Chapter 11 – Thank You

"If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea, there would still be you and me.
Kind woman, I give you my all, kind woman, nothing more.

Little drops of rain whisper of the pain, tears of loves lost in the days gone by.
Our love is strong, with you there is no wrong,
Together we shall go until we die, oh my, my, my.
Inspiration's what you are to me, inspiration, look and see.

And so today, my world it smiles, your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done, for you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad, happiness...I'm glad.
If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
If the mountains should crumble to the sea, there would still be you and me."

Thank You by Led Zeppelin

Anders stumbled slightly as he entered the Fade. He drew his staff as he surveyed the surrounding area. Everything seemed normal…well as normal as things could be in the Fade. Anders pulled out the quartz and looked at it. It remained unchanged. He sighed as he slid it back into his pocket and started down the path in front of him.

He had always hated the Fade even though he was at ease here, not uncomfortable or fearful as some mages he knew. It wasn't the distorted perspective, bad dream vibe that you got here nor was it that demons sought out mages here, much in the same way Isabela trolled for loose men. It was that feeling of ease and composure that he had here that truly unsettled him. It was because of his self-possession while in the Fade, that he had completed his harrowing in record time; a record that had never been beat. Now he wondered, not for the first time, if that is why he had related so effortlessly to Justice.

For the first time in months… since the Chantry, the spirit spoke and not in voice of Vengeance, but in the tone of his old friend. Yes, Anders, that is why I was drawn to you. You had a self-assurance that most mages lack while in the Fade. It was hard not to be drawn to you. It was your adamant resolve against blood magic and making deals with demons that I found so captivating.

Justice…I'm surprised to hear from you. I knew that you were still with me, but you have been abnormally quiet.

I know. I had a lot to think about; all of the anger that you had before the Chantry had dissolved. After the explosion, I was able to become myself once again.

You do sound more like my friend, Justice.

I am more like the spirit you met all those years ago in the Fade.

How is that possible?

You released all of your anger, hatred and frustration when that building blew up and you saw the anguish on Kate's face. Seeing her pain caused by your actions broke you, which allowed you to free yourself and me from the venomous grip that hatred had on your mind, body and soul.

I don't understand. I caused Kate pain for years before I gave into my love, need and desire for her. Why didn't seeing her in agony all of those years not do that?

You would have released it sooner… when you first found out that Kate was alive, but unfortunately at that point Vengeance already had a strong foothold on your heart and mind… corrupting both of us.

Anders was silent for a long moment, letting Justice's words sink in.

I have to apologize to you, Anders. I had known the depth of your outrage over the mistreatment of mages, I would never have suggested merging with you.

How could you have known?

I should have talked to you more in-depth and asked more questions. I'm truly sorry.

What's done is done, Justice. I can't change the past only…

Anders words died in his mind as he rounded a corner and saw Kate standing in a grove of trees as her long raven hair gently blew in the wind. Her face was relaxed, happy and at peace and when she saw him, her eyes lit up. His feet were moving before he realized it. Justice was yelling something, but he blocked the spirit out. He wanted this reunion to just be the two of them.

She raced to meet him and leapt into his arms. He felt the warmth of her lips as they caressed the side of his neck then his cheek before she found his lips. The instant her mouth connected with his, he knew something was off; he pushed her way to look at her and his heart sank as he looked into those cold cobalt blue eyes.

Justice broke through his barrier and yelled, Desire demon!

Yes, I know.

"Good try, demon, but you aren't my Kate."

The fake Kate tilted her head to the side and smiled up at him in the same manner in which he had seen Kate do a thousand times. "Anders… Love, of course it's me."

"You look like her, your mannerisms are hers, but your eyes could never hold the life and vitality that hers hold."

"Held!" The demon said as it changed into its true form. "Your precious Kate is gone."

Anders felt the crystal's minor, but continuous tremors in his pocket; reassuring him that she still drew breath. Anders swiftly pulled his staff off of his back and before the demon could react he cast a cone of cold at it. He followed it up with a stonefist and then rapidly threw fireballs at it until it collapsed to the ground lifeless.

