Author's Note: Wow, wow, wow. This is so crazy. I don't think I fully realize that this is the end. Because I'm not all choked up and feeling all surreal like I thought I would. But this is the end. The end of this monster of a story that started as a kink and ended up as a love story. Started in August 2011, ended February 2013. It has been a long journey, one that I never expected, and I am just so grateful and happy for all the amazing people I've met along the way, and for all the fans of this story. I've made you laugh, cry, and I hope you all can wear a smile on your face as you finish reading this story. Imma miss my boys, but don't be too sad, I'm going to start another SoraRoxas story this year. So that'll be something to look forward to.

Man, I'll never forget all the nights I spent plotting and thinking up dialogue that I just couldn't wait to write. It's finally over. And it was hard and frustrating but gosh was it fun.

So this story is offically complete. I'm going to write a one-shot epilogue fic soon so be on the look out for that.

And I'd absolutely love it if everyone who is still reading this story and finishing it with me would review. :) Especially the ones who never have but have followed and favorited it and stuff.

Anyways, that's enough author's note. Hope you enjoy this last chapter, and I can't wait to hear from you again in the epilogue where we'll see Sora and Roxas several years older.

I love you guys, and thanks for reading and showing me continued support. You guys are awesome!

Love, Panda.

If Only Tonight We Could Sleep
a Sora x Roxas story
Chapter 20: Boys Don't Cry

.oOo.

Graduation was filled with awkward hugs, sad smiles, and a whole lot of tears. Mom started crying first, then Dad, when Roxas and I walked on stage in our blow gowns and matching caps. I was called first, grabbed my diploma, and smiled a big cheesy grin for the video camera that Mom and Dad had rolling to capture every minute of us graduating.

It was a big deal. Grammy had even taken the train—despite the fact that she absolutely hated it—with her husband to see us. Plus, they were just about ready to move and they had to take Roxas with him. Just the thought alone made me want to curl up in a ball and sleep for months, just so I wouldn't have to deal with it.

But hiding from my problems wasn't really my thing, since I usually faced everything with a smile. So smiling was what I did. I smiled when I got my diploma, I smiled when we changed the tassel on our cap, and I smiled when Roxas and I held hands, and threw our caps into the air, cheering along with all of our classmates. Cheering because high school was over, we did it, and there was a whole wide world waiting to be explored.

Unfortunately, the future I had waiting for me wasn't something I was ready to face. It was terrifying to think I had to face this thing called "the real-world" alone, without my brother.

The tears came again, suddenly, when graduation was over, and Roxas and I were in a group hug with Demyx and Zexion. Demyx had already been balling his eyes out, sad over the fact that he was losing Zexion. I guessed that was something we could connect on, but maybe Demyx was mad that I was stealing his friend, since Zexion and I were going to the same university and everything.

Zexion had remained dry-eyed for the majority of graduation, but I knew it probably hurt him to see Demyx crying like that, with his arm slung across Zexion's shoulder, and the picture frame Demyx had given to him.

"I know it's kind of gay," Demyx had said before turning to Roxas and I and giving us a 'no offense' look, and then he wiped at his red, puffy eyes and said, "but it's a picture of us so that you can remember me when you go to university. Sora, you better make sure he puts this right by his bed!"

And I knew Zexion was probably Demyx's closest friend he had ever had with the way he looked at him. And even if Zexion was quiet and to himself, I was sure he felt that he felt the same. Demyx and Zexion were lucky, and it sucked that graduation was pulling another two people apart.

When Roxas finally told Demyx and Zexion that he was leaving for good, Demyx looked like his head was going to combust from the shock.

"W-What?! You're leaving too?" He said as he wrapped both arms around Roxas and shook his head. "Man," he whined, "why is everyone leaving? This isn't fair. Zexion and Sora are going off to Hallow Bastion together, and you're moving all the way to Traverse Town?"

And in a way I felt really bad for Demyx. His whole senior circle was leaving, aside from Larxene and her sisters, but I had heard him say on a regular basis that he felt he was being left behind.

