Disclaimer: After this week's episode (My Own Worst Enemy) I had to write SOMETHING. I don't own anything

A/N: This in itself is a one shot but I might add a chapter for every episode. It's kind of a 'what happened after the camera faded?' look. If you like it let me know whether I should do one for next week's ep.

A/N2: Only edited by yours truly, no beta.

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With shaky hands Maura poured herself another glass of sherry. She looked around her home, it seemed empty without Ian. She let out a bark of laughter; he was only there for two days. Maura hated that she felt like this, whenever he came blowing into her life it was like she was on heroin, everything was so wonderful and she felt like she could do anything. But each time it ended the same way: he always left and Maura crashed and burned. Like a junky in withdrawal she moped around for weeks, the pain so bad it was hard for her to get out of bed. She tossed back the small shot of amber liquid; it was a drink meant to be sipped and her throat protested. She gagged, her eyes burned and more tears spilled from them.

"Damn it." She hoarsed and above her she heard the water shut off, Jane had finished her shower. Shutting off the kitchen light she trudged upstairs. She wasn't surprised to see her friend tonight; the way they had left things at work did not sit well with Maura. When she confronted Ian with what Jane had found and he quickly packed his things and left. She sat motionless in the living room once the door clicked shut behind him. Maura felt that she should be mad at Jane for what she had done but in a way it was a blessing, Ian was going to leave sooner or later.

She walked into the bedroom stripping her clothes off as she stepped into the closet for her pajamas. She winched seeing her boxes of shoes out of order. Why did she agree to let Angela 'organize' for her again? Returning to her room she crawled under the covers, too depressed to even brush her teeth. She looked up as the adjoined bathroom door opened and Jane stepped out. She had on one of Maura's old BCU t-shirts and nothing else. Wordlessly she crawled into the bed next to Maura, turning the lamp off as she rolled onto her back. For a while they were silent, just listing to each other breathe.

Maura turned her head and looked at Jane's strong profile. She smiled; Jane had no idea how beautiful she was. Looking back up at the ceiling she chewed on her bottom lip, she felt bad for keeping Jane at arm's length these past two days, it made her feel guilty.

Slowly she started, "I met Ian in France; we were assigned to Ethiopia together." Her voice was rough almost as hoarse as Jane's. She winched and cleared her throat, "I-" She took a shuttering breath. "It's hard for me to talk about him because he reminds me of a time of my life I don't like to dwell on." She risked a glance at Jane again; she could tell by her breathing that she was still awake. "That year was one of the best and one of the worst of my life. You cannot imagine the things we saw and did Jane, the poverty, the helplessness of those people, but we also made a difference. The country was not in a declared war when we were there but there was violence, food shortages, AIDS, rape…. Women-women over there are not treated as human, they are property. The things I did-what I treated there, I was going to lose it. We went five days without water and food, five days without any kind of modern anything before the supplies arrived. Ian kept me sane, without him I wouldn't have made it. Even once the shipment came in, it wasn't much.

"Finally the year was up, I was so excited. I was coming back to the states and I had assumed that Ian was coming with me. I figured he felt what I felt. I knew I found that man I would marry." She felt Jane shift towards her, a rough hand reaching out to lie on her hip. She bit back the tears, "But he had asked to stay in Africa for another year. He said we were making a difference and he could not leave that, he couldn't leave those people there to suffer alone. He couldn't understand why I didn't want to stay." She paused, "I could have stayed, I should have but I was too selfish. I could not stand to see another child lose its mother to AIDS, another young girl raped and pregnant, another starving child die. I couldn't I couldn't…" Maura's voice stopped when the sobs got too strong. She felt Jane pull her close.

"It's okay Maura. I'm so sorry, I had no idea." Jane knew Maura did the Doctors without Borders thing but she had no idea what her friend had seen. Trying to picture Maura out in the elements in Africa was almost comical. But hearing her talk, witnessing her cry made Jane's already high opinion of her best friend grow immensely.

"Do, do you understand? I can't go back there and he can't leave there; I-I why can't I just quit feeling what I feel for him? Why do I keep letting him back in, I know he will leave."

"Shhh," Jane ran her hands down Maura's back, "Because you love him." The words sounded foreign in her mouth and she cringed.

"I gave him an ultimatum, me or Africa and he chose Africa he always will. I hate it!" She pulled back from Jane and sat up leaning against the head board scrubbing her hands on her face. "I'm sorry Jane. I just, it is easier for me to just bury Africa and Ian. I know it is not healthy but it is the only way I know how to move on. After his visits- well, you can see I'm a mess."

Jane's heart broke for her friend, watching Maura cry was one of the saddest things Jane had ever seen in her life. She gently put her hand on Maura's shoulder, Jane scooted back down in bed, "Come on, lay back down." She pulled Maura back into her side. Maura complied resting her head on Jane's shoulder. "Tomorrow things will look a lot better, I promise."

Maura let out a shaky breath, "I don't know, I'm typically a mess for about fifteen days Jane."

The brunette felt a smile tug on her lips, "Sure they will, tomorrow is Saturday. How about you and I go down to market? Just the two of us? We can get breakfast at a café and go shopping."

"Really?" Maura's voice brightened, "You'll go shopping with me?"

Jane nodded, "Anywhere you want to go."

"Newberry Street?"

Jane cringed, "Even Newberry Street. Right now just sleep, tomorrow will be fun and things will look a lot better." She felt Maura relax against her. She rolled her eyes, Newberry Street? She felt her toe begin to thump just at the thought.

End

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