It just wouldn't do

By Rachel

Rating: 18+

Warning: This is slash (fiction with male/male sexual involvement). This story contains explicit language and sex.
If you don't like slash, please don't read these stories!
If you are underage, don't read these stories.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

"Potter! What are you doing?" Severus called out loudly when he reached the top of the Astronomy Tower.

"I can't do it! I can't be the one to ki-kill V-voldemort!" Tears were streaming down Harry's face.

"Harry, please come down," Severus' smooth voice was pleading. Harry turned around, he'd never heard his hated Professor like this. So … shattered. Heart-broken. "At least let me tell you something first."

"First? And after that you'll let me jump?" Harry growled.

"You're old and mature enough to make your own decisions. I'll do anything to try and stop you, but it will be your own decision in the end."

Harry reluctantly stepped back down. "What?"

"I love you."

"Yeah, right. Seriously, I wouldn't have thought you'd stoop that low to prevent me from jumping."

"Stoop that low?" Severus' voice was barely a whisper, and Harry unknowingly stepped closer to hear the other man over the wind.

"I'm betting you've never said that to anyone before. Let me guess, Voldemort wants to kill me off himself, so you have to do anything to bring me to him in one piece? Or else he'll kill you?" Harry's voice was dead. No trace of his usual hotheadedness in it.

"No, no. I don't follow the Dark Lord's orders. Not those. I'd never do anything to harm you. You have to believe me, Harry." The pleading tone was back in Snape's voice, Harry noticed dispassionately.

"Really? Oh, I get it. Now comes the drum rolls. You're going to admit that you're my father. It wasn't James, it was you all along. And you loved me so much that you had to give me up to protect me from Voldemort, because you came to your senses too late, when you'd already been branded with the Mark. Wow, I wonder why nobody ever saw the resemblance between us."

"No, no, Harry. Please," Severus choked out when Harry stepped backwards. Back to the low wall that he'd been standing on previously.

"No? You're not my father. Oh, the disappointment. Then why would you say that you love me? You're my godfather. Brilliant. My true godfather died, but now I've got another one. Simply brilliant. You could have come to check on me when I was living with the Dursleys. Told me I was a wizard. Kept them from hurting me. Didn't you say just now that you'd never do anything to harm me? Well, neglecting me did enough harm. Is this why the Sorting Hat wanted to put me in Slytherin? It knew? Why were you always this hateful to me, though? Oh, I see. Again, to keep me away from Voldemort. Yeah, if he'd known that you're my godfather, he would have simply ordered you to bring me to him. I see. Well, I don't need a godfather like that. One who's too cowardly to tell the truth."

"I'm not. I'm not your godfather. Please, come down to my chambers and I'll explain. And if you still want to …" Severus swallowed convulsively to keep himself from vomiting right on the spot, "put an end to it, there are enough potions to help you with that."

Harry's eyes narrowed. His eyes were burning. Must be the wind that kept on whistling and howling around them. He wiped his wet cheeks angrily. Stupid rain. Except that it wasn't raining.

.

Harry followed the tall man silently to the dungeons. Through the Potions classroom. Through his office. All the way back to his private chambers. Harry looked around fleetingly, the surprise not really sinking through the stupor he was in. Snape's living room was cozy. Huh.

"I'm not sure why you're letting me explain. Your head must be already filled with everything that's been going on in your life, and I'm sorry to add this to it," Severus said when they both sat down.

"You could obliviate me afterwards."

"If you wish so," the potions master nodded.

"Then get on with it."

Severus took a deep breath and forced himself to look into the emerald eyes. "I'm not your father, godfather or any other relative of you. But I do love you. In your wild guessing, you guessed some things right though. I did have to keep up my shield of hateful remarks and glares, to prevent the Dark Lord from finding out how I feel about you. If he knows that I love you, he knows that I'm not loyal to him. As Albus had undoubtedly told you several times, I'm a spy for … him … the Order … your side. You never believed it, and you probably still don't. I know that our Occlumency lessons were a disaster. At least for you. I took … pleasure in catching glimpses of your life. I wanted to know everything about you. It was a perverted pleasure though, because the more glimpses I got, the more I knew that you'd had a miserable life with your relatives. And your various encounters with the Dark Lord were more … horrific than I'd imagined. But I couldn't help myself, and that's probably why I never really taught you how to close your mind."

"But you hated me! And you didn't want to continue the lessons after … after I watched your memories in the pensieve."

"I was ashamed that you'd seen that memory," Severus softly admitted. "You'd seen me weak and helpless. But I regret not teaching you, as it lead to the misfortunate events in the Department of Mysteries. As much as I disliked Black, I know that you loved him. And I'm truly sorry he died." Severus kept on talking and talking. Now that he was finally telling Harry the truth, he might as well tell him everything. He didn't stop talking until Harry believed him. Until Harry believed that he truly loved him.

"Obliviate."

.

"Harry! Where have you been?" Hermione hugged him tightly when he entered the Gryffindor common room.

"Come on, I have to tell you something," Harry nodded to her and Ron, and they followed him to the boys' dormitory. He told them about the Prophecy that Dumbledore heard from Trelawney, more than sixteen years ago. But somewhere, in the back of his mind, there were these thoughts that told him that Snape had something to do with it. That Snape had done something earlier this evening … He'd been feeling so much despair when he'd left Dumbledore's office, but when he entered Gryffindor tower, it was different somehow. He didn't feel less miserable, but he did feel alive at least.