"I thought it was going to be you and me, buddy. You could have been in my band!" He let go of Roxas and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"You must be handling this well," Zexion said to me, in a monotonous, sarcastic tone as always.

"Not at all," I said, not very good with sarcasm, and I looked over to Roxas, who was avoiding any eye contact with me. I knew he felt guilty about leaving still. "But, I guess we'll both be missing our friends together. Can that be considered a bright side?"

"Hardly," Zexion said, a glum look on his face. "I'm actually going to miss you guys." He said with a sigh, and I think that was the first time during graduation that I actually felt tears forming. And a tear rolled down my cheek, but I grabbed Roxas' hand with my left, and Zexion's with my right, and smiled.

"At least you guys made senior year bearable. No, awesome."

And we embraced in one last group hug that would be our final good bye together as a group.

.oOo.

Mom, Dad, and Roxas were talking to one of his favorite teachers, and I took that opportunity to talk to Riku.

Things were a little awkward with us, but that was mainly for the fact that our friendship was still rocky. But at least we still had a friendship.

"So," Riku said as he messed with the collar of his gown with an awkward chuckle. "Graduations huh?"

I laughed a bit and nodded. "Yep."

Riku held two presents in his hand and a big bouquet of flowers. I had gotten a glimpse of his parents earlier when they were taking family photos. There were two words to describe his dad: beef cake. And his mom had the prettiest hair I had ever seen. Riku obviously got his hair from her. His parents even looked like they could afford to buy out this football field for Riku's sweet sixteen if they had wanted to.

He had always seemed well off, but I had known he came from money when I went to Riku's house a few months back.

"So, what are you going to do after graduation?" Riku asked.

"I'm going to Hallow Bastion," I said with a grin, still sort of proud of the fact that I had managed to get into such a prestigious school.

"Hey, so am I. Maybe we'll be roommates," he said, hopeful, and I wondered if deep down, Riku did still had feelings for me.

"Well, me and Zexion were going to try to-" I began, but saw the way he looked down with a sad twitch of his brow, and I quickly back-pedaled. "I mean, yeah, a'course." And he appreciated the effort because he smiled.

Wow, so Riku and Zexion were both going to Hallow Bastion? I should have been excited, but it kind of made me sad to think that I still had friends to fall back on when I went to Hallow Bastion, and I still had some sense of familiarity, while Roxas was going to have none. There I went again, thinking about Roxas all the time, but I couldn't help it.

"Not Roxas?" He asked, innocently enough, with a quirked brow.

"He...uh, he's moving in with my Grammy. Otherwise he would have been going," I said, lying for my brother because I cared about him and I didn't want Riku to see him in a worse light than he already did.

"What?" Riku looked shock. "He's leaving? Wow, what are you going to do?" He asked, and I was just happy that Riku seemed genuinely concerned, and didn't seem to be asking me in a way that was rude and cruel, like he would have prior to our reconciliation. This was the old Riku that I remembered, and the one who Roxas tried to guard me from back in the beginning of the year.

"What? He's my brother. I'll still talk to him all the time." I said, feigning the happiness that had become a permanent part of me. It was my key trait, it was my personality, and for fear of worrying anyone, I would continue to smile whenever faced with heartache.

"That's true. But I mean, it might be rough," he said, and I laughed, giving him a friendly fist bump to the shoulder as I shook my head.

"I'll be fine. I'll have Zexion and you there to keep my mind off things, right?" I asked. I think, honestly, I wanted Riku more in my life than I had let on. As a friend, of course, but there was always something about him that reminded me of my friends back on Destiny Islands. It was probably his hair and that tan, though, but it was also the relaxed feeling I got whenever I had a casual conversation with him.

"Of course, you can count on me," Riku said with a smile, and if I didn't know any better, it looked like Riku was going sappy. He sniffed, wiping at his eye with the back of his hand and I couldn't hep but laugh at the sight of tough Riku getting tear-eyed.

"Are you crying?" I teased, poking him in the gut, and he shook his head defiantly.

