This is the last chapter of the series. Sorry it took so long for me to update. It wasn't easy to write. In fact it was harder than HELL to write. Anyway, I thought I'd better post it today, on the 30th anniversary of when Lily died, since well. Cheers.

PS: I'd like to thank everyone for reading and commenting.

PART VIII: THE SCARECROW

October drew on, drear and grey like ashes in a hearth. Not a day had passed this month that contained the barest hint of blue sky. It was as though even the weather knew that these were grim days indeed.

This day was no different. Before Severus had descended into the dungeons that morning, they sky outside the window was a sheet of iron; and as he rose from the dungeons that afternoon, the same dull aspect greeted him. And yet, as Severus made his way up Ravenclaw Tower to his and Lily's quarters, the dying sun seemed to muster enough energy to burst through the clouds at last; and through a window nearby, the soft glow of the October sunset warmly lit a tableau that made Severus pause and catch his breath.

It was her, dressed in pale robes, sitting on a landing of the staircase, her hair down and shimmering like the russet floor of an autumnal forest. Next to her sat a young boy, surely no older than a first-year, his dark head against her shoulder, gazing up at her as she murmured something to him in a gentle voice. Not such an extraordinary thing, after all: Severus had grown used to the way the very youngest students went to her as though she were a second mother. What was unusual was that the boy was a Slytherin; young Elias Brooke, in fact, whom Severus recalled was quite inept at Potions. Clearly, the boy had never received the message from his cohorts that Slytherins were not to fraternize with the Mudblood wife of their Head of House. And yet, the way the rather plain little lad gazed up at Lily with shining, almost pleading dark eyes was painful for Severus to witness, for he knew it was the exact same expression that he himself wore when he gazed at her: the same expression he'd worn, he was certain, since the first day he'd laid eyes on her in the park all those years ago.

But it was the way she returned the look-her kind smile, her eyes so soft and warm and full of affection for the homely little boy who probably had never been looked at like that before in his life-it was that which made Severus's soul ache. For, more than her beauty, more than her intelligence and cleverness and what have you-more than anything else, it was her great, gentle heart that made him love her, would make him continue to love her even beyond the grave.

At length, she said something to the lad and he nodded, stood up. She stood up too, and took his hand. Severus couldn't help but smile a little at the way the boy tried to muster a manly aspect as he returned her handshake, but Severus waited until their adieu was concluded before he left the shadows and swept up the stairs with his customary frown.

"Brooke," Severus said severely as he peered down at the startled boy. "I wonder what a Slytherin student is doing in Ravenclaw Tower. Shouldn't you be in the library studying for your Potions exam on Monday?"

"Yessir," Brooke replied, nodding his head and then fleeing down the stairs, his dark robes billowing out from his short churning legs.

"Oh, Severus," Lily said, taking his arm as he led them up the stairs to their rooms. "Elias and I were just having a little chat, that's all."

"His time would be better spent studying his Potions homework. His marks are abysmal," Severus observed.

"Well, that's the only way he's not like you, then."

"Oh?" Severus asked, offended by the comparison.

"Don't use that tone with me. In fact I find him quite charming and wonderful-very like another charming and wonderful boy I'd known when I was a little girl."

"If you mean Potter-"

"No, you bloody arse, of course not! I mean you."

"I hardly recall ever being described as either 'charming' or 'wonderful'."

"You were to me, though."

"My dear, your taste does border on the questionable sometimes. At any rate, why was he of all people talking to you? I was under the impression that the students in my House did not permit each other to speak to Muggleborns."

"But the Head of House himself may, of course."

"Of course."

"Well. As far as why he was talking to me: he was lonely, Severus."

Severus's foot almost paused on the stair, but then he cleared his throat, said with some reluctance "I suppose he is rather neglected by the other students."

"Severus!" Lily stopped, turned to him with a frown. "If he is, you should reach out to him!"

"What! Me?"

"Yes! You're his Head of House! And you-you know what it's like, to have no friends!" When she saw him start to scowl she added hastily "I'm sorry to bring up such things, but if anyone could understand him, it would be you!"

"It appeared to me that you understood him quite well," Severus replied, affronted.

"I'm a Gryffindor though, and a Muggleborn," she replied. "You know that the other Slytherin children would most likely scorn him for being friends with me. In fact, it's why we were up here, Severus-he came looking for me in secret so that his House mates wouldn't tease him."

Severus sighed as he looked down at his wife's pleading expression.

"I'll see what I can do," Severus said grudgingly. Instantly her smile returned, and she raised herself up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. Only for her would he interest himself in a child's affairs. Then again, he would, and soon, have one of his own to concern himself with. The idea of it still stunned him.

When they got to their rooms at last, Severus bid her to sit down while he lit the fire and some candles, though she shot back tartly she was pregnant, not handicapped, thanks. Severus said evenly that he didn't see why she was complaining about his doing everything now when she used to complain before that he didn't do enough. This drew a smile on her face, and she said as she smoothed her hands over her still rather flat belly "You know what? I hope if it's a boy he's just like you."

"Ugh," Severus sneered, resorting to schoolboy slang as he straightened up some books on the table. "No, thank you. Surely you wouldn't wish such a horrible fate on your own offspring. Let it be a girl, and may she resemble you."

"Why not a boy though? What if we had a little boy like Elias?"

"Then I'd have to feed him to the Giant Squid."