Over the following weeks in the summer holiday, Harry had many dreams at night. He dreamed of the horrors that happened down in the Department of Mysteries, dreams about the Prophecy, dreams of Voldemort. But in between all those nightmares, there were short, soothing dreams. And somehow, Snape was always in it. He wasn't the foul potions Professor, but he was a comforting figure. He wasn't the hateful person he'd always been. He was kind; he didn't scowl or degrade Harry. He talked in normal tones, even gentle, and he called him Harry.

And because Harry tried his best to forget everything terrible that always happened to him, he focused on those short, sweet dreams. He slowly forgot the hateful attitude the tall man had always had towards him. He started to make himself believe that Snape, Severus, was kind to him. Liked him, even. Except he knew deep down inside, that once he'd leave the Dursleys and get back to Hogwarts, Snape would glare and scowl at him again.

"Come on, get ready already!" Ron ground his teeth at his best friend.

" Yeah, yeah," Harry sighed. He wanted to look perfect tonight. Well, perfect was not possible, but as good as he could look. Passable. Not utterly horrible. He gave another deep sigh. Perfect was only for the man he was hoping to see tonight. And he would probably think that Harry looked horrible anyway, no matter what he wore or how many times he combed his hair.

Little did he know, that the object of his affection was having the same internal debate. Minus the best friend nagging him to get ready already.

Severus Snape took a last look at the mirror, shook his head miserably and left his chambers. Hoping that he would catch a glance of Harry.

.

Harry and his friends entered the Great Hall, chatting amongst themselves happily. They'd seen eachother on the train already, but of course not all stories about the summer holidays had been told yet. Harry was listening to Neville's talking half-heartedly, his eyes scanning the table at the head of the Great Hall. The teachers, minus McGonagall who was with the first years, were all seated already. And so was Severus. Snape, Harry corrected himself. He could clearly see him in his seat, but he was too far away to see his face. His dark eyes.

They all took their seats and turned to the front expectantly when silence fell over them. Harry's heart leapt in his throat when he saw Snape's head turn slightly towards him. Was he looking at him? He nervously flattened his hair once again, and quickly checked if there wasn't any mud on his robes. He'd had a run in with Malfoy and his cronies again. Naturally.

On Harry's very first potions class, Severus had given him detention. The potions master had seen of course that it was Malfoy's fault that Harry's potion was dreadful, but he'd taken the opportunity to keep him after class.

"I know of the Prophecy," Severus said as soon as the other students had left and the door had closed, locked and sound-proofed itself. Harry merely quirked an eyebrow at him. Severus had to hand it to the young man, he'd improved a lot. Not long ago, he would have exploded, questioned him, demanded answers. It seemed like he was growing up fast, and finally got control over his temper. Severus continued in a calm voice, setting himself on a desk close to where Harry was sitting in his usual seat. He told him the prophecy word by word, to prove the young man that he indeed knew it, and wasn't trying to pry information from him. Again, Harry merely quirked an eyebrow when Severus looked at him, waiting for a response that never came.

"We will resume Occlumency lessons. In addition, you will receive remedial Potions lessons from me. I expect you to report here every Thursday evening at eight o'clock."

Harry's jaw tightened. "Fine. I don't see the point in it, but whatever you say. Professor," he spat out the last word. "Can I go now?"

"You may go," Severus inclined his head. The moment Harry had left, he sagged down into his own chair, burying his face in his hands. The boy … no, man, he corrected himself, hated him. It was time he started teaching him correctly. Properly.

Why, oh why did he want to be obliviated after Severus had spilled his guts to him?

.

Harry took a deep breath and without knocking entered the potions classroom at exactly eight o'clock next Thursday evening.

"Good evening," Severus looked up from his desk and got up. Harry muttered something unintelligible and sat down in his usual seat in the back of the classroom. He watched his Professor's back when he turned to the blackboard and waved his wand. Instructions to a make a potion appeared instantly in his spidery handwriting. "You will be making this draught, following these instructions carefully. After you've finished, you may open your textbook and you will make notes to mark the differences from the instructions there."

Harry nodded curtly and began collecting all he'd need. Within an hour, he'd finished. To his surprise, the potion looked kind of okay.

"Very well. Your textbook," Severus commented when he saw the perfect result. Harry's eyes widened when he noticed the slight differences between his Professor's instructions and the ones in his textbook. And when he read the last line, describing exactly what the potion should look like, Harry looked up astonished.

"Yes?"

"My potion … it's good?" Harry wondered.

"In fact, Potter, if this would have been in class, I would have felt myself obliged to give you full marks. However, this was a very simple draught, so don't get overexcited."

.

The following weeks, Harry made more potions, following his Professor's slightly different instructions. Every week they got more complicated, and his results weren't always as good as the first time. They were remarkably better than his results in class though.

"Sir? Would it be okay if I used some of these instructions in class? Like, for instance, this much better way of getting juice from shriveled up beans?"

"Really, Potter, I would have expected you to do so since your first remedial class. This is what these classes are about, isn't it?" Severus couldn't stop himself from sneering.

"Oh, yeah? I thought the purpose of all this was just to torture me some more. Have me stay in these ghastly dungeons longer, keep me away from my friends, take away more of my already-so-limited free time."

"By all means, Potter," Severus spat out his name, "leave these ghastly surroundings as soon as you finish this potion."

