Earth is a wonderful planet. It has things like fish fingers and custard and festivals that involve both sweets and dancing and puppets that have clever little faces and a gorgeous thing called otters.

Not that no planet but Earth has otters; it's just that it's a normal part of Earth life. They don't marvel at that smell of the sheets after a long day or a double rainbow. (Although, one man got really excited about it. I met him once. He's also quite fond of otters. We formed a club.)

But Earth isn't my favourite planet. Oh no, no ,no. Have you seen the second sun of Corilyne? It sings. It sings. (Sounds a bit like Celine Dion, actually.)

Or maybe the Amnesiac Galaxy? I don't remember much about it, but I found a banana in my pocket later that was definitely not there before. (Or was it? I forget.)

Or maybe the Van Syrun planet, where the people can take a look at you and send you to a planet made just of jelly babies.

Maybe it's the planet. You know which one. Perhaps I've told you. The grass there was red, and the trees were silver. It's gone now.

Sorry, I got something in my eye there. Most likely a mite that survives on the tears of men. I've met one before. People called him "Crazy Ted." Made a great cup of tea.

Earth is brilliant, but it's sad. It's so, so sad. It's ridden with holes and the sheer stupidity of humans and the massive amounts of brilliance and people die and people live and nothing isn't normal and oatmeal is beige and the sky is blue and digital watches are a marvel and I love them and I hate them and I'm disappointed and I'm extremely proud and people love me when they have no right to and I love them even though I have no right to, I'm too old for this, and no, no you're not.

There are beacons of light and dark trenches in Earth, and each step is a memory I need to forget.

But there's otters and fish-fingers and carnivals and a need to be better and that's what makes me return to a small blue-and-green planet near an small, yellow sun in the corner of this brilliant galaxy.

And I owe them that. They owe me that.

(I agree with them on the digital watches though. They are pretty groovy.)