Morphine
Trust in me
Trust in me
Put all your trust in me
IVs dripped to a body that didn't need it.
:.:.:
Once upon a time there was a little girl and her (not-so) wonderful family.
She was Daddy's little angel, his sunshine.
(PleaseDon'tTakeMySunshineAway)
:.:.:
Mommy hurt her back.
Mommy is given medicine.
Mommy takes her medicine.
Mommy hurt her back.
2 years ago.
Mommy takes her medicine.
:.:.:
She is 5 when her lullaby's turn to harsh screams which quickly morph into suffocating silences with the quick ring of a slap.
"What's wrong Daddy?" The little girl asks in the middle of a shouting match, blankie in hand, and eyes droopy with sleep.
(Go to sleep little girl, go to sleep.)
But Daddy isn't there. Instead there's a big mean monster (even worse than the Boogie Man). He shook violently, staring viciously at Mommy who also shook, though not just from her silent sobs.
He fights (and fails) to control his voice "Go back to sleep Jadey, Mommy just lied again. I'll be back in a minute."
The little girl stares at her mom, her soon to be signature glare already starting to creep onto her innocent face.
She doesn't like the way Mommy's eyes are always sunken in, and how they're constantly red.
"Okay Daddy."
(There's no Rock-a-bye-baby that night.)
:.:.:
"Mommy are you sick?"
"Sick? Of course not baby, why would you think that?" She smoothens the little girl's hair while she's tucked under the blankets. (Hiding from the world.)
"Then why are you always taking medicine."
Her hand stiffens by the girl's ear, "They aren't medicine baby."
"What are they."
"Birth control."
"What's that."
"It stops Mommy from making anymore mistakes."
:.:.:
The little girl (No I'm a big girl now!) proudly gets off the bus after the beginning of 1st grade.
"Mommy guess what I did at school." She shouts happily into the house.
Silence answers her.
"Mommy?" She questions her brows furrowed suspiciously as she stomps into the living room, hauling her backpack (packed with smiley stickers and gold stars).
Then she sees her.
She runs to the still figure, and shakes her violently but there's no response.
Never again.
She begins to cry, begging Mommy to wake up and stop playing. (But games are for children. This is a grown ups fun.)
The little girl runs outside and screams for help until her throat is raw. But finally the nice old lady from across the street scurries out of the house. (She always gave the little girl candy-black licorice.)
Red and blue lights dance across the house, and she wonders why she ever looked forward to growing up.
:.:.:
"What's going to happen to my mommy?" She sniffles as the lady watched over her while Mommy and Daddy were at the hospital.
"She'll be fine dear, don't worry."
And that was the lie that rippled into a nasty web that was soon to ruin the little girl's life.
At last Daddy comes home (but where's Mommy?)
"I'm sorry sweetie." His eyes are not even bloodshot or puffy.
She stays silent, until finally saying, "But there was no poison apple."
:.:.:
Daddy is not Daddy anymore to the little girl, he's Richard. (Now she doesn't have a daddy or a mommy.)
He comes home late at night and she stares at the two empty chairs while she eats her microwave dinner.
She draws on them both.
A big red X. (but without the treasure.)
:.:.:
A year later and the /broken/ girl starts her first day of 2nd grade (5moreminutes 5moreminutes)
She's the new girl (too many rumors before) and sits alone at lunch. Just how she likes it.
A bush of brown curly hair appears next to here.
"Hi I'm Cat."
"That's a stupid name."
:.:.:
"I'm going to be famous one day." The (not-so) little girl announces at night, while Richard types vigorously at his laptop.
He doesn't blink.
"Did you hear me?" Her voice raises, and he wonders where his sunshine went (greyskies greyskies)
Nothing.
Her eyes flash dangerously and without a second thought the device is now in pieces, and a crash echoes in the room as it's shoved to the grund.
"Listen to me you fucking asshole." She roars.
His eyes stay trained on where the laptop previously stood, and a muscle tenses in his jaw.
"No Jade."
