Author's Note: I don't even know. I don't like Rachel and almost never write her, so perhaps this is an exercise in exploring self-imposed boundaries. This is the nicest I have ever been or will ever be to Rachel, so for all of those who have asked me to write a friendship piece between her and Kurt, this is for you. Now let us never speak of it again. Also Hevans, just because. Kurt is back at McKinley. He and Blaine never happened romantically because Blaine is a complete douchebag. Finn and Rachel broke up, he took up with Quinn, and then they broke up. So Finn, Quinn, and Rachel are, in this story, single. Also, spoilers for Doctor Who (Series 1-4), Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel the Series, and Xena Warrior Princess. Because certain characters are stans of other certain characters.

Thursday afternoon saw New Directions meeting for the final time of the week. Schuester had graciously canceled Friday's rehearsal and most of the teachers had assigned minimal homework in acknowledgment of the holiday weekend, so all of the students were thrilled to look forward to four days with relatively few academic obligations.

Rachel was thumbing through a pile of sheet music she had recently acquired, all of which offered her a solo. However, in the interest of fair play and sportsmanship, she had chosen songs which could be performed in groups and that offered several solos for various people. She was so happy to have Kurt back that she didn't care about the loss of a few lines. He really deserved more solos and, though she was loath to admit it, so did Mercedes and Santana.

None of them were as good as her, of course, but the four of them had the best voices in Glee in terms of power, projection, technique, interpretation, and range. She'd be an idiot to ignore that. Senior year was rapidly approaching and she was determined to make it her best one yet. She not only wanted to win every show choir event which they entered, culminating with a victory at Nationals, but she also planned on graduating with friends, not just acquaintances.

She had taken a long look at herself, and then at the other members of the club, and realized that though many of them were friends with each other, they weren't friends with her. Sure, she had dated Finn and Puck, but that wasn't the same thing. She had come to the unwelcome conclusion that maybe, just maybe, the problem was her. She didn't want to believe it but wasn't left with any other options, so she knew she'd have to change her behavior.

If there was one thing of which she was sure, it was that there was no problem Rachel Berry couldn't solve. She brightened. Right!

Okay, so she might have been a little jealous of Kurt. Not over vocal ability, of course, because that was just ridiculous, but Kurt had really blossomed these past two years. As he had become more comfortable with himself, others became more comfortable with him, and he had begun to exude a natural charisma which surprised her – in good ways. She knew how rare that was. It wasn't something that could be faked or replicated; you either had it or you didn't, and Kurt Hummel had it in spades.

It scared her a little, because she wasn't sure she possessed that particular gift and she knew how necessary it was if she was to succeed in her chosen profession. She'd seen the careers of many talented actors and singers fall to the wayside because they didn't have that It factor. So if Kurt had figured out how to access his inner reserve, maybe he could help her find her own.

Which brought her to this moment. She was determined to be invited to the next Kurt Hummel Sleepover Extravaganza. If Kurt would just give her a chance, she was sure they could be good friends.

The problem was that Kurt didn't necessarily need any more friends. He liked having them, enjoyed being part of a group, but he also liked to keep that group small. She could understand and even appreciate it. He had gathered close to him people who on the surface had nothing in common, but who nevertheless complemented each other quite nicely. She wasn't sure there was room for her or if the others would allow it.

She didn't have the best track record with Mercedes and a lot of that was her own fault, but until recently, she hadn't truly understood that a lot of Mercedes' distaste for her was not about solos or fashion disasters, but because of how often Rachel herself had discounted Kurt's abilities. If one trait defined Mercedes Jones, it was loyalty. While she was often willing to forgive trespasses against herself, she was ruthless and held grudges when her friends had been wronged. Rachel admired that. She didn't know anyone, other than her fathers, who would go to bat for her the way Mercedes did for Kurt, and it was entirely reciprocated. She knew if her plan was to succeed, the majority of the inroads she would have to make would be with Mercedes.