"Sev! You're terrible. Anyhow, you'll see: whatever we have, you'll love him or her to pieces."

Severus muttered something noncommittal as he pretended to open up one of the books and stare down at it. Perhaps the only thing worse than having a boy like Severus would be having a girl like Severus, the poor, pitiful thing. Still, somehow, Severus felt quite sure even a girl like that would hold some charm for him. A boy though? Severus didn't much like boys, he realized. Then again, he didn't much like anyone, except Lily.

She sighed now, and it was a familiar enough sigh by this time that he knew what was coming. "I only wish we could raise him-or her-at the Apothecary, Severus," she said wistfully.

"It's safer here at the castle," he replied as he always did.

"I know that. But...the Apothecary's home. Our home. I miss it ever so much, don't you?"

"I...do," Severus admitted, gazing down at the book in his hands. It was The Tales of Beedle the Bard, he noticed. She must have brought it out of storage. Right then, he could imagine her paging through it, thinking ahead to when she could read it to their daughter...or son.

"I know," Lily said, coming up to him from behind and drawing her arms round his waist. When he felt her lean her head against his shoulder, he closed his eyes.

"I just wish we could visit it sometimes," Lily murmured against his shoulder.

"You know we can't do that, love."

"You mean, I can't." He could hear the ruefulness in her voice. "But Severus," she said next, her tone brightening, "if we went together-"

"Lily, no," he replied, though he tried to say it gently. He turned round in her arms, planted a kiss on her forehead. "It's dangerous for Muggleborns to be abroad. You know this."

"But what if we used a secret passage?"

"What!"

"Peter Pettigrew told me about it!" Now her eyes shone with excitement. "There's a way to get into Hogsmeade from the castle, and no one knows about it except Peter and Remus and...well, the other Marauders."

For once, Severus passed over a reference to his enemies in order to demand "Lily, please swear to me you haven't used that secret passage before!"

"Well," she replied, casting her eyes down. "I might have tried it, once."

"Damn it!" He slammed the book down onto the table, and she flinched. "What good is it for me to take this Hogwarts professorship in order to protect you, when you voluntarily go out and put yourself in danger in any case! And damn that rat-faced wretch for telling you about that passage!"

"It's quite safe, Severus," Lily replied petulantly, and he guessed she was annoyed that he was treating her like a child. But, Merlin knew, she sometimes behaved like one! "The passage leads to the basement of Honeydukes, and it was as safe as rain. All you have to do is go to the one-eyed witch in the third floor corridor and tap your want against it and say 'Dissendium'. We could both-"

"No. And you will not do it again, Lily, or I'll-"

"Or you'll what? What'll you do, Sev? Spank me?"

"I might!"

"Oooh!" Lily cackled wickedly, hopping away from him a few steps. Her face was lit with mischievous delight, and he felt himself blush.

"Sev! I embarrassed you! Oh, this is too good!" She was giggling now, pressing her hands against her mouth like a naughty girl indeed.

"You're the worst," he replied, feinting a dignified tone. "And don't try to change the subject by distracting me with...that."

"But you like the idea, don't you?" She was moving toward him again, a faint smirk on her face.

"No, I do not."

"Liar!"

"Even so, you can hardly expect me to do something like that in your condition."

"Oh for heaven's sake." But she dimpled at him, and he sighed, trying to remove from his mind the vision her insinuations had prompted. Merlin help him, he was lecherous enough as it was...

It was as though she read his mind however, for she was now standing before him, with that look in her eyes that he was utterly helpless against. He had no idea if it was normal for pregnant women to behave this way, but it seemed to him that when she wasn't sick to her stomach, she was almost insatiable when it came to those things. Not that he minded at all...oh, he did not! It was just that he was terrified of hurting the little fragile being that she was carrying, though she would grow impatient with him and tell him that Molly and Arthur Weasley did it up till Molly was eight months pregnant with Bill (Merlin's beard, Severus did not need to know that information about the Weasleys!) and that shut Severus up about it for a while. At any rate, they were nearly late going down to the Great Hall for supper, though when they did, Severus felt as if all eyes were on him and Lily, as if everyone could tell what they'd just been doing; certainly, Lily glowed and smiled in a way that was like a Muggle neon sign, and it only discomfited Severus further when Dumbledore caught his eye and had the temerity to actually wink at Severus!

They had not told anyone yet about the child, save for Madam Pomfrey, since Lily wanted to wait until she was three months along. Nevertheless, it seemed as though everyone somehow found out anyway, at least judging by the smiles the other professors bestowed on Lily, and even on Severus. Severus hardly wished for their goodwill any more now than he'd had in the past, so their solicitous courtesy to him was annoying in the extreme. He could only imagine how much worse it would be once the child was actually born. He, too, wished they could be back at the Apothecary, where he could hole up in his work room and let Lily alone receive all the smiles anyone cared to bestow.

After supper, Severus went to the Slytherin dungeons to address any issues his students had, reprimand those guilty of infractions, assure the Slytherin Quidditch captain he'd reserve the Quidditch pitch for practice next Saturday, then finally, he climbed up Ravenclaw Tower for the evening. He did have his students' homework to correct, but he put it aside for now, since he wanted nothing but the gentle company of his wife to fortify him against what he must endure tomorrow. But even the comforting sensation of her warm, sleeping form beside him could not prevent him from lying awake afterward with his thoughts, the thoughts he so diligently prevented himself from having around her. The fact was though that tomorrow was Halloween, and soon Dumbledore's plans would be put to the test. But how Severus was to act like he was helping the Death Eaters while at the same time really aiding the Order, he was sure he had no idea. The only thing he could feel comfortable about was that Lily would not be there.

