Disclaimer - Nothing is mine.

This is a prequel to Betrayal of the Worst Kind and can be read separately but it's better if you read Betrayal first.

Forgive Me My Sins

Chapter 1 – Black, White and Grey

Harry stared out the window of his small bedroom at Privet Drive and sighed heavily. He had been home from Hogwarts for just over two weeks and he was now officially bored stiff. Unable to leave the house, he spent hours reading and hours more working through the long and arduous fitness regime he had been given before he left Hogwarts.

He had tried to leave once, three days after he had arrived, but had found himself unable to walk through the wards at the end of the driveway. The moment he tried, his skin felt as if it was on fire. A scant few minutes later Dumbledore himself had arrived to tell Harry he was not to try and leave again. Harry wondered how in Merlin's name the Headmaster had been able to get outside Hogwarts' wards in order to apparate so quickly. In the end it didn't seem to matter that he was only going to the local shops for his aunt; Harry was not to leave number four for any reason whatsoever. That, of course, went down ever so well with the Dursleys who spent the next few days whining about what a burden he was. Harry ignored it and stayed locked up in the house like the good little weapon he was.

Snape had arrived earlier that day and given him more ingredients and another book to work through. Harry glanced down at the title and snorted.

'Slow Burning Potions - for those who like to take their time. I bet he's not talking about the time it takes to brew either.' He snorted. Not going by the bloodstain that covered the front cover anyway, Harry added mentally.

The potions master had handed it to him with an amused glint in his eye that you had to look awfully hard to see. Harry had arched an eyebrow before hefting it and nonchalantly walking up to his room. He would have thought the Professor would have left then but less than five minutes later the man had been at his door and watched in silence for several moments as Harry flicked through the book.

'I want that read by the end of the week, Mr Potter.' He drawled. Harry started and looked up at him.

'Yes Sir.'

Snape looked at him carefully for a few more moments. 'Do something for me Mr Potter?' He asked softly and Harry couldn't help but tilt his head in curiosity. 'Just remember that not everyone is as they appear to be.' He said cryptically before spinning on his heel and stalking from the room. Harry had looked after the retreating figure, a confused expression on his face as the image of Dumbledore flashed through his mind.

'Talking in riddles must be catching.' He muttered finally and turned back to the book in his hand.

Now, a good three hours later as he felt the crumpled piece of parchment that was clutched tightly in his hand, the parting words from the potions master began to make a little more sense.

Sighing once again he raised the parchment and smoothed the wrinkles out of it so he could read it for about the twentieth time.

Dear Potter,

How's your summer? A little birdie told me it's been pretty bad, although he did add that it was nothing compared to your last year at Hogwarts and you should be grateful for small mercies.

You're probably wondering why on earth I'm writing to you and to tell you the truth, I really don't have much of an idea either. I just heard about what happened to you last year and how you're not allowed to contact any of your friends or they allowed to contact you and figured that seeing as I'm not really your friend, those rules don't really apply. That same little birdie also told me you might need someone your age to talk to.

I don't know how good I'll be but I'm happy to listen.

Draco Malfoy

Harry read the letter over again. He could tell that the person who had told Malfoy about last year and his summer restrictions had to have been Professor Snape. Quite apart from the fact that Harry knew the Slytherin was the potions master's godson, the comment about small mercies sounded exactly like something he would say.

Snarky sense of humour the man had.

Harry wondered if he should write back. It was true that he would really like someone to talk to other than his professors, even if it was by letter, but really? This was Malfoy!

Eventually he took Snape's words to heart and picked up a quill and parchment and scratched out a letter in his usual chicken scrawl.

Dear Malfoy,

Thanks for the letter. Can't say I wasn't surprised, but it is nice to know the rest of the world hasn't all dropped off the face of the earth or something while I stay all safe and tucked away inside like a good little weapon. God forbid the Boy-Who-Lived got a paper cut. I mean, I could die of septicemia or something!

Though that would, of course, save Tom the trouble.

You're right about my friends. Not one letter. I know the old man would have told them not to write but that didn't stop them before. Guess they just have too much going on to care.

You're not going to show this to anyone, are you? Like your father or anything. Although I'm sure both he and Tom would have a field day knowing that poor little Harry Potter can even leave his house without wards stopping him.

Please don't show them.

Anyway, sorry for babbling on. I'm sure you have better things to do then listen to me. Thanks for the letter though.

Harry Potter

PS. Tell Snape to keep his trap shut and stop spreading stories about me.