Harry didn't leave though, he stayed willingly to copy down the instructions and hints in his textbook. When he got up and mumbled something about leaving, Severus looked up at the raven-haired teen.

"Is it really such a burden to come here every week?"

.

That last comment kept on repeating in Harry's mind. It wasn't exactly the words, but the way Snape had looked when he'd said it. He'd had a tortured look on his face. It instantly made Harry recall his nice dreams about the tall man, and he wondered once again where those dreams had come from. And why Snape treated him so differently in his remedial classes. So civil, most of the times. So normal. Why he showed him the short-cuts, so that he improved dramatically in class.

And why Harry's heart started hammering in his chest every time Snape told him he'd done a good job. Well, of course Snape didn't say that, but he hinted at it when Harry's potion was good. And why Harry actually looked forward to Thursday evening.

Hold on.

He looked forward to it? Yes, Harry had to admit to himself. Snape sometimes looked at him like he'd do in his dreams. Kind. So Harry looked forward to remedial class, and he tried damn hard every time to make a perfect potion. To impress the tall, handsome man that looked at him so intently while he worked.

Harry groaned loudly. He hadn't just thought that he was handsome. No, he hadn't.

"Did you know, that Snape was best friends with my mum? When they were little?"

Hermione and Ron looked up startled as Harry dropped this bomb.

"How do you know?"

"You're kidding me!" they shouted out, the latter from Ron of course.

"I just had my first Occlumency lesson. And you know what? He really taught me. He told me how to defend myself, before he used Legilimens on me!" Harry grinned from ear to ear when he plopped down between his friends. "So we gave it some tries, and I managed to get into his mind. I saw him and my mum and my aunt when they were little. Of course he didn't like my aunt, but who does?"

"That's brilliant! I knew you could do it!" Hermione smiled broadly at her friend, but Ron didn't seem so happy.

"How could she be friends with the greasy git? Your mum, I mean?"

Hermione smacked the back of his head. "He's not. He's teaching Harry, isn't he? He's improved greatly in Potions, and now he can do Occlumency too!"

"Well, I don't, really," Harry shook his head. "I can defend myself a little against an attack on my mind now. But I'd have to clear my head entirely, and show him entirely nothing. That would be Occlumency. He got to see inside my memories now, while I was seeing some of his."

Ron shuddered, his face showing disgust at seeing inside Snape's memories. Harry smiled to himself though. He had a feeling that Snape had only let him see memories that he was supposed to see.

In a flash, Severus was next to the raven-haired boy and his hand shot out to grab his wrist. Harry started at the contact, and looked up into the obsidian eyes up close. His breath caught in his throat and he felt incredible heat spread through his whole body, originating at his wrist that was locked in Snape's firm grip. Harry's eyes drew to the elegant fingers of the warm hand and slowly he took a shuddering breath. Why the hell was his heart hammering in his chest? Why did his whole body feel all warm and tingly? Why did Snape stand so close to him?

"Uhm, sir?"

Severus shook himself out of his thoughts. The young man's arm felt firm, muscled, underneath his fingers. "Did you stir five times?"

Harry thought for a second, directing his thoughts back to the potion he was brewing. "No, I did not, sir," he started to withdraw his hand from over the cauldron. The hand that was holding the chopped up roots that he'd wanted to add. The hand that was still held by Snape's.

"Sir?" Harry looked at his hand pointedly. Severus quickly let go of him and took a step back, hiding his embarrassment effectively in a small cough.

"Really, Harry. You should have learned by now to read the instructions carefully before doing anything rash."

Harry stared at his professor. No. Way.

Severus squirmed uncomfortably under the emerald gaze. Quite uncharacteristic for him to squirm. "You may continue with the potion."

"You called me Harry."

"That is your name, isn't it?" he replied calmly, but inside he smacked himself upside the head. It was one thing to call the young man Harry in his mind by mistake sometimes, but another to say it out loud.

"It's just that I've never heard you say my give name before," Harry said, slowly turning back to his potion and stirring it five times before adding the roots.

"I will make sure it won't happen again," a sneer was on the Professor's face when Harry looked at him sideways.

"I don't mind, Sir. As long as you don't do it in class," Harry said quietly. "We wouldn't want anybody to think that we've stopped hating eachother, would we?"

"No, we wouldn't want that to happen. It might mean the end of the world," Snape replied drily. Green eyes met black ones and they both chuckled.

"Sir? Can I ask you something?" Harry looked at his Professor, but before he got an answer, his stomach interrupted by growling loudly.

"Did you not have dinner?" Snape inquired.

"You didn't notice me missing?" Harry asked cheekily. During every meal, at least once he'd feel Snape's eyes resting on him.

"I had business elsewhere, I didn't have time to go to dinner. Not that it is any of your business," Snape quirked one eyebrow, but his insides were squirming. "Why were you missing at dinner?"

"I had detention," Harry grudgingly admitted.

"What did you do?"

"I'd rather not tell."

"Are you forgetting that we're in the middle of an Occlumency lesson, Harry? I could find out for myself, if I wanted to."

"No, you couldn't," Harry dared him, but he didn't dare looking into his Professor's face when he said it.

"Very well. Let's see if you can hold to that statement," Severus stood up and he braced himself.

.

Half an hour later, he had to admit that he hadn't found out what the young man had been in detention for. He'd seen flashes of Harry's memories, but not that one. He was definitely improving.

