A/N I really don't know where this came from. I didn't put it in my "Not so Different as Night and Day" series because I really didn't think it fit with those fluffy drabbles there. Plus there's a big mention of Kate in this one, and I didn't think that should go in there with all that Zabby, enjoy. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS, and if I was making any profit off of this I wouldn't be writing it on OpenOffice, on an e-machines.

Sinking. After Kate, Abby was sinking. Slipping slowly away, her happy demeanor harder to hold up. There were mornings when she didn't want to get out of bed. Not because she was tired, or she just wanted to cuddle with her best friend with benefits, and possibly more.

The horrible mess she had left herself in.

Their routine of a few times a month, usually when they both had a bit of alcohol in their systems. Had slowly increased to a few times a week. Usually when they were quite sober. Something was forming. Something beautiful.

Abby had just confessed it to herself, she had decided that when all the Ari craziness has passed she would tell her, remember it was just another big case at the time. When they finished something big they went out to drinks. She was going to tell Kate then, ask her if she wanted to be more than just benefits. If she wanted to be more than just friends. She would ask her when she was in her bed, that night, or if they were both tired. The next morning.

But then Ari killed her.

A shot to the head.

Between the eyes.

Dead. Gone. Forever.

Abby began to sink.

Then Ziva came. Ziva was Mossad. Ziva was someone to hate. Someone to blame for Kate's death. Someone to blame for the fact that she hadn't been able to tell Kate how she felt.

She despised her.

Yet she didn't it was lies.

To herself.

She was sinking.

She needed to hate. She needed the anger, because if she didn't have that. She would just be sorrow, hollow self-hating sorrow.

She was sinking.

The more she dreamed, the more she slept. The more she thought. Kate haunted her.

So she stopped dreaming, she stopped sleeping. She focused on nothing but her work. Kate still haunted her, in everything she did.

She was sinking.

Slowly, people started to take notice. Her perkiness, and cute jokes seemed to be forced, and take effort where they never did before. Her smiles were fewer and farther inbetween. Only half of them reached her eyes.

The lack of sleep was taking a physical and mental toll.

Bags under her eyes. Slower, and less accurate work. She should be allowed time to grieve. Everyone knew, more like hoped, she would snap out of it.

She was sinking.

Everyone was worried about her.

But none more than a certain Mossad liaison officer who had taken an interest in Abby from the very beginning.

XxXxXxX

One day, long after their case was closed. Everyone else had gone home. Ziva was finishing up her paper work. There was something that didn't add up in the forensics, that had been happening a lot more lately. Do to Abby's lack of sleep.

Ziva ran her fingers through her already frazzled hair, and let out a low huff. She debated whether she wanted to go see if Abby was in her lab. She was in there at this hour a lot lately. So Ziva decided to chance it.

The music was gone, also something that was steadily becoming regular. The lights were out. So Ziva decided maybe she was wrong, maybe Abby had finally gone home at a reasonable hour, and gotten some sleep. Just as she was about to leave she saw the desk lamp on.

Instantly sinking back into her Mossad spy mode. She slipped through the dark lab to Abby's office. She dropped the file she had come to ask about on Abby's desk. "Abby?"

She had her head in her hands, and for a minute Ziva thought she had fallen asleep like that. She touched Abby's shoulder intending to repeat her name. But the shock she felt at the skin to skin contact stopped her. She realized this was the first time they had touched.

"Abby? Is everything alright?" Ziva inquired when she had gotten over the shock of their contact. She wished she hadn't, it was a stupid question. Of course everything wasn't alright, nothing was alright, nothing was right at all.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Another stupid question, if Abby wanted to talk about it. She definitely wouldn't talk about it to Ziva. Maybe McGee or Gibbs, possibly Tony.

But never Ziva.

She despised Ziva, and that hurt Ziva in a way she couldn't understand.

Abby surprised Ziva with an answer when she was half way toward the door.

"Okay."

"What?" Ziva asked turning.

"You asked..., if I wanted to talk about it... I do." Ziva recognized the way every word stuck in Abby's throat. She was on the verge of tears. Ziva felt the unfamiliar urge to hold her. Cradle her in her arms. Tell her it was all going to be okay. Ziva want to fight off all the monsters Abby was facing, and see that wonderful smile.

"Okay, what has the best forensic scientist NCIS has ever seen so upset?" Ziva asked leaning on the edge of Abby's desk.

Abby gave a little smile at Ziva's compliment, and rubbed her eyes with the pads of her palms. As if she could physically push the tears back where they came from.

"Kate." The one syllable seem to stretch out forever. Ziva was getting into something she wasn't sure she knew how to deal with.

"I'm very sorry, I know she meant a lot to you. I should have seen that Ari was no longer loyal to Mossad," Ziva scolded herself.

"Kate and I were more than just friends," Ziva could tell Abby was trying her hardest not to cry. More than friends? Ziva felt an entirely inappropriate pang of jealousy. But Abby had more.

"We were..., friends with.., benefits," Abby was forcing herself to speak over the lump in her throat. But wondering if Ziva even knew what she meant by it.

She in fact did, Tony had used the term to Ziva about a female friend from college last week, and Ziva had made McGee explain it to her at threatening pen point. Again that jealousy panged in her, she just wished her emotions would hush themselves up, they only ever got in the way anyway.

"I.., I think I loved her," Abby added in a whisper.

This made Ziva perk up to stare at Abby, before she could take control of herself again.

"You did not get to tell her did you?" Ziva asked, and before she knew it she was holding a sobbing Abby.

They both sunk to the floor.

Ziva held the shaking goth as she sobbed out, "I loved her, and now I'll never get to tell her." Slowly Ziva stroked Abby's back, "she knows." It came out of Ziva's mouth before taking the regular pit stop at her brain.

Abby looked up at Ziva from where she had been hiding in her shoulder. Her scared red rimmed eyes staring into Ziva's surprisingly welcoming chocolate brown ones.

"You really think that?" Abby was shaking. If Ziva wasn't there holding her around the waist, holding her up. Keeping her form sinking to the floor.

She didn't even need Ziva's reply, she just needed Ziva.

Solid, firm, strong, Ziva.

She had stopped sinking.

Ziva had caught her.

Caught her in her strong firm embrace.

How had she hated her? She was the only thing Abby could hold onto right now. The first solid thing she had found since Kate.

She was no longer sinking.

A/N So this was a bit darker than my usual stuffs. I'm thinking of writing a sequel to this. If you would like to see one, tell me so in your review that I just know you were planning on writing for me :)