He tried to think of more pleasant things to help him fall asleep, but of course it was difficult to do so these days. Even Lily herself was no longer an unalloyed source of joy for him, though she did not know it. The fact was that her recent burden had intensified his fear for her safety a thousandfold, and like tonight, he could not sleep for thinking over and over again what he could to protect her, to protect them. It seemed as though there was never enough he could do, that there would always be something he would fail to take into consideration in all his careful, obsessive plans to keep her, them safe. Or somehow she, herself, might escape his vigilance and in her headstrong, Gryffindor way run off to be heroic in some ill-advised misadventure, like exploring that damnable secret passageway.

At least she had sense enough to see the logic of not attending Order meetings until the child was born, Severus thought grimly. But once she had given birth, what would prevent her from engaging in risky endeavors? Maybe he could use the child's welfare as an argument: how on earth was he or she to carry on without a mother? He only hoped that once the child was born, Lily would become so smitten with it that she'd eschew all her duties in the Order. He knew he was being optimistic, though.

When he was still wide awake after about an hour, he gingerly slid out of bed and groped in the dark for his robes. "Sev?" he heard Lily whisper in the dark. He went to her side, kissed her brow. "Can't sleep," he responded to her quietly. "Going to take a walk through the castle."

"Do you need company?"

"Not at all," he replied, smiling to himself in the dark. It was, perhaps, the only time he'd allow himself to smile fully, when no one could see him, not even her. "Get your rest, Lily. I'll be back soon."

At first he was tempted to find the secret passageway that Lily had told him about, but he decided what he really needed was someone who could ease his fears about tomorrow night. Only one person could do that, and Severus was quite sure that he would still be awake. Indeed, Severus wondered if the Headmaster ever slept.

Rolling his eyes as he mumbled the password "Saltwater Taffy," Severus after a moment ascended the staircase that the gargoyle revealed to him. When he knocked on the door of the Headmaster's office, though, a voice immediately said "Enter," and when Severus did so, he found Dumbledore smiling up at him from his desk, Fawkes behind him worrying a cuttlebone with soft clicking sounds.

"Ah! Well. A welcome surprise," Dumbledore said cheerfully, gesturing to the seat across from him.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you, Headmaster," Severus replied, taking the seat.

"Oh, no. In fact, your visit is rather well timed. I'm afraid I've been doing a bit of brooding tonight, and nothing can chase away the 'blues', as they say, better than pleasant company."

"I doubt many would agree with your assessment about the 'pleasantness' of my company, Headmaster."

"Only because you choose to bestow it on so very few people."

Severus sniffed, but didn't reply to this. Instead he said "And what troubles you, Sir?"

"Oh, I imagine the same thing that drew you from your comfortable quarters to my office."

"I see."

"Yes, I believe you do."

Severus pondered for a moment, then said "In that case, I shall get to the point. Regarding tomorrow night, I have difficulty perceiving clearly how I should proceed. On the one hand, I must make it look to the Death Eaters as though I were assisting them. On the other hand, I must in actuality help protect the Order. I'm uncertain as to how I am to do both at once."

"Nothing so easy: merely proceed as you always do, Severus."

"And exactly what is meant by that?" Severus snapped impatiently.

"How should I know? You're the one who manages it. And quite well, I might add," Dumbledore said, a twinkle in his eyes.

Severus repressed a sigh. This was hardly the reassurance he'd come for. Though perhaps he shouldn't be surprised that Dumbledore would only tease him with mysteries and caprice. He tried a different tactic. "And you've informed the rest of the Order that they are to be prepared for an attack on Godric's Hollow?"

"Yes, they are all aware."

"All right." Severus closed his eyes, thought hard. His head ached with the effort of it.

"Severus," Dumbledore said now. His tone was so gentle that it made Severus open his eyes and look at him.

"Perhaps it would do better for you to stay away after all," Dumbledore said. "No, I don't mean to imply that you're a coward-never that! Rather, your presence may put a great strain on your credibility with Voldemort if it came to the point, and you cannot afford to lose your status with him."

"I can't stay away," Severus muttered now. "The Dark Lord ordered me to be in Godric's Hollow with the rest of you."

"I see," Dumbledore said, gazing directly into Severus's eyes. No, old man, I'm not hiding anything from you, Severus thought bitterly. And even if I was, I'm too skilled an Occlumens now for you to ever find it. Severus returned Dumbledore's gaze with equal intensity, and at length Dumbledore smiled again, said more pleasantly "Well! That's solved then, isn't it?"

"Not quite," Severus replied, scorning to sheathe his disdain. "Those fools are aware, I hope, that they are to refrain from behaving as though they are expecting an attack?"

"Severus, let me remind you that you are not the only seasoned soldier of this war."

"If I'd had it my way, I wouldn't be a soldier at all."

"No. If you'd had it your way, you'd have been a soldier, but for the other side."

Dumbledore stood up then, smiled at Severus. "I believe I shall turn in now, Severus. May sleep find you too, this night."

"Now, don't go anywhere while I'm gone."

"And where would I go?"

