BTW in this story when Mick broke up with Amber she got over him really fast and she and Mara are still friends but Patricia and Amber did switch rooms

My name is Mara Jaffray and I feel pretty unpretty right now. I have to admit to myself that I will never be the girl anyone wants. I'm not one of those flawless looking girls, I'm a book worm I'm a little awkward during socializing with other people.

I have to just admit to myself no guy will like me even Mick admitted that he was only using me to get over Amber and to help him with his training program and homework. I am nobody's dream girl. I should just be happy for what I get. I get great grades and basically that's all, my parents rarely visit no one in the house talk's to me anymore since me and Mick broke up I could never get what I want.

No matter how hard I try. I just have to accept the fact that I'm just "the strange book-worm" no guy wants me and wants to date me. I guess I just have to live with my horrible life to be honest I don't really know why I feel like this. I use to think I was sorta cute to myself but when I entered the Anubis house that change for some reason.

I opened the door to Anubis house when a woman wearing an apron holding a tray of cookies greeted her

"Oh hi deary, I'm Trudy I'll be your house mother for the time that you'll be staying in this house" Trudy said

"Hi, I'm Mara" I said

"Well Mara, your room will be on the second floor the door to the left" Trudy said

"Oh thanks" I said

"Do you need any help with your luggage" Trudy said placing the tray of freshly bake cookies on a table

"No I'm fine" I said headed for the stairs

When I opened the door I saw a pretty no, not pretty but a beautiful girl. A beautiful long haired blonde with dark blue eyes, with pink lips and flawless skin

"Oh hi" The blonde said when she saw me at the door frame. She was fixing her things, she had a lot of makeup but she didn't have that much makeup on her face when I first saw her.

"Hello" I said looking at her. I was amazed how beautiful she was. I never have seen some one as beautiful as her before. I was snap out of my train of thought when she spoke.

"You must be my roommate, Im Amber and you are?" She said smiling

"Im Mara" I said shaking her hand

"Well, hello Mara. Which bed would you like" She said pointing to the bed. Her things were already on the bed next to the window so I decided to take the other one

"I'll take this one" I said putting my things down on the bed

"Well good. Now, where did I put my lipstick" She said looking around the room.

When I was settled I went down to the common room with my favorite book. I sat down on the chair next to the window when a light blonde haired boy walked into the room with Amber on his arm. The boy was pretty fit and good looking. I was at aw when I saw him.

"Oh hi Mara" Amber said when she saw me reading "Boo this is my new roommate Mara, Mara this is Mick my boyfriend" When she said that it was like someone stabbed a knife in my heart.

Ever since that day I was insecure about my looks. I always wondered what Amber had that I didn't

I was walking home when a group of cheerleaders walked up to me headed by a girl named Chelsea . Chelsea and I use to be friends, she was actually my first friend outside of Anubis house but when Chelsea joined the cheerleader squad we drifted apart. They ganged up at me and just started insulting me and saying

"For an honor student you are really stupid for thinking that Mick would honestly like you"

I didn't reply I just looked down not meeting their eyes

"Hey girls" I hear a girl yelling it was Amber wearing her cheerleading uniform "What are you guys doing to Mara"

"Nothing we were just leaving" Chelsea said and walked away with the others

"Oh Mara are you alright, don't let them get to you" Amber said hugging me but I pushed her away

"Don't touch me Amber you're the reason why this is happening to me" I yelled looking at her with tears at the side of my eyes

"What how is this my fault" Amber said surprised

"I was never insecure until I met you, now people keep calling me stupid for feeling pretty, for actually thinking that a guy like Mick would actually like me." I spatted

"Oh.. Mara.. I never knew that you… felt like that" Amber said

"You have no idea what I feel right now, I feel unpretty. inside-out. I just want to rip myself into bits and pieces and just disappear. Being alone and feeling alone is the worst but how would you know your Amber Millington every guy wants you and every girl wants to be you" I said my voice breaking and a tear escaping from my eyes

Amber just stood there in silent she didn't know what else to say so I just ran away crying.