She wasn't too sure about Tina. While they were cordial with each other, they weren't truly friends; they were teammates who circled the same general vicinity but who rarely interacted. She didn't know too much about the other girl, other than that she appeared happy with Mike and their relationship was going strong. If pressed, Rachel could admit that Tina had a more than decent voice and perhaps she hadn't been allowed to shine as much as she deserved.

That was actually somewhat painful to think about. She had no idea how she would have fared if she had been relegated to the position to which Tina had found herself assigned. Tina was almost always with Mercedes, but Kurt was usually with them, and his rapport with Tina was easy and quiet, respectful. They were probably far more close than most people realized, but because they didn't publicize their friendship the way he did his with Mercedes, it escaped notice.

Rachel thought she and Tina might be able to become friends. She was hoping they would.

Brittany thought Kurt hung the moon. As far she was concerned, he could do no wrong and she would brook no argument to the contrary. She could actually be a little scary when it came to him. She remembered a few weeks ago when Azimio had shoved Kurt into a locker and Brittany countered with a swift, true kick to Azimio's personals. Ms. Sylvester had made Brittany the Head Cheerio for the month.

The bright spot was that Brittany liked her. Well, Brittany didn't actively hate her. She was always nice and pleasant, and never said rude or judgmental things. Not to her face, at least. But she didn't think Brittany would say them behind her back either; the girl had no filter and never bothered to censor herself.

But the last two, they could present huge problems. Quinn still intimidated her, and Santana…well, Santana terrified her. Even though Quinn had bullied her much like Puck had Kurt, though not physically, Santana was the far scarier of the two. As outspoken as Santana was, Rachel always wondered about the things Santana left unsaid. She'd tried to watch the other girl discreetly, but Santana always sensed when eyes were on her and didn't take kindly to the intrusion. Santana watched everything. She knew far more about went on at McKinley, and in Lima in general, than Jacob ben Israel could ever hope to glean.

Rachel thought Kurt's relationship with Quinn was utterly bizarre, as Quinn all but considered him her child. She was endlessly mothering him and Rachel wondered how much of it was Quinn substituting Kurt for Beth and how much was about Quinn sincerely loving Kurt. She wasn't sure which was more disturbing. But Kurt lapped up the attention and, for that, Rachel couldn't blame him.

She knew what it was to be a child without their mother. She also understood that Kurt had it far worse than she did. It had been very difficult for her to be a little girl and young woman without a mother, but at the same time, the adage that you couldn't miss what you never had was, at times, fairly appropriate to her situation. But Kurt, who'd had a mother, one whom he had obviously adored, only to lose her when he was still so very young, well. She didn't know if she could have survived it. Kurt's strength was a constant source of inspiration to her, though she would never tell him so.

Oh. Well, maybe she should. Wasn't that the whole point of this assignation?

Kurt's relationship with Santana was utterly baffling, precisely because it was indefinable. No one had a single clue what had drawn them together, but it was real, it was present, and it was a potent force whenever they were in proximity of each other. Further, neither one felt any inclination to explain it to anyone else. As far as they were concerned, it was no one's business, which only made people talk about it all the more. Kurt and Mercedes had their own secret language, comprised of code words and hand gestures and eyerolls. But the Kurtana language was nonverbal. They would look at each other, say nothing, yet everyone in the vicinity somehow understood that Kurt and Santana understood everything the other was not saying. It was, frankly, horrifying.

They could all be gathered in the choir room waiting for Mister Schuester to appear and start rehearsal, when suddenly, Kurt and Santana, sitting on opposite sides of the room, would burst into laughter. They hadn't said anything, hadn't even looked at each other, but everyone knew they were laughing at the exact same thing. Such instances often irritated Mercedes, but since Kurt and Santana didn't really care, she would get over it pretty quickly.

Tina insisted that Kurt and Santana had some kind of Vulcan mind meld. Sam was of the opinion that Kurt and Santana were actually telepathic and capable of reading everyone's thoughts. After that pronouncement, Puck had avoided Kurt and Santana for a week and Finn had cried for three days. Mike said it was exactly the kind of relationship he had with Matt Rutherford, which had made Santana and Kurt smile and nod in a very synchronized, Children of the Corn manner.