You know she is lying about Kate being gone.

Yes, her crystal is still vibrating.

You need to hurry though, Anders. She is growing weaker with each passing minute.

You can feel her?

Yes, because she is a spirit that doesn't belong here, but I do not know her location… Anders, you need to prepare yourself for the worst.

No! I refuse to let her go! She must survive! She must live!

What if the cost is too great?

No cost is too great!

The Spirit remained silent as Anders charged down the path. He pulled the crystal out of his hand and let it guide him as he raced toward. When it began to glow purple and vibrate in his hand, he called out, "KATE!"

There was no answer. He spun around and started down the hillside toward a stream that ran through the valley.

"Kate," he called out again as he approached a large oak tree. Anders gasped as he rounded the tree and saw her still form lying on the ground. He rushed over to her and pulled her into his arms.

"Kate," he moaned as he kissed her cheek.

"Please, don't leave me, Kate. You have to keep fighting," he begged. She tried to speak, her lips moved, but no words came out. Anders raised his hands and examined her body. Pausing briefly as he registered something that had escaped his attention before. She was so weak and her spirit was drained. Anders knew a regular rejuvenation spell wouldn't work on her spirit's physical form so he reworked it slightly and cast a spirit rejuvenation spell. As the spell washed over her, some of the color came back to her face.

She feebly raised her hand to touch his face, "You came."

He took her hand, brought it to his lips and kissed her palm, "You knew I would."

She smiled weakly at him, "Yes, I did. I've been waiting for you."

"Why? Why not just return to your body?"

"I've been waiting to say good-bye."

Anders vigorously shook his head, "NO! Don't you dare say good-bye, Kate. I didn't come into the Fade to say farewell to you. I came here to show you that you must live. You must go on!"

"I'm so tired, Anders…"

Anders grasped her face in between his hands, "STOP IT! The Kate I know doesn't quit… ever! You're a fighter. Now, fight, damn you!"

"I don't have the strength… nor the will."

"Kate, please, I-I love you…"

"I-if you love me, let me go, A-anders." Her voice quivered as the spell wore off and her strength once again faded.

"No, no, never!" Anders cast another rejuvenation spell.

"You can't keep me alive through spells."

"I will until you begin to fight."

"Anders, I can't do it anymore…"

"What can't you do?"

"I can't fail you again. The burden is just too great."

"Love, you didn't fail me. I failed you… over and over again, I failed you. And I'm a selfish, selfish man because I need to make it up to you. I won't be able to live with myself if don't."

Anders kissed her soft lips and then whispered against them, "Please… p-please Kate. I can't do this without you. I need you as surely as I need air to live. Don't leave me… please don't leave me." His tears ran down his face and splashed against her cheeks.

Shakily she pressed her hand against his chest. "I love you. Ande…"

He could feel her spirit grow dim and begin to fade. "NO!" He cried out in anguish as he tried another rejuvenation spell, but it had no effect. She had been in the Fade too long and her spirit was too frail and weak to continue to fight. She needed life's essence to revitalize her.

Anders gently laid her down on the ground and withdrew his dagger. Her eyes widened as she tried to shake her head, no. He had no time to slowly drain his blood into her. She was rapidly declining. He began to recite the incantation as he drew the blade across his wrist. He cried out in pain as his vision blurred, but he forced himself to focus as he finished the chant and drew the dagger over his other wrist. He felt his magic and blood rushing out of his body and flooding into her.

Anders fell back against the ground as the heat of the blood magic washed through him, throbbing, pounding, forcing out the blood in his veins. He felt dizzy as the sky began to spin and he shut his eyes tight, trying to make it stop. He squeezed onto the now wildly vibrating crystal in his hand. The magic was working, her spirit was being rejuvenated. He felt her stirring beside him and smiled in the knowledge that she would live.

"Anders," she cried out as leaned over him. "What did you do?"

"For once I didn't fail you, I saved you."

"Anders, please stop the ritual… heal yourself."

