Longest A/N ever…(Bear with me please)

Okay, been pondering far too much on the upcoming season. (Before seeing the promo) I started it a few months ago and finally picked it back up. I've never even written in a time period beyond five, so this is new territory for me on several levels. Consider this the missing arc of season seven. A tiny set up…there is an eighth member in this story. The "more experienced agent" that was alluded to at the end of six. She's older and quite the firecracker. That, and keep in mind, I take advantage of Morgan's comment to Reid about "making jokes now". Just go with it. Pretty please? I like sassy/sarcastic Reid…

BTW, because this is so out of my realm, I dedicate this to everyone who has been supportive, reviewed, been so incredibly kind to me in my year here. I love and appreciate you all to no end. And more specific mentions, to darkangel-silvermoon (DASM) and Kitty Bits for being there at every turn, without question or fail, encouraging me to keep going and for being such amazing human beings in general. I love ya ladies. You've been a real source of strength. Two in a million! LOL!

SLASH!

On with the show!

CHAPTER ONE:

"What the hell kid, I told you, I'm not going." Derek stated irritably as he turned away, leaving the front door open for his uninvited guest.

"Morgan…"

"I just…I can't right now, alright?"

Spencer stood in the doorway watching as his long time co-worker, friend and confidant walked back into his living room and plopped down on the sofa in front of the television. Finally, with a deep sigh, he closed the door and crossed the spacious room. When Derek stared steadfast at the idiot box, flipping mindlessly through its fruitless channels, Spencer sat gingerly on the opposite side of the couch with his elbows on his knees. He gazed down at his hands as if they held the answer to resolving the issue. He chewed his lip and shook his head deciding to just start.

"Morgan, I know how you feel. I do. And I realize that this situation is even more confusing and painful for you because you…you were there. You held her hand and…you know, there was a time there when I thought at least you got to be there with her. In a way, you got to say goodbye. Got to be the last face she…look, we all went through it. The entire grieving process. We all felt the weight of guilt. We've all had to deal with losing someone we love, that we should have been able to protect. if only…"

"Reid, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm not going. I just need time. Can you please give me that?" Morgan said, jaw clenched in attempt not to lose his temper.

"I understand why it's so much harder for you. And I don't expect everything to be solved by this little weekend retreat Hotch requested. I don't think anyone does. I'm upset too. Struggling. But for Emily's sake, I think we need to be there. We need to let her know that we understand why she had to do what she did. Why Hotch and JJ…"

"I get it Reid! I'm not a fucking idiot! Intellectually, I'm totally on board with protocol and all the politics involved in why we couldn't know but you know what? Emotionally, I'm having a hard time with it! It wasn't all of us! Hotch and JJ, people we consider family, people we trusted, sat there and watched us grieving! Watched us tearing ourselves apart! You know how hard it was! We've talked about it at length! Jesus man, I understand why, but I still have some serious trust issues right now. And don't tell me you don't!" Derek finished his tirade and slumped back rubbing his hands over his face feeling guilty for snapping at one of the few people that really DID know.

"You know I do. I'd never had a real family before. And working here, with all of you, it's been like my second chance at something I've wished for for fifteen years. Support. Acceptance. Trust. And as dysfunctional as this adoptive family is, as hurt as I am by what they did, I also know it had to be agonizing for two of them to sit back and watch the rest of us suffer knowing they could ease that pain. I find comfort in that. That they love us enough to protect us even if that comes at a devastating cost to themselves. It doesn't change the fact that we've had to grieve. To bury and mourn a lie. But it does make it easier knowing that they did what they had to do to keep everyone safe. Even though it killed them to do it, they did the right thing. Even if it felt like the wrong one. I'm glad that we can all be as close as we are and still manage to be objective when it comes to what we do. What needs to be done."

Derek turned his head against the cushions to look at Reid. He knew the younger man was right. He really did understand that. But something inside of him just couldn't let it all go so easily. Still, he offered a weak smile.

"Leave it to you to go and be all rational on me."

"I'm sorry…"

"Hey, I'm just glad you didn't sound like a pamphlet on bereavement. As frustrating as you are when a guy just wants to wallow, I have to admit I like this side of you."

"W-what side?"

"You know, when you aren't hiding behind facts and numbers. When you just say what you feel. You do that sometimes. I just wish it wasn't always during times like these."

Spencer gave a thoughtful yet slightly hurt expression.

"Kid, I'm not saying you're not always appreciated for who you are, all of your contributions, but I like that you can be comfortable enough with me to just speak from the heart without always falling back on the plethora of knowledge you've stored away in that big 'ol noggin' of yours. I guess it makes me feel kinda honored that I'm one of the few people you can be like that with. Thank you. I don't know what I would have done in this without you."

Spencer smiled shyly at the clarification.

"And I feel honored that after so many years you've finally permitted me to return the favor." He averted his eyes self-consciously, and scratched his cheek, leg bouncing slightly at the obvious being stated so openly. "So, if we go, on this retreat I mean, we could still back each other up. You know, in case things get…uncomfortable."

Derek raised a brow.

"Was all of that just a tactic to get me to come with you because you're too afraid to face them alone?"

Spencer grimaced slightly.

"Actually, they already left and I don't have a ride." He admitted.

"Ah, I see how it is." Derek chuckled.