And when Kurt and Santana would strut down the hallway together with their pinkies linked, silence would loom and the students in the area would immediately part like the Red Sea at the command of Moses. Rachel supposed it would have been amusing were it not so frightening.

Just when everyone believed it couldn't get any more freaky, they witnessed Kurt, Santana, and Sue Sylvester enjoying a silent conversation.

Mister Schuester had cried over that one.

As for the guys, Kurt more or less got along with them. He wasn't necessarily friends with all of them, but he was friendly. It was fairly obvious that while he had forgiven Puck for the past bullying, he wouldn't be getting over it anytime soon. Once in a while, Rachel would see Puck glancing at Kurt with such sincere regret it was humbling. But Kurt never saw those glances; Puck didn't want him to.

Kurt and Finn enjoyed a brotherly relationship, despite the fact that they were brothers by a technicality, but they weren't really friends. They lived in the same house and they loved their parents, but they had few common interests and even fewer common friends. The fact that Kurt was so close with Finn's first, if former, girlfriend unsettled Finn to no end; that Kurt was even closer with Santana mortally offended Finn. When he had forced Kurt to choose between him and Santana, he had been stunned and very hurt when he had lost, but Rachel could honestly say he had brought it on himself. Still, they loved each other.

She still didn't know what it was that haunted Kurt and Finn, but she knew there was something, some old would that wouldn't quite heal, and it would probably always keep them apart. Whatever it was, Santana knew about it, and sometimes she'd look at Finn as though she could murder him and rest with a quiet conscience. Rachel was pretty certain she didn't want to know what it was, probably because she too would have sided with Kurt.

And when she realized that, she understood that she had already known what the secret was. She just didn't want details. She didn't know if that made her neutral or just a coward, and she didn't want to know that either.

Kurt was friends with Mike and Artie. He was closer to Artie, but Kurt and Mike got on very well and were deeply respectful of each other's talents. Kurt knew that while he was a good dancer, he would never be in Mike's league. He could follow choreography like a professional, but simply didn't possess the passion to create his own and was completely lost when freestyling was the goal. Mike loved to sing, but he knew it wasn't his forte. He was happy to remain in the background and provide supporting vocals but knew he would never be cast as a lead. When Kurt performed the weekly assignments, Mike always sat in the front row and watched him intensely. The sheer awe on his face spoke for itself.

That too humbled Rachel. As good as she knew she was, she'd never been the recipient of that particular look from anyone.

Kurt and Artie got on famously as long as their conversations revolved around particular topics. Those topics did not include Tina or Brittany. Kurt had been the only member of New Directions not to take sides in the split between Artie and Tina, and both had appreciated and respected him for that, but Kurt had also made it clear that they shared equal responsibility: Artie for treating Tina like a piece of meat, and Tina for not sticking up for herself from the beginning.

As far as Brittany was concerned, Kurt had made it clear that if Artie ever hurt her, he would kill the other boy. Artie had looked up into Kurt's cold eyes and believed, Kurt terrifying him in a way Santana could never hope to replicate, before replying he would never hurt Brittany. Brittany had kissed Artie effusively, but it was Kurt she'd tried to French.

The surprise was Sam Evans. After Kurt had returned to McKinley, Sam had latched onto him pretty quickly and rather ferociously. He had glued himself to Kurt's side, despite protests from Kurt, and glared menacingly at anyone who looked at Kurt in what could vaguely be termed a threatening manner. Most people assumed, and this was Rachel's belief as well, that while Sam felt he belonged in Glee, he didn't necessarily feel that he belonged with them. After his relationships with Quinn and Santana had fallen apart, he had kind of drifted. His friendship with Finn had faltered and he had never gotten on with Puck. Mike and Artie always seemed to linger on the periphery when their girlfriends weren't involved. So that just left Kurt.