When I got back to the house I quickly run upstairs to my room and laid on my bed and started crying. I skipped dinner that day, Patricia tried to convince me to go down but I couldn't, I wasn't hungry, I felt sick, sick of myself.

I stood up and walked to my dresser and took out a small knife and pressed it to my skin; I took a deep breath, and punctured the point of the knife into my skin, blood started to oozed down from my wrist at first it hurt a lot but I did it again and the more I did it the pain went away.

Tears started to fall from my eyes and landed on my wrist meeting with the blood that was coming out of my wrist. I continued to cut myself and more blood oozed down my arm, knowing that the rest were downstairs I ran to the bathroom and took a towel, wet it and pressed it against my wrist.

Cutting myself wasn't new to me I did it when I was 11 years old when my best friend moved away and my sister went to Dubai for her studies. I never felt more alone those days. I stopped for a while but I continued when I was 13 when my parents announced that they were sending me to boarding school.

I turned the shower on and sat there crying still holding the towel to my wrist, it stings a lot but it was better than what they would do to me if I go outside. I would just get their pity and that was the last thing I wanted for people to look down on me, they already thought of me as a "worthless book worm" and I don't want them to think I'm suicidal.

After a few minutes I got up and took a dry towel and dried myself. I went back to my room to change, it was empty; I wasn't surprised Patricia was busy with her new friends. I opened my closet and took out a grey blouse with long sleeves. I took my journal and wrote down all of my thoughts. As I was writing I heard a knock on the door.

"Mara open up it's me, Jerome" He said knocking on the door.

Jerome? What would he want? I opened the door using the arm that I cut earlier, I was weak very weak but I put on my best face and pretend like nothing was wrong. I didn't want for Jerome of all people to see me as weak as I feel.

"What do you want?" I said looking at him with a blanked expression

"I was just wondering why you didn't go downstairs for dinner." Jerome said

"I wasn't hungry." I said noticing I still had my journal open. I was just about to close it when Jerome snatched it from me and read it

The thoughts flood my brain when I least expect it. Little voices in my head say "Your friends will be better off without you" or "Nobody wants you". And it's getting harder to ignore.

Everything sucks right now.
I cut myself again. It hurts more than I remembered when I was young.

When Jerome read the journal I was literally scared of what he was going to say.

"Mara what is the meaning of this?" He ask, his voice firm

"It's nothing give it back." I said but Jerome took the journal and healed it above his head. I jumped trying to reach the journal but couldn't, Jerome was too tall. As I had one arm up trying to reach for the journal, Jerome took hold of her arm, as Jerome grabbed her hand, I let out a small scream of pain. Jerome wondered why I screamed on pain and pulled my sleeve up and saw the scars

"Mara, what is the meaning of this?" Jerome said looking at my arm but I didn't answer I just looked down.

"Mara. I demand you to tell me, what is the meaning of this?" Jerome said his voice firm.

"Why should I and why do you even care?" I said looking up still Jerome holding my arm "No one ever cares about me"

When Jerome heard the last words came out from my lips he looked struck. I was trying to squirm free from his grip but he was holding me too tight. I wanted to scream but couldn't. I suddenly remembered on my first encounter with Jerome.

"Can you please stop staring at me like that, it's creepy" I said not looking up from my book.

"Oh was I staring? Sorry I didn't notice" Jerome said snapping out of his trance

"That I gathered seeing your expression" I said still not looking up from my book but I could tell he was smiling.

"And how would you know what my expression was if you wouldn't even look up at me" Jerome said. I looked up at him with a blank expression

"Now if you'll excuse me I have to get back to my book" I said looking back down at my book

"Okay, Fine by the way I'm Jerome Clarke and you are?" He asked with a smirk on his face.

"Name's Mara Jaffray" I replied, still not looking up at Jerome

"Will you please look at me" Jerome said more of a command than a request really

A tall dark boy, who looked as of our age suddenly entered the room with his skateboard in hand and put an arm around Jerome's shoulder.

"Hey mate and who is this pretty girl you're talking to?" He asked.