She smirks as if wanting this reaction (it's all a game) "I don't need your permission Richard."
He rubs his eyes tiredly, "Look Jade, I don't have time for your silly dreams alright?"
"Dreams are they?" Her eyes narrow, "Well these dreams will be worth millions of dollars when I'm a star." (UpAboveTheWorldSoHigh)
"Leave."
"But-"
"Now!" He bellows, and she cringes despite herself, before huffing and storming out of the room.
(fallingstar fallingstar.)
:.:.:
"Richard, can I go on a field trip Friday." She asks innocently (as possible), "It's overnight." She adds.
"Alright." He absent-mindedly scribbles his signature onto the paper, his eyes still on an insignificant article. "And where exactly are you going?"
She beams, smiling bigger than she has in years, "Hollywood Arts."
:.:.:
"I'm Beck."
"I didn't ask."
But the tan boy does not seem deterred by her constant signs of distaste.
"Why do you want to go out with me so bad?"
"Because everyone deserves a shot at a happy ending, and I want to be yours."
Or at least that's what she heard.
(Too bad Aladin and Snow White aren't in the same story.)
:.:.:
Her laugh is like being doused by acid, and she avoids any association.
He doesn't.
One kiss, (a stage kiss.)
(Liar liar pants on fire.)
"It meant nothing."
"It was for the scene."
"I promise."
"I love you."
Lies is all that ring in her ears with every excuse, but he's all she haves. And she wants that happy ending.
(chasinglies chasinglies)
:.:.:
He breaks up with her (she did)
Unshed tears sting her eyes as she wanders through downtown Hollywood, trying to get her mind off of him.
"What's wrong babe?" A man slurs, and stumbles up to the girl.
She keeps walking. (ICan'tSeeHim HeCan'tSeeMe ICan'tSeeHim HeCan'tSeeMe)
"C'mon don't be like that, I'm just trying to help." he grabs her shoulder and turns her around. She meets his startling emerald eyes, and hisses for him to let go.
"It'll make all your troubles to go away...just for a little. Don't you want to be invincible" He pulls out a bag brandishing tiny white pills.
She cringes at the sight, images of her mom flashing through her mind, (not like mommy not like mommy.)
But she did want to be invincible, to be famous and this man was claiming the answers were in his palms
(Follow the yellow brick road and all your dreams will come true.)
Still she she can't figure out why she did it. Maybe because she was already so fucked up and she couldn't see how something that tiny could make it any worse. (But Jill was only just starting to fall down the hill)
(Where was Jack?)
:.:.:
She wakes up slightly nauseous, and the taste of booze gorging on her taste buds. (Did she drink?) Yet at the the same time she feels on top of the world (like diamond in the sky)
She doesn't see the 3 new hickeys.
She surveys her surroundings, and deduces that she's in an alley between the burger and pizza joint near her house.
A vague memory of her attempting to walk home through her drunken euphoric haze and collapsing in the alley sifts in her mind.
Then she remembers why it all happened in the first place. Her heart beats frantically and she curse her self for her stupidity.
She takes deep breaths and reasons her choices with flimsy excuses and promises that she will get back together with Beck (because he's hers) and that will be the end to her short account with morphine.
(She can almost feel her nose grow a little longer.)
:.:.:
Everything is alright again (SheDoesn'tKnowShe'sABlindMouseThough) Beck was hers again; though she won't admit how (Vega...shhh), and her dirty little secret had been neatly shoved under the rug.
(But the mean old dragon is just waiting.)
:.:.:
"And the lead goes too..." the class obediently performs a drum roll, "Tori!"
His arm tightens around her shoulder, but he smiles with the rest of the class, congratulating her.
Her eyes narrow and she clenches her jaw.
Every time.
She stares daggers at the princess (because she's always the witch.)
Class ends and she leaves. Quickly. He follows.
"You'll get your chance."
"It's only one play."
"Don't worry about it."
If only life were that easy, if only words could be simply be written or said and that alone would be enough to change this fucked up world.
But life's a fucking bitch.