"Can we please stop now? I'm famished, and I'd like to grab a bite to eat before I go to bed. Madame Pomfrey will go ballistic next time I end up in the Infirmary and I won't have gained any weight."

"Will she, now?" Severus couldn't help his eyes wandering over Harry's body. He could see that the young man was slender, but he couldn't determine if under those robes he was too skinny. "Follow me."

Harry looked around surprised when he entered his Professor's living room. It was just as homely and comfortable as he'd dreamt all those months.

They sat down at the table and Severus filled it with a delicious dinner for two. Harry recognized the exact same cutlery and plates as they used in the Great Hall, and he decided that the teachers obviously could make requests from the kitchens. He shrugged at this thought and started eating. Even more surprising than the cozy surroundings, was that Snape started making pleasant small talk during dinner. Little by little Harry found out that the snarky old man, wasn't that snarky. And not old at all. And he had a wicked sense of humor.

.

Over the next weeks, they had a late dinner or tea together more often after their lesson, until it eventually became a habit. The potions master had told Harry that he could call him Severus in their private meetings even. And somewhere in the beginning of December, Harry heard himself asking the other man if he was going to Hogsmeade too in the following weekend. Before they both knew what had happened, they'd agreed to meet up in a restaurant for dinner.

"He'll definitely get it now," Hermione encouraged Harry. He was going out for dinner with Severus.

"Get it?"

"That this is a date. That you want to be more than friends with him."

"Do I?" Harry squeaked.

"Yes, you do. You're in love with him, Harry!" Hermione said exasperated. Boys could be so thick-headed. Thank Merlin that Severus wasn't a boy, but a man. He couldn't be so thick-headed.

.

The dinner went well, Severus thought. They were able to have a pleasant conversation now that Potter … Harry, had grown up and got some sense knocked into his thick skull. One thing he didn't understand though. Why did Potter … ugh, no, HARRY … blush when he made him a compliment on his clothes? Or say anything else that was supposed to be nice?
He was just trying to be friendly! The young man didn't think he was mocking him, did he? Severus groaned and shook his head. He'd never been good at giving compliments. Or being nice to someone, for that matter. What did Harry think his motives for this dinner were, anyway? It seemed like he accepted him as … yeah, as what exactly? A friendly teacher? An older brother? A … Severus barely dared to think it … a friend?

.

Harry studied the man across the table while eating his dessert. He licked his spoon, lost in thoughts, until he noticed Severus squirming in his seat, looking around the room uncomfortably. Harry quickly finished his strawberry gateau. Severus obviously thought it had all taken long enough.

Severus was thinking something entirely different though. The way Harry had licked his spoon, made him think all kinds of inappropriate thoughts. How he'd wished to be that spoon, for instance. He sighed inaudibly when Harry finished and they left the restaurant.

"We'd better Apparate back to the gates," Severus looked sideways at the younger man.

"I'd rather walk, I ate a bit too much I think," Harry shook his head.

"It's not safe out here, the road back is pitch black, there could be Death Eaters anywhere."

"Well, I've got you to protect me then, don't I?" Harry retorted. "Come on, I'll put my hood on and nobody will know that it's me."

Severus shook his head, but gave in anyway. He did fancy a walk back to the castle. Even if it was just to prolong his time with Harry. "We'll be back past your curfew."

"It's way past curfew already. You're the one who insisted to meet up this late," Harry sniggered.

"It wouldn't do for Hogwarts staff or students to see us out dining together, would it?"

"I guess it …" Harry didn't finish his sentence and frowned. "If there wouldn't have been the whole Death Eater-spying- Voldemort … issue, would it be inappropriate for us to be seen together also?"

"Depends on what we would be doing. Just a dinner would be okay," Severus slowly answered, unconsciously moving a little bit closer to Harry as they left the last houses of Hogsmeade behind them.

"Just how much is allowed between a teacher and a student?" Harry asked curiously, hoping his voice sounded innocent. Severus felt his heart hammering at the question. The too-innocent sounding question. He kept his eyes trained ahead when he carefully formulated his answer.

"Friendship is always allowed between a teacher and a student. If the student is of age, any type of relationship is allowed, as long as it's based on equality and mutual consent. But it is frowned upon if said student has classes with the teacher."

"It could cause favoritism," Harry nodded as Severus turned to look at him. In his peripheral vision Severus could see someone walking behind them. Harry noticed the change in his behavior immediately and chuckled. "Yeah, we're being followed. It's not as it's an enemy, he would have hexed us alre-"

Before Harry could finish his sentence fully, Severus had gripped his arm tightly and turned on the spot. They Apparated just outside the gates and Severus quickly muttered the spells to grant them entrance. He jogged them along, only slowing down when they were out of sight from the gates. And out of hexing-distance, that is.

Harry stopped, yanking his arm back and doubling over. He had a stitch in his side from keeping up with the other man, who had much longer legs, and the Apparition didn't sit too well with his full stomach. When he caught his breath, Severus put his hands on Harry's shoulders and made him stand up. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Harry grumbled. "But I really didn't see the necessity of Apparating so suddenly. You could have splinched me, or something."

"I would never do anything to harm you."

Harry looked up into the other man's face. Why were those words familiar? He looked deep into the obsidian eyes, trying to find the answer there. "I know," he slowly said.

Severus' eyes shot to the pink lips, and unconsciously licked his own lips. He only noticed when Harry's eyes shot down to his mouth, having seen the movement. Both their breathing sped up, and they both thought the other one would surely hear their hammering heart. They turned away at the same time, and started their walk back to the castle.