"No! I mean, yeah, I don't actually have transportation, but only because I passed on offers to come here in hopes of changing your mind. And, you're right, I really didn't want to be trapped in a car with anyone else right now."

"I don't know whether I should take that as a compliment or not." Derek replied with a discerning expression.

"Well, if it makes a difference, I intended for it to be one. Of course when you consider my options for traveling companions, I really am just choosing the lesser of evils." He smirked.

"Wow kid, really, you should stop now. I might get a big head from all the raving compliments." Derek shot back sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"What? I'm just being honest! With Hotch, Emily, JJ and Will in one car, not that I would want to travel in that exceedingly awkward situation, I was left choosing between Rossi and agent Lombardi, which, to be honest, was already a volatile dynamic without adding me and my nervous rambling to the mix, or Garcia and Kevin, and let's face it, being trapped in a car with those two would likely render me very confused…and traumatized."

Derek scoffed and waved him off.

"It wouldn't be that bad…"

"Morgan, I have an eidetic memory and where it works best with material I read and see, I wouldn't want to risk the things inevitably being discussed in that vehicle being burned into my memory with a vivid clarity that we both know would only lead to extensive therapy, an irrational fear of all things leather and food aversions that would render me anorexic. Please."

Derek laughed. This was true. Too true.

"Aright Reid. I'll go for the sake of your health and mental wellbeing."

Spencer gave him a relieved smile.

"But no Peter Coyote tapes! And if you bring up Star Trek even once, I'm leaving you by the side of the road."

Spencer feigned offense but agreed even as he tried not to smile at the fact his efforts had paid off and his friend was coming along. Definite progress. He didn't know what the retreat would bring, but he was sure it wasn't going to be all Kumbaya's and sunshine. In fact, despite everything he'd said, the young genius really wasn't sure that he was as accepting and understanding as he let on. The fact of the matter was he had severe trust issues of his own and with everything that had happened, that WAS happening, he still couldn't stop that part of him, deep down inside, that felt like a child finding out his parents were really Santa Claus. He'd never believed in the jolly old fat man himself, and this was so much more complicated, but the analogy was relatively accurate given the circumstances and dynamics within the team. Mom and Dad had lied to protect them, spoon fed them a false belief, and when they uncovered the truth, the kids for all intents and purposes, felt lost and a bit betrayed.

Finding out that Prentiss was alive was the most wonderful, exhilarating moment and yet a simultaneously painful one. He could joke about it all he wanted, but logic be damned…Spencer still felt hurt. He really did need Morgan there. They needed each other's support.

When Derek came back into the living room with a large duffle a short time later, Spencer turned from his spot by the fire place and gestured to one of the many photographs on his best friend's mantle.

"This picture is a couple years old. When I was released after the Anthrax exposure."

"Yeah…" Derek said expectantly.

"I don't know, I guess I was just curious why you added a, ah, new-old photo." Spencer stated, feeling like an idiot for saying anything at all. "I mean, I haven't been over in a while but Garcia takes pictures all the time and I guess I would think you would use a…well, never mind. It's not important. I don't know why I even mentioned it. Are you ready to go then?"

"I just like the picture Reid. And after what happened with Emily, I just needed a reminder that bad things may happen but not all actually END badly. We almost lost you. I was there. I should have been able to protect you from that. But in the end, you were alright and I needed to remember to focus on the victories, on the living. On why it's so important to keep my head in the game."

"You don't need to protect me Morgan, you aren't my body guard. I'm a federal agent. I signed on knowing the risks. We can all try to look out for one another, but in the end, you can't take on the responsibility of something like that. It's too much. If I were to die on a case, I wouldn't want…"

"Can we not talk about this?" Derek asked tightly.

Spencer's mouth worked wordlessly for a moment, his large eyes reflecting regret and embarrassment for having pushed the issue considering the current state of things.

"Yeah, of course, sorry. We should really get on the road if we want to get there and settle in before dusk anyway." Spencer replied, walking briskly toward the front door.

"Reid?" Derek said softly, turning from the same spot Spencer had left him in.

Spencer stopped just inside the entryway and shifted nervously hoping Morgan hadn't changed his mind because of the sudden tension.

"Yeah?"

Derek walked to him and pulled him into a stiff embrace.

"I'm sorry. But I can't think about that alright? It's just a picture. Of a good moment. An important one. You're still here. And I'm thankful every day for that. Okay?" Derek said with a slight waver as he pulled back to pat his best friend on the shoulder in a more manly gesture of camaraderie and affection.

Spencer didn't know what to say. Any sincere reply would surely make one or both of them uncomfortable so he just smiled and ran a hand through his cropped locks.

"Thank God, I figured you just hated my new haircut."

Despite himself, Derek broke into hysterics with Spencer following suit. As he switched off the last of the lights and ushered the slender man out the door, he shook his head.

"Don't worry that pretty little head of yours. You're still the fairest in the land." He teased, ruffling Spencer's boy cut.

He actually did prefer it longer, but he wouldn't admit that out loud. Besides, unless he tied it back, the shorter cut was safer in the field anyway. And that was what mattered most. The two men continued their banter as they locked up and loaded their things into Derek's truck. It was going to be a long weekend.

...

There's chapter one of a not totally completed, but seven chapters in, story. I'm breaking my 'Don't post till completed' rule so I'll hurry up and do just that! Let me know if you think it's worth it.