"No! I just got something in my eye." But that smile he wore said otherwise, and he opened his arms wide, the wide sleeves of his graduation gown like wings, and I rushed forward, wrapping my arms around him in what would be the last hug we'd ever share at this school. I buried my nose in the blue of his gown and when he curled his arms around me, I could feel the tickle of the bouquet against my ears, but the hug was nice, and I didn't even have to worry about Roxas getting angry at me anymore. I had told him Riku and I had made up, and even though I could tell it bugged him a little, he had an unquestionably authentic smile on his face. He was growing up and moving on, and sometimes, I wondered if this whole relationship thing me and him had going on had just been a weird phase. Something we had gone through that was necessary for us to just experience and live and ultimately, move on.

"Hey, Sora, we're leaving," I could hear Roxas say from behind us, and Riku peeled away from me as if I had just jabbed him with a hypodermic needle. I guess he was still under the impression Roxas was the Queen who'd have his head if he caught us hugging, but when I turned back to look at Roxas, he didn't look upset or anything. A little expressionless, maybe, but that was a good thing, in Roxas' case.

"Alright, just saying bye to Riku," I said as I stepped over towards Roxas, who nodded in understanding, and even wore the tiniest bit of a smile when he looked at Riku.

"Yeah, see you in a few months. Good luck, both of you," Riku said as he smiled at me and my brother. And we walked away, and Roxas turned to me with a quirk of his brow.

"A few months?" He asked, and I knew he was at least trying to hide his annoyance.

"Yeah, he's going to Hallow Bastion."

"Geez, did everyone get into that school? I thought it was hard to get into!"

"Heh, it is," I said, scratching the back of my head before shrugging my shoulders. "Don't worry about it, okay?" I said, and he sighed softly. What did he have to worry about anyway? He was the one who was choosing to leave. Yeah, that may have been a bit glum of me to think, but it was the truth, and I could admit that I was still a little bitter about the whole thing.

But I wasn't going to ruin the last few good moments I had with Roxas.

We met up with Mom and Dad, Grammy and her husband, waved a sad good bye to Demyx and Zexion, and said bye to the school that we had grown up in for good. I had a lot of memories here from getting detention because of Roxas multiple times, to crushing on a multitude of boys, to spending my senior year kissing my brother behind our classrooms and everyone finding out about it.

It had been a crazy year, especially for someone who was anything but.

But I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

.oOo.

"I think we should talk to Mom, together," I said, Roxas in between my legs as the pads of my fingers massaged his scalp through his honey-kissed hair. Underneath me, Roxas tensed, before letting his head fall back against my lap as he attempted to look up at me.

"I've been thinking about that too," he said, sighing softly as kissed my palm. "I really...don't want to have that conversation with Dad though."

"Me either. And not with Grammy either."

"Just Mom. I mean, she already knows anyway. Now we should just...explain ourselves, I guess?"

"Let her know we still love her."

He nodded and got up from his sitting position in my lap, and turned to me. He took my face between his palms and leaned forward, kissing me softly before placing another wet kiss to the corner of my lips. "I still love you," he whispered, leaning in to kiss me and only stopping when I maneuvered my head just out of the way and smiled, letting him know I wasn't mad.

"I know," was all I said before I got up from the bed and grabbed his hand. "Come on, let's do this before I change my mind." And I led him through the door into the hallway, dropping his hand once we reached the kitchen where Mom was cooking. I could smell powdered sugar and fruit, and I saw that she was making strawberry crepes. That was one of my favorite desserts, and I just hoped, after this talk, I wouldn't feel to sick to eat it.

"Hey, Mom," I said, uneasy and awkward as my hands fidgeted. God, was I really ready to have this conversation with her? She already knew, so Roxas had already done the hard part. But would this be any easier? Behind me, Roxas looked like he was about to throw up from nerves, and I wasn't feeling any better. My stomach was doing the most uncomfortable flips, and I knew things would just get worse.

"My little graduates," she said with a grin and pushed the fallen strands of hair out of her eyes. "I'm making a special treat for you two." She said, and it was strange how normal she acted around us when she knew our secret.