"Do not leave the castle, Lily. Enjoy yourself at the feast. Play with the children."

"Oh, Severus," Lily smiled, tucking his scarf tightly into his cloak for him. "I'll be quite all right."

"You'd better be."

"I will!"

"Hm."

"But Sev?" Her smile faded as she gazed up at him, and he took her small warm hands in his. "You'll be careful, won't you? If anything happened to you-"

"Hush," he said, bending down to kiss her brow. She embraced him tightly then, and he held her close, buried his face into her fragrant hair.

"There was something else Peter told me," she murmured now against his shoulder. "Besides the passage, I mean."

"What," Severus said with slight annoyance. What other harmful thing could that wretch have let drop now?

"He said that you-he said that you were in league with You Know Who."

Severus pulled away from her and looked down into her face. "As I am still alive, I believe we can safely say he's mistaken," he said dryly.

"But he said you were seen going into Malfoy Manor," she whispered. "And he said Death Eaters speak of you as being one of them."

Severus rolled up his sleeve, showed her his bare arm. "I see no Dark Mark, do you?" he asked. "In any case, how would Pettigrew of all people have such intelligence, unless he were a Death Eater himself?"

"Severus, can you deny that you've been to Malfoy Manor? Can you deny that you've spoken with You Know Who?"

"What do you think, Lily?" he asked quietly. He reached his hand up to stroke her cheek with his thumb. She closed her eyes, leaned into the touch.

"I think...I think if you did, you had good reason," she said breathlessly. "I think if you did, it was because-it was because you are doing it under Dumbledore's orders, as his spy." She opened her eyes now, looked right into his. "I know you could never lie to me about that. Just..." She pressed her fingers to her lips, repressed a sob. "Just be careful, all right?"

"Ahhh," he said painfully, drawing her tightly into his arms.

"I love you more than my own life," he whispered into her hair. "I've loved you from the moment I first saw you. And I will love you even when we both are gone."

He heard her sigh against his chest, and he closed his eyes as he tried to imprint this moment into her mind, so that if anything should happen to him she would forever remember that she was the dearest thing in the world to him, and always had been.

There was no blue sky that afternoon, of course, no sun to cast the land below into a cheerful gold; instead, the sun petulantly hung behind a barrier of cloud, so that the fields were a dull dun, the color of mud-the color of his mood right then, actually.

He could have easily Apparated from Hogwart's gate to Godric's Hollow. But while he disliked flying-he never was much on a broomstick-he preferred to have time to mull over his plan away from Lily's presence.

Despite the pride he felt in being chosen by the Dark Lord personally to be a double agent to Dumbledore-and Severus did feel pride, he did-the other things he was required to do, such as Crucio'ing that witch, disturbed him, even as another part of him reveled in it, the way he'd heard some men revel in rape. However, though he tried to hide his emotions from Lily, not even Occlumency could keep her from penetrating his feelings at least, if not his thoughts. She had an uncanny way of knowing how he did, even more than Dumbledore or Voldemort. When she asked him what was wrong though, he only said "My work in the Order." It was true enough, as far as it went. When he would say that, she would demur from asking him any more questions. She knew his duties were of the most top-secret kind, as explained to her by Dumbledore himself. And clearly, judging by her last words to him, she'd suspected far more than she'd let on.

As he gazed down at the land once more, he saw a lone, picked-over figure in the center of an empty, harvested field. Though practically a relic in the Muggle world, they were still used by witches and wizards to keep crows away from the crops. However, while wizarding scarecrows were effective, Muggle ones were not, more of a ritualistic object than anything. Since the mangly, pitiful thing below didn't move save for the shreds of its black clothing fluttering from an itinerant wind, Severus knew it was not enchanted. Or, maybe it had been at one time, but the enchantment had faded, the scarecrow long abandoned by whomever had owned it. Distant though it was, the thing's empty coal eyes seemed to peer up at Severus from its faded, burlap face. Severus shuddered as if from a sudden chill, flew on.

By the time he reached Godric's Hollow, it was dark. He landed before the small gate of Potter's abode, and passed through it as easily as he did through Malfoy Manor's. There were times when even Severus occasionally forgot whom he really worked for. But the fact that he was still alive told him he'd yet broken his vow to Lily, even inadvertently. Even subconsciously.

Severus had timed it so that he was one of the last to arrive; he knew neither he nor Potter would care to be in each other's company without others around. After he knocked on the door, he studied Potter's home with a critical eye as he waited to be let in. Oddly, it was less flashy and pretentious than he'd expected.

"All right, Snape?"

Severus felt his mouth fill with acid even as he turned to see the smug, bespectacled face of James Potter at the door. After all these years, Severus's hatred of the man still made his fingers clench into talons.

"Are you ill, Potter?" Severus asked icily. "For I can hardly imagine what else would prevent you from using your usual epithet towards me."

"Snivellus, you mean?" asked Black as he sidled up to Potter with a grin. "What's the matter, Snivelly? You miss your old name?"

"I thought we weren't to do that anymore," Potter frowned at Black.

"Bother these blasted 'rules', Prongs. Fighting You Know Who is such a bore, why can't I have a little fun with old Snivellus here in the meantime?" Black's smile widened. "Especially since he's You Know Who's secret agent."