It was fairly obvious in the beginning that Sam's interest worried Kurt. He had thought he was being set up for some elaborate prank, but Sam was patient and kind and made Kurt understand that he thought the other boy was awesome. Kurt had finally realized that Sam was just as lonely as he had been; the exact circumstances weren't the same, of course, but the general feelings were. Once Kurt had accepted that Sam actually liked him, Sam had smiled for a solid week.

They were constantly with each other and many assumed they were having an affair. Sam had done nothing to dissuade that idea; rather, he demanded explanations as to why it would be a problem and what business it was of theirs. Kurt had appreciated that and Rachel herself had admired it, because for whom and what reason should they have to justify what they had to anyone?

When Finn had pressed the issue in the middle of rehearsal one day, Kurt had exploded and told him that not every straight guy was embarrassed, ashamed, or afraid to be friends with a gay one. Sam's eyes had shined with a fierce pride at that and Finn himself had been so embarrassed, ashamed, and afraid that he had capitulated and left it alone, especially after Mr. Schuester had, for once, sided resolutely with Kurt and told Finn to shut up.

Rachel was of the opinion that Finn was intensely jealous of Kurt – of his talent, of his friendships, his intelligence, and his relationship with Burt Hummel. He was also incredibly possessive. He sincerely loved Kurt as a brother, but knew soon he would lose him to college. Finn wanted this time with Kurt but was unable to communicate it effectively. Finn was still one of the most popular boys in school, but he now understood that popularity was fickle and just because you were at the top didn't mean you weren't lonely.

Kurt now had everything Finn once had – Quinn, Santana, and Sam – and those relationships were much stronger than anything Finn ever had with them. That was augmented by the fact that Kurt had been made Head Cheerleader, sharing the duties with Quinn. Kurt was now extremely popular, but unlike Finn, he understood what popularity was – and what it wasn't. He knew who his true friends were and held fast to them.

Sam was more himself with Kurt than anyone else, unafraid to let his inner dork emerge and have fun. Kurt respected him for who he was, not who he had tried to become, and Sam's relief was obvious to those who could be bothered to look. Sam's acceptance of Kurt had made Kurt more accepting of many things.

It wasn't one-sided, either. Kurt was just as protective of Sam and insisted on prescreening all of his dates. Many girls wanted to date Sam Evans, but they first had to pass muster with Kurt's girls. As decreed by Kurt Hummel, Sam Evans' dates had to be preapproved via committee.

As both Quinn and Santana had dated Sam, they knew most about what he liked and what he was looking for in a relationship. If the possible date was deemed acceptable, she moved on to Mercedes, who weeded out the undesirables that she knew would never pass Kurt's rigorous standards. Finally, the leftover candidates would meet with Kurt and many left the interrogation in tears. Rather than being angry, Sam was amused and grateful. Rachel supposed it had previously been a rare occurrence for Sam to trust and depend on someone so wholeheartedly, and he seemed to enjoy and take comfort in it.

Still, she was betting that by graduation Sam and Kurt would be engaged to each other.

It was no secret that Sam and Kurt spent more time together than they did with any prospective romantic partners. Sam had more first dates than any other junior boy, and there were rarely callbacks. After Kurt had returned from Dalton, his relationship with Blaine, whatever that had been or whatever Kurt had once hoped it would become, had fallen by the wayside.

Rachel knew she had been a driving force in its destruction and was horribly ashamed of it. Kurt never acted as though he held it against her, which only compounded the guilt, and she wondered if that had been his plan all along. Were that true, she couldn't blame him, and she somewhat admired his viciousness. Blaine hadn't been willing to accept Sam at Kurt's side and when he had pressed the issue, he had discovered, just as Finn had with Santana, that Kurt was unafraid to make hard choices.