"Hold on," Roxas said, pausing and leaving an uncomfortable pause in the room as my Mom looked at us attentively. "Me and Sora want to talk to you," he said finally after he let out a deep breath. And Mom nodded as if she already knew what was on our minds. She beckoned for us to follow her into the living room, and we did, and sat on the couch as she sat on the armchair.

I remembered watching television on this couch with the family. I remembered Roxas and I watching Saturday cartoons before the sun even rose. And I remembered realizing my feelings for my own brother right there on the floor beside this couch.

"I've been waiting for you guys to come talk to me," she said, wiping at the flour-covered apron she wore. "I didn't want to pressure you two...but I would have come to you if you hadn't before Roxas left."

"Well...now's a good a time as ever," Roxas said as he looked over to me, his brows knitted together.

We sat together, the tension thick enough you could practically feel it. It was suffocating and I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

I had so many questions, and I'm sure Mom did too, but the biggest question I had, what I wanted to get out of this, was if Mom was mad at us. Did she still love us, despite what we did?

"So..." I said, my knees shaking as I glanced between my brother, who was staring at the ground, and Mom, who was waiting with a patient look on her face.

"Do you hate us?" I blurted out, my cheeks burning red.

My mom's face softened and she looked hurt. "You two are my babies. I could never hate you. And it hurts me that you would ever think that way," she said, leaning over to grab my hand. I took it, a sigh of relief escaping me as I felt her cover my hand with her other one.

"Of course I know you don't its just...I mean...what we did..."

She chewed on her bottom lip, sighing heavily as she patted my hand. "Well I wasn't happy about it. What mother would be? I was...heartbroken." I winced at her choice of words, and felt a twinge of guilt.

"I know I'm sorry, Mom," I said with a soft sigh.

"I feel so guilty," Roxas began, "I was the one who-"

"Don't blame, Roxas," I pleaded to my Mom as I glanced at Roxas and I could see his shoulders tensed up, his eyes fixated on the floor. "It was both of us. It just happened...I don't know. I'm so sorry though. I didn't mean for this..." I trailed off, tears beginning to fall, and beside me, I could hear Roxas crying as well, his shoulders shaking.

"Don't cry, I'm not mad at you two. I don't know how this could have happened," she said as she moved her hand on top of mine to rest on Roxas' knee. "Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I didn't push you two hard enough to make other friends."

"Don't blame yourself, Mom. Please?" Roxas asked, finally looking up at her. I knew Roxas would rather wear all the guilt on his shoulders than see my Mom try to blame herself for what happened. Even if it killed him inside to carry that burden. "It's not your fault. You never did anything wrong. And nothing you could have done could have changed what happened. I don't even know how it happened."

"Well..." she said, letting go of my hand and leaning back against the chair. "I knew something was different about you two. I always had. You two were exceptionally close. I mean, you two are twins, it's normal, but there was always something."

She paused, looking away briefly, and I noticed the way her brows furrowed. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, and I knew she had something on her mind, and was having a hard time just saying it. "How long...has this been going on?" She asked, slowly, as if she didn't even want to hear the answer.

Roxas and I shared a look, and I felt guilty to admit that it had been a couple months at least. I felt bad that we had kept it from her for so long.

"A couple months maybe?" Roxas said, wiping at his eyes.

"...I see," Mom said, and I heard her sniffle. No, I did not want to her see her cry. Our Mom hardly ever cried, and to know that I was the cause of it always hurt. But this...this hurt so much more knowing what we did to make her so upset in the first place.

"Please don't cry," I said, sobs beginning to rack my shoulders.

"I can't help it," she said as she gently wiped at her cheek. "Like I said, I always knew you two were close. That's why your Father and I were discussing Roxas leaving. Besides," she said as she looked at Roxas, "you seemed so unhappy ever since we left Destiny Islands. I thought it'd be better in the long run. But, when Roxas told me about you two, that's when I knew it'd be for the best if he left for good. I had to put a stop to it. I couldn't just sit by and let it happen."

