Once again I don't own Inuyasha or Naruto

Books and Morons

Tsunade was not looking forward to this meeting one bit but nodded for Shizune to let the remnants of Team 7 into her office, they at least deserved to know.

"Ne, Baa-chan. What's with the lack of missions? I'm getting' antsy just doin' these lame D-ranks! Dattebayo!"

"Then hurry up and take the Chunin exams, Genin Naruto." Was the immediate retort, "Two more days to submit an application for next month's test in Suna."

"Naruto…" Sakura growled out a low warning promising pain if he made a fool of himself yet again. Honestly did it just not register how out of line he behaved towards the Hokage? It was embarrassing….

"Intelligence reports have informed us that Uchiha Sasuke has apparently deserted Orochimaru."

The reaction was instantaneous both Sakura and Naruto looked elated. Even Kakashi seemed to be interested and in lighter spirits at the news.

"That means!" Naruto's eyes lit up in utter joy, "That means Sasuke's coming home, right?! Right! Home to Konoha!"

Tsunade let a grim smile cross her face as she shook her head, "The fact that Sasuke seems to have defected from Orochimaru likely only means one thing."

"We have reason to believe that he'll be going after Uchiha Itachi." Shizune couldn't help but blurt out.

Naruto squinted his eyes, Itachi Uchiha, huh? The same creepy guy who'd really hurt Sasuke two years ago and was after the nine-tailed demon inside of him. "That means we should look for him too then! That way we're sure to run into Sasuke!"

Tsunade smirked as she rested her chin atop her steepled hands, "That won't be necessary. We have something right here in our village that Itachi Uchiha wants. He's even tried to come get it."

"And what might that be Lady Tsunade?" Sakura asked hesitantly. What could possibly be in Konohagakure that could lure such an elusive missing Nin back to Konoha?

"His wife and child."

~!~!~!~BBQ shop, mid morning

"Uchiha-san." The very last person she wanted to see was now standing in the doorway as she was making her way to start her shift.

"Actually it's pronounced 'Higurashi'". Kagome gave a tight smile, not pleased to have run into the busty woman at her place of work. Transferring Shippo to Bansai's arms with a small kiss on the forehead Kagome waited warily. Bansai gave a small bow and took his leave with the toddler who was pouting at having to leave his mother.

Tsunade made a show of glancing around the shop. "I see you found a job."

Kagome had to hold the rather acidic remark perched just on the tip of her tongue. The way the older woman had said it stated she clearly thought very little of Kagome's hard won part-time job.

"I am flattered by your concern Lady Hokage. Unfortunately I'm not a part of the serving staff. But if you wait here Lady Hokage I would be happy to get a waitress to seat you."

"No need, Uchiha-san. But to think your husband would allow you to work such a … humble position." Oh Kagome was itching to slap that smug condescending smile off.

The eye twitch couldn't be helped, "If he's got a problem with my job he'll just need to make a complaint in person, now won't he?"

"Its sad how far the Uchiha clan has fallen that the Matriarch has to support herself and child. Come Shizune, we are finished here."

"Prestige doesn't pay bills." Was all she retorted with as the woman walked out of the restaurant.

"A prestigious criminal? How does that even work?" she wondered as she scrubbed her way through her shift. She was free in the mid afternoon and it was time to start searching for answers.

Clearly it was time to do some research on her own. The rape- support group meetings had given her a small basis to work off of. But if she wasn't going to be believed that she wasn't of this world then she'd better look into the one she found herself in. Learning history and about this government would be a good starting point. She was, after all something of a history buff!

The words Library stared down from the front entrance at her as she held Shippo's hand. "Remember Shippo-chan- we need to make sure to be quiet while we are here. And if you are good Okaa-san will read you any book you want."

Dark eyes peered up in clear excitement, "Any book I want? Really?"

Shippo looked down with a look of stark seriousness and she heard him mutter, "I've got to find the bestest book in the whole li'bery!"

With a smile and a squeeze of hands the two entered the Konoha Public Library.

"This one Okaa-san! This one!" he begged as he pulled the large blue book from the shelf.

He received a quirked brow, "Ah, somehow I don't think 'A Compendium of Subtropical Deciduous Forestry' is something you would enjoy."