Severus tried to prevent an expression of surprise from appearing on his face, but evidently not in time, for Black laughed, said "See, James? What did Wormtail tell us? He knew Snivelly was the one who told Dumbledore about the planned attack on us. It's because he's really working for-"

"If that were the case, then why would I reveal this plan to Dumbledore?" Severus sneered.

"Because you've given Dumbledore wrong information, and-well, that's what you did."

"I don't believe that," Potter said quietly. Both Severus and Black looked at him.

"What do you mean? You remember how at Hogwarts he was just itching to join You Know Who!" Black cried out.

"Yes, but that was before-Well. But now?" Potter raised his eyes, stared directly into Severus's own. There wasn't a trace of a smile on his face, not a trace of humor. "He wouldn't do anything to put her in danger," Potter said to Black, but he kept his eyes on Severus. "Would you, Snape?" he added, almost a whisper.

Never, Severus found himself trying to say. However, no sound came out; his mouth only formed the word.

"Well, Prongs, Padfoot," came a familiar, friendly voice. Then, "I say, Severus, won't you come in?" And Severus looked up to see Remus Lupin smiling faintly at him. "Getting along, are we?" Lupin added as he cut his glance to his two friends while Severus entered the house. Black mumbled something to himself and slouched away, but Potter glanced at Severus once more and nodded at him briefly before he too moved off.

"What was that?" Severus asked, too astonished to attempt formality with the werewolf.

"Oh, you mean James? Well, you see, he may have had a small change of heart when he heard what you've done for me. But just a very small change of heart, understand. It also didn't hurt that I threatened to disembowel him during the next full moon if he didn't behave himself." Lupin smiled. "But Sirius I'm afraid doesn't care about my threats." Lupin's smile faded. "I want to thank you again, Severus, for what you've done for me. It has made all the difference in the world. You don't know what I-I mean-"

Dismissing this, Severus hastily asked "And just how many people think I'm the Dark Lord's secret agent?"

"Oh, was Sirius on about that to you? Well, he and Peter are the only ones," Lupin replied. "Peter somehow got it into his head that you're betraying us. But needless to say, I-and James, you know-don't believe that."

Severus remembered something. "Lily told me about a secret passage in Hogwarts-a separate one from that which leads from the Whomping Willow to the Shrieking Shack," Severus added when Lupin raised his eyebrows.

"Which one would that be?" Lupin asked, faintly surprised.

"The one near the one-eyed witch."

The werewolf frowned. "Who told you about that one?"

"Lily did. But she learned about it from Pettigrew."

"She did? That's strange. I wonder why he told her. James and Sirius swore us to secrecy about it."

"Where is Pettigrew, anyway," Severus asked, looking around the room. Only now did he seem to notice the little man was missing. In fact, he and Dumbledore were the only two who weren't there yet, but Dumbledore would arrive after he finished presiding over the Hogwarts Halloween feast, Severus knew.

"Don't know," Lupin shrugged. "I thought Peter was going to be here."

And suddenly, Severus knew. There was a traitor in the Order, all right. But it wasn't Severus himself.

"Lupin, we must-" Severus began hurriedly, but it was too late: all at once, everything erupted in chaos around them. The protective charms Dumbledore had set on the house had evidently been broken somehow, for amid clouds of swirling black smoke Severus espied the telltale gleam of Death Eater masks, and here and there green bolts of certain death were ignited to the cries and shouts of utter pandemonium. Soon, though, the Order rallied itself and fought back. Unable to either outwardly battle against the Death Eaters or defend his fellow Order members, Severus hovered beneath the stairs murmuring wandless countercurses to shield his compatriots. Though when he caught a Death Eater's eye-Severus recognized Lucius Malfoy by the design of the mask-the Death Eater nodded to him briefly before sending a bolt of green light past Severus to a target behind him. The bolt passed so close to Severus he felt a lock of his hair hiss and crackle. Severus turned to see what the Death Eater's victim was, just in time to watch James Potter crumple to the floor.

"No!" Severus heard a voice shout, and soon, Sirius Black was running toward the prone body.

"You fool!" Severus hissed, apprehending Black and dragging him down onto the floor. "Do you want to get killed, too?"

"I saw him! I saw that Death Eater nod to you!" Black screamed, his face monstrous even as tears streamed down his cheeks. "Peter was right! You're one of them!"

"You blasted idiot!" Severus snarled, shaking Black by the shoulders. "Will you get a hold of yourself!"

At once, though, the pandemonium stopped abruptly, and the Death Eaters seemed to vanish; and a moment later, Dumbledore's robes swept the ground before Severus and Black.

"Ah," Dumbledore said quietly as he gazed down at James Potter's unmoving face. He crouched beside James, felt his neck for a minute, then gently removed James' spectacles, and closed his eyes with his fingers.

"It would seem we have a traitor in our midst," Dumbledore said to Severus and Black as he stood up again. "That would be the only way the Death Eaters could have undone the enchantments I'd put on this house."

"I have your traitor here!" Black yelled, grasping Severus by the collar. "This nasty, stinking, hateful, greasy monster! I saw the Death Eater nod at him! And Peter-"

"Severus is no traitor," Dumbledore replied, his voice mild but firm. "So please let him go, Sirius."

"But the Death Eater-"

"I didn't want to make it generally known, but Severus is my spy against Voldemort. So now you know." When Sirius made to speak, Dumbledore raised his hand, said "Have you asked yourself why Peter is not with us tonight, Sirius?"