"Alfie get your arm off of me" Jerome said bugging Aflie's arm off of him

"Ouch, touchy much" Aflie said rubbing his arm

When I saw that scene I let out a small giggle

"And the book worm smile's" Jerome said with a smile on his face.

I blushed a little but didn't really know why, I just tried to hide it by looking down

"Are you turning red?" Alfie asked looking closer at me.

When Jerome noticed that I was blushing, his smile grew bigger.

"What? I'm not blushing it's just hot and-" I was cut off by Alfie

"What's your name, I'm Alfred but people call me Alfie" He said giving a hand to shake but I didn't acknowledge it.

"My name's Mara and if you'd excuse me I have to finished this book" I said standing up and headed for the stair's

I could feel Jerome stare at me as I ascended to the stairs and I still could feel my face flushed.

"Why do I care?" Jerome said gripping my hand even firmer "Mara I care about you a lot. I always have for a long time."

"Oh really,'cause by the way your acting shows otherwise" I said fiercely. "Jerome, just leave me alone."

Instead of leaving mralone Jerome just wrapped his arm mrand hugged me. I started to cry, Jerome pulled me even closer

"Mara, it's going to be fine" Jerome whispers trying to comfort me.

"No." I said pushing Jerome way "It's not going to be fine Jerome. It had never been fine not since" I said pausing.

"Since what Mara? Tell me." Jerome said "Cause if it's because of the break up with Mick there are so many better-" He didn't got to finish the sentence when I cut him off

"No, it's not about the break up" I said looking down

"Then what tell me. I can help you" He said taking a step closer to me

"No you can't, No one can help me" I said lowering her voice and taking a step back

"We will never know if you don't tell me" Hesaid taking two steps closer to me

"And why should I tell you?" I said finally looking up to him, I noticed how closer we were but I didn't move away. "Who are you to me"

"Who am I? Who the hell am I? I'm the one who knows you the best" Jerome said leaning even closer to me. So close that the only think that was separating them was our clothes.

"Oh don't flatter yourself" I hissed. I was angry that he actually believe that he knew me the best "You know nothing about me"

"Oh I disagree. I know about when you were only 11 that your best friend moved away and your sister went to Dubai" He said, leaning his forehead against mine

"How… did... you" I said stuttering. I was beyond surprised how in the hell Jerome knew about my past.

"Don't underestimate me Mara. I know a lot of things" He whispered in my ear

"Is that so? Then I guess you're more of a creep then I thought" I leaned up and whispered in his ear

"I know a lot of things about the people I love" He said

I couldn't understand what he meant by 'people I love' What does that mean? Does that mean he loves me? But that's not possible, it was Jerome. Jerome didn't like me or did he? We had bonded for a short period of time while Mick was away in the states.

He had shared with me private tidbits about his life, about his parents, and mostly importantly, a glimpse into his real self. Jerome opened up to me about his past and I knew he didn't tell anyone else not even Alfie.

But for him to love me was just absurd.

"What do you mean people you love?" I asked unsure if I wanted to hear the answer

"You heard me I didn't stutter. I love you Mara" Jerome said leaning even closer than he already was, our lips only two inches away from each other

I shook her head and squeezed my eyes tightly shut.

No, no, no!

I refused to believe that Jerome actually loves me. I pushed him away and took a step back.

"You're lying" She said

"No I'm not" He said taking a step towards me

"No you can't. You can't love me Jerome. You can't!" I said breaking down on the floor crying

"And why not?" Jerome said hugging me, who was kneeling on the floor

"Cause it's not right. No one can love me. No one ever love's me. They just keep me hanging on but sometime around they would just abounded me" I said, I couldn't look up at him.

Jerome hugged me even tighter "Hush Mara. I'm here"

"Im… Im.. Im" I stuttered not knowing what to say. We just stayed at their position. Jerome lifted my chin and kissed me. I closed my eyes as I continued to cry, feeling his lips on mine.

So what you think. When I made my cousin read it she said it stunk so tell me what you think

R&R please!