A/N: Brought on by my struggles with what to refer to Remus and Sirius as. I think I might go for paramour ;p or toy boy. Thoughts?
Disclaimer: Remus, Sirius and James are the property of the wonderful J. K. Rowling. The Compact Oxford Thesaurus also really deserves some love.
Significant Others
"What are we, Pads?"
Sirius rolled over and looked at Remus, framed between the struts of the four poster, swaddled in blankets against the post fire, post sex cold and frowned sleepily.
"What d'you mean, what are we?"
"What are you, to me?" Remus' brow had creased alarmingly as he struggled with the English language's apparent barrier to their relationship. "My lover, my friend, my…" he wrinkled his nose distastefully, "Boyfriend?"
Sirius shrugged lazily and pulled the blankets tighter around him, "Does it matter, Rem mate?"
"Mate?" Remus sat up slightly, "We are definitely not mates. Sirius you just…" He coloured slightly, still, at this early point in their relationship, not quite able to come to terms with what James crudely referred to as their "shagging like rainbow rabbits". "I don't think mate covers it."
Sirius groaned and lifted himself up on one elbow, realising he was in for a long night if this carried on, "What do you want me to say, Remus darling?"
Remus tossed an extra blanket at him, "Honestly, Sirius. What do I introduce you as? This is Sirius Black my…"
"Gay best mate?"
"Sirius…"
"Shag buddy?"
"Really?"
"Friend with whom I regularly indulge in anal sex? Mate who likes to have me up the arse?" Sirius shrugged, "Pretty much anything but, this is Sirius Black my…"
"Boyfriend." Remus concluded for him. "Yes but that's generally considered the go to term, Pads."
"What's this for anyway?" Sirius looked suspiciously at him, "Your diary? Today I had mind blowing sex with…" He paused and screwed his nose up, "Actually, you might have a point." He stopped. "What are we?"
"I told you!" Remus would have been gesticulating wildly at this point in the conversation if pulling his hands out from under the bed sheets didn't result in immediate frost bite, followed by amputation by a furious Madam Pomfrey. "There is no word in the English language that sufficiently sums up our relationship. You're not my lover…"
"Midlife crisis," Sirius muttered.
"Not my boyfriend."
"Squealing teenage girls," Sirius grumbled, the two of them wearing identical expressions of disgust.
"My partner?"
"Ah god, middle aged women with marital problems," Sirius shook his head. "This is Remus Lupin, my partner? God help us if we ever get to that stage."
"My significant other?"
Sirius snorted, "This is Remus Lupin, my significant other? Really Rem? Sounds like you're my dog."
"I could use that one then," Remus grinned at him.
"Friend with benefits…" Sirius suggested
Remus was suddenly absorbed by the bedding. "Aren't we…" he started but was cut off as the thick velvet curtains around the bed flew open and revealed a zombie like James Potter, his blankets wrapped around him like some over the hill Roman emperor.
"You're my fucking nocturnal, poncy fucking homosexual mates who can't shut the fuck up and let the rest of us fucking normal people get their fucking beauty sleep!"
Sirius and Remus glanced at James, and then at each other, a smile curving the corners of Sirius' mouth, "This is Remus Lupin my fucking nocturnal…"
"Poncy fucking…" Remus continued with a grin,
"Homosexual mate," Sirius concluded, "Yeah, that sounds about right."