He folded the note and addressed it before handing it to Hedwig who soared out the window and into the ever growing dusk. With another sigh, all the while berating himself for doing it so often, he turned back to the potions text and began to read.

Much later in the evening Harry woke to Hedwig nipping lightly at his ear. It was quite dark and after a glance at his clock realised that it was well after midnight. Hedwig snapped impatiently and Harry untied the letter and the small parcel so she could go and have a drink. He got up and rummaged around in his trunk before placing several squished owl treats beside her cage. Hedwig glanced at them disdainfully, giving him a soft hoot in reproach.

'Sorry girl.' Harry said sadly scratching her gently on the chest. 'If they ever let me out I'll get you some new ones.'

Hedwig sensed his sudden melancholy mood and hooted softly again nudging Harry's hand with her head. Harry smiled and petted her a while longer before turning his attention to the letter in his hand.

Dear Potter,

Firstly, gallows humour doesn't suit you. Secondly, neither does sarcasm or self-pity. Buck up will you? Now it may interest you to know that it wasn't Severus who told me, well not at first. It was actually the Dark Lord that said something was wrong. Something about that connection between the two of you and he said it had been going on for almost a year.

I don't know exactly what Dumbledore and his cronies did to you last year, Severus wouldn't tell me. Well, he said he couldn't give me details, Wizards Oath or something. Anyway, the Dark Lord asked my father to ask me to write to you and see if everything was alright.

Harry almost fell off his bed at that revelation.

Well, actually, he didn't say that per say, but my father said he actually looked concerned when they spoke about it. Although father did say it took him a while to work out that's what the expression meant as he'd never seen it on him before.

Harry let out a snort. 'I'll bet.' He murmured.

Anyway, just remember it can only get better and for goodness sake eat something, would you? Severus says you look like a badly dressed fence post.

Draco Malfoy

PS. You won't show this to Dumbledore, will you?

PPS. Goddamn Potter, your writings atrocious. Try actually holding the pen with your hand, not your foot and remember, it works much better when you actually open your eyes.

Harry let out a laugh as he picked up the parcel and unwrapped it. Chocolate Frogs. Draco Malfoy had sent him a box of Chocolate Frogs. The world truly was ending.

He unwrapped a frog and bit off the head before grabbing his quill and parchment once more.

Dear Malfoy,

Thanks for your concern but I'll have you know I'm way fatter than any fence post. And tell Snape to stop sneering, I know he's reading this.

You know I never thought I'd enjoy conversing with you in anything other than expletive insults but I have to say, I'm surprised. You're actually kind of funny when you're not being a git. If they ever let me out we should get together at Diagon Alley. Now wouldn't that horrify the masses?

See you,

Harry

PS. Thanks for the frogs.

Harry tried to nudge Hedwig awake but she was having none of it so he placed the letter on the edge of the desk and tumbled back into bed although not before stashing the notes and chocolate under the floorboard.

And luckily he'd done that too as less than four hours later in the early hours of the morning Harry suddenly felt his nerves almost standing on end. His heart began pounding almost out of his chest as he was woken from a deep sleep, the blood roaring in his ears. His very skin felt as if it was aflame and he gritted his teeth tightly as wave after wave of pain swept through him.

He knew exactly what was going on but he couldn't believe they would come to the Dursleys in the middle of the summer to do it. Keeping his eyes closed and his fists clenched tightly he tried to push past the pain. It still took almost five minutes but eventually it stopped and the pain faded enough that he could uncurl from the fetal position that he had been in and stare up at the six adult wizards he could barely see in the gathering dawn but that he knew were staring back down at him.

'What the hell are you doing here?' he rasped hoarsely, sweat pouring off his brow. He knew the usual dueling would not be happening. They couldn't take the chance of the Ministry detecting so much magic in a muggle neighbourhood. This fact made Harry wonder why they had bothered to come at all.

'Just keeping up your training, Harry. You need to be able to overcome that curse much quicker.' Dumbledore said gravely. 'We will be dropping in a couple of times a week for the rest of the holidays until you can overcome it in less than a minute.'

Harry looked around at the Professors and other adults as his breathing slowly returned to normal. Remus and Flitwick looked uncomfortable. Kingsley and Moody looked determined, Dumbledore looked grave and Snape actually looked concerned although he tried to hide it in the darkness. It was this final expression that sparked anger in Harry that had been building for many months.