"I can't. All of my m-mana is gone."

She reached for his backpack. "Let me get you a lyrium potion."

"I-its too… late… Kate. I'm too weak... t-to heal… myself."

She ignored him as she pulled out bottle of lyrium and pressed it against his lips. "No, you have to try, Anders. For me, you have to try."

Anders drank the potion, but it had little effect as his life continued to drain out of the wounds on his wrists. He shook his head. "Kate, it's no use, but you… t-the world needs you. You m-must live."

"No, no, no, not like this… not at the cost of your life." She tore at her shirt and wrapped the material around the wounds, but the blood was draining too quickly.

"It's better this way, Love. I will be h-hunted like a r-rabid animal u-until they s-see me dead. N-now you have a c-chance for a n-normal life."

"Not without…" she stopped in midsentence as she looked at his hand. She pulled the crystal out and looked at it.

"Blood magic… i-it's how I f-found you," Anders said weakly. Her eyes narrowed as she studied the crystal. She grabbed the dagger that Anders had used and cut a piece of his shirt off. "W-what are you doing?"

"Saving you the way you saved me," she replied as she soaked the fabric in his blood.

Anders grabbed her wrist. "K-kate…it's too late…"

"NO!"

He squeezed her wrist, forcing her to look at him. "I love you. I-I've l-loved you all my life. D-don't let my sacrifice be for nothing. You need to go back… you need to live. F-for me, Kate, please live."

Anders felt his body grow weak as the coldness from his limps moved toward his core. His body began to tremble just before everything faded to black.

xxXxx

Kate felt herself return to her body in a rush as air slammed into her lungs, forcing a gasp to escape her lips. She sat up straight, wide eyed and panting as she quickly took in the room. A female mage was standing beside her. Kate grabbed her hand and thrust the crystal with the cloth that had Anders' blood on it into her hands.

"A-anders… Anders used blood magic to bring me back, but he is now bleeding to death in the Fade. This fabric is soaked in his blood, please… please find him and save him."

The mage looked sympathetically at her. "If he used the ritual that I think he did, I won't reach him in time."

Kate rose to her knees and grasped both of the mage's wrists. "Please, I beg of you, please try."

The woman looked over at the man standing behind her. He gave a curt nod, "We have enough lyrium."

The woman quickly cast a spell on the crystal as he prepared the lyrium basin. Within minutes, the woman was touching the glistening liquid and disappearing into the Fade. Varric and Isabela were immediately at Kate's side.

The man walked over to her and smiled warmly. "Hello, you must be Kate. I'm Declan, and the woman that just entered the Fade is my wife, Shivon."

Kate smiled back at him. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm sorry I was so abrupt earlier."

"It's perfectly fine. Time is of the essence, so it's understandable. Do you mind if I examine you?"

She shook her head, "No, that would be fine."

Declan began examining her. He nodded his approval that she was fine as he drew his dagger and reached for her hand. He looked into her eyes and she nodded her consent. Declan quickly drew the blade across her palm.

"What the fuck?" Isabela exclaimed.

"If I had come through the Fade with an extra passenger, it would have reacted when physical harm was inflicted on its host," Kate calmly explained as Declan began to heal the wound.

"She is in perfect health and passenger free," Declan declared and at the proclamation, both Varric and Isabela leapt at her, pulling her into a tight embrace.

Kate couldn't help, but laugh. "Well, it's nice to see I was missed."

"You have no idea, Kitten. If I had to be subjected to one more wild tale where you saved the world on a flying nug, I swear I was going to slit my own wrists just to get some relief."

"A flying nug?" Kate said incredulously.

Varric rolled his eyes. "And here I thought I was the one with the wild imagination."

Over the next several hours, Isabela and Varric recounted their ordeal that had happened after her defeat of the Prince of Starkhaven, but Kate wasn't truly listening as she paced nervously around the room in the exact same pattern that Anders had done only hours before.

"Between you and Blondie, you're going to wear a path in the floor boards."

Kate looked at him questioningly. "Anders was walking that exact same pattern just before he went into the Fade after you."