"You'd better put your hood back on," Severus said quietly when they got near. "Still wouldn't want anyone to see us together, would we?"

"Then we'd better not get inside at the same time. Not that we would have to worry about that just yet. I won't come of age in another half a year," Harry muttered when the other man stopped. "Good night Severus."

"Good night Harry. See you tomorrow."

The potions master watched him enter the castle, then turned around. Had the young man really said what he thought he said? That they wouldn't have to worry about what people thought what kind of relationship they were in until he was of age? That meant … that meant that Harry had feelings for him too!

Severus lay on his back, his hands folded behind his head. He was in a clearing in the Forbidden Forest, close to where the Thestrals were. Because of them, Severus was sure no other creatures would come near. He stared up at the night sky. It was filled with twinkling stars. He let out his thousandth sigh. His shining star was back in the Castle, safely in bed in Gryffindor tower.

He only allowed himself to dream like this in the Forbidden Forest, heaven forbid that someone would find him being so human!

Yes, Severus was human. He was in love. Head over heels in love. With Harry.

Harry woke up the next morning with a squiggly feeling in his stomach. He hadn't eaten something wrong, had he? At his dinner with Severus? When the name popped into his head, Harry's stomach felt a hundred times funnier all of a sudden. He groaned loudly and turned around, burying his face in his pillow. Great. Just great. Bloody brilliant.

Add this to the list of impending doom. Falling in love with a teacher.

.

When he went down for breakfast, he couldn't stop himself from throwing hopeful glances at the staff table. Last night, Severus had said 'see you tomorrow'. But today was Sunday, so he didn't have any classes! Was it an open invitation?

When Harry and Severus' looks finally crossed, Harry smiled hesitantly. All he got in return, was a hateful scowl though. Harry dropped his spoon, he suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. He'd known it was just his imagination. Severus didn't like him back. At all. How could he have thought that the tall, handsome man would have the same feelings for him? Last night, when they'd stared into eachother's eyes at the Hogwarts grounds, Severus' breathing had been ragged because they'd been walking so fast. Not because he was affected by Harry being so near. His overactive teenager-imagination had made it all up. Wishful thinking. Harry shook his head and left the Great Hall quickly before anyone could see his tears.

.

Harry stared out over the grounds, stroking Hedwig absentmindedly. He asked himself angrily why everything always seemed to happen to him. The Prophecy, Voldemort, everything. He briefly wondered why he wasn't feeling suicidal. Because he had every right to be.

He looked up scared when he heard someone enter the Owlery, then quickly turned his back to the entrance. Whoever it was, he didn't want to talk to them.

"Harry? I don't think it's such a good idea if you smile at me like that in the Great Hall," Severus amused voice sounded softly behind him. When Harry's whole body tensed up visibly, Severus lay his hand gently on the young man's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything!" Harry burst out, turning around and burying his face in the tall man's chest.

Two years later

"No! Severus!" Harry sobbed when Severus slammed the door shut in his face. "I'm so sorry! Please let me in to talk to you!"

The door opened again instantly, revealing a seething Severus Snape. "What's there to explain? You fucked someone else. I told you that if that would ever happen, it'd be over between us!"

"I know, and I'm so sorry! But I was drunk, and you had been …" Harry's voice faltered.

"I'd been what?" Severus' voice was dangerously low.

"Ignoring me. We hadn't made love for weeks!"

"You could have just talked to me. I'm sure we would have if you'd have set up a romantic evening or something," Severus spat.

Harry shook his head, tears streaming down his face. He turned around and Apparated to Ron and Hermione's new apartment, where he'd already spent too much time to his liking. The war had ended several months ago. He'd defeated Voldemort, saved Severus' life in the process and later testified for him in court. It didn't give them the happy ending he'd hoped for all the time during the war, while they had to keep their relationship a secret. Now they could finally come out in the open, but Severus hadn't liked that at all. He was a very private man, but nobody who was associated with Harry bloody Potter could keep anything private. And now that Severus held a life-debt to Harry, it had severely disrupted their relationship. No matter how many times Harry told him that Severus had saved his life on several occasions too, so basically they were even, Severus would not believe him.

So they'd grown apart. And Harry had felt so lonely, so fucking lonely, that he'd ended up in a Muggle bar, got drunk, and shagged the first person who was willing. He'd just wanted to feel someone's arms around him, feel someone's body heat, hear someone whisper in his ear, feel someone's breath on his bare skin. He hadn't gotten any of that, of course. Harry had shagged someone over the couch, feeling his release pour from him as tears streamed down his face. Afterwards he'd gone straight home and confessed Severus what he'd done.

Predictably, Severus had been livid and had thrown him out of the house. It had been nine days ago, and Harry had gone back every evening to plead, apologize, and tell Severus that he loved him. Severus hadn't listened to him. In fact, today was the first day that he'd even bothered to open the door to acknowledge Harry's presence.

Ron opened the door for him silently, shaking his head in sympathy. He clapped his hand on his best friend's shoulder, not knowing what to say. He'd never gotten used to the fact that Harry and Snape were together, but now that they'd broken up … he dearly wished that they hadn't. Harry proceeded to the guest room and silently packed his few belongings in his battered backpack, his tears finally stopped flowing. Hermione pulled him in for a hug when he appeared in the kitchen, his travel cloak on.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know. I can't stay here and spoil everything for you. You two can finally be happy together, start a family, whatever you want. I don't want to spoil it all for you," Harry said, his voice dead.

