using the latest of technologies, our scientists have managed to alter your RACHEL ALUCARD's snobbish personality so much so that you probably wouldn't recognize her from a distance.
Watch as your RACHEL ALUCARD goes about clinging onto her soft toys (familiars) while following you around. She has also been stripped off almost all of her worldly knowledge and now possesses the intelligence of a regular 10-year-old-girl.
She'll tug at you for candy, whine that she's bored, ask you for hugs and much more. With this mode you're guaranteed hours of fun.
Professor : This mode is the equivalent of the tutorial mode Rachel. However, instead of teaching you how to best beat up the opponent, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit will teach you more about the world (and how insignificant you are in it).
The Professor mode covers a wide range of relevant topics. Feel free to ask her just about anything. Our scientists have tested this mode out extensively (mostly because the responses were just pure entertainment gold) and have concluded that almost every question will be answered with the exception of the few below.
What is your real age? (Asking this gets you lightning burns)
Tell me about Vampires! (Ask this and she'll threaten to bite your neck.)
Tell me about the birds and the bees! (No scientists survived to tell us what exactly happens if you do ask this question. Best avoided.)
*Do note, if you find a question that the RACHEL ALUCARD unit refuses to answer (and survive to tell the tale), send us an email about your findings and we'll reward you with a VALKENHAYN R. HELLSING unit at a discounted price : 5,999,990 P$! That's a whole 10P$ discount!
GIRLFRIEND/COMPANION : What are you, a lolicon?
Your RACHEL ALUCARD has (4) different settings :
Haughty(Default setting)
Caring
Meddlesome (10,000 P$)
True Ancestor (Locked)
The default setting for your RACHEL ALUCARD unit is set to 'Haughty'
- In this setting, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit will do what she thinks she usually does, mock and humiliate you. The RACHEL ALUCARD unit recognizes that you are now her superior and a boring one at that. So although she cannot escape, her intelligence will compel her to do the next best thing, that is, to make your life difficult.
*If you find this to be an inconvenience or just outright hate to be insulted, feel free to offer her a cup of Darjeeling or two. That usually does the trick
- In Caring mode, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit has been programmed to treat you like she would treat a RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit, minus all the insulting, of course.
Injured yourself? Worry not and instead, watch as your RACHEL ALUCARD unit showers you with words of pity and concern while patching you up of course.
Having life problems? Once again, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit comes to the rescue! She is programmed to give you free life consultation, so feel free to use it as much as you want.
*A word of caution here though, ask too much and you'll have your house blown away.
- In the Meddlesome setting, which is in our opinion, the most fun setting, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit will take you along on her journey, messing around with the lives of various Blazblue characters.
With reactions ranging from an enraged RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit threatening to bash her up to a depressed NOEL VERMILLION unit lamenting about her sorry life, you are guaranteed hours of fun in this setting. Which is why you'll have to pay an extra 10,000 P$ for it. (Worry not, it'll be the best decision you've ever made.)
- The True Ancestor setting is only unlocked when yo-
Wait.. sorry, wrong vampire. Ignore this part of the Manual.
Relations with other units
Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit has many relations with other units. As the narrator of this story is too lazy to list them all out, the most important or funny ones will be listed instead.
RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE : This is what your unit considers an 'existence worthy of her interest'.
Interaction with this unit is encouraged as their bouts never get too serious and actually helps both units relieve their stress. Constant teasing of the RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit is another thing your RACHEL ALUCARD unit will partake in. So if you want a good laugh or two, you know what to do.
VALKENHAYN R. HELLSING : This is your unit's butler. Like any Master and Servant relationship, these two units have the best compatibility. Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit actually respects this unit, for one thing. She also enjoys his company for another. If you piss off the RACHEL ALUCARD unit when this unit is in near proximity, prepare to be ripped to shreds.
JIN KISERAGI: This unit is also subjected to your RACHEL ALUCARD unit's insults. However, there is a chance that the JIN KISERAGI unit might listen to your RACHEL ALUCARD unit's advice and start striving for true justice. (AKA turning into HAKUMEN)
YUUKI TERUMI/HAZAMA : Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit's relationship with this unit can be described in one word : destructive. Your unit absolutely loathes this unit and interaction between the two is strictly discouraged. The two units will 9 out of 10 chances, attempt to kill each other, with your unit always losing. So to avoid damage, do not let them interact.
Cleaning :
Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit is perfectly capable of cleaning herself and will probably even do it better than you can ever hope to. If you try to force her to take a bath or attempt giving her a bath, you're in for a shock (Get it? Shock. Cause Rachel uses lighting? Haha, I crack myself up sometimes). If in any event your RACHEL ALUCARD unit is incapable of cleaning herself, do not machine-wash your unit. Towel-dry only.
Energy :
Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit does not do much at all. She is mostly bored and will spend much of her time seeking entertainment. However, you should note that your RACHEL ALUCARD unit loves Milk Crepes and Financiers, so you know what to give her for treats. Darjeeling tea works as well.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Q: My RACHEL ALUCARD unit just came home beaten up and is losing a lot of blood! I'm afraid she might not make it!
A: Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit probably ran into a HAZAMA unit and miraculously managed to survive. Like the RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE and JIN KISERAGI units, getting her medical attention will suffice. If you have a LITCHI FAYE LING unit with you off-hand, even better! Free medical treatment.
Q: My RACHEL ALUCARD unit just offered me a pair of shady looking glasses. What the heck is that and what do I do with it?
A: Wear it. Its a pair of stylish glasses, guaranteed to improve your image. :D
Q : Help! My RACHEL ALUCARD unit has lost it and is now trying to drink my blood! What do I do!?
A: Well, it seems that after resisting her vampiric urges for so long, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit has finally succumbed. Unfortunately, we do not have a solution for this problem as no one knows how to stop her bloodlust. Enjoy having heterochromia if you survive!
TROUBLESHOOTING :
Problem : Your RACHEL ALUCARD absolutely refuses to acknowledge your existence even after offering her lots of treats and frankly, you're just getting sick of it.
Solution : It seems like your RACHEL ALUCARD unit has regarded you as something even more lowly than trash. Fret not, we actually have a solution to your problem! By threatening her with bell peppers, she will be forced to notice you and take action.
It is worth noting that you are most likely going to end up fried. But hey, at least she recognized you as something, even if it was for just a second.
With proper care and maintenance, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit will lead a long, long life (Vampires don't really age), messing around with people's fates and drinking tea.
And.. done. I'm not going to say much here..
But, did anyone manage to catch the reference I made here? If you did, good for you. :D
See you guys around and do drop some reviews if you have the time.
Kansou,
Signing out.