'That's it.' He growled practically levitating off the bed until he was standing, arms stuck rigidly by his side as his eyes blazed at the adults in front of him. 'Don't you dare come into my relative's home and do that again.' He hissed. 'I get quite enough of it at school, I don't need it here. I know I agreed to this training but this is too much. I will read your books and study the tactical manuals and even keep up all the bloody fitness training but if you think you're going to come here twice a week and do that to me during what a supposed to be my time of rest you can just find yourself another bloody weapon because I'm out.'

'Now Harry, calm down.' Dumbledore began.

'Calm down! Calm Down!' Harry yelled incredulously. Obviously there were some heavy duty silencing charms around the room as none of the Dursleys woke during his rant. 'You just came into my house in the middle of the bloody night in the middle of the summer and used a borderline illegal curse to wake me up before telling me you're going to be doing it twice a week for what should be my holidays and you're telling me to calm down! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?' Harry all but shrieked.

'Potter, hold your tongue.' Moody said gruffly and Harry's snapped his mouth closed with an audible click; struggling not to retaliate further.

'You've been working on this curse all year. What does it matter whether it's the summer?' Kingsley spoke up.

Green eyes flashed to the dark skinned man before looking at each of his professors in turn as he spoke. 'I haven't been working on anything.' Harry ground out. 'I've been letting you throw it at me almost every day in the hope that one day you'll realise it's fruitless and give up. That one day you will realise I can't break it any quicker. No one could break it any quicker. I've been letting you do that all year in the hopes that you'll just let me have a normal summer. I guess that's a bit too much to ask.' He added quietly, slumping abruptly to his bed, his head bowed as his hands began shaking and tremors wracked his lean frame. It was a normal side effect of the Tormentia curse but it left the room in silence as they saw a side to Harry that wasn't on display very often.

'Headmaster, I believe it may be prudent to leave at this time.' Snape murmured. 'Potter's relatives will soon be awake and maybe, just maybe, the boy has a point.'

Dumbledore took in the shaking and weary figure seated on the bed and nodded slowly. 'Maybe you are right, Severus.'

Harry held his breath as he waited for the condition that would undoubtedly go with the sudden reprieve. Sure enough.

'No more visits then, however, you are to keep up with your other work, Harry.' He said sternly. Harry looked up at the ice blue eyes. 'You will be tested upon your return to Hogwarts and you know the consequences if you fail.'

Harry nodded but did not speak. He knew the consequences alright. Dumbledore had threatened to pull Harry from school, sequestering him away where he could spend night and day training for the final battle, if he let anything get in the way of his destiny. Harry felt his shoulders almost bow under the sudden weight of expectation.

'Harry?' Dumbledore was obviously expecting an answer.

'Yes Sir.' He said softly.

Dumbledore seemed satisfied however and after a nod the group filed silently from the room. Just before Snape closed the door behind him he tossed a vial onto the bed beside Harry and gave the Boy-Who-Lived a knowing look.

Harry nodded his thanks and moments later he was alone. He picked up the vial, downing it instantly and sighing as the pain washed away. The trembling remained though and Harry curled back up into a ball and closed his eyes as a single tear dripped down his cheek and fell silently onto the pillow.

He woke some hours later and rolled over thankful the trembling had finally gone away. He hated that curse. When Dumbledore first suggested using it to learn to overcome the Cruciatus Harry had agreed that it was necessary, but after almost a year of having it cast on him repeatedly he had come to the conclusion that it was just Dumbledore's way of testing how strong he was. Of how much pain he could take.

Repeated exposure didn't seem to make any difference and going by the glint of pride in Dumbledore's eye every time he threw it off and dueled them all he could see there was an ulterior motive contained within the use of it. What troubled Harry most was that he could tell the glint of pride was not for him, not for what he had accomplished. No, it was pride that Dumbledore had Harry on his side, under his thumb and agreeing to every demand. Well, until tonight anyway.

Harry had been surprised at Snape's intervention on his behalf. The man continued to surprise him. He had spent the last few months surreptitiously repairing the damage the headmaster had done to Harry's body without letting anyone know. Like the vial of pain killing potion he had tossed on the bed before he'd left. Harry knew Dumbledore had forbidden the potions master from giving him anything, wanting Harry to learn to deal with the pain to build his threshold even higher.

Suddenly a stray though flitted across Harry mind and he froze, slowly turning his head to look at his desk.

It was gone.

The envelope with Malfoy's name on it was gone.