Sam had tapped into Kurt's own inner dork – and many people had been startled that Kurt indeed had one. They spent hours watching television and movies, debating action sequences, costumes, and casting. Kurt had become Sam's personal tutor and while Sam's dyslexia was a mild difficulty, he had, with Kurt's assistance and persistence, moved into the top twenty-five percent of their class. Burt Hummel loved Sam and Sam was able to bring Kurt and his father even closer. As almost everything Burt had in common with Finn he also had in common with Sam, Kurt would submit and watch sports games with them, because he'd rather be with Sam than not. Sam explained things to Kurt in ways he could understand, something Burt and Finn had never been able to do. Kurt taught Sam how to fix cars.

They insisted their relationship was platonic despite the good-natured teasing they received, and Rachel believed that to be the case – at least for the moment. It was nice to see Kurt so relaxed and comfortable with another guy with no deliberate romantic intentions on the horizon. Still, she agreed with the other girls that Kurt and Sam were so cute together and it would be totally hot to watch them make out. They were probably reading more into the situation than what was really there, but sometimes it was fun to pretend. Especially when sexy boy kisses might be involved. Brittany was especially vocal about the potential of those.

So, Kurt had a very close circle of friends. They numbered six: Sam and the other female members of Glee. Rachel hoped she might be lucky number seven.

Kurt had long been hosting slumber parties and the girls all agreed that his were the best ever. In the beginning, they had just included Mercedes and Tina. Then Brittany had been added, followed by Quinn, and finally Santana. Sam often stayed at Kurt's house, especially while his family had been going through their troubles. Once they had gotten on their feet, Kurt was a regular guest at the Evans' house, as Sam's younger siblings absolutely worshiped Kurt. Both Stacy and Stevie had announced their intentions to marry Kurt Hummel. They often fought for his attention when in his presence, very much to Kurt's bewilderment. It was absolutely adorable.

The roster for the sleepovers wasn't always set in stone. Kurt had the girls over individually, especially if they shared a class in which a major exam or project was upcoming, and he often split them into smaller groups. Sometimes it was just Mercedes and Tina, or Tina and Brittany, and other times it was just for those who were his fellow Gleerios.

Sometimes Sam was there and sometimes he wasn't. It said a lot about the trust Burt Hummel had in Sam that he would allow the boy to spend the night in his home with Kurt and a passel of teenage girls. It also said a lot about Sam, Quinn, and Santana that they could have a sleepover in the same room without it being weird. He was friends with Santana and was accepting of Quinn, though it was apparent he still had trust issues with her. For her part, Quinn honestly tried to make amends with Sam, recognizing that of all the boys she had dated, he was probably the nicest. A part of Rachel wondered if Quinn tried so hard because she was afraid Kurt would eventually be made to choose between her and Sam and she knew she would lose.

Apparently Finn had tried to insinuate himself into the sleepovers on more than one occasion, but was always rejected, particularly vigorously by Santana, Mercedes, and Sam, which Rachel took to mean that Sam was also privy to whatever Big Bad Secret that kept Kurt and Finn apart. Rachel, for some nebulous reason, believed that Kurt had kept Mercedes in the dark about said secret, most likely in an attempt to protect Finn's life.

What Rachel most enjoyed was the pomp and circumstance that surrounded the sleepovers. Kurt planned them far in advance but didn't issue invitations until a few days prior. Those who were invited immediately canceled any other plans they might have had scheduled. Quinn and Mercedes and Sam canceled dates, Santana and Brittany canceled sexy times, and Tina enjoyed making Mike suffer. When the invitations were delivered, always in person, the girls would give a collective shriek and Sam would either give Kurt a fist-bump or a hug, depending on who was watching. If Finn was watching, it was always a hug.

The invitations themselves were works of wonder. Kurt would draw some lovely scene or caricatures of the attendants and the lettering was done in beautiful calligraphy. Rachel had never known that Kurt could draw. He probably wouldn't be making his living as an artist, but with enough study and dedication, he could be a real contender. The invitations were written on parchment and then rolled into a scroll and tied with ribbons, the colors of which were part of the theme of the party.

Kurt didn't much go for themed parties, but there was usually some kind of wacky dress code, whether they were complimentary colors, or styles, or even costumes if the party was centered around a particular film. Also provided were a list of attendees and their phone numbers and a set list they were expected to know prior to their arrival. The invitations were then passed onto parents, so they would always know where their children were and when, as well as how to get hold of someone should their teenager act surly and not answer their phone.