She smiled and then continued her pacing. Varric got up, poured her a mug of ale and then handed it to her. "This might help take the edge off."

She took the mug from him and took a large gulp. "Thank you, Varric."

"Hawke…" Varric paused, unsure of how to continue, but the anguish in her eyes forced him to.

"Kate, I am not surprised that Anders would sacrifice himself for you. If you could have seen how distraught he had been while you were unconscious… he held you in his arms every night, reminiscing about your life together. He loved you, Kate. He would do anything for you and if that meant that he forfeited his life to save you, then he would do it willingly and gladly."

"I know this Varric. I watched him do that very thing. What is the point?"

"Kate… you need to accept that he might not make it back, but that he did this so that you could live. I know how hard…"

Varric stopped mid-sentence as the room began to glow. A moment later, Shivon reappeared in the room… alone.

The mage's expression was solemn as she stepped toward Kate. She crumbled to the floor, a wail of agony and grief tore from her throat. She clutched at her chest while pain tore through her chest. "NO! No, no, no…Anders, no!" She chanted, her sobs echoed throughout the room.

Anders, why did you leave me? How… how am I supposed to go on? You were the source of my strength. You have always been there for me. How could you leave me all alone?

Isabela fell on her knees beside Kate and pulled her into her arms. "It's going to be alright, Kitten. Somehow it's going to be alright."

Shivon knelt down before her and grasped her hands. "I'm so sorry, Kate. There was nothing I could do for him. By the time I reached him, he was already gone. He had this amulet clinched in his hand. I thought you might want it back."

Shivon handed her the Tevinter Chantry Amulet that she had given Anders all those years ago. She grasped the gold pendant as the tears began to flow freely again. "H-his body… what about his body?"

"I didn't want to leave his body there for a demon to possess. So I built a pyre and committed him back to the Maker."

"T-thank you."

"I am so sorry. I wish I could have done more,"

Isabela and Varric helped Kate onto her feet and lead her to the back bedroom that Anders had stayed in. Upon entering, they realized what a mistake that had been. When Kate saw his clothes strewed across the room, she immediately gathered a handful of them, held them up to her nose and breathed in deeply. New tears streamed down her cheeks as the scent of spices and magic inundated her senses. She curled onto the bed, clinging desperately to the fabric that was the only link she had to Anders.

Isabela sat down beside her and handed her a vial. "Declan said this will help you sleep."

Kate numbly took the potion from her, drank it and laid back down, wrapped herself in Anders clothes and drifted off to sleep.

Kate stood in the meadow that only hours before, she had watched the only man she would ever love, kill himself to save her. She walked over to the spot where she had last seen him. The blood was gone. The grass was green and lush, without even an imprint of the man's body that had died there. She knelt down and ran her hand over the spot as Anders' words echoed in her head. "I love you. I've loved you all my life. Don't let my sacrifice be for nothing. You need to go back… you need to live. For me, Kate, please live."

"How? How am I supposed to live without you?"

"One day at a time."

Kate spun and saw Anders walking toward her. She jumped to her feet and raced to him. She leapt into his arms as her lips met his in a heated rush. His mouth moved against hers tenderly, yet with a slow burning desire. His tongue trailed along her lower lip before pressing inside. She met him, her tongue dancing over his before she dove into the heat of his mouth, hungrily devouring him. He swept inside her mouth, stroking, caressing, exploring as she got lost in him.

She knew this was the Fade, knew it wouldn't last, but she lost herself in him for what would probably be the last time.

Their lips parted and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She nuzzled her cheek against the scruff of his. "I want to stay here with you."

He feathered kisses across her cheek to her ear. "No, you can't stay here. This isn't where you belong. I'm here to say good-bye."

"NO! Please, Anders, don't go. I can somehow survive this if I know I can see and be with you here in the Fade."

He cupped her face and looked into her eyes. "That can't happen. You would never be able to move on and live your life because you would always be looking forward to coming here and not living out there in the real world. As much as I want to be with you, I could never do that to you."

