Disclaimer: SKU is not mine sadly…

Authors note: Ok, I know there are some people out there who will disapprove of the relationship in this fic but I have three words for them—I don't care. If you feel bold enough to flame me for it then…BRING IT ON! Now, for everyone (like me) who is totally for the Miki/Kozue pairing, you have my utmost respect. Please R+R if you like it! I'll try not to make Kozue OOC but if she does start to act a little nicer than normal, it will have an explanation...P.S. check out my fic "Sunshine" if you like this one…

Prologue: (in Anthy's rose garden)

"—in loving memory of Kaoru Kozue."

I had barely registered the sounds of Akio's voice until that exact, surreal moment. Until he spelled it out for me as plain as day. Until he showed me that it wasn't some strange, twisted nightmare. She wasn't going to magically sit up and smile and say it was all a joke. The you-should- have-seen-the-look-on-your-face type which leaves everyone laughing insanely because they were so gullible. She was gone. Dead and decomposing in a coffin made of oak and sprinkled with rose petals. A minuscule thing that held within it my entire life.

It was open to display her beautiful, flawless face. A face made magical with the use of makeup. I saw through the concealment however. The image of her bruised and broken body was forever burned into my mind. Those finger marks that encircled her graceful neck, the mottled purple on her cheek, the odd bend of her leg, the gaping wound…and I could still hear my screams as they tore us apart…

I had been sitting, staring ahead blankly, but now, my throat became raw as I tried to hold back my anguish. It was no use. Utena turned to me as the first hot tear rolled down my cheek, dripping onto my clenched hand. Another followed and I tasted its bitter salt.

"Miki, I…" she didn't know what to say. No one did. They had all tried their best though, with "sympathetic" comments such as "I'm so sorry" or "I know what you're going through."

I ignored her and rose quickly. I had to get out of here. Then, I was nearly running through the garden, destroying innocent flowers as I went. I heard Akio pause with surprise for a moment and then continue on, trying to retain composure. I was through the gate in seconds and hurtling at a break- neck speed down the stairs, my breath hitching violently in my chest.

I collapsed on the second to last stair and felt the rest of the tears burst forth from my eyes with startling force. I was usually silent when I would cry but now I unabashedly sobbed, staining the cracked rock and my own face. I realized that this was the first time I had cried since it happened.

I still couldn't bring myself to face the facts. Why did this happen? Why her? I continued to let it all out loudly. This was my fault. All of it. I killed her. No, it was my love that killed her. I wanted to tear out my heart and squeeze it until it was a crushed, steaming pile. What was I now? Nothing. I wasn't even alive. I had died with her in the roses as we clung together. I was in an invisible twin coffin beside the one that held an untamable lioness. A butterfly among the thorns of the world. My butterfly. I had tried in vain to catch her and now she had flown away, into the evening sky where a blood red moon shone brightly. She had drowned in a sea of my desire with shredded wings.

The footsteps were slow and cautious and I didn't hear them at first. A hand rested on my shoulder and a person crouched down next to me. "Miki? Are you gonna be okay? You're missing the funeral." It was Juri. Her curly brown hair framed her face nicely.

I refused to speak. If I did, I was sure to choke up.

"Please talk to me, I want to help."

I sniffed hard and raised my head. I met her eyes, filled with worry. "You c-can't h-h-help me Juri. N-no one can-n," I strenuously managed to sputter.

"I know what its like to lose someone you…love." I knew to what she was referring and anger flashed into me.

"No you d-don't. You n-never really l-l-l-loved Shiori like I l-loved K-K-Kozue," I spat at her. Her eyes went wide and I could tell she was taken aback. I didn't care though. It was the truth.

"I know you're hurting right now Miki," she said softly, trying to ignore my statement as her eyes watered slightly. "If you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm here for you."

Hurting? How could she say that knowing full well that I no longer had a soul but an immense hollow pit where it had been? Nevertheless, I nodded slowly and gazed at her, the tears still streaming and hiccup-like coughs racking my lungs so that I couldn't talk anymore. She understood, and somewhat hauling me into her lap, wrapped her arms around my trembling body. I curled up against her like a child and, burying my head into her collarbone, cried until my eyes were red and swollen. We stayed like that for a long time, but Juri was patient. She rocked me back and forth and whispered encouragement into my ears, but not one word reached me. I was too far away. Lost in the memories of what had eventually brought all this about…

Author's note: Is this actually sad? I tried really hard…oh well, on to the first chapter which is sort of the beginning of a bunch of flashbacks in Miki's POV about how he came to love Kozue and, in due time, how she died.