"But it's blue!" Was the toddler's defense.

"You can't judge a book by its cover alone."

"Why not?"

"Because even though it may look pretty on the outside on the inside it might not be- see? People are the same way as well." Kagome opened the book seeing what she expected from such an advanced title: a picture-less and small printed page.

Reluctantly Sasuke handed back the pretty blue book.

He took her hand and asked, "Can we find a book that's pretty on both the out and in?"

"Let's go look shall we?"

To her dismay nearly the bulk of children's reading material was geared towards ninja. Picture books by the dozen about brave Shinobi. The thought of this sweet child becoming a cold blooded killer made her sick to her core, so long as she was here this child would not be indoctrinated by propaganda!

"What's this one say?" Shippo asked as he pulled a picture book that had a nice looking man in a funny hat on the cover.

" 'Our Friend the Fourth'" she replied as she scanned the shelves for something not involving talking animals or ninja. The pickings were frighteningly slim- and not a single book on planes or cars or even trucks was to be seen- a staple for all little boys back home. Looking at the material she could say that there was no doubt that she was in a very militaristic if not totalitarian society.

The fact that all of the children's reading material was basically shinobi propaganda was scary stuff honestly. In the end she chose a book about a silly farmer and let Shippo hold onto 'Our Friend the Fourth'. She also grabbed a few colorful books on shapes and numbers- these would serve well as she sought out her own books.

Pictures were not utilized in most of these books she realized after she skimmed a history book. Heck there were large numbers of scrolls that were written in an archaic kanji that was only just similar enough to her world's version of Japanese. If anything it was her experience in reading the Feudal Era's more formal archaic Japanese that was saving her butt right now. After skimming she selected three hefty tomes that seemed promising. Settling down at a study table she pulled Shippo into her lap and set him to his picture books as she dove into her own selections.

Wars, territory skirmishes, alliances and betrayals. Technological inventions and advances such as electricity and radio were credited to unfamiliar names that swirled in her mind in a confused jumble. But the mysterious name of Uchiha did show up in smatterings throughout the history book. They were at least historically a big-name ninja clan that seemed to show up in just about every major conquest and conflict. Various Uchiha were credited with (or at least supposedly credited with- after all a good ninja leaves no trace) a few major political assassinations and shifts in power. But she found nothing to do with modern Uchiha or why the very large compound belonging to them was apparently abandoned. She somehow doubted they'd all decided to move away.

In fact for a history on ninja these supposed history books had a great deal to do with ninja but at the same time very little to do with ninja. The books seemed to simply state that this person or that group were ninjas and then gave body counts rather than any details beyond basic military strategy such as 'the Iga clan then pursued the rebels to the town of Dao in present day Iwa where they were surrounded under the cover of night in the forest and massacred in the dawn. The leader of the rebels' head was placed on a pike and displayed in the Daimyo's courtyard to serve as a political warning. Below to the right is an artist's depiction of the displayed head (Fig. 1 a.)'.

Ninja family trade secrets had to be upheld she presumed even in the face of posterity.

The history books all seemed to end with what they called The Age of the Great Shinobi Wars. She would need to look into a more modern history book.

It wasn't until Shippo had tugged at her shirt that she regained even a semblance of time once more "Lookit the doggy Okaa-san! Isn't it funny?"

That was no doggy. Kagome stared at the picture book that depicted an enormous nine tailed fox. And with that Kagome shifted gears entirely- eager for at least something she was familiar with- demons.

This Fourth Hokage guy wasn't just some folklore legendary hero. He was a very real man who had died some 15 years prior according to only one of her history books. But that was where things got sketchy.

There simply was no information about the man other than he was indeed, the Fourth Hokage who died fighting a demonic entity. And forget about even asking a librarian about finding a book about said demonic entity. The look she'd gotten from the librarian made her regret even asking not a second later.

It was the sort of look that she'd seen in spy movies back home when someone was asking dangerous questions- the sort of questions that made people 'disappear' in films. With no desire to end up in that interrogation room again she wisely apologized and returned to her table.

