This Love

"Everything I gave is wasted, I'm the one who's suffocated..."
- End of Me by Apocalyptica, 2010

For so long I have watched over you. I stood by you when everyone else abandoned you.

Never did I laugh with the crowds when you failed in school, no matter how stupid your actions ever were. Never did I hold anything against you, just because everyone else did. Never did I grow tired of the pranks you pulled, no matter how old they were.

If anything, I praised you for the great sense of humor you had. Admired you for your iron will and the guts to never back down, the guts I could only dream of. I envied you for how brave you were, to stand up for yourself without knowing the love of a parent, without a sibling to resort to (not that mine were any better, but...).

You, Naruto Uzumaki, were the greatest man I've ever laid my eyes on.

It didn't surprise me when you first voiced your affection for Sakura. She was everything I had never been: smart, pretty, strong, brave and above all, not afraid to say and do what she stood for. At one point, I even felt kind of happy for you, and started to think you two would make a cute couple. Until I saw the way she treated you. Just like everyone else did, she only saw your flaws and couldn't (or didn't want to) see all of your good sides. Just like everyone else, she fawned over the so-called 'perfect' Uchiha boy, who has yet to say his first kind word to me. Cold-hearted, arrogant and delusional as he was.

Since forever, I have admired you from the shadows, hoping, wishing, praying for you to notice me. Word on the streets has it that you are oblivious to many things, including love, and it would make sense, because you have never felt the love that parents could have given you. But I'm patient. If needed, I can wait forever.

Against everyone's prejudice, you gratuated the academy. I was the only one who believed in you from the start. Your initial failing didn't slow you down; given, you picked a somewhat... unorthodox way of having a second chance, but in the end it worked, and I was happy for you. I was happy that you were now one step closer to achieving your dreams, one step closer to the recognition you deserve.

The day of leaving the academy came. I cherished the few moments that I hoped we would be put on the same team. In the end, fate decided otherwise, but you ended up with the two best teammates any junior ninja could ever wish for.

All that was left for me to hope for was that I could someday be the one that put that smile on your face, that genuine smile that I had instantly fallen prey to.

Even when I learned the truth behind the villagers' hatred for you, I didn't faze. I felt sorry for you, and more than ever I wanted to be of value. I wanted to be the one for you to cry on the shoulder, the one that spoke kind words of safety and reassurance. I wanted to be a friend, and maybe even more. But you never gave me a chance. You never brought up the decency to even look at me, after all that happened and all the times I had watched over you from the shadows. When the Uchiha left you for dead, when you returned barely alive from your fight with the boy that is now the Kazekage, when we hunted for Sasuke together.

I even outright confessed to you when Akatsuki attacked the village. I risked my very life for you, like you had done so many times for others. After countless long, long years, I finally found the courage to catch the bullet for you instead of the other way around.

Did it change anything?

Hell no.

Naruto - you were my last safe haven. The thought of one day being together with you, living my life at your side, kept me going. It enabled me to endure the constant psychological torture my father, sister and cousin put me through. After all, I had something worth fighting for.

Had.

The truth is that I've given up. I don't care whether or not you realize how much it took for me to wrench out those three words, but I can't bear this yearning any longer. You see - the first thing you did after you defeated Pain was run off again. I heard the story from Sakura, and I understand, but all it would've taken to turn me down was a minute. One minute, and I would have been able to move on with my life. Instead, you've put me through agony for months on end, and even though the War certainly took my mind off the matter for quite some time, the thought of that stunning smile of yours kept surfacing at all times.

Slowly, that last ray of light died out, and I realized that there was no other option. If my existence matters that little to the world, there really is no point for me in staying.

I wish we could've ended this any other way, but you left me no choice. It's too late. I'm sorry.

Goodbye,

-Hinata

Her handwriting was really elegant, as was expected of her, Naruto realized as salty tears dripped on his numbed hands that held the paper. He had been so unforgivably stupid.

Frankly, he had never suspected fragile little Hinata Hyuuga to be capable of something so drastic. It was almost as if someone had forced her to write it, someone with bad intentions. But then again, ever since Hinata had been stripped of her status as Hyuuga heiress, there really was no reason for anyone to go after her.

If only he hadn't been so stupid.

This guilt was so... so terrifying.

He didn't know how long he stared at the letter that he found on his doorstep the other night. If anything, he wished for a last chance to speak with her, to listen.

One thing was for sure - should things have been different, she had deserved better than him. Maybe not in her opinion, but she couldn't see how worthless he felt right now. Not anymore...

...Never again.

"Wait for me, Hinata Hyuuga..." Naruto mused through his tears. "I will give you what you deserve, I promise."

And he never went back on his word - that was his nindo, his ninja way, after all.

[Author's Note]

Yes, Hinata committed suicide. I'll leave it up to you guys if Naruto followed her example. Seriously though, this might be the darkest story I've ever written. No idea where this came from (actually I do, but it's fun to see all of you basking in ignorance). Let me know what you think, yeah?

Signed,
VictimofYourOwnCreation