It was so well done, so professional, and Rachel desperately wanted her own invitation one day.

She quickly went through her sheet music, creating several piles, ones for definite selections, possibilities, and those she knew would probably be rejected but wanted to pitch anyway. She then created several piles within those piles, organized according to whom she thought should be assigned the solo, duet, or trio parts. Everyone was guaranteed at least a small solo, but she thought that their strongest singers should trying pairing up more often.

This would work, she kept telling herself. They would see all of the effort she had put into this venture and appreciate it. Maybe it wouldn't amount to much initially, but it was a good first step and a promise of things to come.

She would prove to them that she truly cared about them and wanted them to succeed, that she wanted to be their friend.

Rachel patiently sat in the choir room, waiting for New Directions to dash in so their last meeting before the holiday weekend would be finished as quickly as possible.

Surprisingly, it was Santana and Brittany who first appeared, sauntering in with pinkies linked. Santana eyed Rachel and said nothing while Brittany warmly greeted the other girl, a salutation which Rachel enthusiastically returned. She then went one step further and complimented Brittany's hairstyle. Santana looked at Rachel with suspicion but Rachel tried to shrug it off, especially as Brittany was thrilled.

"Thanks!" the girl tinkled. "Kurty did it for me this morning. He's the best gay boyfriend ever!"

She then proceeded to softly sing Gay Boyfriend under her breath, delighted when Rachel began singing along in perfect harmony, but not so loudly that she overshadowed Brittany.

Santana relaxed minutely but her Spidey Sense was tingling. She would hesitate to action until an immediate threat presented itself.

Puck entered next, pushing Artie ahead of him. They were jabbering about some video game of which Rachel had no idea, often shouting over each other and switching topics so fast that Rachel was unable to keep up. Their friendship was a little peculiar, but Artie really liked Puck, who was always relaxed and jovial in the other boy's presence. Rachel thought it was sweet but would never say so out loud. She wasn't suicidal.

Quinn and Mercedes followed, with Tina right on their heels, dragging along a reluctant Mike. All three girls were inundating him with the opinion that a change in his hairstyle was required posthaste. Mike said nothing in his defense, but his eyes shot to everyone else in the room, a desperate plea for help. Santana smirked at him. Brittany, completely oblivious to Mike's peril, waved gaily. Puck and Artie just laughed.

Finally Kurt and Sam arrived, Sam's arm around the shoulders of the slightly shorter boy, while Kurt's arms were wrapped tightly around Sam's waist. Kurt's head was resting on Sam's shoulder as he quietly sniffled; Sam's soothing words of comfort were lost to the others.

Mercedes and Santana immediately flanked them.

"What happened, boo?" Mercedes softly asked her friend.

"Who did it and why?" Santana demanded. "And where are they now?"

Finn slipped in, saw a crying Kurt and tore his brother out of Sam's arms, ignoring the boy's protests.

"Who did this?" Finn barked, pulling Kurt tightly against him and glaring at Sam. "Are you hurt anywhere?"

Kurt huffed and pushed Finn away, registering the hurt look Finn shot at him. "Finn, thank you, but I really am fine. It's nothing, I promise you. No one hurt me. I'm upset about something…silly."

Finn looked into his brother's eyes. "You swear?"

Kurt nodded. "I promise."

Finn bit his lip. "But you'd tell me if someone hurt you, right?"

Kurt cocked his head and studied him. Finally, he nodded, smiling softly. "I would."

Finn beamed, patted Kurt on the shoulder, and went to sit by Puck, bumping the other boy's fist.

Kurt shook his head and wiped his eyes as Sam chuckled gently, his laughter not mocking.

"He's just fine," Sam assured a still-worried Mercedes and Santana. "I've been introducing him to the joyous wonder of the Doctor Who reboot and he loves it, but we watched a sad episode in the library before we got here."