But right then, the others gathered around them, and as Severus and Black stood up, Severus got to watch Lupin collapse upon James's body, tears in his eyes. When Sirius joined him, Severus turned away from this Marauder mourning party, and waited for Dumbledore to finish speaking with Frank Longbottom before he took the headmaster aside and said "Lily. Was she at the feast tonight?"

"Yes, she was," Dumbledore replied wearily. "Looking a little pale, perhaps, but well. Worry not, Severus."

Severus allowed himself a moment to sigh with relief, before next saying "I, too, suspected Pettigrew," and he gave Dumbledore the reasons for his suspicions.

"I must agree with you, I'm afraid," Dumbledore said grimly as he looked over to James's corpse.

"You're not sorry, are you?" Dumbledore asked as he watched Severus turn his eyes to James too.

"I don't know how I feel," Severus said truthfully.

"But you do not rejoice."

"No. Not that."

Right then, Dumbledore called the remaining members to order, and after briefly explaining to them his suspicions about Pettigrew (over Sirius's protests), they quietly took care of James's body. Feeling that he was not exactly a welcome presence for one of James' chief mourners, Severus told Lupin that he would be on his way home now, but to contact him if he was needed.

"Never mind Sirius," the werewolf said as he walked Severus to the door. "He's raving right now, but soon, he'll see reason." Lupin tried for a smile, but it faltered, and he dug into his pocket for his handkerchief, held it to his eyes.

Other people's emotions made Severus extremely uncomfortable. So, after awkwardly patting the werewolf's shoulder, he made his escape with his broom, though instead of flying home this time, he Apparated back to Hogwarts gate, wishing to get to Lily as soon as he could. Once he entered the castle grounds he sent his broom ahead of him to let her know he was back, and as he walked across the grounds to the castle he drank in the cold night air in the hopes that it would help settle his churning mind. It would not do for Lily to suspect how horribly wrong everything had gone this night. At least, not yet. Certainly she would find out about it soon enough, but all Severus wanted right now was to hold her in his arms and let her sweet presence comfort his troubled soul.

As he walked, he peered to the left of him, to where the Forbidden Forest lay. Beneath the middling moon he could only see the tops of the trees dimly illuminated, but as always, the life of the forest seemed to call him, and he felt the center of his body tingle from the sweet, hot memory of that golden afternoon where everything began for him. He picked up his pace and hurried on, impatient to get to Lily as soon as he could.

It was late, the castle quiet, the students in their dorms, if not sleeping then at least not abroad. Severus's journey up Ravenclaw Tower was solitary, then, just as he preferred. Indeed, the whole entire world could perish and he would care not, as long as his Lily were spared.

When he entered their chambers at last, he saw that the fire was low on the grate, and no candles lit. Thinking she'd probably fallen asleep without banking the fire, he crept into their bedchamber, but at once the coldness of the room told him she wasn't there. "Lumos," he said to his wand, and the room sprang into light, but the bed was empty.

Immediately he searched the rest of their quarters, then went into the front room again. Only then did he see the letter on the table that he'd missed before. It was addressed to her from the Slytherin boy they'd hired to keep the Apothecary while they were at Hogwarts. Pleasecome, it said. Thereisagentlemanherewhoissickandrequestsyourhelp.

He was out the door then, flying down the stairs; if he'd been bird, his pace could not have been quicker, or more deadly silent. He knew she'd taken the secret corridor, oh why hadn't he stayed here tonight! In a daze, in a haze, blind, he nearly ran into Dumbledore, who was making his way up Ravenclaw Tower at the same time, no doubt looking for him.

"Why, Severus!" Dumbledore whispered. "What on earth-"

"Lily," Severus rasped. "She's gone. I must-Lily. She-"

"Where?"

"The Apothecary. Please. I must-"

"Come along. I know the fastest way."

Severus was grateful that Dumbledore understood the gravity of the situation. But when the headmaster led him back up the stairs again Severus began to stutter in protest, to which Dumbledore said "A moment, Severus. Trust me."

Severus had no choice but to follow Dumbledore to the landing. Without a word, Dumbledore opened the window, and stepped out of it onto the ledge.

"Well? Come!" Dumbledore admonished Severus. Too beside himself to question, Severus did what he was told. Once he was on the ledge too, Dumbledore grasped his arm.

"You will soon perceive that being Headmaster has it advantages," Dumbledore told him wryly. And at once, to Severus's astonishment, they Apparated.

The Apothecary's windows were dark, save for a feeble glow in the upstairs parlor window. The front door was not forced; it was even locked. Hoping this was a good omen, Severus unlocked the front door and went in, Dumbledore following, their wands aglow. Behind the counter lay the Slytherin boy, unmoving. Dumbledore paused at the corpse but Severus went on, back into the work room, then up the stairs. The haze of nightmare fell over him; he'd been in this very scenario before. And a part of him wanted to halt his footsteps, for he already knew what he'd find up there. No one needed to tell him that his treachery had at last been discovered, and repaid in kind.

When he saw her lying on the floor almost exactly the way she had in his nightmare, a part of him suddenly felt relief. Of course! This was all a dream. He was just dreaming again, that's all. But he wasn't about to let his mind fool him this time. As he sank down onto the floor and pulled dream-Lily's corpse to him, he laughed into her hair, knowing that soon, real Lily would gently shake his shoulder, and say to him "Wake up, Sev, you're having another dream again." And she'd be warm and soft, not cold and rigid like the dream corpse he held in his arms. She'd smile at him reassuringly, not gaze at him with clouded eyes, a winter pond frozen over. Her hair though-her hair would smell the same as this one's, all of parchment, ink, flowers, and the riverbank back home, please hurry, love, please wake me up soon, I can't stand this anymore.