People in Konoha don't talk about the demon attack. There was clearly some sort of government cover-up involved and she wasn't sure she wanted to go opening up strange cans of worms best left alone. Knowing her luck and armed with the wild conspiracy theories of her own world she could hazard a guess. It would probably turn out that the demon was in fact, very much alive and being used for some research or weapon or something. Equally as likely was that this Fourth guy was like Elvis with people claiming he was still alive somewhere. Perhaps a dash of extraterrestrial involvement too for good measure.

"Okay!" she clapped her hands lightly, "That's enough conspiracy theories for today. And I think my brain's going to explode if I read one more battle. What do you say we read your book now, Shippo-chan? You've been waiting so patiently!"

The boy situated himself even more comfortably in her lap and went into what she was quickly coming to call 'story mode'. It was cute really, Shippo would automatically place his middle and ring fingers of his left hand into his mouth while his right fist would grab at the material of her shirt. With that she began to read 'Our Friend the Fourth' in a soft voice, mindful of the other patrons.

As soon as she was done small dark eyes peered up, "Can we read it again? Please?"

"We have to go home and help JiJi with dinner."

He held a tiny pointer finger out, "One more time, then dinner?"

"Sorry Honey, but lets see if we can take some books with us." Kagome collected the history book she'd found most useful along with 'Our Friend the Fourth'.

"We can do that?" came a mystified little voice as he hopped down from her lap.

"In my experience libraries let you check books out to take home for a few day."

"Certainly miss, may I see your ID Card?" The librarian asked politely.

"I'm afraid I don't have one. But I do have a work permit from the Hokage." She offered as she began to pull out the permit from the bag she was using as a purse.

"No, Ma'am I'm afraid a work permit is not a valid form of identification. We can make one in your son's name if you have his ID." The young woman suggested briskly.

"My son wasn't… uh, he wasn't born here. He also doesn't have an ID Card…"

The look on the librarians face clearly stated 'then why are you freaking here- you moron'

"…My, uh… husband… is a citizen…" Kagome muttered weakly, unsure of how exactly she would be able to check out the books being unable to legally obtain even a library card without a true ID.

"Do you know his ID Number?"

"No. No, I don't. Sorry." She tacked on the small apology.

"Well then Ma'am you'll just have to come back tomorrow with your husband to set up a card in his name. We would be happy to hold the books for you."

"Oh, that won't work! He's uh, kind of not here right now…"

The librarian looked less than sympathetic. Shame welled up as she realized that she was holding up the line.

A man behind her cleared his throat, "Uh, I couldn't help overhearing. I'd be willing to check the books out for her."

Kagome apprised the man he was young looking with long brown hair pulled up in a ponytail with a distinctive scar running across his nose and cheeks.

"Oh, I'd hate to be a bother."

"Its not a problem Ma'am. I'm only checking out one book and the limit is ten. As long as you return it in two weeks I don't think there should be a problem, right?" He turned to the librarian who added the history book and picture book to the man's checkout.

"What a nice man, don't you think Shippo-chan? Say thank you!"

"Thank you very much Mister!" Shippo obeyed with a smile.

"Not a problem, always a pleasure to encourage young readers!" The man laughed and then excused himself.

~!~! ! ! Ichiraku Ramen stand

"Ne, Sakura-chan… Aren't you curious?" Naruto mused as he slurped at his ramen, "I mean, what sort of person could it be?"

"Don't speak so loud!" Sakura hissed, though she too was very curious. What sort of woman could have possibly appealed to one such as Itachi Uchiha? She recalled the utterly handsome man related to Sasuke-kun. The few times she'd seen him he seemed so very stoic and untouchable. Sasuke-kun was just so much better, but there was no denying Itachi was hot.

"I'll bet she's got great-" Naruto held his hands out to his chest making a grasping motion.

"Don't you dare finish that!" Sakura roared as she slammed Naruto's face into his bowl of hot ramen- breaking the dish.

"Aww, don't be like that Sakura-chan! Our off day is tomorrow so whadya' say you n' me go looking for Mrs. Uchiha?" He grumbled as he picked up the broken shards under Ayame's watchful gaze. The bowl would be coming out of his paycheck, he just knew it.

"Pass. Lady Tsunade said to stay away Naruto." Sakura warned him, "Why don't you do something productive with your off time. Like maybe read up on some new jutsu? Or study for the Chunin exam?"