"Oh Harry! You're not spoiling anything. You have to stay. You're our best friend, we can't let you go if we don't know you'll be safe."

"Yeah, you're our best mate. You have to stay," Ron nodded and patted his back awkwardly.

"I – I just can't stay. I'm sorry, but I just can't stand to see what you two have, while I -" Harry broke off, his voice choked. "I'll go to Neville, okay?"

"You'll go to Neville? You sure?" Hermione repeated after him, trying to keep the surprise from her voice. Neville hadn't found a place of his own yet, so he was still living with his grandmother.

Harry had decided in the spur of the moment to go to Neville, as he was the best friend he had besides Ron and Hermione, but he found out that it had been a good idea. A very good idea.

Because Neville could give him the support he needed, being a bachelor himself. Harry didn't feel like he was hogging his time, keeping him away from his other half. And Neville's grandmother … she was just priceless. For such an old lady, she was pretty feisty, and had a great sense of humor. Not to mention that she had priceless advice regarding Harry's love life. Or lack thereof.

She taught Harry all she knew about wizarding traditions regarding courting someone. Old-fashioned wooing. And Harry followed every step to the detail.

First, he started sending Severus small gifts. Mostly no valuable things, but presents that represented something they'd shared together. Harry made sure Severus would see what it was before he had the chance to throw it away the moment he realized who'd sent it. He never wrapped the gift up.

He sent two strawberry gateaux, for that was what they had for dessert on their first dinner together in Hogsmeade. He sent an Acis nicaeensis in bloom, because Severus had told him that the white little flowers reminded him of happy days in his childhood. He was helped by Neville to ward the box to prevent it from being damaged. He sent star-shaped dark chocolates, for that was what they'd eaten when they'd secretly spent their first Christmas together. He sent a tiny bottle of Felix Felicis that he brewed himself, as it was the potion that they successfully brewed together in Harry's final remedial potions sessions. He sent him a pair of green and silver socks, because Severus had once mentioned that he'd only wear any other socks than black ones if they'd be given to him by Harry. He sent him a stellar chart, because he knew that Severus liked to gaze at the stars when his mind was overflowing.

He kept on sending small, or sometimes less small, gifts for forty-nine days. On the fiftieth day, he sent Severus a memory. He surely hoped that he would read the card and watch the memory, but Harry had some hope that he would. After all, none of his previous gifts had been sent back. What Severus had done with them, Harry could only guess, but at least they'd been accepted.

It had taken Harry several hours to decide what he should write on the card attached to the small bottle that contained the memory that he'd selected with even more care.

'Dear Severus. This is the dearest memory of my life. Please watch it, for the sake of what we once had together. I will await your response. Yours forever, Harry'

Before he sent the last gift off, he watched the memory one more time.

.

It was Sunday afternoon, and Harry and Severus were in the potions master's living room. Severus was grading papers, and Harry was doing his homework sitting across from him at the table. It was several months after they'd gotten together, and they often worked alongside eachother. Harry would occasionally rub his foot to Severus', or they'd share a smile or a cookie. Harry's quill paused, and he stared at the man across from him. The love of his life, undoubtedly. When Severus felt his stare, he raised one of his elegant eyebrows, not even looking up from his work. Harry grinned broadly and his quill started scribbling over the parchment once again.

Severus' eyes narrowed when a small piece of parchment was pushed over the essay he was grading.

'I love you Severus' it read in Harry's familiar handwriting. He looked up immediately. "I love you too, Harry." Harry grinned at him and sprinted around the table to plant a firm kiss on his lips, then raced back to his seat to continue with his homework.

"You do?" Harry said softly, a few minutes later. "Why didn't you …"

"I waited for you to say it first. I didn't want to scare you off."

"Technically, I didn't say it. So you're the one who said it first," Harry said cheekily.

"Why didn't you?"

"You told me to shut up so many times already," Harry's emerald eyes were sparkling.

"Well, I guess I would have forgiven you this time," Severus chuckled and put his hand over Harry's, squeezing it briefly. They both got back to their work again, until Harry finally finished. When he looked up, he found out that Severus had finished earlier and he was staring at him longingly. Harry cleared the table, put all his things in his bag, and then slowly approached Severus who had moved to the couch. He sat down on the older man's lap and bumped their noses gently. "I love you Severus."

Their lips met in a tender kiss.

"Why hasn't he answered yet?" Harry paced the room for the thousandth time. "It's been a day already!"

"Harry, dear, please sit down," Mrs. Longbottom said smiling. "It is customary for the party which is being courted to respond after the fiftieth gift. Severus will know about that, I'm sure. But he may take several days to think of his response."

"Several days?" Harry cried out and jumped up from the couch again. Neville grinned and pulled his sleeve to make him sit back down.

"You do not expect him to make a rash decision, do you?" the old lady shook her head, chuckling to herself.

"Rash? I've been sending him bloody gifts for fifty days!"

Neville flinched at the swear word, but his grandmother didn't twitch a muscle. "Yet the last gift was the most important. It was a very good memory that you chose, but that doesn't mean that he'll forgive and forget in the blink of an eye."

"Of course that's what we're hoping though," Neville murmured. He really wanted Harry to be happy, but it would mean that his friend would leave.

"Hey," Harry poked his friend in the ribs, guessing what he was thinking. "When I leave, it will give you more time to go after Ginny."