"Severus."

Severus looked up over the glossy red hair and saw the Headmaster standing at the top of the stairs, staring mournfully at what Severus held in his arms.

"I'm so sorry," Dumbledore whispered, slowly walking toward him. Severus flinched, and Dumbledore stopped.

Suddenly, a strange, low sound as of a baying cur came from somewhere, and it was a while before Severus realized it was coming from him. When Dumbledore took another step toward him, Severus hissed and grasped Lily close, snarled at the headmaster threateningly.

"I'm sorry," Dumbledore repeated, lowering his head. "I failed you, Severus. You, and her." He gazed at Lily's form for a moment, looked away again.

Severus closed his eyes and pressed his face into his dead wife's hair. "Please," he tried to say. He didn't know whom he pleaded to, or for what. But the word was lost in a sob.

"Severus."

After a long time, Severus looked up again, and through his tears he saw Dumbledore reach into the neck of his robes, and draw out a small object on a chain.

"Do you know what this is?" Dumbledore asked him, holding out what looked like a small golden hourglass. "I'm about to do something that is not permitted in the wizarding world. But I made a promise to you, Severus, and I failed. This is the one way I can make it up to you."

"What is it? Will it bring her back? Will it-"

"Oh, yes," Dumbledore said, looking very weary. "It will bring her back."

"Then do it. Do it!" Severus howled. "What are you waiting for? Do it now!"

"No matter at what personal cost to you?" Dumbledore asked him.

"No! Just do it. Bring her back, please, whatever it takes..."

"Very well," Dumbledore said. "But to ensure we don't break the laws of the universe, you will remember nothing of this life." The headmaster held the hourglass between index finger and thumb, then turned it upside down once, twice, three times, four, five times six times seven, eight...

They'd both gotten O's in their Potions O.W.L.s, of course. Not many had, or even received an E. Fortunately, Potter and his mates, with the exception of Lupin, didn't manage it, evidently, since they failed to make it to N.E.W.T. level.

Severus was glad of it, just so that he could have at least one class, anyway, where his tormentors were not present. Not that it helped him at all where she was concerned. This year, they did not sit together, as they had in years past. Rather, she partnered up with Lupin, and Severus found himself with no partner at all, since there was an odd number of students in the class, and not even his Slytherin fellows preferred to sit with him.

It was the first time he'd seen her up close since last term. For two long months over the summer he'd only glimpsed her from afar as he hid in one of her neighbor's hedgerows and watched her walk to and from her house with her sister. She no longer met him at the riverbank, when in previous summers he might see her every day for a week straight. The pain of wounded pride was nothing in comparison to heartbreak's agony, a lesson he had learned the hard way.

When school commenced he'd of course seen her at Nine and three quarters, but she was chattering with Mary Macdonald and the other Gryffindors, her back pointedly to him. Across the Great Hall during the welcome feast her back was to him too, her long red hair like a stop sign. So Potions was the first time in what seemed like an age he'd been able to see her face clearly.

In a way, it would have been better if he'd not. To his disbelief, she'd grown even more beautiful over the summer, and more womanly too, her cheeks having lost their girlish roundness and instead taking on an almost feline shape so that his heart thrummed with bitter longing and his fingers itched to caress her face. But she looked at him not at all, merely folded her hands in front of her as Slughorn entered the classroom at last and smiled around at the students. If he had an opinion as to why Severus and Lily were not sitting together as they had in the past, he kept it to himself.

"Welcome, welcome!" Slughorn chirped in his jovial way. "Well, here we are then! Congratulations on reaching N.E.W.T.-level Potions! You have all passed your O.W.L.s with an Exceeds Expectations or better, and therefore are quite ready for advanced Potions work."

He turned to the table in front of the class, where stood three bubbling cauldrons and a tiny vial filled with a golden liquid.

"Before you are some of the most powerful potions ever invented. The first one is called Veritaserum. Who knows what it does?"

At once both Lily's and Severus's hands shot up. Severus glanced at her, and to his surprise, she glanced at him too, before quickly looking away.

Slughorn smiled. "Well, well, it's no surprise that you two should be the first to raise your hands. Miss Evans, then."

"Veritaserum is a powerful truth serum," Lily said promptly. "Even one drop can cause someone to reveal their deepest secrets."

"Splendid, splendid, very good! Five points to Gryffindor!" Slughorn nodded in approval. "Well then, who can tell me what this next one is? By adding a bit of someone's essence to this mixture-a hair, a fingernail-before drinking it, you can take on their form for up to an hour."

Once more, Lily and Severus both raised their hands.

"Mr. Snape," Slughorn said to Severus.

"Polyjuice Potion," Severus replied.

"Excellent. Five points to Slytherin. And now," Slughorn said, hovering over the third cauldron. "This one is called Amortentia. What does it do? Yes, Miss Evans?"

"It's the most powerful love potion in the world," Lily said, a faint tremor in her voice. Severus lowered his head so that his hair hid his face, for he did not trust what sort of expression he was wearing right then.