The next morning

"If I were Itachi's family, where would I be?" Naruto pondered deeply as he searched the streets of Konoha. First he had attempted to go Sasuke's old apartment and found it much the same- dreary and empty.

No sign of his brooding teammate or a possible family member. The blond contemplated what Sasuke's new family members might be like. He'd only met Itachi once to his knowledge and had only gotten the faint impression that the man was dangerous and serious.

A woman that would be attracted to such a man had to be insane or something. But girls were attracted to Sasuke's mopey moodiness, weren't they? So maybe women were attracted to his older brother in much the same way? If they were, he couldn't for the life of him see why.

"Ghost!" He screamed as he saw a small pale figure peer out at him from the entrance of the abandoned compound. He nearly took off then and there, screw the haunted Uchiha place!

But a second glance made him pause. It wasn't a ghost; it was just a little kid. A really familiar looking kid…

"Sasuke?"

The toddler glanced up and replied, "Act-ally it prwonounced 'Shippo'." Okaa-san always said that so he would too!

"Naw you are too small to be Teme. But man you sure do look like him!" The genin eyed the boy- it was uncanny really. But the most glaring difference was the fact that this kid was smiling- Sasuke didn't really do that. And the hair wasn't spiky like Sasuke's.

The toddler did his own appraisal of the teenager who looked very familiar. A small laugh of recognition spilled from his lips, it was the man from his book- Firth Hoke! Firth Hoke was here to see him!

"You are in my book! I love you Firth Hoke!" Shippo proceeded to hug Naruto's leg before reaching up to hold the blond teen's hand, "Wanna come see my room?!"

Yeah this was definitely not Sasuke, for one that bastard would die before hugging or telling Naruto that he loved him in any way, shape or form. In fact Naruto himself would probably beat the stuffing out of Sasuke if he actually did that. He wasn't gay.

"Okaa-san says they are tacky, but I like 'em!"

"Ne Kid, are you Uchiha?!"

"Okaa-san says it pwonounced 'Higurashi'. So you should say that. The Lady Hoke calls her Uchiha and it makes her mad! Okaa-sans scary when she's mad!"

Naruto nervously let himself be lead into the old Uchiha compound by the baby-Sasuke- look alike. Somehow he'd always imagined the place Sasuke had grown up to be less spooky.

The toddler was letting out a continuous stream of chatter that Naruto could only pick out a few words here and there. He wasn't around children this small and so had a hard time deciphering what he took to be 'baby talk'. So he simply nodded when he thought the boy was asking him a question or a small sound of agreement occasionally.

"JiJi go nap-nap!" and indeed there was an old man snoozing on the porch next to a toolbox in the warm sunshine. Well that explained what the kid had been doing so close to the road, his grandfather had fallen asleep.

Before he knew what was happening Naruto found himself inside the main house still being lead by mini-sasuke by the hand and apparently being given the grand tour. Naruto instinctively raised a hand to turn on the lights only to realize the lights didn't work.

He was lead through several rooms the highlights being the toddler-proclaimed 'softest futon bed in the whole world', and two picture books that the boy proudly handed to Naruto recommending the teen read such mind shattering literature. Naruto merely handed the books back stating 'perhaps another time'.

The tour had ended in the kitchen with the toddler showing off the fridge his grandfather had modified to run off of a jutsu of some sort rather than electricity. Next apparently was the stove.

"My friend Gin at the playground said that before his baby sister was born that his Auntie said she had a bun in the oven. So babies gotta come from the oven I think. Its gotta be like the mirror world fwom Okaa-san's story wif the bad Pwincess! Only my baby sister's on the other side of the oven."

Naruto took a few moments to realize that all he'd really understood of the babble as the kid stopped in front of the oven was 'Baby Sister' and 'In the oven'.

"Nani?!" Naruto immediately leapt to open the oven thinking the kid had actually put his younger sibling in there. The oven was empty and Naruto felt a cold sweat break on his forehead.

"Uh, what's yer name? Shippy?"

"Shippo!"

"Yeah- Shippo-chan. Where's yer sister? Where'd you put her?"