"Harry!" Neville hissed at him, casting a terrified look at his grandmother. She hadn't heard that, had she? All three heads turned to the window though, when they heard the unmistakable tap of an owl.

Harry's stomach lurched and he sprinted to the bathroom when Neville let the owl in.

Severus' answer was here.

One year later

"Yeah, yeah, come on Sev!" Harry said in a sing-song voice. "This is brilliant!"

Severus downed another shot of Firewhiskey. If he got down from his buzz, he'd surely be ashamed of what he was doing. Here, in their living room, at Hallow's Eve. He'd been wondering for a long time what he could do for Harry to keep his mind occupied, to keep him from remembering that this was the night You-Know-Who killed his parents. So now he had dressed up in clothes that Harry thought were sexy on him, and he was dancing to the clubbing music that Harry liked so much. He secretly enjoyed it too, but he'd never willingly dance like this. He was far too inhibited for that. Well, okay, he was willing to do this for Harry. Because he'd do anything to make Harry happy.

"You ready?" Severus leaned down and kissed Harry softly on the lips when one song blended into another.

.

When they went to sleep that night, Harry was a very happy man. At least this one day. He was very happy with Severus, his Severus, but they were both more or less suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Harry had his bouts of depression that he'd also had before the end of the war, minus the suicidal parts. And Severus could be very withdrawn for days, refusing to go outside and meet anybody, let alone go to work. When they happened to go through a phase like that at the same time, Harry cried himself to sleep while Severus got so hammered he'd pass out on the couch. But that hadn't happened for a while now. And definitely not today. They'd made love, slowly, tenderly.

"I love you Sev," Harry whispered into his neck, his breath tickling the sweaty skin.

"I love you too," Severus whispered back, turning to his side to wrap an arm around his lover. "Go to sleep."

"I don't want to go to sleep."

Severus opened his eyes when he heard the small voice and cupped Harry's face to look into the emerald eyes. "This is not a dream. So when you wake up, this will still be real. I will still love you tomorrow."

Harry's face relaxed and he pressed a kiss to the hand cupping his face. "If you promise."

"I promise."

"Can I make love to you tomorrow again?" he pressed his lips to the pale skin of Severus' throat and snuggled into his embrace.

"If you wake up at a decent hour," Severus smiled into the dark.

"And if I wake up late?"

"Then you'll have to convince me to go back to bed with you."

"You've got to be kidding me," Severus shook his head. "You really want me to come?"

"Don't be such a pussy! How terrifying can it be to hold a baby? She was born, like, fifteen minutes ago!" Harry ground his teeth. He'd been dreading this. And this not being that Severus didn't want to come, but this being that he'd be the first one to know that Hermione and Ron's baby-girl was born. They were probably gonna ask him to be her godfather too.

"If it's not terrifying at all, why do you want me to come with you so badly?" Severus stared at him defiantly.

"Okay. No, I'm not scared of babies, but the very small ones … they're so fragile! And I'm sure they'll expect me to hold her and stuff like that!"

"Have you ever held a baby in your arms?" Severus shook his head amused. Harry was scared of babies? The Savior of the wizarding world, the one who vanquished the Dark Lord … he was scared of a harmless, little child? Oh he was so going to tease him with that! After they'd visited the newborn brat, of course.

.

"She was so cute! With that little tuft of hair, and did you see those tiny feet and hands? And her blue eyes?" Harry rattled on excitedly when they returned home a few hours later.

"What happened to the scary baby? The fragile one?" Severus sneered and poured them both a cup of tea.

"That's other babies," Harry waved his hand dismissively. "This one's Ron and Hermione's. As good as my own."

Severus' obsidian eyes snapped up to Harry's face and the younger man started to laugh. "You knew this would happen, didn't you?"

"Of course. I held my best friend's baby too," Severus said softly, almost to himself. "A long time ago."

Harry climbed on his lover's lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. "You did?" he whispered into his neck, placing soft, teasing kisses along the pale skin.

"Yes. I visited Lily when your father was at work."

Suddenly Harry's playful, happy mood was gone. He hadn't realized it had been himself that Severus was talking about. How had he not thought about that?

Severus' hand rubbed smoothing circles onto the younger man's back. He regretted smashing the happy atmosphere like that, but he couldn't take his words back, he could only try to make them sound less sad. "I held you in my arms, and I vowed that I would protect you."

"You held your promise, and I'm back in your arms," Harry pressed a firm kiss to his lips, determined not to let anything ruin their good mood.

Severus had to chuckle. "But in quite a different way than I imagined when I held you as a baby. I only hoped to be some kind of uncle. It's quite perverted if you look at it this way. I was already an adult when you were born. I only started to love you like this when you were sixteen already though. So it's not that bad. Is it?"

"We've covered this already, Sev. We've established that you're a perverted old man. My perverted old man," Harry gave him a cheeky grin. Severus growled something unintelligible and pushed Harry from his lap. The younger man had expected that though, and pulled him with him when he landed on his back on the couch. Severus hovered over him for a second, then bent down to kiss him deeply. When they pulled back breathless, there was still a cheeky grin on Harry's face.

"I never pictured you to be the kind to like babies, Severus Snape!"

"I don't like babies in general," he pulled a dirty face. "A baby of someone close, is something entirely different though."

"Didn't it ever make you wish that you'd have a baby of your own?" Harry's voice was soft and he pulled his lover to lie down with him on the couch. Severus didn't give in though, and sat up straight, his hand twined with Harry's as he looked down into his love's face.