:.:.:
She finds herself walking down the same street as that night. Though the streets are deserted, and she finds herself alone (foreverandalways)
But at last a man appears out of the shadows, "Can I help you?" His voice is rough.
"I..." She hesitates before Vega's face pops into her head. "Got any morphine?"
And in minutes she's done her first deal.
(O little girl where have you gone?)
:.:.:
Her cerulean irises float in a bloody lake.
Nobody notices.
Her bones outline her ivory stomach.
Nobody notices.
Her coughs are wet and hacking. (is that blood?)
Nobody cares.
:.:.:
The pills slide swiftly slide her throat. (easy as 1 2 3)
A sigh escapes her lips.
Living in a world of her own exaltation, she strides out of the RV bathroom (why so cocky little girl?)
He stares at her uncertainly.
She beams at him.
(Is my little sunshine back?)
Her tongue traces lascivious lips.
(No, just a not-so glamorous spotlight.)
She walks up to him, and tilts her gently to face him (K-I-S-S-I-N-G)
It ends with another bathroom run (P-U-K-I-N-G)
:.:.:
She cries mutely for help.
It falls on deaf ears.
Blind eyes.
Another pill.
:.:.:
He finds a bag filled with little white circles. (and not mints)
She walks in and freezes.
Her backpack is open (He found her hiding spot!)
"What are these?"
Her lifeline
"Birth control."
"Jade." his voice is pleading. It hurts her ears.
"I-I'm sorry Beck." She whispers.
"Why?"
"Don't hate me."
He walks over to her and hugs her trembling body. "I tried to stop."
He stays silent.
:.:.:
Tears stain her comforter.
Shaky breaths echo in the room.
She stares at the syringe ("It'll stop the coughs.")
The needle is already stained with blood. (hers)
But where's the staggering feeling of elation that she so desperately craves?
(she doesn't like needles anyways.)
:.:.:
"Another batch?" He stares at the new bag.
"I-I..." (Cat's got her tongue?)
"I don't know what else to do Jade?" He sighs heavily.
"I'm sorry...it's hard." Her voice barely above a whisper.
"I'm tired of these excuses!" (But he's given so many.)
She opens her mouth, ready for (another) argument to ensue, but nothing comes out.
Instead there are tears. (Careful you might drown!)
He stares.
"Just...stop, please. Get some help and know that I'll be there for you, okay?"
She stays silent.
:.:.:
A trip to the therapist.
A trip to her dealer.
They all mix together. They're all the same.
"I'm proud of you babe."
"You better show up with the money next time. Or else."
Her dirty "little" secret has grown into a monster. (WatchOutIt'sGonnaDestroyTheCity!)
"I'm with you every step of the way babe."
But he's following the wrong trail of bread crumbs.
:.:.:
Her body still shakes at night.
She still wakes up in a puddle of sweat.
Coughs still rattle her frame, burning her throat.
Another pill.
:.:.:
He's not an idiot.
She thinks he's a clueless fool. She thinks he's forgotten Mommy. (She haunts him every night)
But he sees the signs. (De-ja-vu.)
But he ignores her. He's tired. He needs a break.
A permanent break.
(But she's your sunshine!)
He's tired of getting sunburned.
:.:.:
He sees her waste away before him. It kills him.
He doesn't want to hurt anymore (Where's a band-aid when you need it.)
No he needs stitches.
She's his doctor (love doctor)
Her convivial laugh sews the jagged scars in his heart. (Her kisses are even better)
He has frequent appointments.
:.:.:
She ignores the (lovey dovey) glances.
She drowns the images of (maybe) fantasy make out sessions behind closed doors that take over her mind.
Another pill.
She dumps them down the toilet. (going down to fish heaven)
Headaches hammer into her skull. She screams.
(deafears deafears)
She writhes on the ground, sweat tears away at her flushed skin.
(helpme helpme)
Withdraw is a bitch.
:.:.:
"Dr. Peterson says you haven't gone to therapy in weeks."
She doesn't say anything.