Tears slid down her cheeks and he gently wiped them away with his thumb. "I love you, Kate. The last thing I ever wanted to do was leave you, but you must learn to live without me and when it's your time to make that final journey, I will be there to welcome you with open arms."

"I don't want to learn to live without you. You have been a part of me since I was eleven and now I feel… empty… hollow… as if a piece of me has been torn out."

"A part of me is still with you, Kate, and will always be with you."

"It isn't the same! Yes I know that I will have your memory with me always, but…"

Anders cut her off as he slid his hand down her side and across her belly. "Kate, a part of me is with you, growing inside of you. That is why, my Love, you must go on, you must fight through the pain and find a way to live once again, because our child is going to need their mother to be the strong, fierce, yet loving woman I know her to be."

Kate stared down at her stomach as she rested her hand on top of Anders' then lifted her head up and looked into his eyes. She smiled at him, "I'm carrying your child?"

Anders smiled warmly back at her. "Yes, you are carrying our child."

Anders fingers slid down to her neck, he pulled her toward him as his lips eagerly recaptured hers. She moaned as the taste of him swept over her tongue. He caressed her mouth in long deep strokes. Sweet. Warm. Delicious.

Her tongue fervently met his, boldly feeding her need for him. Hot. Wet. Urgent. They dueled and danced together, neither one backing down as the hunger grew and the electrical current raced through her body setting every nerve on fire.

Starved for air, she pulled away and moaned as his hand continued stroke her back. "Look at me," Anders rasped out. She tilted her head up to him. He traced the fullness of her lower lip with his thumb. "I want you so badly and I need to be with you one last time, Kat," he groaned as he dropped his head to hers. He claimed her lips once again and eventually claimed the rest of her.

Kate woke with a jerk. The sun was shining through the window and she heard the birds chirping. She was still wrapped in Anders' clothes, but it was his scent that was still on her skin that saturated her senses. She smiled as the memory of their last time together flooded her mind. She would hold onto that last time with him. It would be her talisman that she would carry with her through the long years ahead, until she was reunited with him once again. That memory is what would enable her to keep the vow that she made to him just before she woke up.

"I promise, Anders, your sacrifice will not be wasted. I'll find a way to live and to be the mother our child deserves."

Kate gently rubbed her stomach and smiled. "It's just you and me now, Love."

She continued to stroke her belly silently, praying this child looked like their father. "Let me tell the story of how I met your daddy, little one. I was eleven and he was twelve when my father brought home this scruffy boy who was filthy and scrawny looking, but who had the warmest, kindest eyes I had ever seen…"

xxXxx

Epilogue

The Fade – 30 years later

Anders stood on the hillside, anxiously awaiting her arrival. Beside him was Malcolm, Leandra, Carver and Bethany. Years ago, when he had entered the Fade, his father, mother and brother had welcomed him. Sixteen years later they had met Bethany after she had received her Calling. Now the family waited for the last member to finally join them. Behind them stood a throng of people who were also here to welcome the woman that had saved their lives and in many instances had forever changed them.

A few days ago, on one of Anders' many visits to the Fade to see his son, Jackson, he was informed that Kate had become gravely ill. When Jackson adamantly tried to heal her, she had refused. She informed her son that it was her time, that she had accomplished all that she had hoped and much more.

Anders smiled and couldn't agree more. She had raised their son to be an upstanding, honorable man. Jackson was the best of both of them. He had amber blond hair and sapphire blue eyes. He was tall and muscular, but he had Kate's agility and grace. He had also inherited Kate's knack for finding trouble, but still managed to have Anders' easy manner. Jackson was also a very gifted mage, which was why it was easy for Anders to visit with him. Between Malcolm, himself and eventually Bethany in the Fade and Merrill in the real world, he was the best trained mage in Thedas.

After Kate had said her final good-byes to Anders, she had moved back to Ferelden where she once again settled in the little town of Lothering. Isabela had stayed by her side and had been her constant companion for the next thirty years; which Anders was extremely grateful for. He hated the thought of Kate being all by herself and lonely.