'Oh no.' Harry breathed leaning over the edge of the bed to grab a spare piece of parchment and a quill.

Draco,

I wrote you a letter several hours ago and something happened in between and now it's gone. Please tell me you have it.

Harry.

He hurriedly sealed it and sent Hedwig off with it. The owl gave him a withering look as he shooed her out the window and Harry prayed that it was because she was tired from delivering Malfoy the letter while he had been asleep. Unable to concentrate enough to read the book Snape had left for him earlier in the day, Harry paced back and forth in nervousness as he waited for the Slytherin's response.

His heart was pounding as he imagined Dumbledore sitting in his office reading the letter. Thankfully it wasn't too incriminating but Harry knew very well that the fact that he and Malfoy were even corresponding would send the old man over the edge. Harry would be pulled immediately from both the school and the Dursleys and locked away, probably at Grimmauld Place, never to see anyone but his teachers as he trained to the point of exhaustion while waiting for the fateful day he would face Tom Riddle.

'Bloody hell, my life's fucked up.' He muttered.

'You would be quite correct there, Mr Potter.' Came a drawling voice from the doorway and Harry's head shot up.

'Professor.' He stammered, his eyes wide as he tried to see around the taller man into the hallway.

'Relax, Mr Potter, no one else is with me.' Snape said at Harry's apprehensive expression. Harry swallowed heavily.

'Professor.' He said again, crossing the room and actually grasping the black clothed arm. 'I've done something terrible. I don't know how I could have been so stupid.'

The potions master studied him in silence for a moment. 'I trust you are talking about the letter being found, not the actual writing of it.' Snape's eyebrow rose in question.

Harry's face drained of blood and his knees buckled, leaving him to reach out and clasp the windowsill to steady himself. 'Oh no, he found it.' He croaked turning away.

Snape delved into his pocket. 'Thankfully no. I noticed it immediately upon entering your room and picked it up. You really should be more careful of where you leave things with names such as his scrawled so blatantly on the front.' He scolded holding out the letter.

Harry stared at the proffered envelope, forgetting to breathe for a fair time before he suddenly found his legs unable to support him any longer and collapsed to the floor with a thump, his eyes never straying from the letter as he gasped for breath to calm his racing heart.

'Potter?' Snape dropped to his knees beside the young man. 'Potter, calm down. Take a deep breath. He didn't find it. He won't pull you out of school, but you will have to be more careful in future.'

Harry just nodded unable to speak. Snape waited for him to calm down before helping him up off the floor and back over to the bed. 'I don't understand why you want to stay at that blasted school anyway. All those annoying brats. It would be so much easier for you to continue your training away from prying eyes.'

Harry shook his head before slowly raising his eyes to meet the older man's. 'It's the only normal thing I have left.' He whispered. 'Sometimes, when I'm in class, pretending that I haven't already covered the material and more, I actually think I'm just a normal kid for a moment. It is so fleeting, only lasting mere seconds, but so liberating at the same time. I don't want to lose it. Not even for Tom Riddle.'

Snape looked at him carefully and Harry felt as if he was being weighed. 'Not even to save your life?'

Harry's eyes fell and he looked down at his hands. 'What life?' he whispered but Snape caught it and his eyes widened.

'You don't care.' He breathed incredulously. 'You don't care if you live or die.'

Harry raised his eyes once more, the dullness of them scaring the potions master more than he would ever admit. 'Why should I? No one else seems to.'

The matter of fact way this statement was said shocked the normally implacable potions master. There was no sarcasm, no self-pity, it was just a statement of pure fact and the more Snape thought about it the more he realised that it was indeed true. Slowly he reached out and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder and squeezed gently. 'There are people that do, Potter. Try to remember that.'

Harry just gave a small shrug which proved to the older wizard just exactly how much stock he put in the declaration.

Snape didn't push it further. 'Keep up with your studies, Mr Potter.' He said curtly before spinning on his heel and stalking from the room just as Hedwig swept in.

'Thanks girl.' He said softly taking the piece of parchment off her leg.

Dear…Harry?

What the hell has you so riled up that you forgot to use my last name. Obviously the letter went missing and you think Dumbledore has it. What was he doing at your place anyway? It must have been bad. Father says the Dark Lord was almost catatonic for more than five minutes earlier today. Wouldn't respond to anyone just sat there staring at nothing.

Whatever's going on isn't right, Potter. You have to get out of there. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

Draco

PS. I've sent Cicero to bring back your reply. I think your owl's pretty tired.