Mercedes rolled her eyes and stomped back over to Quinn. "Boys," she hissed under her breath.

Santana was intrigued. Doctor Who was one of her guilty pleasures. Not even Brittany was aware of it, for while they were total Torchwood stans, Doctor Who was a personal addiction.

Tina and Artie looked speculatively at each other and nodded, then stormed over to Kurt and Sam.

"Which episode?" Tina asked.

Sam sighed. "Doomsday."

She flinched, her hand involuntarily in search of Artie's, who patted it gently. Santana stilled.

"Rose!" Kurt wailed, burrowing into Sam, who wrapped the boy in a bear hug, gently rocking him.

"That was a harsh blow," Artie admitted. "I wasn't even a fan of Rose, but that was hard to watch."

Kurt abruptly twirled around and glared at Artie. "You don't like Rose?" he seethed.

Artie's eyes widened and he began rolling himself backward. Tina gave him a stony look; this was a long-standing issue between them.

Sam consoled Kurt. "I told you, pumpkin, we'll see Rose again. Don't be sad."

Pumpkin?

The audience exchanged interested glances. Kurt and Sam were always calling each other ridiculous pet names, but no one ever knew if they were pandering to the rumors or if they were truly terms of endearment. It probably didn't matter, especially as Kurt managed to pull himself together under Sam's guiding touch.

"You don't like Rose either," Kurt savagely mumbled.

Sam held his hands up in surrender. "I like Rose just fine, but I'm not fanatical about her."

Santana curled a lip and poked his chest with a sharpened fingernail. "Then you have no soul."

Kurt sharply raised his head and locked eyes with her. She opened her arms and he dove into them.

"It's okay, baby," she whispered. "They're just ignorant and don't understand, but Rose Tyler will always live on in our hearts."

Artie stared. "What."

"Shut up," she snapped at him.

"Like Anya and Cordelia and Xena?" Kurt sniffed.

"Exactly," Santana nodded. "Remember what Xena told Callisto: when you think of the dead, the dead can hear you. And Rose isn't dead, Fancy."

"She might as well be," Kurt protested.

"Never. Rose Tyler is immortal. We still don't know what really happened when she took the TARDIS into herself."

He gasped and pulled away. "Oh. My. God. You're right!" He then danced them around the room.

"When are you starting Series Three?" Artie asked Sam, who shrugged.

"Probably this weekend."

"He's not going to like Martha," Tina warned.

Sam bobbed his head. "Probably not. Freema's talent and beauty aside, and though I approve of Martha in theory, she was written horribly. She never really had a chance."

Artie nodded and initiated another fist-bump. He loved Martha Jones, though it wasn't a popular opinion to hold in certain circles. And she had totally kicked ass on Torchwood.

Tina gave a disinterested shrug. "Whatever."

Sam grinned. "Wait until Kurt meets Donna Noble."

Tina and Artie roared with laughter. Kurt and Donna, despite the age difference, were kindred souls.

Santana heard this and stomped toward him, dragging Kurt with her. "I want in on that one. Donna was awesome and got fucked over for no good reason."

"Spoilers!" Sam shouted.

She waved her hand dismissively. "Bitch, please. I don't want to hear about it. Donna Noble pwns everyone."

"Even Rose?" Kurt whispered.

"No," she answered thoughtfully, head tilted. "Rose pwns in a different way. They're separate but equal."

Kurt nodded, pleased.

"And Torchwood?" Santana prompted Sam.

"After Series Four," he said.

Brittany perked up. Torchwood? Ianto! Then she started bawling.

"What's wrong?" asked an alarmed Sam.

"She hasn't gotten over the Tea Boy yet," Santana whispered to him, before rushing over to see to Brittany.

Sam's eyes filled with sadness and he nodded.

"What's wrong with Brittany?" Kurt innocently asked.

"Nothing," Artie, Tina, and Sam all chorused. They knew that once Kurt was introduced to Torchwood, he would fall in love with Ianto's beauty and quiet strength. He would be devastated.

