Chapter 1

'Herbert Ward. Resident of Buckhorn, Kentucky.

Born January 3, 1949.

Died April 1, 2007 of Unknown causes.

He will be missed.'

This...is what I imagine my epitaph is going to be after the kids and the grandkids are done with it.

In the meantime, I have to attend to the issue at hand: The trespasser I am confronting in the woods behind my home appears to be a pissed off supernatural being, who was ranting about my granddaughters' offense against her.

Let me repeat that in more emphatic terms.

I AM IN FRONT OF A PISSED OFF FEMALE SUPERNATURAL BEING WHO WAS RANTING IN ANGER ABOUT MY OFFSPRING WITH NO COVER IN SIGHT, AND NO WEAPON IN HAND.

This is definitely...the worst mistake I have ever made in a supernatural encounter, next to discovering that lost temple in Cambodia while I was separated from my unit.

'Damn zombies, damn demons, and God bless the jubilant, thankful VC's that let me go free after I managed to kill everything in the temple. Wonder if they are still ali-'

I am brought back to the present when the girl, light coming out from her eyes, suddenly grabs my shirt and brings my face down near hers and asks, in a voice that shakes my bones (No, I did feel my entire body vibrate) "Now do you understand why I am making your grandchildren's lives miserable?"

I deadpan.

"Because they made you a laughingstock in front of most of the supernatural world, to the point that trickster deities and long dead Greek comedians were using you and them as the subject for new jokes, and thus offended you so much you have to keep messing with their lives for half a year? Yeah, I think I understand." Then I go back into a confrontational tone of voice "But listen here kid-"

The girl interrupts me, returning to a normal human voice. "Do I look like a kid to you?"

"…You have a teenager's body right now. Anyways, back to what I was saying, this isn't productive. If you have a problem with them, go talk it out with them. Resolve your problems and finish this whole mess. This is just a waste of time for everyone concerned."

The girl let go of me, steps back and crosses her arms. This is the first time I see her clearly, since a while ago both of our tempers were very hot, which is…not conducive for proper conversation.

She is a young (probably around 20 or so), dark and waist length haired girl dressed in a white t-shirt with the words "AnimeFest 2006" printed on it and blue jeans you could find in any department store. The only thing different about her looks compared to any other girl her age in the county, is that she is wearing sandals made of…what looks like rope, with the blue jeans.

That and she's glowing from the inside in a way that does not feel like any kind of normal light I had ever seen, and at the same time she is not glowing.

"Sorry…gramps. I just don't trust myself to not slap them silly if I do talk to them. Besides, it's worth it, believe me, making their lives miserable is really worth it."

I look at the…SMILING (?!) girl in her by now normal eyes, wondering what the hell is wrong with her to look so happy talking about messing up somebody else's life. I then remember my grandmother's fairy tales.

The original ones, not the watered down versions Walt Disney are turning into happy, family movies.

I remember that those who aren't human have their own values. Heck, even the Vietnamese have different values, and they are fellow humans. And I also remember the nut jobs of the Greek pantheon from high school classes. So I decide to change tactics.

"Look. I'm trying to be fair here. I accept that you have the right to be compensated for the humiliation, so can we just have a settlement?" I pause for a little bit, suddenly having thought of something."Do you know what a settlement is in the first place?"

"Oh, of course I know what a settlement is. I even know what to use to sue your granddaughters in court. I could sue them for negligent infliction of Emotional Distress, if I were a human. Unfortunately, human courts only deal with humans. And you don't have anything that could compensate me."

"Err…money?"

"I am the Irish goddess of prosperity, as well as two other things. I donate PURE GOLD to you humans. Try again."
I am silent.

I…didn't know what to do, since usually, if not all, settlements and litigation were ended with someone paying money. If this…'goddess' doesn't want money…my poor granddaughters are going to get killed if this continues.

Then I get an idea.

"Hey, do you have any debts or favors you owe anyone? How about I help you with those if you promise to let this vendetta against my granddaughters go away?"

Now, the girl blinks, and looks at me like I just said something stupid.

She asks "You have a death wish? If you are Chu Chulainn, sure, why not? If you are 30 years old or younger, plausible. At your age? You'll get a heart attack first before finishing whatever I send you to do. I don't think so." Then she shakes her head in negation.

"But you said you are the 'goddess' of prosperity" I counter. "'Happiness' and 'Health' are also related to that word, isn't it?"

"Ok, now you are telling me how to do my job?"

"It's magic. You claim to be a goddess. What's so hard with making sure I don't have a heart attack?"

The girl looks to the left, thinking hard about something. It is silent for…a while, I guess. Then she starts tapping her foot on the grass, still thinking about something. Then the tapping stops, and the girl looks back at me, with a face that just reeks of curiosity.

"Can you fight? Been in any fight at all?"

"Kid, I am a Vietnam veteran. I was at Saigon with the 25th during Tet. Even after all these years, I do still remember how to fight, it's just…I don't practice anymore." I chuckle, and then stop with a smile on my face.

I don't know why, but my guts are telling me something is going to go a little bit wrong.

"Good. Practice again. Some of the jobs could get quite dangerous." At the word 'dangerous', I lost the smile at my face at this bit of information. She faces away from me, and walks forward to a… an oval wall of white light, which doesn't hurt the eye. She continues talking.

"I'll contact you about two weeks from now. It will be through any reflective surface. But don't worry; I will give advance warning so you don't get a sudden heart attack seeing me suddenly in the mirror. Oh, before I forgot," And she turned her head sideways to look at me "The name's Annan. Yours?"

"Ward. Herbert Ward" I respond in the same voice that I heard get used in one of those James Bond films, getting a need to get back at her in some way. The girl winces.

Well, I am glad to see HER getting uncomfortable.

She said "That is SO not cool. Later, Mr. Ward." And she steps through the wall of light, and it disappears.

I am left alone in the forest behind my home.