"Jade," His breath sends shivers down her spine, but their different. (like the itsy bity spider.)
"I can't do this anymore."
She doesn't say anything.
"I'm sorry, but maybe we can still-"
She slaps him.
:.:.:
She doesn't go to classes anymore (too cool for school)
He notices. He cares.
Why?
He decides he's a masochist.
:.:.:
She leaves home (not even a note).
She knows he won't care. Nobody does. (IdoIdoIdo)
The now big girl stays in her own apartment (three blind mice scurry in the floorboards)
She's found a new dealer, (it's a dangerous business-people get hurt-people die)
She's spinning. (round&round-we all found down)
Another pill.
:.:.:
Prince Charming leaves the princess (this is a twisted fairytale after all) and he begins his search for the Wicked Witch of the West.
He goes to her (somewhat) castle.
"She's not here." The king states emotionlessly.
"But-" The wood splinters with a slam.
He continues his quest, far and near, high and low, he seeks for his beloved ( how cliché)
Word on the block is she's on Feldman St. (Deadman St.)
:.:.:
Another pill.
And another.
And another&another&another.
Her chest seizes. She can't breathe.
Her lungs are filled with cotton. She heaves. Nothing happens.
Spots engulf her vision. (so pretty)
She starts falling.
Nobody's there to catch her.
:.:.:
The stairs creak as he climbs the steps in her run down apartment (She's easy to find- dragons don't guard witches.)
The prince knocks on her (not-so) castle door.
She doesn't answer.
He bangs on the door now, not stopping until it's hinges loosen (because every hero has to be Herculean)
And there she is.
Sprawled on the ground, her hair splayed around her head.
He runs to her (your'retoolate you'retoolate)
His hands press against her wrist and his tears fall on her cheeks (now they're both crying)
She's alive. But barely.
"911 what's your emergency."
He cradles her in his lap and hums a lullaby ()
:.:.:
She's not breathing.
Her blood sugar is too low. (Not enough licorice?)
Her vitals are dropping.
She's dying.
(Buh-bye little girl.)
She flat lines.
(Oh no oh no!)
Zap!
Electricity burns through her chest willing her heart to beat.
Pitter patter pitter patter.
Her heart flutters to life, but the OR still hasn't let out their relieved sigh.
Naloxone is injected into her IVs, trying to reverse the effects of the opiate poisoning (she found the apple...)
Slowly her state slowly becomes stable.
She's rolled to her room (she has it all to herself!)
(Rest little girl)
:.:.:
His hands won't stop fidgeting.
His heart won't stop pounding against his chest.
His mind won't accept it.
She overdosed.
Just one word and 9 letters, and yet it changes (ruins) his life. Her life.
He wants to scream.
He wants to cry.
He doesn't.
He runs.
The doctors shout for him as he tears through the hallways ("Room 43A")
39A, 40A, 41A, 42A...
He barges into her room and his eyes lock on her. (it's rude to stare)
Fear claws at his chest, shredding his newly stitched heart.
He woodenly walks to her bed, and ignores the jungle of medical equipment, and her debilitated body and intertwines his hand with hers (watch out for the IV)
beepbeepbeepbeepbeep
She flatlines.
:.:.:
Zap!
Zap!
Zap!
The boys screams mix with the dull thump of her body as she lurches forward with each shock.
"No I can't leave her!" Nurses try to usher him out.
It's no use.
The heart monitor drones on, taunting him. (Nahnahnah-nuh-nahnah-she's mine now.)
Tears rip through his cheeks, falling unheeded on his shirt (Don't worry no one can see them-it's black)
The doctors stop. Her body lays still.
IVs now drip to a body that doesn't need it. (it didn't get the memo)
Sorry little girl.
No happily ever after for you.
Not sure how I feel about this :/ it felt too curt and abrupt in most parts, but hopefully it's alright. Leave a review if you guys want me to do another chapter about reactions to the death, I wasn't planning to, but I definitely will if enough people ask.
Inspired by the song Morphine by Michael Jackson.