Varric had traveled to Ferelden with them, but once Kate had settled in, he headed back to Kirkwall where he took over the merchant's guild, and if the rumors were true, the Carta too. He continued to spread the legend of the Champion and all of her wild adventures, but he made sure none of the stories would ever lead anyone back to the true Champion.

Merrill had sought out Kate in Lothering. The elf had seemed so lost and vulnerable. Kate naturally took pity on her and offered her a place to stay as long as she completely stopped using blood magic. The elf agreed and in return, Merrill tutored Jackson in Dalish magic.

After the Mage-Templar War, mages were free to live how they wanted. Jackson had married a beautiful mage named Selena and they had given Kate and himself three precious grandchildren – Anders, Quinn and Sophie. He loved them all dearly, but he would only admit to himself that he had soft spot for Sophie, and it wasn't just because she was a mage. It was because she was Kate's twin in every way. From her doppelganger looks to her uncanny ability to use her looks to her advantage, to her fiery never back down attitude, to her ability to deflect tension with humor and wit. She was Kate, reincarnated. Jackson had his hands full with her, but Anders adored her.

Over the years, there had been a few times that he was actually able to meet Kate in the Fade. Those rare precious hours that they had spent together had been enough to sustain them both and give Kate the willpower and strength to continue the fight. As the years passed, Anders watched Kate gracefully age from the fiery gorgeous young woman of his youth into an elegantly beautiful older one, and his love for her only grew. Her raven black hair had become speckled with gray, her porcelain smooth skin had gained a few lines, her lightning reflexes had lost some of its edge, but to him, the very sight of her still took his breath away and the loss of her agility had been replaced by a grace that was astounding to watch. The one thing that had never changed was the sparkle that always danced in her eyes when she saw him. After all of these years, he still ached and longed for her, and now she was finally coming home.

He felt a hand rest on his shoulder, pulling him out of his thoughts. Malcolm pointed to a figure that had just appeared in the meadow. Anders raced toward her. As he drew near, he realized that she was his Kate from his youth; the young passionate girl that he had first made love to in Gwaren; the girl that had the zeal of an army and the kindness of an angel. This was his Kate before Ostagar, his Kate before pain, suffering and death had changed her forever.

She leapt into his arms, wrapped her legs around his waist and forcefully captured his lips. He held her tightly against him as she melted into him. He opened his mouth to her and devoured her like a man that had been stranded in the desert for days in desperate need of water. The taste of her was as intoxicating as he remembered, and it only made him want her more. He was eager to remember her touch, to remember her taste, and the feel of her heat enveloping him. The mere thought of it made him tremble with anticipation. She was home and she was once again in his arms were she belonged… never to be torn away from him again.

He remembered the audience that was behind them and he begrudgingly pulled away. She let out a slight moan as she lowered her legs to the ground. He turned her around and showed her the crowd that had gathered. Her eyes went wide.

"I was hoping for some alone time… just you and me," she muttered still in shock.

Anders grinned at her as he slid his arm around her waist and began to lead her over to the people that had assembled to see her. "Love, we have the rest of forever to be alone… just you and me."

She smiled that roguish grin of hers, "I like the sound of that."

A/N – I know that Kate is the third Hawke that I have written that ends up pregnant. Although I love the idea of Anders as a dad, I really had no intention of knocking up Kate until the very end. She just seemed so lost and defeated. I felt I needed to give her a reason to live and to live well.

*Thank you to all the faithful readers and reviewers of this story. I hope you enjoyed Anders and Kate story. I have appreciated your comments and reviews. You guys are wonderful!

*A huge shout out and be big hug to my Beta Goddess, Jinxy or working her magic on this chapter and all of her wise guidance throughout this story. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting up with my craziness and standing by me. You are the best and I am lucky to have you as a beta and more importantly as a friend. Thank you!

*Last, but never least, I want to thank Bonkzy for being a guest beta on this chapter and stepping in for Jinx while she was on vacation. You had some big shoes to fill but you did a smashing job. Thanks!