Scoffing, Shippo pouted and crossed his little arms in exasperation, "I didn't put her anywhere! I've looked everywhere for her. But I can't find her!"

The pout soon turned to a frustrated cry as big tears streamed down his face, "I want my baby sister!"

"You lost your baby sister?!" Naruto couldn't hold back the panic in his voice. The kid had described his mother as being scary and this was Itachi Uchiha's wife. Itachi on his own was downright frightening so the blonde could only imagine how much more terrifying his wife would be.

"D-Did NOT! Wahhh! I did not loose her!" Shippo threw himself on the ground in an impressive flailing of limbs. The tantrum lasted a total of a minute as Naruto floundered about the child promising sweets and ramen if he'd stop screaming. It took a promise of three bowls and a bag of candy before the fit was subdued.

"The book says you can do anything! Can you help me find my baby sister?"

Thus began a small quest of an unlikely duo: a blond moron in an orange jumpsuit and a small dark haired child perched upon the moron's shoulders. Together the two bounded about the village in search of baby girls.

Shippo couldn't help but smile, the Firth Hoke really could do anything- including helping him pick out the perfect baby sister! Okaa-san would be so happy!

"Her eyes aren't the right color."

"She's too chubby!"

"NO, her hair's not the wight color!"

"This is a boy!"

"! Firth Hoke, stop! That's her! That's my baby sistah!" Shippo tugged on the teen's headband as he pointed.

~!~!~!~

"I'm home!" Kagome announced as she walked through the front door with a small container of leftovers from the restaurant. Free food really was the best!

"Okaa-san! Lookie! Lookie! The Firth Hoke helped me find my baby sister!"

Kagome felt her face drain of all blood as she weakly croaked out, "… What? …"

She could only stare in mute horror as Shippo held a baby dressed in a frilly pink onesie, half-dragging her from underneath her arms, "An' that's Okaa-san! She's the most prettiest and bestest Okaa-san in the whole world! You'll see, she makes the best oden!"

The blonde boy who she only just now noticed standing in her living room, surprising really considering he was clad in the most neon colored orange she had ever seen, crossed his arms and gave a wide smile. Who on Earth?

Before the miko could even grasp what was going on, Shippo was half dragging the cooing baby elsewhere- clearly intent on giving a 'grand tour'.

Weakly she opened her mouth to speak only to find that she had no words. Slowly sinking down to the ground she held her head in her hand. Just how much trouble was she in now?

She gazed up pitifully at the young man clad in the orange tracksuit who looked entirely too pleased with himself. It looked like he expected praise.

How? Just how exactly did the three year old scam a shinobi into stealing a baby? Shinobi were supposed to be smart, weren't they?

"Shinobi-san, I don't have a baby daughter… I'm afraid you let my toddler coerce you into kidnapping someone else's baby… You may want to return her to her parents. Now please." Kagome stated weakly.

Orange-clad was silent a moment before utterly losing it, screaming and pointing at her, "What do you mean that's not your baby?! You kiddin' me? Aww man! Crap!"

Why was he yelling at her? Patience flying right out the window she yelled right back, "You look here, buddy. I don't know WHO you are, but you are going to put that baby back or so help me!"

Color drained from the tanned face and the boy joined her on the floor in utter despair. Well that explained why an an old lady had chased them when he'd picked the baby up…

"Noooo! Firth Hoke helped me find my baby sistah!" Shippo held on tighter to his 'baby sister', unwilling to relinquish her.

Thinking swiftly Kagome replied, "Ah but Mr. Fouth Hokage has to go back home now so he's got to take her with him!"

Snatching the baby quickly she deposited the girl in Orange-san's arms and shoved the boy forcefully out of her front door. This was no longer her problem!

Early Hours of the next morning

It was the first chance he'd gotten to check in on his child since learning the boy's name. There had simply been no time- he and Kisame had spent the last week trekking in the dense marshlands of Wave country searching for what had panned out to be a false lead complete with S-ranked missing nin eager for the bounty on Kisame's head. Needless to say, Itachi was very glad for Kisame's new boots.

However he was now safe and sound in one of the many Akatsuki safe houses and had been unable to resist the temptation.