I sighed, burying my face in my palms. She was right. I guess Roxas and I had convinced ourselves it wasn't wrong. What we were doing. And this was the first time since I had been struggling with the whole idea of it, that I felt the same reprimanding guilt. And this was the first time I felt the consequences of our actions. But, It hadn't felt wrong at the time. It had felt good and perfect and, yet, deep down, I knew that it wasn't normal.

"That's why I chose to leave even before you found out," Roxas said. "I just felt so bad about everything. And I didn't want to hurt you, or Dad, or Sora."

I wanted to tell him he hadn't hurt me, that it wasn't his fault, but I hoped he already knew. I hoped I had been able to get that through to him.

"You're not going to tell Dad, are you?" He asked, and I looked up, interested in Mom's answer. If she did tell Dad, I didn't know what I'd do. I didn't know how he'd react, and I didn't want to know.

"Roxas," she said as she frowned, and I wasn't liking her tone. She couldn't tell Dad. She couldn't. "I can't just keep that a secret from him forever." Then I would be stuck dealing with it when Roxas left. "But, for right now, I won't tell him. The problem, for right now, is solved. You're leaving, and you two are going to have a long time apart to get over this whole thing."

I didn't want to get over it though. I wanted Roxas to stay. I wanted to be with him. I was happy this way. Why did morals have to get in the way of that? Why couldn't we just be old enough to live on our own and make our own decisions on the matter? But for now, we weren't, and I knew whatever Mom thought was best, was.

"I...I have to ask. You two are interested in girls still, right? This was just an...experience for you two?" She asked. My mom hadn't even known we were gay, and now on top of that she was finding out that her own sons were having sex with each other. That had to be a lot to handle, and even so, she was still taking it well. Well, if I could call this taking it well.

"Well...we've liked guys for a while," I said, my palms sweaty as I rubbed them back and forth, nervous.

"How long?" She asked, and even though I had stopped crying, that face she had made me want to start back up again.

"Well, I knew I liked boys when we were still living on Destiny Islands," I said, remembering my first boyfriend, Tidus, who Roxas and I had met when we were kids. I had started dating him in my pre-teens.

"You were so young then. Just a baby," she said, sniffling, tears falling against her cheeks. "So all this time when your Father and I would mention you two dating girls, you two were just lying to us?"

"...I guess," I said quietly, feeling guilt and shame. "We weren't trying to lie, its just we weren't ready to tell you."

"I didn't even want to tell you about … you know … " Roxas said.

"Well, a mother always knows."

Even if Roxas hadn't told her, she would have found out. Even if Roxas did leave before she found out, I was sure she'd question the way I acted when he was gone. Sure, a brother was supposed to miss their own brother, but the bond Roxas and I had was different.

"Well...at least you won't have to worry anymore. I'm leaving. No more stress," Roxas said glumly, and Mom looked at him with concern. "You know, I always felt like Sora was the favorite between us."

"Oh honey, you know that isn't true," she said as she placed her hand on Roxas' shoulder, looking into his eyes with the concern and love only a Mother could have.

"Well then why did you always get mad at me more than him?" he asked, some anger hidden in his tone. "Why did you guys always lecture me, but leave Sora alone?"

"Roxas, it was because we were concerned for you. We always knew you had more to deal with than Sora did. We were just trying to make sure you were alright. We care about you both equally, but you know you have gotten into more trouble than Sora ever did."

"That's why you guys got mad at me when we went to that bar and—" He said, crying again as he glared, anger in his tense shoulders and his hands formed into fists.

"I...I'm so sorry about that. I felt horrible when Dad and I yelled at you," she said, wearing the same guilty face that Roxas and I had. She was crying again, and I almost wanted to yell at Roxas for being inconsiderate and making Mom so upset. "I just thought maybe...you might have provoked it. You were always the rowdy one."

"But I came home so upset...how could you-"

"Roxas, she didn't know," I said, touching my brother's shoulder gently, and then quickly taking it away when I saw the look my Mom gave me. It was probably a little uncomfortable for her, but she didn't say anything, only tried to smile.

"I love you, Roxas. More than you know. You're my baby. Even though you're all grown up now. And I can't take back how I acted that night, but I am very sorry. As well as for making you feel that way. I love you both so much. I just wanted to be a good mother to both of you." And she broke out into sobs, her face buried in her hands, and I stood up, quick to walk over to my mother and put my hand on her back soothingly.