"Quite so, quite so, Miss Evans! Five points to Gryffindor. And what does it smell like?"

"It smells different for every person," she said. Severus peeked at her through the strands of his hair. "For instance," she went on, "to me, it smells like...parchment, ink, wood smoke, and...and the riverbank back home." Her eyes slowly slid to where Severus sat, and they held each other's gaze for a moment till she abruptly looked away.

Severus swallowed hard. That was what the potion smelled like to him, except instead of wood smoke it was a floral essence that he knew to be the scent of her hair. What could it mean that it smelled like the riverbank back home for her, too? Could it be...?

His heart knocked painfully in his chest as Slughorn went on "Amortentia smells different for each person, as Miss Evans has pointed out, reminding them of the things that they find most attractive." Severus repressed a sigh. "It doesn't create actual love, of course," Slughorn pointed out however. "That's impossible. But it does cause a powerful infatuation or obsession. For that reason, it is probably the most dangerous potion in this room."

Severus was grimly glad that Potter wasn't there, for no doubt he would have been tempted to steal some of it, and sneak it into Lily's pumpkin juice. Merlin knew Severus was sorely tempted to do so himself.

Slughorn's next words brought Severus to attention again, as the professor picked up the tiny bottle.

"This," he said, "is Felix Felicis. Who can tell me what it does? Yes, Mr. Snape?"

"It's liquid luck," Severus replied, lowering his hand. "For the one who drinks it, everything they attempt is assured success."

"Very good, Mr. Snape. Five points to Slytherin. But it must be used sparingly, as it causes giddiness, recklessness, and dangerous overconfidence if taken in excess."

"Have you ever taken it, Professor?" Lupin asked.

"I have, Mr. Lupin. Twice. And both times resulted in a perfect day each. Now," he said, setting the tiny bottle into its holder again. "Today you will brew the Draught of the Living Death, and the person who makes the most perfect brew wins this bottle of Felix Felicis."

Suddenly, Severus was hungry to win it. For, he knew if he did, he could gain Lily's trust, her friendship again, without which his life was a poisoned well. He knew he could! Severus immediately cracked open his AdvancedPotion-Making textbook and found the recipe for the Draught of the Living Death, gazed down at the preliminary notes he'd already made in the margins.

As the students got up to get ingredients from the supply cabinet, Severus felt someone jostle against him, and he turned to see Lily ducking her head while she murmured "Excuse me," her cheeks flushing pink.

"It's all right," Severus replied quietly, reaching for the asphodel at the same time she did. Their fingers brushed together, and immediately she snatched her hand away.

"Go ahead, you first," he said politely.

"No, go ahead," she said, turning her back on him.

He sighed, reached for the asphodel-he smiled bitterly to himself when he remembered asphodel belonged in the Lily family of plants-and measured out a portion before obtaining a handful of sopophorous beans and returning to his table.

Over the course of the hour he noticed Lily now and again peeking over at him as he made his potion, just as he peeked over at her. They both knew the other was their only real rival for the Felix Felicis potion, and he understood she was as determined to win it as he was.

He saw her crush her sopophorous beans with the flat side of her knife, and he immediately copied her, then made a note of it in his textbook when he saw how effective it was in extracting the juice from the beans. If only they were still partnered together! He knew they'd both win the prize! Yet, if she were still his partner, there wouldn't be any dire need for him to win the Felix Felicis either...

He stirred his potion clockwise every seven counterclockwise stirs, and out of the corner of his eye he saw her watching him, before she began copying his method. Why, they were both cribbing off each other! Lupin seemed oblivious to the civil war going on right across his nose, as the werewolf dumped his chopped beans into his cauldron, and frowned down at the result.

When Slughorn called time, he went around and inspected everyone's potions. Came back to Severus's. Then went back to Lily's.

"It's a close call," Slughorn said, and Severus's heart sank. Slughorn always favored Lily over him. Sure enough, Slughorn went on "But I do believe that Miss Evans' potion is a bit clearer than yours, Mr. Snape. Miss Evans wins the Felix Felicis."

However, as Slughorn held the golden vial out to Lily, the classroom door opened, and the Headmaster himself suddenly swept in.

"Hello, Horace," Dumbledore smiled cheerfully at Slughorn. "I'm very sorry to disturb your class, but I believe...Ah, yes," Dumbledore said, plucking the bottle of Felix Felicis from Slughorn's hand.

"I apologize, my dear," Dumbledore said pleasantly to a bewildered Lily. "But you see, I have urgent need for this very elixir. Surely you don't mind giving it up for a greater cause?"

Lily shook her head, obviously crestfallen, and Dumbledore nodded, said "Excellent! Thank you, Miss Evans."

Severus watched all this with a puzzled frown; something about this scenario seemed not quite right to him. Even more oddly, Dumbledore paused for a moment and looked directly into Severus's eyes, his own blue gaze sad somehow, and somehow, strangely regretful.

"Ah, well," Slughorn smiled after Dumbledore left the room. "You win some, lose some. I'm afraid I have no more to give you, my dear, as it takes six months to brew. However, instead I'll give Gryffindor House an extra fifty points for your potion."

It was hardly a satisfactory substitute, but all the same Severus was glad Lily didn't get the Felix Felicis, after all. For what was good luck for her would probably be bad luck for him, as the trajectories of their lives continued to rush away from each other's till, like sunrise and sunset, their destinies could never be as one.

-END