The boy no longer occupied the room he'd first encountered the child in, instead he found Shippo asleep in his mother's arms underneath a thick futon in one of the Eastern rooms of the house. How curious the woman had not taken residence in the master bedroom.

Carefully pecking at the windowsill Itachi managed to open it just enough to squeeze the crow's body through. A ruffle of feathers found Itachi awkwardly directing the crow to hop quietly through the house after the boy.

He followed the child to another room and he heard the boy's voice for the very first time. It was soft and sweet.

The bird's body was unable to hear with clarity what the child was saying. But he could hear the hesitation and question in the voice. A second voice drifted out the door. It was an elderly man's voice that was easier to discern.

"Shippo-chan, JiJi needs at least one more hour of sleep- it is not yet even 5am. Go to your honorable mother and return to sleep, please."

Since his chakra was masked by the crow summons body Itachi didn't fear being caught. All he'd needed to do was cast a nearly undetectable genjutsu that would make the crow summon look like it truly was: a crow to the rest of the world. Only his son would see the crow clone of himself.

He watched the toddler struggle in attempting to open the refrigerator door. The child hadn't grasped the fact that you couldn't brace a foot on something you were attempting to pull towards you.

The boy looked at him oddly for a few moments before sitting down at the table, "Maskies not allowed in house- Okaa-san said!"

"I'm not wearing a mask." Itachi countered and smiled when the boy seemed to accept this answer, "Are you hungry?"

"JiJi makes b'fast." The boy pouted at him.

"I'm gonna ask Okaa-san for a baby sistah!" Sasuke told the man, unsure what one said to a clearly magical creature because a conversation about socks seemed lacking. Turning from a bird to man was as clear an indication of magic as the toddler knew.

Itachi nearly dropped the egg carton at that declaration and he asked quietly, "You want a sister?"

Itachi didn't like the thought of the woman who'd borne his precious child into the world becoming with child once more. At least with another man's child.

The toddler hadn't noticed the man's dark look and had continued to provide his rather convincing argument for a little sister (at least in his mind), "And she'll wear pwetty dwesses! She'll be good a making cookies like Okaa-san and play wif me!"

Itachi smiled at his son's reasons for a sister, "What about a little brother?" he prompted. He certainly couldn't promise a girl.

Shippo's face scrunched up as though he'd swallowed a sour lemon, "No! Brudders bad! 'Cause he'll hurt Okaa-san!"

That was a strange thing to say, but Itachi assumed the boy thought that the act of carrying a brother would somehow hurt his mother. It made him wonder if she'd had a difficult time birthing his son. She would have been very young when she'd done so- any child would have been dangerous.

Perhaps his son had overheard that his own birth had nearly killed his mother or had hurt her, that would explain his fear of her having a boy.

He'd not felt performance anxiety since he'd entered the ninja academy as the youngest student. But that innocent gaze on him as he attempted to make his child the perfect egg felt like a million tons. This would be his son's first impression of him and he wanted it to go well. Thus the need for a perfect fried egg.

The boy looked down at the perfect egg with a small pout. The pout soon turned to tears and sobs. Itachi's heart sank, "Is something wrong with the eggs?"

He awkwardly tried to quell his son's tears with tentative pat on the back.

Adorable eyes looked at him, "W-want toast!"

Kagome could only blink at the sight of every plate in her kitchen on the floor with an egg on each one. Upon closer inspection each egg had very slight imperfections but nothing to detract from eating them. How odd and wasteful!

"Did you do this?" Kagome asked the toddler who was happily munching on a piece of toast that was rather burnt.

Shippo shook his head, "Magical birdy man flew in through the window and talked to me!"

"Birdy-man made eggs but I wanted toast, Kaa-san! Then he flew away!"

"Is that so?" Kagome mused darkly thinking the 'bird-man' was the Owl masked elite ninja that had been assigned to them, " And just who does he think is going to clean up this mess?!"

Lol I saw the short of Itachi making eggs… I regret nothing. And Naruto will probably be the only Hokage to have a record of child abduction to his name… But at least we see Sasuke and Naruto together again! And what a pair they are… Buttering up Naruto by calling him 'Hokage' and Naruto thick enough to fall for it. You can almost guarantee these two will cause more mayhem together.