"I never wished for my own child … up until a few months ago."

Harry's breath hitched as he felt his chest constrict and he quickly sat up. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? For what?"

"For not being able to give you a baby."

"What are you talking about?" Severus shook his head smiling. "We're both wizards, so I knew perfectly what I was getting into when I got involved with you."

"Aren't you a nice little house-wife?" Severus smirked when he entered their kitchen. Harry was making cookies. Harry turned around indignantly.

"I'm making them for you! Because you like them so much! So stop insulting me, okay?"

"Who says I was insulting you?" Severus stepped behind Harry and did something he rarely did. He slid his arms around Harry's waist and nuzzled his neck. He showed Harry affection.

"Now that's what I do it for, you know," Harry said softly, a smile decorating his lips. They both looked out of the window, over the garden of their little cottage. They'd moved here only a few weeks ago, and they enjoyed living here every single day. No neighbors, no people who knew where they lived, so nobody trying to peek in through the windows.

Their relationship had been good, Severus had shown Harry how much he loved him in the bedroom many times, but he rarely showed affection in the day time. Only when Harry initiated it, Severus would kiss him back or hug him. 'But now he's finally loosening up' Harry thought to himself, a smile decorating his lips. Their life was finally that, their life. And nobody else's. They both had a job, but when they got home in the evening, it was just them. No more prying reporters, no more so-called friends who just wanted a sneak view into their lives.

"Are you almost done?" Severus whispered in Harry's ear, looking at his dough-covered hands.

"You shove them in the oven, and then you can lick my hands."

"Huh. I'm surprised you didn't put any dough anywhere else," Severus commented when Harry'd washed up properly. He groped at Harry's crotch for good measure.

"We-e-e-ll …" Harry said, drawing out the word obscenely. "I could make dough-nuts next time," his eyes flitted down to his lover's groin.

"Oooh, clever," Severus chuckled and swatted his ass. They went outside, where the sun had just set and the stars were coming out to twinkle over their heads.

"There's something I want to ask you," Severus said when they'd installed themselves under the starry sky.

"Yes. To any question you could ask me, the answer is yes," Harry nodded seriously.

"You're ruining my question, Potter," Severus growled, pinching his side. Harry swatted his hand away and turned to face the other man.

"I have a question for you too, Sev. I know you only put up with the romantic stuff because I like it, so I won't bother you with it now. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?" In Harry's outstretched hand, a small box appeared out of thin air and Harry popped it open, showing a white-golden wedding band that consisted of three thin bands that wound around eachother.

"Yes. Yes, I'll marry you," Severus smiled and kissed the younger man softly on the lips. "You know I was about to ask you the same, don't you?" Severus held up his own hand, opening a similar box. In it was a plain weddingband, also in white-gold. Severus took it out and offered it to Harry, showing him the inscription.

'Yours forever'

"Do you, Harry James Potter, take Severus Tobias Snape to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Harry looked into the dark, unfathomable eyes. "I do."

Harry didn't even hear the rest, all he heard was Sev's 'I do'. He smiled up at the love of his life. No matter what the rest of the world thought of them. How much they hated Severus. No matter how much they despised him. They'd deliberated if they wanted to get married in secret, with just their closest friends, but they'd decided against it. This was one thing that Harry wanted the whole world to see. That he loved Severus, and that Severus loved him back. They wanted to stand up to the whole world, stand up for their rights, their right to love who they wanted. The savior and the former Death Eater.

Epilogue

"No Harry, we've discussed this before and I will not change my mind. I will do it. If we want to do this a second time, you can have the honors. I will be too old to do it then. If I don't do it know, I never will. You have many years ahead -" Harry cut his husband off by kissing him.

"Okay, okay, I get it. Forget I said anything," Harry mumbled and poked the other man's stomach.

"You'll have to stop that nasty habit of you," Severus' hand shot out and he grabbed Harry's wrist. The emerald eyes shot up and their eyes locked.

"Remember the first time you did that?" Harry whispered, and they both thought back of the remedial potions class in which Severus had stepped close and grabbed his wrist. "I wanted to kiss you so badly."

"You did? I thought you … much later."

Harry chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Are you scared to say it out loud? That I fell in love with you? And yes, that happened much later. But at that moment, I was very attracted to you and I would have kissed you senseless if you would have let me."

"I would have let you," Severus whispered and sealed their lips in a tender kiss.

"It wouldn't have been right, back then. But it is right now," Harry whispered back in between kisses.

"Show me how right it is."

"I'll show you in the bedroom. It wouldn't do to remember this evening as the evening I shagged you on the kitchen table, would it?" Harry's emerald eyes were shining, but when he saw the look in the obsidian eyes, his pupils dilated in desire.

"No, it most definitely wouldn't do, Harry. It wouldn't do."

.

"I can't believe it really worked! I can't believe it!" Harry whispered and looked into his husband's eyes before his eyes shot down to his stomach.

"You should have a bit more confidence in me," Severus smiled. "As a Potions Master."

"You didn't do it alone," Harry suddenly grinned. "Don't forget the Healers!"

"Still, the potion was of vital importance!"

"Vital," Harry repeated softly and tugged Severus' shirt up so he could feel his stomach. "We're gonna have a baby together Sev."

"I'm going to have the baby Harry."

Harry chuckled. "You are going to have our baby."

The end