Chapter 13
Nothin' But Time

Two years. Two.

That's how long it's been since she got away.

That's how long it's been since I stood at this exact doorway and pleaded with Heather to just stay. To stay and let me figure everything out so we could be whole again.

We were going strong. Things were finally falling into place for us. And then I went off and fucked everything up by not being able to say no. I went to Hawaii even though she told me she was done if I left. I thought I could go and then come home and win her back with a surprise dinner and candlelight and every other romantic thing me and Di could come up with.

But it didn't work.

She didn't budge.

We split and that was that.

I cried the day I heard that Heather was pregnant.

I sat on my bathroom floor and just cried.

It might sound like I'm a horrible person, but I wasn't crying because I was happy for her. I was crying because I was so mad and upset with her for going off and getting herself knocked up that all I could do was cry.

That was how our future was supposed to go. Not her and Taylor's.

I had my phone in my hand, squeezing it until my knuckles were white and sore, but still I couldn't bring myself to call and congratulate her.

All I could do was cry.

I realized a couple weeks after the baby news that it was time to just move on. She was with Taylor again, they were about to become a family and I had no right or claim over her anymore.

Maybe I was still bitter. Maybe.

But I got up the courage to call and tell her how happy I was for her.

She didn't answer.

I left a voicemail that was supposed to sound chipper, but she knows me. I'm sure she could read right through the false tones in my voice. But I did it.

And now no one can say I was the bitter ex anymore. I did my part by offering up my congrats. And that is that.

My relationship ended today. My engagement.

Maybe that's why I'm here. Maybe that's why I drove through rush hour traffic to just stand on her front porch and wonder if she's home. I can't bring myself to knock, that would be too much. Seeing her, most likely holding her son, would probably bring me to my knees.

No. I'm better off just staring at the front door a little longer.

I'm keeping myself together pretty well though. I kind of want to scream her name and just cry on her shoulder, but then again, that would require me to knock.

I want to knock.

I pray she senses that I'm close and just opens the door and lets me in.

I can't knock.

It's been two years.

That's a long time if you really think about it.

A lot can happen in that time.

Babies can be born.

Relationships can begin…

And end.

Life is different.

I'm different.

I wonder if she is different too.

I'm sure she is. Actually, I know she is.

The small amount of time we spent on set together these last couple months are proof of that. Each scene was almost unbearable to shoot. Each time we were required to be in the same room together, the tension would roll off of both of us, but once the director yelled 'action' it reminded me just how good of an actress she and I can both be.

We never ran lines together; we'd just get in front of the camera and do what we do best.

It was awkward now that I really think about it.

Neither of us asked how the other was doing. Hell, I don't think we even said hello to one another. The media and the fans kept me pretty informed on her life up to that point and I felt no need to make small talk. I had rapper boy and she had her bouncing baby boy; what else was there to talk about?

So much.

There was so much that needed to be talked about but I turned myself into a cut-throat diva and made sure she knew I wasn't interested anymore. I had more than enough photos of myself and my fiancé floating around on the internet and a rock on my finger to prove I wasn't interested.

I was warned by Lea to stop the madness and at least try to reconcile my friendship with Heather, but I blew her off too.

Come to think of it, maybe that's where all those rumors came from. I did yell at Lea on set about that and I did leave in a rage… told you… I turned into a monster of my former self.

I don't know why I'm having this walk down memory lane.

Maybe this was a silly idea… coming here. The news of my break up hasn't hit the main stream yet… so the red eyes from crying and me just randomly showing up here won't make any sense to her.

I'll probably just look like a crazy person.

I feel like a crazy person… totally creeping the neighbors out just standing here staring at the door.

Ok, maybe it's time for me to go. This was dumb.

Is it really getting dark outside?

Jesus Naya, it's time to GO!

You weren't brave enough to knock.

Yea, it's time to head home.

Actually I need to go buy new sheets first. I burned the other ones yesterday after the news broke that Sean cheated on me.

I don't know if they're true or not, but I wasn't about to sleep in my old sheets for another night.

Gross.

I'm home now.

A bottle of vodka and some orange juice just sitting on the coffee table as I watch re-runs of WWE Divas. I love trashy T.V.

And vodka. Vodka is good.

They say that drinking should be a social event but sometimes it's best done alone.

Maybe not in excess, but in this case, I think people would make an exception.

It's weird being home without Sean in the house. But then again, it feels strangely good.

Maybe that's the vodka.

Who knows, but either way, it feels more like my home again now that his shit is gone.

Good riddance to bad rubbish I say.

My phone hasn't stopped going off since E!News broke the story.

An "exclusive", they called it.

Hilarious that my love life shattering to pieces is called an 'exclusive', but whatever.

The fans have been nice at least. Some have mentioned Heather and I getting back together. It's amazing how fast they think about us. Even though she's in a relationship and a mom and all that. They still pair us together, even if it's been less than 24 hours since I became single.

Single.

Single is good.

So is vodka… have I mentioned that?

Vodka plus single equals good.

What's not good is the constant ringing of my phone interrupting my show.

I know who it is… its Di. She's called seven fucking times.

I should talk to her. I know she's busy so the simple fact that she's taking time to call me over and over again should be a clear sign that I should answer.

But I don't want to talk about it tonight. I want to drink and pass out and not deal with any of this until tomorrow.

My doorbell ringing is also something I don't want to deal with. But since only a select few people have the pass code to my gate, I'm assuming I should see who it is. Probably why Dianna has called a thousand times; she's probably coming to make sure I don't go all Left Eye on my house and burn it to the damn ground.

(People think I've gone a little nuts… they may or may not be wrong.)

"I'm coming!"

I yell it because I still haven't found the strength to leave the couch, but I slowly make my way to my front door, my phone ringing again. I answer to tell Di I'm about to get the door.

"Yea yea I'll be there in a second." I say in an obviously annoyed voice. I shouldn't be so mean, she has been a better friend to me then most people in this lifestyle would ever think of having.

"Be where?" She says, which is confusing but I think it's the booze making things fuzzy. "Naya, are you ok? I've tried calling like ten times."

Like I said, it must be the booze.

Because only the booze would make me see things that can't be ther.

Only the vodka could make my vision so blurry that the person standing outside my door could look like a different blonde than the one on the phone.

My mind has to be playing tricks on me.

It has to be.

Because after two years and half a bottle of Goose, you would think that Forgetting Heather Morris wouldn't be a problem.

But it's hard to forget about someone when they decide to knock on your door.

Annnnd we're back.

xoxo-Kat