"You were. You were the best," I told her, and Roxas joined in, kneeling on one leg beside her and wrapping his arms around her.

"I was overreacting. I'm sorry, Mom. And Sora's right. You were the best Mom we could have ever asked for. I'm sorry we let you down."

And Mom didn't say anything more, just looked up and wrapped her arms around the two of us, and together, we hugged and cried, and spent what would most likely be our last time together with her. And even if it was spent crying, I knew Mom still loved us both. She didn't blame us, didn't think any worse of us, and it helped. It really did.

Maybe, things would be okay once Roxas was gone. Maybe the future wouldn't be so bad.

.oOo.

He was leaving today. And taking a part of me with him.

It was weird. Surreal even. I felt like I had been walking around, dazed and confused all day, like a zombie out of one of those popular horror movies coming out every month or so. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to eat. ("but Sora, I made yours and Roxas' favorite cream cheese wantons," Mom had said this morning.) And I didn't want to talk to Grammy about how we should visit soon or how she would love it if I came by during Christmas. Because I was certain I wouldn't be spending my Christmas with Roxas.

It was painfully obvious that Mom didn't want us around each other. At least, not until we could "get over this."

It made me so mad, that I wasn't sure when I'd get to see Roxas, and I think my sadness was beginning to turn into bitterness. Was this what Roxas went through on a day to day basis? Constantly bitter and having a war in his mind all day? No wonder he couldn't handle something as stressful as our relationship. I hardly could either, and I had a firm head on my shoulders.

We were going to the train station today to see Roxas off. I was against Demyx or Zexion or Kairi or Naminé coming. I guessed that was kind of selfish of me, but I just wanted it to be me and Roxas. This was our last goodbye after all. And even if Mom and Dad and Grammy and her husband were there, that was alright.

I walked into Roxas' room to see a whole lot of carpet and white wall and a lot less of Roxas' personal items. There wasn't even a bed anymore. I didn't know what Mom and Dad were planning to do with Roxas' furniture, but I guessed they were having it sent over to Grammy's new house during the week. Roxas had been sleeping in my room for the past few days, but a part of me thought that was only so we could be closer.

He had two suitcases with him with his stuff he was going to carry on the train. Immediate clothes and something to read, things like that. And as he stood there in that white empty room, suitcases in each hand, and looked at me with that half-hearted smile that he wore so well, I felt like I was about to lose my other half.

And in a flurry of emotions that I couldn't even place, I rushed over to him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled him into the tightest hug I think I had ever given him. And I heard the thud of dropped luggage and Roxas' shuddery breath when he wrapped his arms around me and didn't let go.

And I didn't know what it was that made me say what I did.

It was probably the emptiness, and it was probably the fact that Roxas and I had spent countless days, had countless memories from this very room . I think it was because I knew that this wasn't Roxas' room anymore, this was just an empty room that I probably wouldn't go in for months after this very moment. It'd hurt too much.

But I said, nervous and dry mouthed, "Please don't leave."

And I shuddered when he breathed hot on my neck as he wrapped his arms tighter around me. "I don't want to," he said, muffled as his mouth was buried in the crook of my neck, and for a second I had hope.

I thought that maybe Roxas wasn't serious. Maybe there was still a chance he'd stay. There was a chance that Roxas could change his mind. Even though the boxes were taped already, and the bed had been disassembled, he still hadn't taken a step onto that train. He was still here. I could still feel him, hug him, smell the vanilla in his hair.

But then I thought of how the boxes had already been taped and his bed had already been disassembled, and that was pretty final.

What chance was there of him staying?

"But?" I filled in for him, already knowing his answer, and knowing I couldn't beg him to stay. No matter how much I wanted to.

I had to let him go, let him find his own way, his own adventure.

"But we already talked about this. I feel this will be better for everyone." He let go, looking at me and using this thumb to brush the tear from my cheek that I hadn't even realized fell.

