The Complete Novice Spoof
Just when you thought you were relatively safe from dodgy BMT parodies, I hit you with another one of The Novice.
Author's Excuses for Writing More Parody:
I gained a lot of confidence from writing The Novice Parody (focussing on the Dannyl/Tayend story) but I always had ideas for spoofing other parts of the book. Recently I re-read The Novice, and found I was making fun of practically every scene. That's the danger of writing parody; it's addictive, and is liable to ensure you never take the real version seriously ever again.
Anyway, I decided to write this spoof in the style of a script- to keep up the pace of the story, and allow me to try out a slightly different type of humour.
As always, I really appreciate all types of feedback! And I'm extremely thankful for all the lovely encouragement I've already received from readers XD
Warning: Occasional bad language and adult themes. If you're allergic to either of those, please turn back now.
Chapter 1: Acceptance and Unacceptance
Intro: The occupants of the Great Hall all waited impatiently for the Acceptance Ceremony to be over, because as book extras they did not get paid a lot for their work. However, our heroine Sonea and her main character friends do get paid a lot, which is why they tend to chuckle so much in this story.
Sonea: *chuckles happily* I can't believe I've been accepted at Hogwarts!
Rothen: Ah… This isn't Hogwarts, Sonea.
Sonea: But I want to be in Gryffindor!
Rothen: You can be whatever you like dear.
Lorlen: Let's get this miserable ceremony over with. I have paperwork to do.
Sonea: *Puts on sorting hat*
Sorting Hat: Cannot decide! System overload! *explodes*
Sonea: Oh wow, that explosion was just like the time you magicians killed that random slum boy in "The Magician's Guild"!
Lorlen: … I hope you're gonna pay for a new hat.
Rothen: Why do I always pick the bad ones?
Dannyl: *chuckles* Looks like our Sonea's off to a bad start already!
Rothen: Shut up Dannyl.
Dannyl's Novice Fangirls: Oi! You leave Dannyl alone. Pick on someone your own height!
Dannyl: Now girls, I can't bring you all to Elyne with me… But I'll send you a postcard.
Dannyl's Novice Fangirls: Good luck with your new love interest!
Dannyl: What? *confused*
The fangirls disappear, and Dannyl realises he had probably imagined the whole thing. Being a loner has resulted in him talking to himself a lot.
Rothen: I do hearby accept Sonea as my novice. In sickness and in health. In good times and in bad. Til death do us part.
Sonea: That last line is rather depressing.
Dannyl: Hurry up already, I have a surprise party waiting for Sonea in my rooms!
Sonea: Is that why I saw an Elyne acrobat sneaking into your rooms last night?
Dannyl: Yes… I mean wait a second, that never happened!
Everybody: *sighs exasperatedly*
The High Lord Akkarin reclines in his special comfortable throne at the back of the room, and is fed grapes by his servant Taken, who is dressed in novice robes for his master's pleasure.
Akkarin: *sigh* I love the drama of these Acceptance Ceremonies.
Random Vindo boy is told he's not good looking enough to join the Guild, and flees the room sobbing and cursing his parent's bad genes.
Akkarin: The only thing I like better than killing people is watching innocent, scared young novices… *licks his lips*
Takan: *shudders at this forshadowing*
This is probably one of the weaker chapters, but I hope it doesn't put you off reading on! Do let me know what you think :D
Oh, and I'm still working on The Novice Parody, I haven't abandoned it or anything ;D