Disclaimer: I checked my pockets. No Rurouni Kenshin patent. Sorry, don't own 'em.
Note: This chapter is dedicated to Genjo Sanzo. Go read her stuff now!
Further Note: Since some reviews have noted their initial confusion, I'm going to hope this note gets to others before this chapter really ticks them off. ^^; This is a spoof chapter. Not the real thing. Just... an omake of sorts to entertain you as I pound my brain for the next segment which may now be coming sooner than I thought. Er, until then, take this in good humor, okay? I assume most of you are capable of this since you've taken an interest this far. ...Unless the operative word there was "good." ...Don't kill us please. ^^;
Chapter Nineteen and Three Quarters (get it, HP fans?)
"Himura!" Obaga yelled as Kenshin's body flew backwards.
Futashi looked from the redhead to the Old Man, to his brother-in-law. His eyes finally rested on the small, innocent-looking hole in Kenshin's head and the pool of blood spreading out from behind it. "That... that's not how it's supposed to happen," he whispered as his eyes began to prick with tears. He turned to Aroji. The threatening tears began to course down his cheeks in two hot streams. "THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!"
"He's right, de gozaru," Obaga nodded. Calmly, he walked to where Aroji was standing. "See? Right here," he said, pulling out a sheaf of papers. "Chapter 20, End Game: part 2, Scene 1. Kenshin, who is only hit in a minor spot, proceeds to beat the snot out of Aroji."
"What? Let me see that!" Aroji said. He grabbed the papers from the old warrior. "Blah, blah, part 2... yeah, yeah, yeah... minor spot, beat the snot out of Aroji.... crap. CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP!!! Gochan's gonna kill us for this!"
Nikko stomped out of the small house. "Us? What do you mean 'us?' You're the one who just killed her protagonist!"
Yuiishi followed Nikko at a more sedate pace. "Now Aroji, it won't be that bad. Just explain to Gochan what happened. I'm sure she'll understand."
Aroji gaped at the unflappable woman. "Won't be that bad?! Don't you guys remember what happened with Koeji?" The group looked blankly at the fretting radical.
"Wait, wasn't he that idiot guy who was working for you?" Futashi asked after a moment.
Aroji's answering giggle was right on the edge of sanity looking over the side wondering exactly how far it was down. "That idiot guy..." he said. "You know, he was supposed to be my second in command, the Houji to my Shishio. But then... then Gochan overheard him wondering--just wondering!--if maybe she'd mixed things up and he was supposed to be the leader... so she turned him into what he is, now!" He shuddered and slumped to the ground.
Nikko scowled. "It's still your fault. I don't see why we have to get freaked out about it."
Aroji had begun to rock back and forth. "But you know, you know who Koeji was talking to? And Gochan didn't hear him reply, either, just saw him listening. It was Murobi. You know he was the finest ninja we could find. He had even gotten a call back for a spot in Naruto... then she did that to him. They were just talking... just talking... but I shot the main character. I shot him, and he's dead, and you all were there when I did it. She'll say you all could have stopped me somehow. I've doomed us all!"
Yuiishi coughed. "Yes, well then, perhaps it will be that bad for all of us. Still, it's not like we can just replace Kenshin. Gochan's going to find out sooner or later."
It is an unfortunate fact that when the mind is wrapped up in its own miseries, it can often mishear things. In this case it was not so much mishearing Yuiishi, but hearing only what it wanted.
"Replace him?" Aroji blinked. "Replace him... Nanari, that's brilliant!"
Yuiishi's eyes got wide. "Amatomo, I was not suggesting..."
Ignoring her, Aroji jumped to his feet. "Obaga! You and I will hide the body. Futashi, you start cleaning up the blood. Yuiishi, you'll be on recruitment. Nikko, you stall Gochan. Make sure she doesn't get here until we're ready and we've practiced with the new guy a little. Now, we just need to figure out who can take Kenshin's place..."
Futashi frowned. "But where can we find a femmy redheaded man with enough hair?"
There was silence for a few minutes while everyone pondered.
"...What about a small, redheaded woman with a flat enough chest?" Obaga asked.
-----------
Blood spurted into the air as the smoke cleared from around the pistol barrel in Aroji's right hand.
"Inverse!" Obaga yelled. "Don't do it! Do you want to kill us all, de gozaru ka?!" But it was too late.
"Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows, buried in the flo... ah screw it!! YOU SHOT ME IN THE [CENSORED] ARM!! DRAGON SLAVE!!!"
-----------
Years later tales were still told of the explosion at the teahouse. Many theories were presented, each wilder than the last. All that was known for sure was that no one within a one mile radius of the blast survived. Eventually the police gave up the investigation, chalking the event up to an act of God (or at least a fanfic writer with a twisted sense of humor). As for Gochan, Nikko had been successful enough in her delaying tactics that she was out of the blast range. With luck, she will finish the real chapter 20 and replace this spoof chapter her friend wrote sometime before armageddon hits. We hope.
End
Author's Notes:
Hi, everyone! Okay, put down those flamethrowers right now. This isn't Gochan, it's her friend Genjo Sanzo. Gochan still has massive writer's block, but she didn't want to leave you all with nothing. So, I volunteered to write a spoof chapter for her to hopefully keep you all entertained long enough for her to work through her block. Liked it? Great! Didn't like it? Don't go flaming her, it was all my idea. If you really feel the need to flame somebody, my e-mail is [email protected].
Okay, now for those of you unfamiliar with Slayers, first, go out and watch it, you fools! Have you no idea what you're missing? *ahem* With that out of the way, Lina Inverse is the main character, a short, spunky redhead who everyone makes fun of because she's a bit flat-chested. She also has very destructive magic spells which she tends to use when ticked off, no matter who's in the area. Sorry if you missed the joke. Right, I think that's it.
P.S. Don't worry, I'm as hooked on this fic as the rest of you, so I won't stop bugging Gochan until she updates.
P.P.S. Gochan isn't nearly as mean as I made her out to seem in this "chapter." She wouldn't do that to her characters... well, okay, unless it was funny, but that's different.