"Are you sure you're going to be able to handle everything on your own? You know I'm just a phone call away. Maybe we can even video chat on our laptops," I said, my eyes staring up at the ceiling so the tears didn't fall. I kind of felt like this was Roxas' big moment, and I'm sure he wouldn't want me to cry.

"I don't know," he admitted. "I'm kind of scared."

"Yeah, me too. Let's just think of it as a new adventure," I said, smiling cheekily as I grabbed my brother's hand.

"Ha, an adventure. Okay," he said, his fingers interlocking with mine. "Oh, I almost forgot." He let go of my hand and unzipped one of his bags of luggage, digging around a bit before pulling out a shirt. Had he stolen one of my shirts and forgot to tell me, I wondered briefly before I saw that there was something wrapped in the clothing. He pulled out something round and yellow. His ceramics project. The paopu from before. "I almost forgot to give this to you. I didn't want to with Mom and Dad around or anything."

I smiled, grabbing it hurriedly and let my fingers run over the smooth surface. He had finished it, and it looked great all painted and glazed.

"I got an A on it. Before you ask," he says, looking mildly offended when my eyes widen in shock. "Yeah, I know, surprising. But I worked really hard on it."

"Thanks, Roxas. This means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me," I said, looking at the ceramic paopu with the same adoration I had for Roxas.

At least I had this to remember my brother by. That and the whistle from before. Not like I could ever forget him or anything. But there was really nothing else I had. Roxas was taking his shampoo, Roxas was taking his cologne, and Roxas was taking all of his clothes. I guessed it was kind of weird that I wanted something to remember the smell of my own brother, but when you lived with someone for your entire life and all of a sudden they were going to be gone, smell was a big thing that you missed.

"Guess this is it," he said, scratching at the back of his head as he smiled a sad smile and picked up his luggage again. "I better tell Grammy I'm ready to leave." He said, and simply walked past me, our eyes not breaking until he walked out the door and around the corner, and I turned to the white walls and the dingy carpet.

If I stayed here long enough with white wall after white wall surrounding me, then maybe I'd end up going as insane as Roxas.

.oOo.

The train whistled, and I had to resist from slamming my hands over my ears to make it just go away.

"My baby," my Mom said as she she stroked Roxas' cheeks with her thumbs and kissed his forehead. My Mom had been crying all morning, and a part of me wondered if she was regretting her decision to bring up the idea of Roxas leaving in the first place. But, ultimately it was his decision, and she knew that, and that was why she smiled, even if there were tears running down her cheeks. "Be good for Grandma, alright?"

"Oh, he'll be fine. I'm just happy to have one of my boys back," Grammy said as she walked over to Roxas, bright gaudy vest and everything, as she wrapped her arms around Roxas' middle. "I just hope the boys will be alright without each other."

"We'll be fine," I said, forcing a smile when all I really wanted to do was grab Roxas by the wrist and drag him into my room, and lock the door behind us for as long as possible.

"Well, Roxas has you to keep him company, and Sora is going off to university soon. They should have a lot to do to distract them," my Dad said as he rested a hand on Roxas' shoulder with a proud smile. Thankfully, the look my Dad gave us signified that he still didn't know, and I was hoping Mom would keep the secret from him just like she told us.

And even though Roxas and I were trying to keep straight faces, the two of us were dying inside. I could tell with the way Roxas refused to look at me, and his nose would twitch in an effort to keep the tears back. And I just trying to repeat like a mantra, 'don't cry, don't cry, not in front of everyone,' and so far it had seemed to be working.

"So, Rei, you're going to have the crew take all the furniture and luggage to Destiny Isles right?"

"Already called them," my Dad said with a nod of his head. "And there will be another truck to take the stuff to Traverse Town."

"Great, good, good," Grammy said as she let go of Roxas and turned to her husband. "Alright, well, we better get on the train before it leaves us behind."

I felt my stomach drop. That whistle had been for their train? Already? No, I honestly wasn't ready. Not to see Roxas go. No, just stay a few minutes longer. Let it leave you guys behind, please? For me, Grammy? I wanted to say.