Harry grabbed another piece of parchment from his desk as a large eagle owl perched itself on his window sill. He could hear the Dursleys moving around downstairs and hoped they hadn't seen all the avian activity.

Dear Malfoy,

Sorry, I slipped. You're right, I was pretty stressed. If Dumbledore had found that letter you would probably have never seen me again. Luckily Snape saw it first and took it. He's just brought it back now and I've enclosed it as well. There wasn't much in it but if they knew I was corresponding with you at all then my life would become unbearable.

As for your suggestion I would love to leave, love to just walk outside and never come back but unfortunately there are several rather nasty little wards stopping me. I couldn't leave no matter how much I wanted to, unless I wanted to bring both the Ministry and literally most of Privet Drive down on my head.

There are times, lots of them I might add, that I wish I was anyone else but who I am.

Please write back.

Harry

The large eagle owl eyed Harry carefully as he snatched the letter out of Harry's hand and took off out the window. Harry sat back and opened the potions book with a sigh.

He had work to do.

For the next three days Harry exchanged letters with Malfoy with a regularity that, if he had stopped to think about it, was nothing if not alarming. The things he willingly wrote about surprised him, especially when he knew without a doubt that both Snape and Malfoy's father were reading the letters, and it was highly likely that Tom Riddle was also.

When he finally thought about it, and it was a long and hard process, he was even more astounded to realise that he didn't actually care. He didn't exactly know how he felt towards the man who had killed his parents at that moment. After twelve months of being treated as an object, a weapon, to do another's biding without care or thought for his feelings or wellbeing was beginning to make Harry wonder just exactly where the line in this war was actually drawn and when the difference between right and wrong had become so well and truly blurred.

Malfoy's letters, with their subtle hints and sometimes downright blatant statements did nothing to help Harry's confusion about the state of the wizarding world and then finally this morning's letter arrived.

Hi Harry,

Malfoy really had loosened up.

We've been talking all night and it's all planned. We've worked out that the wards are probably tied to a tracking charm Dumbledore put on you as you had no problems leaving last year. He couldn't have tied new ones to your core or your blood without you being there and wide awake.

Father says you should be able to transfer the tracking charm to your owl but you'll have to make sure she stays in your room at least for a few hours.

The medallion is a Portkey. It is two way, you can check it yourself. Severus says that you would know how. Just say Dragon's Den to activate it. He also said you would know how to transfer the tracking charm.

I know you don't trust me yet but I swear on my magic that it's not a trap. Just hear him out, I think you'll be surprised.

If you don't like what he has to say you can come straight back, the Dark Lord has given his word that you will be able to come and go without fear of harassment and father has confirmed that this is true.

He really wants to talk to you, Harry, don't let this go to waste. This could change to everything.

Please think about it.

Draco.

Harry finished re-reading the letter once again reaching up and running his hand through his hair as he sighed uneasily.

He was unsure of what to do. The idea of freedom was so appealing but part of him couldn't help but wonder at what cost it came. It was then he noticed the bottom of the paper shimmer and glanced closely at it once more. In his unease he hadn't noticed the small bit of magic that lingered at the bottom of the page.

He couldn't use his wand so keeping the amount he released almost negligible, he quickly ran his finger across the bottom of the page.

'Revelo.' He whispered.

The bottom of the page shimmered further before writing formed.

The manor's unplottable to the Ministry.

Harry knew Draco had added that last, just before sending it; after it had been read by his father. It was Draco's way of saying he would be safe there. That he could use magic to keep himself safe. It also went to prove that while Snape may not have been able to break the Wizards Oath to discuss his training with the Dark Lord he had certainly been able to convey, to Draco at the very least, that Harry would have no trouble in looking after himself. That fact amounted to almost tacit permission from the potions master as he knew the older man would never willingly put him in danger.

It was this final fact that convinced Harry to go. He searched for, found, and shifted the tracking charm to Hedwig; his jaw clenched in anger at both Dumbledore for doing such a thing without his permission and himself for not having noticed it earlier. Several tiny amounts of wandless magic all layered over one another were enough to seal the door and window so Hedwig couldn't leave or the Dursleys couldn't find him missing. It was such a small amount that it wouldn't register at the Ministry and with a last glance at Hedwig, who seemed to understand exactly what he was doing and had settled on her perch as if to show him she would stay for as long as he needed her to, he stood in the centre of the room with the medallion clutched tightly in his hand.

'Dragon's Den.' He said firmly.