*says nothing at all*

TWO YEARS LATER.

Y is for Yearning

"Jess, I'm home."

Becker listened for her soft voice summoning him to the lounge, or perhaps the kitchen. It didn't come. The house was silent. The hallway suddenly seemed too big.

"Jess?"

He checked all of the ground floor rooms in a couple of strides. An abandoned mug on the kitchen sideboard, unwashed, stained with coffee. A magazine on the sofa, open at the TV listings. All typical Jess, so why did everything about this place suddenly feel so atypical?

The floorboards creaked above him, and he jumped. He moved to the bottom of the stairs, and found her sitting on the top step, twiddling her hair around her fingers, staring at the wall.

"Jess?"

"Hi," she said, "Good day?"

"What's happened?"

She stood up as he reached the top of the stairs. He enveloped her in his soft arms, kissing her, rocking her, and for a moment she felt perfectly safe. Then she led him across to their bedroom, and they sat down together on the edge of the bed.

"Jess, baby?"

"Nothing's happened," she said, taking his hand in hers, feeling the roughness of his skin, and the warmth – she wanted to soak it up, never to let go. "It... it's been a good day. I took Riley for a walk, and then I made the spag bol for our tea."

He smiled affectionately. Some things never changed.

A lot of others things did. Since Matt's death two years ago, the ARC had undergone a complete turnaround. Lester had moved on to be head of the civil service, although he'd taken Rex with him as a memento of his time with the team. He still popped in from time to time, to check they were all doing their jobs properly, and to catch up on the gossip.

Abby and Connor had split up. Connor had moved away to Australia for a few months with an old friend, but he'd missed Abby too much, and he'd come back. A new tan, a slight twang to his accent, but the same old Connor. Still as immature as ever.

He and Abby had repaired their differences, having had a long time to think about what they really wanted from life, and now they were engaged, and Abby was finally six months pregnant, with a baby girl. There was a list of possible baby names stuck to the ARC door; it had now reached one hundred and twenty three names in length, and was a great source of amusement for the team, and a great argument point for Abby and Connor.

Currently, Connor wanted to call the baby Helen, but Abby argued that this wouldn't be staying loyal to Cutter, and of course Connor was hurt by the accusation. Also a possibility was Emily, of course, to remember Matt. Every name they came up with seemed to be attached to so many other memories. But then that was what life was – a maze of memories. Things that enriched your life.

But what about Becker and Jess?

"You're not ill, are you?"

"No, of course not. You worry too much, Becker."

"I know, I know," he ran a hand through her hair affectionately, and felt her quiver. He couldn't tell if it was pleasure or cold, so he just held her tighter. "I love you so much – you know that, don't you?"

"Yeah."

He elbowed her gently, "Hint, hint."

"Yeah, sorry," she shuffled away from him, stood up, "Of course I love you. You know I do. I should go and check on Riley."

Becker followed her through to the nursery. Their baby son lay on his back in the cot, his blanket tucked into his fist beside him, his eyelashes unbelievably long. Jess stared down at him, desperate to hold him close to her, but not wanting to wake him; she was too tired for another three hours of reading Winnie the Pooh to him now.

She jumped when Becker raised a hand to her shoulder. He turned her around and cuddled her again, and this time she didn't try to push him away. He whispered into her hair, "What's wrong, baby? Everything's perfect, isn't it? Riley's perfect? I'm so happy, Jess – I love you so much. What's wrong?"

"I... I'm scared. For tomorrow."

Becker and Jess were marrying in the morning, at the same church where Matt had been buried, and having their photographs under the blossom trees. Abby was being a bridesmaid, and had picked out an outfit for Riley, who was going to carry the rings, with some assistance.

Connor the best man – oh God, that was going to be an interesting speech at the party. Even Lester was taking time out of his busy schedule to give Jess away; it was going to be so perfect.

After everything they'd gone through, they deserved this: perfection, just for a day. Then they'd go back to chasing dinosaurs through forests, and falling asleep watching Emmerdale because they were so tired, but first they had to have this one day for themselves, to be truly happy. That was all he wanted, all he yearned for.

"Of course you're scared, baby. I am too. But aren't you excited? You know, Abby will be here to pick you up in a few hours – you'd better start getting ready for a night out to remember."

"I just... I'm just not sure, Becker."

He was silent for a moment. "What?"

"It just feels so wrong."

"But... you love me?"

"Yes, of course."

"So what? What have I done? If you don't want to have a hen party, all that crap, then Abby and Connor can come round here, and we'll have a takeaway and watch TV. Is that what you want? It's up to you, baby."

Jess reached down one pale hand, stroked her baby's cheek, a mother's love filling the room. She took a deep breath, and forced herself to meet Becker's concerned gaze. "Without Matt. Without everyone else – it just feels wrong, leaving them behind, when they can never get married, or get drunk, or... or do anything. It just feels so horrible; I miss them so much."

"I know, babe. I know. It's going to be okay."

"Is it, Becker?"

"Of course it is."

"I...I..." she shook her head and left the room.

XxXxX

One chapter to go. This story has been such a journey. I know it's been a very long time since I've updated and I can't begin to apologise enough, but I thought I should just finish it for everyone who stuck with me for so long through both of the Alphabet of Jecker stories: thank you so much for all of your support, it was always really appreciated and writing Primeval stories was the beginning of everything on fanfiction for me, so it's been amazing! Love you all! :') xxx