And I could see the same panic-stricken look on Roxas' face when Grammy grabbed him by the arm and began to pull him in the direction of the train. "W-wait," he said, eyes on me as he dropped his luggage and tried to pull out of her grasp.

"One second, Mom," my Mom said to Grammy with a soft smile, and Roxas pulled out of her grasp. He reached forward and wrapped his arms around her, and the two exchanged some words softly that I couldn't hear. He went next to Dad, the two shared and hug, some words, and my heart began to pound in my chest when Roxas looked at me.

It was as if I didn't want him to hug me because then this whole thing would be final. Roxas would be leaving. And the sex we had, the conversation we had in the bedroom just a few moments ago, this hug would all be the last times we ever did any of that together.

And he walked toward me, and it probably looked a little weird when I took a step back, but Roxas just rushed towards me, nearly leaped against me and wrapped his arms tight around my neck, his nose nuzzling my cheek.

"Love you, Sora. I'm sorry, if I haven't said it enough already."

I sniffed, feeling my eyes begin to sting as I wrapped my arms around his waist, not caring that Mom and Dad were right there. In that moment, I didn't care that Mom knew the reason for our intense embrace.

"Love you too, Roxas," I said, sniffing again and trying to hold back the tears when Roxas peeled away from me, and I felt like a baby who just got its rattle taken away from them.

"Let's go, Roxasss, we don't have all day. Bye hunny," Grammy said as she waddled over to me and gave me a tight hug. "Don't cry sweetie," she said as she kissed my cheek. "You'll see your old Grammy again soon. And your brother." She turned away from me and waved bye to Mom and Dad before she had her husband grabbed Roxas' luggage, and the three took off towards the train.

I was waiting, expecting Roxas to look back at me before getting on the train, you know, like in the movies. But I guess it was too cliché for Roxas, because he didn't even look back at me. Maybe it was too hard for him to see me so far away, but it was hard for me too, especially because this was the first time I was crying, really crying, since Roxas had first told me he was leaving.

It all had felt like a dream. A dream that was constantly chasing me that I just tried to run away from. I just wanted it to stop. To go away and let me wake up in Roxas' arms with a smile on his face and happiness in his heart the way I had.

But the train whistled again and it was so loud and deafening that I shut my eyes, and waited to wake up.

And the sound of working gears and machinery made my eyes snap open again, and I watched the way the train just drove away, fast and smooth, and without even a halt or a second to let me just catch my breathe and deal with all of this.

And I did the only thing I knew to do at a time like this. When I saw someone leave on a train and I just wished so hard that they would come home. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the whistle, and blew. Pressed the wood to my mouth and whistled until the train was completely out of view. Even whistled afterwards a while for good measure. I did it until my Mom touched my shoulder gently, and the middle of the whistling sound fell in a sharp, sad note that drifted into the air.

"That's the whistle Grandpa gave to you two," my Dad said from behind me as I let the whistle fall from my lips. I let my tongue run across my lip, and tasted salt. I sniffed, wiping at my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Don't worry, Sora, he'll be back. He's your brother," my Mom said, and even though I knew she didn't want us to see each other for a while, I knew she understood how hard it was for me.

"Before you know it, you two will be young men, with your own families, getting together and laughing like the old times."

Yeah, that's what I was afraid of.

And I whistled again, an empty attempt as I watched the train speed off on the rails, taking the person that had been my brother, my best friend all in one package since the moment we were born. I knew there would be no Christmas with my brother this year. I knew that those last moments were the ones I ought to remember.

But maybe...Roxas was right. Maybe he'd been right all along. Maybe this was for the best, and one day, when I found a way, anyway, to see him again, even if we were old and gray and slow on our feet, I'd just smile. And he'd smile. I'd tell him I had spent the best years of my life with him and that I still loved him just as much as I always had, and that I didn't regret any of the decisions we made. I'd tell him how much more I loved him when I saw him leave on that train, and how I missed him every day of my life.

And I'd want to know everything. Absolutely everything about this adventure he was about to face, and I'd tell him about mine.

And all I could hope for was that his was full of laughter.