"What did you think about Captain Jack?" Artie asked Kurt.

Kurt wrinkled his nose. "Pass. He's too smarmy. He reminds me of Puck."

Artie snickered but Tina looked murderous.

"Do not blaspheme!" she roared in her best Dalek voice.

Kurt glared at her. "Do not make me channel Jackie Tyler."

Tina's eyes widened and she hastily returned to her seat.

Puck turned to Finn. "Dude, what the fuck?"

Finn shrugged.

Quinn was filing her nails, Mercedes was checking out Jacob's blog on her phone, Mike was stretching, and Rachel was committing all of this to memory. She would seek out this show and learn its ways. She and Kurt had much in common; perhaps they would share this too.

"Kurty!" Santana called. "Enquiring minds want to know: Nine or Ten?"

He scoffed. "Nine, of course."

She nodded gravely.

"What!" Tina screeched. "Ten!"

Santana and Kurt looked appalled.

"Useless pretty boy," Kurt insisted.

"Pretty boy?" Tina repeated, smirking. "Kurt, you just received a call. It was collect from Pot to Kettle. The message reads: you're black."

Wild sniggering from several parties enveloped the room.

Kurt narrowed his eyes. "I will have satisfaction. I demand the Challenge."

Tina swore softly under her breath. She was going to get owned. She sighed with resignation. "Accepted," she whispered.

"Challenge?" Puck asked. "Is nudity a part of this challenge?"

Kurt and Tina rolled their eyes as Mike reached over and slapped Puck upside his head.

Sam looked worried. "Kurt just challenged Tina to a Halo competition. Best two out of three."

Finn winced. "Shit."

Puck blinked owlishly. "Huh? The Duchess plays Halo?"

Finn winced harder. "Dude, you have no idea. He's totally undefeated."

Puck stood. "Say what?"

"That's impossible," Artie declared. "Tina kicks my ass at Halo. There's no way."

Sam snorted. "Oh, really? Ask the Warblers. They learned the hard way. Kurt beat all of them into the ground. I've never won against him and neither has Finn."

Kurt smiled smugly, crossing his arms.

Puck's eyes sparkled. "Duchess, I never knew."

Kurt gave him a sweet smile. "And you never will, Noah. Some mountains are so majestic that peasants dare not approach."

Santana burst out laughing. Unfortunately, she had been drinking from her bottle of water at that moment and promptly spit it out all over Quinn, who bellowed with rage.

Puck leered. "And has Evans approached?"

Kurt and Sam exchanged a quick look. "Maybe," they both intoned, smirking when everyone groaned.

"Why won't you just tell us?" Mercedes screamed.

"Where's the fun in that?" Kurt asked, shrugging. "Even if we denied it, you'd never believe us anyway."

Mercedes grimaced, recognizing the veracity of his statement.

Schue burst into the room, beaming. "Hey guys! What are we talking about?"

"Whether or not Hummel and Evans are playing Pickle Jockey," Puck promptly replied.

"Puck!" Schue exclaimed. "That's not our business until they choose to tell us!"

Quinn blinked. "What?"

Schue cocked his head. "What?"

"They're not together," Santana said.

Schue frowned. "Kurt and Sam broke up?" He felt terrible for them, not to mention how it would affect the overall morale. Sam and Kurt had been the club's most stable union.

Everyone stared.

"They were never dating!" Finn yelled.

Schue frowned more deeply. "What?" He turned to the two in question. "You weren't? But I thought…"

Kurt and Sam grinned evilly and strolled over to their chairs hand-in-hand.

Rachel's heart began to thump in her chest when she spied a handful of scrolls tucked neatly into Kurt's messenger bag.

One of them was sealed with a gold star.

End Note: Yes, this story is complete. It's an obnoxious cliffhanger, isn't it?

There will most likely be a sequel, detailing the Sleepover Extravaganza. Will Rachel be there? Who else is coming? Will some of the Warblers crash it? Will Kurt and Sam wear matching Speedos with each other's names on the butts?

Stay tuned!